Tuesday, September 1, 2015

10 Things you don't want to be exciting

Excitement.  When we are young it seems that is what we crave.  We want new exiting experiences.  Businesses when they are recruiting employees use the term to describe themselves; An exciting work environment with exciting opportunities in the field of excitement.  Well there are a lot of things that you don't want to be exciting.  not at all.  in fact what you want is boring and mundane.  For example:

- Meetings - Well Mark, nothing could be further from the truth!  I WISH a meeting would be exciting.  You think so?  If a meeting is 'exciting' that means that the people running it are trying to 'motivate' you to something.  Other exciting meetings include the ones where you get fired/laid off.  Otherwise, exciting meetings also seem to take longer and eventually devolve into the not so exciting kind.  The worst part about this is by the time you get out of the meeting, you forget all the things you got excited about at the beginning.  Now all you can remember is the same people asking the obvious sycophantic questions that make a 1/2 hour meeting go an hour long.

- Trip to the Dentist - The Dentist is arguably the most exciting thing you do or should do regularly.  The reason is most people are hyper aware of the new and exciting pain.  The BEST trip to the dentist is a boring trip to the dentist.  In order to make it so, you need to brush and floss regularly.  This is also best when it's boring.

- Sleep - Exciting sleep?  Well, the only reason SLEEP is exciting is because you had some very realistic bad dream that suddenly wakes you up screaming.  Even if you enjoy it, it is not a good way to get a good nights rest.

- Military Service - I have never served in the military, but I have to assume that very few people that enter into the military want excitement.  Excitement in the military usually means some kind of war, which means some kind of injury or death.  Not the kind of excitement anyone is really looking for.  From friends that have served in the military I have heard that military service is typified by long stints mind numbing boredom with sudden brilliant life endangering bits of unwanted excitement.  Military Video Games seem to be very exciting in exactly the same way you DON'T want regular military service to be.

- Elevator - There is one intentionally exciting elevator trip and it's called the Tower of Terror.  The name itself should tell you why a normal elevator ride should be at best forgettable.  When you are a kid, elevator rides are pretty exciting.  You get into this magic box you and there are lit up buttons  and then suddenly you are somewhere else.  It's pretty amazing.  It's even more amazing when you find that you are many feet up in the sky.  That excitement wears off soon and you don't want it to be exciting again because elevator excitement is usually followed by a long stint waiting in that box.  With any luck you are alone and don't have to go to the bathroom.

- Exercise - When I'm talking about exercise, I'm talking about the repetitive motion of weight lifting or running or biking or anything that you are doing to get in better shape.  I'm NOT including a sport that happens to have exercise benefits since the reason you play is compete and competition is normally exciting.  Regular exercise is good for you and all that.  The problem is when exercise gets exciting because you suddenly feel an ache or pain that you really weren't expecting.  It takes you out of your rhythm and makes you worried not to mention takes you out of your routine.  Regular exercisers do not like to be taken out of their routine for any reason much less because they are possibly injured.

- Taxes - Boring taxes are the ones where you take some time to do your taxes and then you find that you are owed or you owe somewhere around 200 dollars give or take.  Exciting taxes are where you suddenly find that you owe several thousand and you had no idea.  Even more exciting taxes are when you are audited because your return seems fishy since you probably don't know if you did your taxes quite right.  What's that? You think the returns where you get a couple of thousand back are pretty exciting?  Sure until you realize that the money you got back from your friend the Government is the money they have been using interest free until they send it back to you.  It was YOUR money to begin with.  This is similar to a bully that has been taking your milk money all school year and the teacher makes that bully give it back to you.  The bully doesn't have all of it, but you get about 1/2 of it back and you are happy.  Foolishly happy since it was your money to begin with.

- Work commute - Exciting work commutes are usually typified by either crazy drivers or bad weather or both.  You get home much later than you normally do with white knuckles and memories that will last for a long time.  The boring commutes are much better.

- Food - Of course some people will disagree with me on this.  Exciting food is great! sure.  Only if it's exciting because it's so good.  The problem is if you start trying food because you want to be excited, you will find at least as much bad food as you find good food.  I've found that I will be much more satisfied with somewhat boring food that is consistent rather than looking for the most excellent of bites to eat. Few things are as bad as bad food.

- Oil Change - You would think that oil changes could use a bit of excitement but honestly like taxes the only thing you want to hear is 'we noticed that your wiper bearings were a bit rusty and the Johnson Rod needed attunement, but we took care of it for you.  Thanks for coming in!'  The funny thing is, Getting your oil changed is like the Antiques Road show.  It doesn't matter WHAT the mechanic tells you about your car, you ONLY want to know the bottom line.  If that is exciting, that regularly means bad.

Well, boring or exciting, we have come to the end.  May all of your excitements be the good kind and I hope everything else is delightfully boring.