Friday, April 15, 2011

Top 10 things that will get you hits on your website.

I'm obsessed with how my blog is doing.  I look at the statistics all the time.  I see which blogs were the most popular.  I tell my wife who is kind enough to feign interest and tell me how admirable it is that I keep doing it (thanks honey!).  I mention it to people I barely know with the hopes that they may start to read it and find something of use.  There are of course real website people that know all of the things that will  make their website more popular.  They are in it for the money.  That's different.  I'm in it for the ego.  I feel like when I see the daily hits (my record so far is 101) it's an indication that I'm alive and while my impact might be minimal, at least it is there.

How do I get more hits?!  Well there are certain words that will make certain government agencies watch my website with some interest until they see that I'm just baiting them.  Then it will go back down to about 50 hits a day.  Some of these entries are the words that will help.  Other entries are methods that will get you more hits.

10. President ________ - Mentioning the President of the United states will get you hits on your website by the federal agencies as well as campaign strategists and fans alike.  Not many though.  Every president that is elected will have a certain amount of people that very viscerally want to see that president dead.  Will they try to kill the president?  possibly. That's why you have to be on the lookout for the nut-cakes. 

9. E-Entertainment - Ok.  If you just keep a lookout for the most searched celebrity term and then put a mention of it on your blog page, you'll get a few hits.  If you go to you can see what are the hot search terms of the moment.  In deference to that, I am putting the term "Record Store Day" here right now so people will mistakenly run into my blog.

8. Assassination - Derived from the Greek which means Person with Ass for head should not exist in your country.  Adding this word to your information will start turning on the real searchlights.  The president by himself is not really a big deal.  Adding this word will now get some people interested in your musings.  They will probably look at your prior posts to see if you are dangerous or if you are just another crack pot.

7. Automated web robots - This method doesn't really feed my ego at all.  You create a piece of code that will hit your website.  You load that code at at web-cafe or library and it plunks your website.  yay.  That does nothing for me at all.  If you aren't looking at my site for intent, then I don't want you looking.  I'm just that way.

6. Terrorist plot - This set of words added to the prior is nearly a lock by itself.  After all, who needs terrorists?  They really screw things up.  All of the sudden your TV programming is all put off because the news thinks you want to hear about the latest terrorist actions instead of watch the Mentalist.  As IF!!!

5. Hijack a video - This is more of what I am seeing in Youtube.  You have something that people want to see.  you see that they are getting a lot of hits, so you copy that video and put it on your own Youtube page and add a goofy comment or something.  Better yet.  you video yourself re-creating the video for people to see.  It's really annoying when you are looking for a video.  But I guess it works. P.S. The word Hijack probably doesn't hurt :) .


4. Bomb making instructions - They are now called IED's (Improvised Explosive Devices)  I remember the first one I ever made.  It was one of those tennis ball cannons.  It was really cool.  So if you have a web page dedicated to the dissemination of instructions on how to make a pipe bomb (so easy you don't really need a guide) you will likely get read by some guys in sunglasses and cheap suits with wire things in their ears.

3. Check browser hits - Screw entertainment.  Look for the top news story of the moment.  use the same method and bingo.  people will get a view of your website.  Doing this quickly for one website is one thing.  keeping it maintained for the future is something else.  The public animal is a fickle one and it's attentions are turned at the slightest glimmer or sparkle.

2. Nuclear instructions - Ok, a little fireworks is one thing, but this is getting dangerous.  Not necessarily nuclear bombs mind you (oopsie, probably another word combination there) but just a breeder reactor for making the material that you really need for a good dirty explosion.  I'm pretty sure that most of the information that you would get from a website would be somewhat misleading or incomprehensible since it seems to require a fair amount of math and chemistry to get one of these things to work. 

 1. Having a really good website -  Sure Mark, mention the obvious.  If you have a website that has new content every day that is really interesting with only a few advertisements you'll get many hits in a day.  probably at least 150 or so.

Since my site is just a blog and since my blog is just based on my thoughts it will probably never be regarded as great.  What it will be however is a semi-permanent look into a pretty good portion of my brain.

1 comment:

swampthings said...

Your edgiest blog so far! Excellent work on 101 hits in a day! I think mine was 79, and that's when I advertised in Bolivia.