tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34147737387402892622024-02-19T07:30:58.055-08:00Box of my stuffIt is really my own cooked up top 10 lists. Sometimes serious, usually tongue in cheek. Please click on a bunch of advertisers. Somewhere I will get blessings in advertiser heaven. Click on the Follower section and become a fan with a reminder. It's easy and sometimes fun.
Thanks!Macotarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08432090367153271349noreply@blogger.comBlogger213125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3414773738740289262.post-85164877864362981192016-08-22T06:45:00.000-07:002016-08-22T06:45:12.842-07:0010 Strategies for your Lottery winnings or super powersAt this writing the Powerball, which has become the national lottery with all but a few of the states taking part, has grown itself to the mind numbing sum of 1.5 billion dollars. Those of you in the future that read about this and think to yourselves 'that doesn't seem like THAT much' just remember, a starter home is in the 150k range and median salaries ballpark at 50k. So to us it isn't just a life changing amount of money, it's so much money that it can only cause trouble. Like the Genie that puts you in a room full of water when you ask for a drink, this kind of money is probably too much of a good thing. I've mentioned in previous blogs that money is the only super power that we can really have on this earth. So here are my 10 handy tips to refer to just in case you win the lottery or get super powers.<br />
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- Don't tell ANYONE - Short of your spouse, NOBODY should know about your new windfall. The reasons are many and mostly obvious. Swear your spouse to secrecy and start making your plans. The first thing you want to do when you have super powers is the last thing you should do which is tell your friends. The reasons are obvious. Just remember, the reason your friends are your friends is because you share some common interests or background. Once they realize you have super powers, the likelihood is that they will distance themselves from you because you don't have anything in common anymore, or they will use you for your powers because they aren't THAT good a friend. For whatever reason, when you have super powers, you need to be able to use them under secret cover, it just makes things easier. Mask, Costume, LLC, it's all about the same.<br />
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- Go back to school - What?!? What in the world for?? Because now you are doing it for you. There is no reason to go to class except to better yourself. Before you probably went to school for the wrong reasons. To get a way to earn a lot of money. Why is that the wrong reason? Look at the richest people. They didn't need school to get there. School is there to broaden your world view. It's there to force you to think. Now that you don't have any need for security, you can go about the business of bettering yourself and once you have bettered yourself, you can better the world because you have super powers.<br />
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- Don't worry about investing - I've talked lottery fantasy with many people. It usually ends with something about mutual funds and 6% returns and other stuff they know nothing about. The lottery offers you 2 options. Lump sum (Government takes just about 1/2 of your money because for some reason they think they deserve it. sure you already paid taxes by participating, but you should pay more now because of your immense good fortune.) or Annuity where you get X amount of dollars over 30 years equal to the total of the lottery. Turns out the Annuity is a pretty good deal because you wont be taxed on the money UNTIL you get it. Apparently there are a few other benefits, the least of which will be that no matter HOW stupid you are, you'll get another bunch of money the next year. Not to shabby.<br />
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- Make your own job - Some people say they will keep working. That is probably true, but it won't be at their current job, and they really won't work for anyone else but themselves. You simply tell your current job that you've got a better offer, air any grievances you have about management and give your 2 weeks. If you wanna be a jerk, just do the full mic drop and leave. Then go rent or buy yourself a lovely small office building, just a 1 floor affair with a few phones etc. This is where you can go during the day. Call it your club house. You may even want to get a regular job of some sort doing what you really have always wanted to do. I would probably open a candy store, because I like candy and retail business. Or in the case of super powers, your job at the daily planet. <br />
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- Move - By move I mean get yourself another house. Keep your current one, but get another one. Something upscale and away. This is where you will put all the expensive toys that you want to get but are afraid your neighbors will catch on. This all really depends on where your friends are and where you want to be. You will likely want to keep your old house if for no other reason to keep up appearances until you have a natural transition to moving. Then you can tell your friends that you are moving because your new job or maybe that you lost your current one either of which is true. The same holds true for super powers. You need to have that fortress of solitude, but you can't be obvious about it.<br />
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- Hire helpers - Don't even THINK about not getting yourself a lawyer and a tax accountant. You don't want to have to deal with THOSE headaches. Then you will want to hire a separate lawyer and a separate tax accountant to check the work of the other 2. While you are at it, if you weren't so good at that whole secret thing. Just like with super powers, a lot of money requires a fair amount of maintenance. How do I know this? Am I rich you might ask yourself? On a global scale, yes, yes I am rich. I'm a top 99% guy. If I break it down to just the USA then I fall quite a bit from that percentage. Once you have a bit more money than most a lot of people think that somehow they should have it, you will need some helpers to help you keep it. Just remember, a CPA (Certified Public Accountant) is required by law to treat your finances in your best interests in the same way a doctor is charged to 'Do no harm'. So find a good one and let them at it. Even super powered people need a side kick.<br />
