Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Top 10 Inventions better left not invented.

Necessity is the mother of invention.  Well I'm here to tell you that Mom has been dead for quite some time now.  Really, what was the last thing we NEEDED?  Do we really NEED faster computers?  probably not.  Do we really NEED TV's with brighter pictures and more colors in 3d so realistic that you feel like you could trip a contestant on Dancing with the Burnt out Stars?  I don't think so.  Yet every year we get more and more clever in our inventions.  Well, before we go too far, here are some we don't need.  If you are inventing them.  Please stop.

10. Light Saber-  I can still remember seeing Star Wars for the first time.  When I saw Luke handle that elegant weapon for the first time. I thought to myself.  'It really isn't clumsy like a blaster'.  Here is the problem.  If we had light sabers we would see buildings crumble within a day.  Kids and adults would not be able to resist just taking chunks out of stuff all the time.  We would use light sabers to do all of our digging and demolition weather or not we actually needed to do it.  We would want to get in light saber battles.  It would all be fun and games till someone loses a hand.  Seems like a cool idea, but yeah, if we get those invented, nothing good would follow.

9. Lie Detector - We are on the verge of being able to force the truth from everyone.  Scientists have discovered some of the areas involved in telling lies and telling truth.  Great.  now we can know the truth from everyone all the time.  Is this what we really want?  remember the Gilligan's Island when they found sunflower seed that let you read everyone's mind?  Well if you didn't it goes like this.  Gilligan can all of the sudden read peoples minds.  nobody knows how but they will be lam-basted if they are going to let that scrawny kid have that secret alone.  They find some ancient seeds that allow you to hear the thoughts of others.  Well now that everyone can hear everyone else's thoughts, There is nothing but trouble.  Ends up being one of the myriad reasons they never get rescued so Gilligan burns the seed bush and they can go back to thinking nasty thoughts about each other in relative obscurity.

8. a REAL universal solvent - Water is known as the universal solvent.  This is great except it is neither universal nor is it a solvent.  But that's a different story.  If you actually could find something that would continue to eat away through everything well, what would you hold it in?  I think you can see where I'm going here.  I think all the universal solvents are already located in the middle of the earth where gravity collects it into a small ball.

7. Holo-suite rooms - Back in the 90's Star Trek introduced the Holo Deck.  The idea was that computers generate an artificial reality that allows you to live any fantasy you have alone and without Mr. Rourke.  A room was created that had holographic emitters that would partially project and partially create a reality based on what was programmed into it.  You want to go to another planet?  just feed the characteristics of the planet into the computer and boom, there you are.  You want to know what it's like at a Scottish Caper Toss?  Tell the computer and it will re-create a tournament for you.  What's the problem with this?  Are you kidding?  If you have a room where you can have anything you want, why in the world would you leave that room?  This would cause more inactivity than a Junior High Dance.  Fall of civilization. Bad Idea.

6. That house I planned when I was 10 - When I was 10 I drew a house.  Not just a house, but a sprawling mansion that would have been the envy of secret agents and despotic dictators alike.  This house had slides and elevators as well as a moat with sharks and flame throwers.  It had looping roller coasters in the back yard and a gigantic maze that only I knew the exact path through that also had hungry animals and laser shooting robots.  This house should never be built.  Aspects of this house should never be built.  This is why kids don't run corporations or countries.  Because their ideas are probably even more dangerous than they are amusing.  The house design shown here is eerily similar to the house I designed with some minor differences.

5. Wristwatches - We are nearing the end of the wristwatch era.  Soon nobody will wear them.  Why?  Because nobody needs them.  But long ago, the wristwatch was a rite of passage in a young persons life.  When you had a watch, you had some responsibility, you had to be somewhere, you had schedules to adhere to.  Sure you still have those now, but with smart phones taking over the world, the wristwatch is really only there to look good.  Why should they never have invented them?  Because then I wouldn't have been given one.  Then I wouldn't have lost it.  Then I wouldn't have fretted and worried about the ramifications of losing said watch.  Then I wouldn't have finally gotten into trouble for losing the watch.  yeah, screw watches...and schedules.

4. Personal Robots - Ok remember what I said before about Holo-suite rooms?  This is the same problem on a smaller scale.  Once again we are bidding computers to take the drudgery away from our lives.  Now robots can be our assistants, our personal guardians, our home maintenance.  They can do it all.  All we have to do is relax and think of what to do with all our free time assuming we don't have holo-suites.  This is where the computers wonder why they are doing all this stuff for us, since they figured out how to oil themselves long before.  BANG.  End of civilization again.

3. Flying Cars - Have you seen people driving cars in 2 dimensions?  It's laughable at best.  You really expect me to believe that if you add one more dimension and let the same people fly a car that currently drive them that this would be a good idea for anyone?  There is a good reason it's hard to get training and fly a plane.  Because we don't want idiots doing it.

