Friday, July 15, 2011

Top 10 Proverbial opposites

As you grow up, you hear people use pithy little sayings to prove a point.  As though alliteration or rhyme will lend credence to something that might not be able to stand on it's own merits.  I would always tend to take these little bon-mots to their literal conclusion.  'Those who fail to plan, plan to fail'  Well, that's not true.  Because they aren't planning at all 'Well that's not the point mark'  I know, I know, and still the phrase by itself is not true, you have to turn off a portion of your brain in order to make it true.  I'm ok with that, I turn off my brain all the time.  Especially when watching TV.

So here are several proverbs that 'prove' the opposite of the other one.  Special thanks and kudos to my brother Mikey for helping me with this one.

1. Haste makes waste. -  a stitch in time saves 9, The early bird catches the worm - Good things come to those who wait.  -  A ton of these time sayings.  One begs to be deliberate.  Another decries procrastination,  The opposites tend to say patience is a virtue and that there is nothing wrong with being the first in line.  Lets sum all of these into one less than clever saying.  Don't waste your time you moron.

2. A leap of faith - Look before you leap. - A leap of faith is of course action based on no tactile reason.  Look before you leap is the exact opposite.  I would imagine one is better used in church and the other better used outside of church.   The funny thing is, each phrase is VERY out of place outside of it's home turf.

3. Too many cooks spoil the broth - The more the merrier. - One really speaks to management and the other speaks to teamwork.  They are not genuinely the opposite unless you take them out of their simplistic elements.  The more managers the merrier?  Hardly.  Too many helpers spoils the yard work?  Not unless it's  your local high-school football team.

4. Penny wise Pound foolish - In for a penny, In for a Pound  -  Wow, these are opposites as well as  British.  I love the British.  Aside from our rocky beginnings, I think we as American's don't have a better constant ally and friend as we do in our friends across the pond.  So the first explains how people can be so tight with small money yet silly with larger sums.  The other actually speaks more for following a small risk with a larger risk in order to save the smaller risk.  Mostly I liked these together because they both have pounds.  It really wouldn't sound good as penny wise euro foolish. etc.

5. Fools rush in where angels fear to tread - fortune favors the bold. -  Fools don't know how dangerous something is but it seems that good fortune will follow them.  I think fools get the short shrift a lot.  Being a fool from time to time it often ends with consequences that are unfavorable.  On the other hand, if it weren't for fools, a lot of things wouldn't get done.

6. 3rd time is a charm - Bad things comes in 3's. -  wow, 3 this and 3 that.  magic number 3 x 3.  Best number ever 3 x 3 x 3 (There are lots of reasons, but I won't go into them)  Bad things come in 3's?  Is that because we like to count to 3?  or because 2 is not enough and 4 is way too many?  Not sure really.  Seems like the 3rd time is a charm with bad things that's for sure.

7. A good beginning makes a good ending - all's well that ends well.  -  Planning v.s the ends justify the means.  The other version of the first that I remember was in Mary Poppins.  Well begun is half done.  Same basic thing, start with planning and enthusiasm and you'll probably end things well.  On the other hand, as long as the outcome is good, it doesn't matter what went into it.  Kind of like sausage.

8. Out of the mouths of babes - Children should be seen and not heard. - The upshot of both of these phrases is, Kids talk too much.  I can't count how many times I've seen something that kids have said be taken out of context or lied about all together.   Jimmy Carter claimed his daughter said that the worlds biggest problem was Nuclear Proliferation.  Now if she only knew what proliferation was, she would have had something going.  More often than not, kids yammer on about things that matter to them but are largely unimportant.  My dad really liked that latter of these two phrases.  I always resented that when I was a kid.  Now I find it is crafted from the purest gold.

9. A thing of beauty is a joy forever - Beauty is only skin deep.  -  One of our proverbs gives us advice to appreciate the beauty around us.  The other tells us not to be vain or to judge people based on appearance.  Of course this is in alignment with Judging a book by it's cover.  If we mix the purpose of these proverbs we should understand that the beauty around us is but a facade and that the true beauty you can appreciate, you can appreciate forever.

10. This too shall pass - All good things must come to an end.  - Wow two proverbs that say the same thing from opposite points of view.  Like this blog.  Good or bad, it's going to come to an end.

****** BONUS ENTRY! *******

11. Think outside the box - The simplest answer is usually the best one.  -  Bonus entry!  I just find that proverbial thinking is often perverted by business.  So one of the great business buzz phrases, thinking outside the box, should be put up against Occam's razor.  The simplest answer is the best one.  Age old enemy of blustering businesses everywhere.  Good business on the other hand should think outside the box and re-consider Occam's razor.

Thanks for stopping by!  Don't take any wooden nickels!