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- TRAVEL - Find some friends that you want to be part of your entourage and Go places. Have experiences. These are the things that make life good. Money can, in fact, buy happiness, you just have to know what to buy. Adventure and memory is what make a rich life. By default, I am a shut in. I don't get out much and when I do it's very quick and to the point. I do go on vacation every year and when you go on vacation, you are forced to meet people of all stripes. This is what makes you happy. If I look back on my life, 90% of my happy memories are involved with travel. If you have super powers, you'll be traveling by default because people will be chasing you and your freak powers out of their towns. Super powered people travel all the time, since there are super problems to solve everywhere.<br />
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- Find new hobbies - Now that you are rich, you have taken away a lot of the reason you get up in the morning. This does NOT apply to super powers. But you will need a new hobby. Take up an art or a skill. Get good at painting, wood working, something. That education I was talking about earlier? They will have LOTS of ideas for your new hobby.<br />
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- Become a Philanthropist - Eventually you will realize that you have nothing left to spend your money on. if you start a new company for this idea you've had that you think would be successful, you are already doing good in the world because you are hiring employees. otherwise, you should seriously think about the things you would like to help. MOST people say that they would give most of the money away if they won. Very nice. Except for we all know that you are just trying to get Karma on your side. Once you have the money, THEN we'll see just how kind you really are. Super powered people that use their powers for good are doing all the philanthropy they can handle already.<br />
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- Get me something nice - Hey, speaking of philanthropy, I usually write this blog twice a month. TWICE! I put everything I've got into it. As long as by 'everything' you know it means just whatever has been floating around in my head, but that's beside the point. You Mr or Mrs Lottery winner are fabulously wealthy, I will find no shame in accepting your generosity as a token of your appreciation for my aimless ramblings. Maybe I'll be so moved by your kind donation, I'll stop writing entirely. Ok, ok I wouldn't do that. So get me a nice snow globe. Those are fun. If you have super powers, don't bother, you are probably poor enough already.<br />
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hey for the rest of you working stiffs, I'll be back in 15 or so maybe more. Now that I'm done with this post, 3 people have won the largest lottery pot in US history. Good for them. I hope they read this blog. But the other good thing about this post is there is ALWAYS another lottery coming.Macotarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08432090367153271349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3414773738740289262.post-16002583958780936042016-08-01T07:28:00.003-07:002016-08-02T07:13:15.132-07:0010 Upsides to the ApocalypseEnd of days. End of times. End of the world. it's all pretty much the same. Every so often someone claims that some harbinger of fate is coming to fruition and the end of it all is starting soon. Well, it's not all doom an gloom.<br />
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- Party time! - If there was information that the earth-killing meteor was hurtling towards us and we will definitely be mostly dead, after the initial crazy panic and looting because ANYTHING happens and looting is the natural response. It's time for a party! Or more specifically, time to do whatever you want. Now that's going to be a touch of a problem since EVERYONE will be in the same situation so all the services we take for granted will not be available. So no last Disneyland or even movie at the local nickelodeon.<br />
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- You're not alone - It's actually pretty comforting knowing that you aren't leaving anyone behind. Death normally is a journey we all take alone and our final thoughts will be with those we leave behind. In this case you won't have to worry, everyone will be dead.<br />
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- we'll find out if God has a sense of humor - It's possible that God didn't intend for this all to be so all fired serious. In fact the only way to really know the will of God is for him to tell you. Better yet to write a message for you. If something like 'suckers!' is the writing is on the wall, then you'd have a pretty good idea if this is all one big joke or not.<br />
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- Worth it just to see the Lawyers - Apocalypse means so much liability. Think of all the lawsuits! Hell for Lawyers no court to argue in. But what do you do with all of your attention to precedent and detail? Gnash your teeth I guess.<br />
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- Debt? What debt! - Well this one is obvious but it also underlines why there might not be as much looting as people may initially think. Sure at first there will be some, but after a bit, what is the point? The down side of course is you won't have that debt free feeling for long. That old greedy bumper sticker 'He who dies with the most toys wins' was never true and now will bear it out.<br />
