Monday, December 1, 2014

10 Gifts

Once again, the yearly exercise of getting presents for the people on your list has come around.  Yes I'm publishing this at Christmas, otherwise known as 'The Holidays' for those of you that are probably offended by everything.  This is the big daddy of gift giving holidays, but of course there are other events for gift giving.  If you take the reason for whatever event out of the event itself, you are left with an obligation to give someone something.  So be sure to remember the reasons you are giving gifts in the first place that will probably help.  I have made blog posts about giving gifts before this is not about giving gifts, this is about the gifts you give.  Here are 10 gifts.

10 - Swing!..and a miss - Yup, this gift was just not appreciated.  You put all your thought and spirit into selecting the gift and it was obviously not appreciated.  Sometimes it's because the receiver is not very good at getting gifts and sometimes it's because the gift was just the wrong thing at the wrong time.  Often a gift unappreciated is just not the right age for the person you are giving it to.  I have been guilty of giving grown men remote control cars that I thought would be cool.  It wasn't really the right gift, but that's the breaks when you are trying to figure out gifts.

9 - And this is for you - The sudden gift usually at Christmas but can also be on a shared birthday.  You find yourself on the receiving end of a present and you are mostly empty handed.  Fortunately for you, you have purchased a series of emergency gifts already wrapped and ready to give.  These gifts will likely not be perfect gifts, but they are gifts and as such will save face.  Be careful to have a blank gift tag on it with a sharpie in the room. That gift basket full of odd flavored jellies in single serving jars can really get you out of a bind.

8 - Potential Realized - This gift is one that you have bought yourself, but your spouse informs you that is your present. Example:
Husband: "Honey!  look what I got!  this carbon fiber fishing rod is perfect AND it was on sale!"
Wife:  "That looks great dear!  How much did THAT set us back?"
Husband: "500$, BUT this is normally 1200$!!!  I couldn't pass it up!"
Wife:  "So this is your birthday right?"
Husband:  "But it's 6 months away!"
Wife:  "So this is your birthday right?"
Wife:  "Would you like me to wrap it?"
Husband "No, I'll take it now"

7 - It's a pair of scissors - This is an old story my mother used to tell us entitled Spoiled Christmas Joy. It was the tale of a young girl that had purchased a gift for her mother and she refused to tell any of her siblings what the present was.  After some pressure she said "I'm not telling anyone, but on Christmas when Mom opens her present I'll yell "It's a pair of scissors!".  This was the end of the story.  To be fair the story is of foreign origin and may be specific to local humor styles.

6 - Secret Admirer Gift - This is a gift for any time.  I was a wee lad of tender years and I bought my crush something and added a heartfelt note.  Of course this was all a mistake.  But it's one of the early times that you hope that everything will be perfect.  You are on the wire without a net.  Even though you are trying to protect your identity, you secretly hope that the person you secretly admire also secretly admires you.  It's all very sophisticated.  Anything given at Valentines day is probably good.

5 - Ok ok, now leave me alone - Someone that you don't particularly like has borrowed something and you would rather not see them again instead of get your item back.  You say 'no, really, you can keep it.'  This holiday season, give the gift of a used chainsaw.

4 - Sudden inspiration - you have no occasion and yet you have found the perfect gift for someone.  This happens sometimes and it's amazing when it does.  You suddenly see something that you are certain that nobody is going to get for that person and that person probably doesn't even know about.  Should you get it for them?  Probably.  Usually this gift morphs right into the perfect gift and is always worth trying for.

3 - The unintended gift - This specifically is where you buy someone a lottery ticket and it happens to win something fairly big.  You wanted to get them more than 5 dollars worth of lottery tickets, but you most certainly didn't want to get them 50k.  Oh well.  This happens obviously with lottery tickets but also happens with collector cards where the packages of cards contain random cards.  Some packages are winners and others are losers.  Risky Risky.

2 - The gift horse - You know, the one you don't want to look in the mouth?  The situation in which this happens usually starts with something about which you have a mild obsession, but that has several models.  You want a tablet and you know exactly which one you want.  Now the gift giving holiday has arrived and you get the tablet you have been obsessing over!  YAY! Unfortunately it's the one that is a few features short of the model you had your eyes on.  It looks exactly the same and behaves in a very similar fashion and yet it's NOT the one you want.  You KNOW you should be grateful, but you really aren't.  Instead you are wondering if you can get away without opening it so you can quietly take it back and finesse your way into the model you want.  Yeah, there are really very few ways you can win in this one.  If you are on the other side of this, just remember, it IS the thought that counts and just because you didn't get the EXACT right one doesn't mean you didn't get it for them.  They will take it back and get the perfect one which will look identical to the one you got them.  Don't stress it and don't force the issue ala "Aren't you going to open it??".

1 - Perfect!  -  Opposite of the Swing and miss, the perfect gift has everything going for it.  The receiver is touched, possibly beyond words.  You feel so good about how successful your present is, you decide that you want to try this gift thing some more.  They feel so good about your gift that they keep mentioning it and so do you.  Once you give the perfect gift, you want do relive the moment over and over.  PERFECT.

This blog post was late.  On purpose.  It was an experiment.  I didn't find much out.  Happy Holidays (This is a blanket phrase that includes Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years).

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