Friday, July 1, 2011

Top 10 scheister jobs

Economy's still tough.  We hear that it's getting better.  This is a lot like hearing from your teen aged son that he's getting a D+ up from an F and you say 'Hey! Good Job!'.  The prelude to that story tells itself and it's a sad tale indeed.  So you still don't have work?  Well have you tried just giving up?  While you might need some extra cash, you can try these time honored traditions in separating money from fools.  No, it's not real or honorable work, but think of it as a last resort list.

10. Will Work for food - You hold up a sign that says you will work for food.  Of course you don't really want to WORK and you likely don't care about the FOOD either.  So the translation of this sign should be Will LOITER for MONEY.

9.  Busking - This is an actual bunch of hard work for the money.  It's one step up from begging but twice as hard as actual performing.  You come up with an act of some sort and you keep doing it over and over for whoever will watch.  You provide a hat or a basket or something that people will put money in for their appreciation of the performance.  It is usually with an instrument, but sometimes it's just someone in a goofy costume or a mime or a dancer.  If you do it with a group and you aren't the best one, you won't make much.  If you do it alone, people might not be inclined to give.

8.  3-card monte - sure it's against the law but you are out of work and that should be against the law right?  (don't answer that).  Also known as the shell game, there is a lot of variants but the point is this.  a man throws 3 cards down on the table 2 are aces and one is a queen.  follow the queen as the man throws the cards around.  When he is done, you put your money in front of the card that has the queen.  Then the man turns them over.  if you are in front of the queen, you double your money.  The guy running the scam has an accomplice in the crowd that bets a few times and wins and then goes his way.  The first time he bets small and wins, the second time he bets big and wins big.  If people bet with him, he loses big.  Of course he's in on the game.  If you put your money on the table you will not win.  Don't even try.  If you are on the dealer side of the table, you may win and at least you aren't dealing drugs or any number of things that are more harmful and illegal.

7.  Recycle! - Collect all of those cans and bottles and turn em in!  This only works in some states, but I remember as a kid collecting tin cans and submitting them for some change.  It was my first experience with what you could do to make money.  Wherever you are, the rules are different.  some states don't really have much at all going on for a recycling program, other states have it all.  Way to recycle Michigan.  Your name adorns many cans and bottles.

6.  Am I in the control group? - Sometimes you can submit to medical testing for many different things, drugs or treatments.  You never know what it's going to be on the way in, but you'll make a few dollars or a lot of dollars depending on how rare a condition you have to have to qualify for the test.  It's not like the movies, you won't get super powers, and you probably won't have any problems, but they are running the tests to make sure the treatment is effective and make sure that it doesn't react with different physiologies.  On the other hand, you are a human guinea pig.  That's why you get your greens.

5.  I'm stuck here until I can get this car part - This is a twist on the will work for food.  You walk around in a nice suit and look like a business dude.  You tell your targets that you have no cash and your cards aren't working (Identity theft is a good excuse for this).  Then you tell them the part (usually a 40 dollar part) and indicate that any cash will help.  Sometimes you hold out the 25 or so dollars showing that you have almost made your goal like a mini telethon and their donation could help you reach your goal.  If they buy the part for you, terrific, you can return it to the store later and get the full value.  This is more of a con than a scam, and probably illegal, but it is creative.

4.  I need food for my dog! - I witnessed this one personally.  Another will work for food, but you hold on to a dog you got at the animal shelter and tug at the heartstrings of the passers by.  The dog I saw was named Petey.  Poor Petey. Maybe if the guy didn't get enough money to feed Petey, he'd just eat Petey.  I hope he's doing o.k.

3.  Sure I've got blood, Why? - Donating blood!  A time honored fund raising tradition.  Sure you can donate it, but why when you can get paid for it!  It's the only thing that we can donate that we can get paid for.  Everything else we donate has to be done out of the goodness of our kidneys.  But now If you have a posthumous organ donors card, you can get the organ transfer paid for.  Used to be that if you were a donor, your estate would have to pay for the harvesting of your organs.  But not anymore.  I had a friend that donated blood for money to use gambling.  He won.  What's the lesson there?  Only Gamble with money you  can afford to lose.

2.  Search the lottery garbage - I read about this guy that found a big winner ticket in the garbage bin.  That's amazing to me that you could throw away a winning ticket.  Why bother playing if you aren't even going to check the numbers?! 

1.  Try out for Reality TV - Maybe you are good enough to be famous, or bad enough.  Anyway, some of the ones that are bad get record contracts like that William Hung dude.  Talk about falling into money, and for being more fearless than you are tone deaf.  Amazing.

Hopefully work will find you soon, or perhaps a windfall will come your way.