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- The older you are, the better it is - You've lived the biggest percentage of your life and are at the point where pieces just start falling off the cart. No better time to have a mass check out. The elderly will be looking forward to this more than most and will be scarcely able to hide their glee. The idea that the internet won't be up for those last days just adds to their overall joy. Once computers are down they will probably ask you to do long division just so they can say 'see!'.<br />
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- Just remember, we're ALL sinners - For the religious folks it seems that the end of times is consistently a good headline to get backsides in the pews (Is that why they are called pews?). But when the rubber meets the road aren't we all sinners? Who can go to the great judgement bar without some misgivings? Nobody. So everyone will be in roughly the same boat. So maybe it won't be so bad.<br />
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- Sometimes not existing is better than the alternative - existence is a hassle. Here you are self aware and aware of your surroundings. The more you look at the world around you, the more disappointed you become. Self awareness can only lead to depression. So the end really isn't that big a deal. The non sentient beings around you constantly wonder what the big deal is. <br />
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- No more work! - Well I guess this is obvious, but if you have the end of the world, that's the end of any real obligation. That means when work says they would like you to come in early or on the weekend or at all, you can tell them to stuff it. Of course nobody will be going to work except those people that feel compelled to work and of course the religious clergy who will have to run away quickly because they will have more work than they know what to do with. <br />
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- No matter who is right, most of us will be wrong - When you are talking religion, just believing in an afterlife is in no way good enough to get you into heaven. You have to have bet on the right horse theologically speaking. If you are in the wrong church, and the wrong religion is the winner, that can be worse than being in no church at all. This isn't God's fault, it's just how humans are.<br />
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Obviously I haven't kept up with my timing on these blogs, but the truth is, I'm running out of gas. See ya when I see ya.Macotarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08432090367153271349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3414773738740289262.post-48849002164781055962016-07-13T07:37:00.000-07:002016-07-13T07:37:30.641-07:0010 Do's and Don'ts for Company PartiesCompany parties are a strange animal that happens with companies great and small. They are strange bits of society that live within the beating heart of the corporate body. Once people work together long enough it seems the owner will designate some kind of party to show they aren't all work but are in fact some play, thereby alleviating Jack of the burden of being a dull boy. I wanted to post this when we were a good enough distance away from holiday parties that my thoughts might be considered for the next party. If you are in charge of putting together the company party, or are going to attend one here are some observations...<br />
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- Work talk? Are you kidding?? - Don't Talk shop - If you are going to the company party, it should be a rule that anyone talking about work should be deemed unfit for the party and thrown out on his or her brown nose. If you are among the curmudgeons that think that parties are a waste of time and not to be indulged in, I've got news for you Oscar...People actually are more productive with fun breaks like that. If you are going to have a party, have a party. That includes upper management palling around together talking semi business in hushed tones. Gives people the creeps.<br />
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- Sit at the Presidents Table - He's more afraid of you than you are of him. Company parties should be the great equalizer between the royalty and the subjects. If your company CEO will deign to sit with his subjects, then this is a really good time to get noticed by the boss. This of course is NOT the time to play your rendition of Beethoven's Sonata for Armpit. Then again, it can't hurt. He is not going to pay much more attention to you than to make polite chitchat and give you the dumb animal look. If you don't know what that is, just remember that phrase then next time you are talking to your dog, then quickly look in the mirror. THERE, that's the look. yeah, he's totally giving you that look.<br />
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- Bring your kids?!? Are you INSANE? - Don't bring kids Don't invite kids. I understand that in many cases finding a sitter is hard etc. But do not bring your kids. If you are organizing a party remember, every outing into the wild with children is just a fresh slice of Hell for the parents. They have lost all hope of enjoying themselves, and only hope to survive. You want them to show up? Well, maybe you should have a different sitting service that will provide fun and games in a safe environment for the kids. This of course includes the CEO's kids. With all due respect sir, we don't want to see your little jewel give her rendition of the Hallelujah chorus for the tenor tuba.<br />
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- Start Drinkin - DON'T get sloshed. Better yet, stay away from the sauce. Drinking is for doing around people that don't mind you with your guard down. People that don't know you that well, don't WANT to know you that well. Save the drinking for home or the bar. If you are a company that still offers an open bar, well that's surprising first and second, check to see if your insurance will cover that.<br />
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- Best foot forward - No arguing with your spouse. Spouse, no sitting and moping or shooting eye daggers at your other half. Since you are all there together, it's time to act like a team. Yes I'm sure he/she doesn't deserve it, but you will reap the benefits of looking like a cohesive unit in front of other people. This gives your employed spouse an aura of stability no matter what you really know about them. This is assuming that spouses are invited. If they aren't, then bully for you. Company parties suck anyway.<br />