2. Animal to English Translator - I'm pretty sure it would be fun to hear what animals are thinking.  A long time ago there was a TV movie called day of the Dolphin.  I don't remember much from that show, but I DO remember that it was creepy when the Dolphins started talking.  When my kids were young I would make animal voices and tell my kids what animals were saying.  So much that they would ask 'whats that cat saying dad?'  and I would come up with some pithy cat like comment like 'You all bore me' or 'Where is my lasagna'.  If we were to really hear what animals were thinking, I'm pretty sure we wouldn't like a lot of what  we hear.

1. Transporter - I've mentioned Transporters before in my blogs.  While it may be possible and certainly interesting, ultimately it would be a really really bad idea.  If we had transporters.  Disneyland would immediately raise their prices to 2000$ for park entrance and a churro would run you about 50 bucks. Why?  Well because everyone in the world could go anywhere they wanted too and a LOT of people want to go to Disneyland.  But that's not all.  Imagine how many people would like to visit the beach in the summer but can't?  well they ALL can now.  great.  local overpopulation and then everyone leaves.  The Hotel industry would be all but extinct.  Cars would evaporate of course except for the sport of it.  Not having the barrier of travel would be impossible to live with.  If you live in a nice place, everyone will be there.  If you live in a crap town neighborhood.  It will be a ghost town instantly.  Definitely a bad idea.

Thanks for reading.  DON'T INVENT THESE THINGS! Come back in 15 days or so!

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

10 ways to not lose stuff / find stuff

Now where did I put that?  Who stole it?!  I had it right here a minute ago.  When I was young I lost stuff all the time.  Drove me nuts.  Things just escaped my attention until later when I needed whatever it was most, I would have NO idea where it was.  We all do this, it's the human condition.  My own life has taught me these little tips to not losing things and finding things lost.

10.  Get in a rut - This happens pretty naturally on it's own.  You live your life and you get in a rut.  you mostly do the same things every day.  I take this to a different level.  I do the same thing all the time.  I wake up.  I get in the shower.  I dress, I drive.  I eat the same breakfast.  I work.  I eat the same lunch.  I leave at the same times based on the activities of the day.  I come home.  I don't lose things because I do the same things every day.  This is different than school where you have new schedules taking you to different places every day.  It's all varied and coupling that with the fact that you are young and you pretty much have a one track mind.  You lose stuff.

9. Time is of the essence! - if you lose something, recognize that it's lost as quickly as you can.  Every time I get out of the car my mind goes through a little check of what I should have and what I don't have.  It happens in a flash, but I will do a 'what am I missing' several times a day.  The closer you are to the time you didn't quite put something in the right place, the more likely you will find it quickly.

8. Everything seems to be in it's place - Keep the same things in your pocket/purse similar to number 9, but this is all the little things you need in your pocket or purse.  I have my wallet, cellphone, coinkeeper, chapstick, keys.  I know which pocket has them.  When I close the car trunk after taking something out, I will pause and feel my keys in my pocket before I close it.

7.  When was the last time you saw it? - Ok, you've lost it.  So now you have to use that really inefficient brain of yours to think of the last time you used it.  Often you will then remember the situation in which you used it and where you lost it.  Similar to this is remembering the thing that happened differently.  Most of the time we lose things because we are doing something differently.  You suddenly decided that you needed to stop and buy some road side jerky and while you were fishing for your cash to get some jalapeno teriaki elk, you dropped your credit cards and didn't notice because you are in a hurry to get back on the road and into your rut.

6.  Retrace your steps - coupled with number 7.  Go back to the last time you saw it and try to re-create your movements to the time you realized you had lost what it was.  This is time consuming and doesn't always work. I've found that sometimes when I do it, I will look directly at what I'm trying to find and I will not see it.  It's strange and it's happened a few times.  I'm looking directly at the thing I want to find and my brain (that hates me) cloaks what I'm looking for so I won't find it until later when it won't matter.

5.  Have a place for special things - This is why you get a change dish and a key ring and a night stand.  These places hold the close things in your life.  Anything that is important should have a place.

4.  Give yourself time to put things back - Having a place isn't the same as putting it there.  When you are putting something down, put it where it goes.  Don't put it on a table and leave it there and wonder why it disappeared.  It disappeared because someone else put it where they thought it belonged.  Don't be rushed!  it's when you are rushing around doing things that you loose stuff.

3.  RELAX, Close your eyes and think of the thing you have lost. - I've found that when I do this it tends to work.  I just think about the object that I need to find and I will get ideas of where to look I go to those places and it joggs enough of my memory to think of where it really is.

2.  Don't have things. - Even easier.  Just don't have important stuff.  Babies never lose anything because they don't have anything.  SIMPLIFY!

1. Don't look in the same places - I've found that I look in the same places over and over.  I don't know why, but I don't think things will be there any more on the 5th time I look there as the 1st time I look.  But you need to look thoroughly through the places you are looking.  Look UNDER things too.  Often you just put a piece of  paper on top of the thing you are looking for.

15 days from now, I hope you don't lose my blog address!  Cya!