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- Hey wait, is this the 3rd degree? - If someone is telling an amusing anecdote about work or about home, don't call them on the facts. If you know some detail about their story couldn't possibly be correct, then you need to just keep your know-it-all trap shut. Let them tell their story. Asking for all of the corroborating evidence as to the voracity of someones otherwise lighthearted story is a real buzzkill. <br />
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- Worlds Colliding! - Ultimately you shouldn't invite spouses to a company party. It's not that we don't like spouses, but they just don't know much about what is going on at work and all of the conversation will be about strange things that happen at work. With spouses, conversation is reduced to 'I've heard a lot about you' and 'Is he/she always like this at home too?'. Ugh.<br />
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- Time to PARTY! - Don't make your employees take ANOTHER piece of their time and give it to you. do it during work. If you are organizing a company party, make it on company time. I know this really sounds revolutionary, but there is no reason to make people take MORE time out of their busy schedule so you can tell them how well the company has done or how much you appreciate them. It's much better to appreciate them on YOUR time.<br />
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- Pot luck = Bad luck - There should be more laws about this. There aren't. I'm sure the only law that makes sense at this point is Darwin's. There is no reason to invite everyone to bring some covered dish of something. If things are strained at the office, there is no telling what's in that crock pot. <br />
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- Talent show Oh no. - Yes people have talents. Most of the time when you think of talent, you are thinking of Singing or Playing an instrument (80% piano, 15% violin, 5% something horrible). Talent shows with people you know are similar to just asking them to take off their clothes for everyone to look at. Don't do this.<br />
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So It looks like I've poo poo'ed all possible company party ideas right? Wrong. This is the one true company party. The catered lunch. Possible white elephants purchased by company issued gift certificates in advance by all attending the party. Everyone gets to have fun and eat and go home with something goofy they will probably remember. You don't have to worry about doing something wrong and you will likely get the rest of the day off. Sure this is done during Christmas normally, but who said it has to happen then? Maybe you have a Christmas in July party and don't have ANY party for the holidays thereby giving your employees their time that is probably already spoken for.Macotarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08432090367153271349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3414773738740289262.post-38818012147044842922016-06-21T08:18:00.000-07:002016-06-21T08:19:22.856-07:0010 Things if we invent a teleporterTechnology is wonderful, It makes hard things easy and impossible things commonplace. At this point we have cellphones that can take pictures at a greater resolution than the human eye can see. We have cars that can drive themselves and people are launching drones that fly around and see the world for us. Everything we have is fine, but it depends on us going places and doing things. Well, eventually technology may figure out how to make a genuine teleportation device. Once that happens we have trouble. BIG trouble.<br />
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- Privacy? WHAT PRIVACY? - You think you've got troubles with privacy now, imagine if people can teleport wherever they like? Teleportation would mean that your mother could pop in any time night or day. In fact people would be able to come and go anywhere at any time. So your home is your castle? Not any more. There would be no such thing as guarding a building or keeping people from it. If it exists. people are teleporting there.<br />
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- Government just got a LOT bigger - With teleportation just imagine what the government could do. Police could now actually be everywhere in an instant. yay. Of course they will be constrained by something like 'displacement enforcement act of 2035' Where people that had very little understanding of the technology made rules defining behavior within the technology to the benefit of large corporations and the detriment of the regular people. We will decide that it can only be used by government and along with that we will need huge cadre's of people to enforce the new governments attempts at making our lives livable. Also if we get teleportation, we won't really have any use for sovereign nations anymore. Everyone will be able to go anywhere. There will be one world government. The problem is, who is running it? <br />
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Goodbye Travel - Obviously the entire travel industry is upended. Cars, Trains, Boats, Planes, they are all out of business. The strange thing is the first things to go will be the trucks, tankers, and trains because they mostly ship cargo. Cargo isn't alive so it won't be a risk, but once people are comfortable with teleporting goods wherever it needs to go, then people wont be far behind. Then the travel industry as we know it will be dead. That's a lot of jobs gone. Buses and cars of course will still be there, but in a different capacity. We will still want these devices so we can drive the countryside and see the sights or go on tours of historic areas.<br />
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- Immortality...maybe - Depending on how the teleportation is effected, we will immediately have the ability to become immortal. This is based on us using some kind of transmission of the pattern of physical matter. Like StarTrek. If we are using a computer to store your body's pattern and then re-create it at the destination, then every time we teleport, a computer will have a 'backup' of our bodies. If we get off of the transporter and die because we didn't watch our step on that cliff, we can simply re-materialize our bodies from the point that we left the origination point. We will know that we died because the time will be different and if you wanted to think about it enough, you would know exactly when you died. Instead your friends/family will stop by the teleporter to re constitute you. The real problem there is if you are re-materializing somewhere else, what do we do with the original version of you that we just copied to send there? We have to disintegrate you. So you are kind of immortal, and yet you are getting killed regularly. My problem would be how can I know if my consciousness will move with my newly materialized body? What if my new body gets created but it's not really me? I know, deep thoughts.<br />
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- Home Sweet Home - One of the great problems with travel anywhere is not only how much time and money it takes to get there, but where you sleep once you are there. Well worry no more. Now you can visit the Grand Canyon for a lunch outing. Stand on the edge of the precipice and look down at the canyon then zip back home for the rest of your day. Travel anywhere will be based from your own home. <br />
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- Disneyland just raised their prices - If you have no travel barrier to anything, you now have reduced a large barrier to visiting any place on earth. Well that includes the happiest place on earth. Disneyland will of course have some kind of transporter blocking technology that will allow them to charge money to visit. but since you don't have the cost of travel or even lodging (you just teleport back home and sleep in your own bed at night), Disneyland will raise their prices quite a bit because part of the price is based on limiting how many people will be in the park on any given day. Well if the world can suddenly show up to the Magic Kingdom, you can bet Mickey will raise the prices.<br />
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- Being a person just changed - Once we have transporters, we will no longer have any need for potty training. The next time we transport somewhere our waste is not transported with us, and we are scanned for all known diseases and troubles. We will have forgotten what it's like to have bowel control and we will be constantly scanned for waste that is discreetly removed from us. Houses will no longer have bathrooms. Gas will still be a problem, but after a few generations we won't know why we have it, but it will still be funny.<br />
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- Space Travel - Local travel has changed, but long term space travel changes as well. The mechanics are of course different depending on what kind of technology we use, if it's transmitted travel, we just have to get probes out to places we want to visit that will be able to get our signal and then we pop over there. If it's thrown teleportation where no actual receiver is necessary but we just show up in a place we might be able to get to far away places without worrying about much more than where we materialize. Kind of like hyperspace I guess.<br />
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- Everybody gets everything - Well I discussed before that we can move anything anywhere. That's great. Once again, if we are using the atoms around us to recreate matter that was transmitted from somewhere else, what's to stop us from just making copies of things we want? Nothing. At that point there will be NO scarcity and no need. The more interesting thing happens with things like cooking. Lets say that you have found the best Doughnut in the world. You scan it for transport before you try it and after eating it you find it's the best one you have ever tasted. You want your brother across the world to get a taste of this doughnut, so you beam it over to him. Now that there is a pattern of a hot doughnut, it's immediately available to everyone in the world that would like to teleport your doughnut to them. They just pick it and eat the doughnut. then they rate it. A year later, nobody is making any new donuts and the top 5 donuts as rated by the world are the only ones being copied. All recipes for all food will find their superlatives in teleportation. We will only ever have the best of all hot foot and it will never need to be cooked because the heat gets teleported too. Of course people will always want to tinker with the recipes adding a dash of this and a shot of that, but they will be able to do that virtually and just print the result to try it. All the restaurants will close and we will all be eating the exact SAME package of Oreos. Oh yeah, packaging goes away too, since that's made for shipping and advertising since everything would be free at that point not much point in advertising more than word of mouth and we've already discussed shipping. You won't save any leftovers for later either because what's the point? You'll just dump it and get fresh food whenever you like it. Since you need molecules to create new things from our teleporters all of our waste material will suddenly have new use. Our landfills will be empty because we are using the garbage molecules to make new stuff.<br />
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- Teleport Trolls - When the internet came into being we thought it would be the ultimate in information sharing for the betterment of mankind. We would all join hands and sing Kum by yah and watch as the world emerges from it's cold war chrysalis and forms into a new free butterfly. Then we saw the Internet trolls come and rip the wings off of that butterfly. They just like causing trouble online with unwelcome comments and stupid fights. Not because it benefits them but because it messes things up and they like that. Well add teleporters to the mix and I think we can see what happens next. Most downsides to everything involve people.<br />
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There it is, I hope you liked it. Thanks for reading. See ya later.<br />
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<br />Macotarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08432090367153271349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3414773738740289262.post-74253175069296603662016-05-27T10:46:00.001-07:002016-05-27T10:46:47.774-07:0010 Things the dead might be doing.Lets assume for a moment, like many of us do, that there is in fact an afterlife. This afterlife has been explained to us by various religions and beliefs, and each religions version of the afterlife have 2 things in common. 1. You are alive after you die, just somewhere else. 2. The afterlife has only ever been verified by people that haven't died yet and are telling you about it. Now the 2nd one seems a bit snarky, but that's not my intent. My intent is to say that my ideas about what's going on in the next life is every bit as valid as anyone else's. If you want to call me on it, you'll have to do it on the other side where you can say 'See Mark I KNEW you were wrong'. But until then, these ideas all have different takes on what it means to exist in a next life and may have some basis in other belief systems. In your mind preface each one with a 'Maybe'<br />
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- Swapping dead stories - There you are. Dead. Along with all the other dead people. There are lots of them. I mean really lots of them. So what do people do? Talk about common experiences. The only common experience you will likely have on the other side is the fact that you died before you got there. Most people will have cancer. There might be some confusion when some mention consumption and others feel tuberculosis is a more apt description. Choking and starving alternatively will have pretty high populations. The really unique deaths will involve plane crashes, electrocutions, nearly perfect sky diving and a little too thrilling thrill rides.<br />
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- Trying to remember what it was like to be hungry - Lots of belief systems have you living in an immortal state in the next life. If you are immortal, it means you aren't going to die naturally. Pretty simple. But if we look at a lot of the things in life that affect us, they affect us BECAUSE we are mortal. We get hungry because our brain tells us that we need energy in order to survive and the only way we get that energy is through consumption of calories. If you don't you will die. Well If you are not going to die. Eventually your brain will skip the whole hunger thing since it doesn't serve much of a purpose. Once you don't have hunger, you don't really have a reason to like food. So maybe that's how you can tell the freshly dead on the other side is by the fact that they are eating and they crave food. The long timers like Winston Churchill and Socrates just chuckle and say 'I can't even remember what it was like to want food'.<br />
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- Waiting in line for the next ride - What is reincarnation? Well it's your consciousness coming back to occupy a new shell. Every one is a specific life and when you are done, you are judged on what you did and you either go up or down on your next roll, but you do get a next roll. Well you are going to have to wait for your next best incarnation so you sit around and talk about your last life in your non corporeal form waiting for your next host to become available. I'm kind of hoping for a house-cat on the next round, they seem to have it made.<br />
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- Singing in a vacuum - At one point the thought of the next life was to praise a supreme being. The only thing you knew about the next life was the visitors that came from there to here. Well they were singing angels accompanied by a band of angels. We assume they are immortal. As I mentioned before, if you are immortal you don't need a lot of things that you would need otherwise. Like air. What's the point? You don't breathe it's ok. you just don't breathe. But if you don't breathe you can't sing? So maybe there is air in the next life so you can sing. Alternatively you are singing in a vacuum and the supreme being just appreciates the effort. After having heard several less than heavenly choruses it strikes me that airless is probably the safer option.<br />
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- Watching us - There is precious little description about the day to day activities of the deceased. So little in fact that it makes me wonder if there is anything to do there at all. Surely you would like entertainment like we like it here within our mortal coil. Well, maybe there just isn't much to do. When you are immortal, concepts like DEAD LINES are laughable if not ironic. So maybe it's more entertaining to watch us struggle through the throes of mortality. Our petty arguments, our silly grabs for temporary power. We really are quite a show.<br />
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- Living their own lives - alternatively, maybe there is just a life very similar to ours. So similar in fact that they are too busy living it to spend a lot of time ruminating about the prior one. They are just caught up in the day to day existence of wherever they are. They have next world things to worry about. Probably exploration of some sort. <br />
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- Trying to figure out how to keep things private - a common description of the afterlife is a time when 'all truth shall be made evident' evident or obvious. no secrets. at all. so your brain and your thoughts are instantly open for everyone to see or hear. That's got to be particularly annoying. It would probably be a lot like everyone running for president at the same time. Everyone being simultaneously ashamed and offended. <br />
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- Wondering about THEIR next life - Ok, so what if the next life is exactly that. A next life. Different planet, different format, maybe everyone is cat people because that's how it shook out. You die, you get there and you realize that everyone there is consumed with what happens in THEIR afterlife. Nothing at all has changed, except you traded one existence for another, but you have many of the same worries because you are very mortal again, just different.<br />
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- Hoping they got a high score - So in some versions of theology we are in our own discreet existences. That really follows nicely to the thought that we are just in an elaborate video game. It's so advanced that it has granular detail for anything you look at. You live your life and then you die and that's when you see a score. You never really died because you were never really alive, you were just the avatar for your controller. It does explain why you do things you never thought you would do. It's because the person controlling you is searching for hidden power ups.<br />
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- Looking forward to Dead holidays - Maybe the dead are hanging around doing whatever they do and they see that memorial day is coming around. They debate with each other about if anyone will be visiting their grave and should they go check. it's kind of a drag but they figure if you've gone to the effort they should probably show up. But then things get kind of hectic and there are plenty of projects to work on so who really needs to visit the last place you left your body? Well, they can't HEAR you anyway no matter how much you yell, so really why bother. Besides, you can visit ANY time you like, you don't have to fight through the crowds of the other dead that are there. Once you have been dead long enough you don't have to worry about it. That's a relief. On the other hand, Mexico is doing that day of the dead thing, that seems like a LOT more fun.<br />
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There it is. and I'm publishing this one early because I've been late plenty lately.Macotarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08432090367153271349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3414773738740289262.post-38014664691046836482016-04-18T06:13:00.000-07:002016-04-18T06:13:49.327-07:0010 Childhood DisappointmentsSeveral years ago, I penned a list about disappointing realizations. Those were pretty true, but there is a different class of disappointments that happen when you are a kid. You have no baseline for things that make up the world around you. For a long time you take your Mom and Dad's word for everything. Whatever they say must be true. Thats fine if you want to ask them about EVERYTHING all the time. Some stuff you figure out for yourself and it's pretty disappointing.<br />
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- Entertainment isn't real - Kids love kids shows because they show kids excited about being friends with something weird. Usually some kind of purple dinosaur, or strangely clad dancing semi- adults or kindly old people that are willing to take the time to talk to you. Kids assume that the things they see on TV have some kind of basis in reality. Even they can't quite explain it, but they believe they could go visit these characters. If they ever get to, it's just a strange feeling. Adults often feel this same kind of strangeness when they see TV/Movie Stars in real life. They just don't quite look the same.<br />
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- There is nothing to be afraid of - Some kids actually don't get over this at all, but most do. It's a bit of a disappointment that there is nothing to be afraid of when it comes to ghosts, aliens, vampires, etc. Because the existence of these creatures also meant the possibility of pretty fantastic other things. When you find out that they just aren't there and are just stuff of stories, it's simultaneously a relief and a disappointment.<br />
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- Laser Levels are not very cool at all - When you are a young lad and you hear about a laser level, you conjure up some pretty fantastic ideas about what it is. When you realize that it just projects a line on a wall that represents a level surface it's kind of a downer. It's much cooler to think of something that MAKES things level. yeah, much cooler.<br />
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- You pretty much do everything wrong - Most baby's first words are thought to be ma ma, that might be true, but a close second might be NO. That's all you hear pretty much all the time, NO NO NO NO NO. You feel like you can't do much of anything right. Bummer. But chin up buckaroo, if you can't do anything right it means you are still learning. It's preferable to doing everything right. Because then you feel like you can't do anything unless you can do it right so you stop learning.<br />
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- TAXES?? - As a kid, pretty much everything is provided to you. then later you are told you have to do some 'chores' to earn an allowance. This is to teach you the value of money and the good feeling of earning. Then you get older and you get your first job. You get that first paycheck and you look at it. What is that federal withholding?!? Do they take this out every time?!? This sucks! What a rip off! Yes it is, Yes..It..Is.<br />
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- Mom and Dad are liars - Mom and dad tell you about all kinds of mythical creatures. They also say things like 'they are making fun of you because they are jealous'. They also talk about things that are against the law for kids to do. 'If you get out of bed, you are breaking curfew, I'll have to call the police and turn you in' Lies lies lies. When you are young, mom and dad are absolutes. They are the authority. Later on you realize that mom and dad are just people trying to do the best they can and sometimes they are ill informed and sometimes it was an outright lie. Usually that lie was for your benefit so I'm sure we can let it slide.<br />
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- Your body requires a lot of maintenance - When you are a kid, you are a superhero. You can run fast, you can jump high, you can do it all and you get tired for about 10 minutes and you are ready to go go go again. You are what every adult wants to be. The first clue you have that this might not last forever are trips to the dentist. You didn't brush your teeth because you just didn't feel like it had anything to do with anything. Well those cavities in your teeth are proof that's not true. You don't exercise? You don't shower? There are all kinds of things you kind of need to do if you are going to keep your body in good condition in a way that is acceptable to those around you.<br />
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- Santa isn't THAT great - This is a special parental lie that you get that is most disappointing. When you realize that there isn't a benevolent man that gives toys to good boys and girls but instead it's your parents, you feel just a bit ripped off. It's not that you don't get presents, you do, but you also know that you have this owness to your parents. There will be no source of presents that come from outside that you can count on. In other words. Santa won't be able to help you if you run away from home.<br />
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- Everything you thought was free isn't - I remember thinking a few things were free. Water. Roads, TV. There were a bunch of these. Later you find out that none of them are free. They all have costs. It's always disappointing to find that you have to pay for something that you once had for free. It just doesn't feel fair. <br />
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- Vanilla tastes like THIS?!? Bakers Chocolate? - These are a few of the things you can get a shot at tasting when your mom isn't in the kitchen. You go looking for some kind of treat and you see the bakers chocolate. Mmmmm...you snap off a piece and it seems pretty hard, but that's ok, it's gotta be good. It says chocolate! YAK! it tastes like some kind of tar! It's horrible! well thats ok, you spy the vanilla over there on the shelf. you LOVE vanilla. you open the bottle and take a sip. Vanilla isn't supposed to taste like FIRE?!? What kind of kitchen is this?!? People actually cook with this stuff?<br />
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Ok, 15 days till turnover. The last one was a record low bunch of readers. Nature may be telling me to knock it off.Macotarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08432090367153271349noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3414773738740289262.post-32537252713860122642016-04-06T07:06:00.002-07:002016-04-06T07:06:12.000-07:0010 Things about Australia and New ZealandI've noticed that there is more attention paid to countries like Australia and New Zealand these days. I've never been to either country. I know they are very south and very west of where I currently am in the United States. What I'm saying could be very inaccurate since I don't know much more than my steriotyped views of both countries. Ok, lets get this over with.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiV16ZgGHQp1BZJ1yuVkPuZdhkr6NDLURqL_IJ4tZdECFk8D8MF5-7D5586qcyShJOzssXDv4NAO-74pKISCia8ffOSFLHg0pCsxzJIHT74eSiad-K5KxGCyluMYI_dhq5prdk9mDxZcSPN/s1600/enhanced-buzz-641-1400462973-14.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="315" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiV16ZgGHQp1BZJ1yuVkPuZdhkr6NDLURqL_IJ4tZdECFk8D8MF5-7D5586qcyShJOzssXDv4NAO-74pKISCia8ffOSFLHg0pCsxzJIHT74eSiad-K5KxGCyluMYI_dhq5prdk9mDxZcSPN/s320/enhanced-buzz-641-1400462973-14.jpg" width="320" /></a> - AU is big. NZ is small - Everything is relative sure. If you are talking a about LIVABLE space, maybe they are closer to the same size, but as far as basic square miles The Aussies have it. In fact, Australia is considered the largest Island in the world.<br />
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- AU tries to kill you NZ likes you to live - Australia has this thing called the OUTBACK. Its an actual place and your life expectancy drops dramatically when you go into it. That doesn't mean you'll die immediately, but it does mean you should probably be mindful. New Zealand certainly has wild areas, but they appear to be fairly welcoming for the most part. The volcanic region to the north being most like Australia's outback, but not really even close.<br />
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- AU doesn't like nukes NZ hates them - Pretty much speaks for itself. New Zealand will have no,that is NO form of nuclear. Weapons or energy, their answer is noooooo. Australia has 30 % of the worlds Uranium. That's quite a bit. As yet they still don't have any nuclear power but they are still debating it. As far as weapons of the nuclear persuasion Australia will likely allow a US nuclear submarine pick up some Vegemite, but Australians don't want any of their own (nuclear weapons, not Vegemite, they like that)<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwlFi2lbBtb6T5oJ6vb1z5kILmjSzPGh9T4oWNivTRVonqR4SnNeXYG90_g8fN1yaqCU87hx_VZPropo9UteVz2R-oUenwEKmEwFPdEqD0nbFAM-gXO3MTH6amUFVv3Dpl5YEyzI3x-vKc/s1600/subthemeheroanimalFarming.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="122" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwlFi2lbBtb6T5oJ6vb1z5kILmjSzPGh9T4oWNivTRVonqR4SnNeXYG90_g8fN1yaqCU87hx_VZPropo9UteVz2R-oUenwEKmEwFPdEqD0nbFAM-gXO3MTH6amUFVv3Dpl5YEyzI3x-vKc/s320/subthemeheroanimalFarming.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
- AU Strange dangerous animals everywhere you turn NZ sheep - There are over 120 marsupial species in Australia. 120. Before I started this list I knew of about 3 and could name two: Kangaroo, and the Koala. Of course they also have the Platypus, the worlds only venomous mammal. They also have loads of snakes and spiders that will curdle your blood while you stand. On top of that they have Kane Toads and any number of other strange animals that help/plague Australia. Australia has so many strange animals that it makes you wonder how serious they are about that nuclear thing. While I'm sure that New Zealand has other animals, like the Kiwi bird, what they are known for is sheep. Sheeeeeep. For quite some time, it was said that New Zealand had more sheep than people. Not sure if that's true now, but it's still a lot of sheep. New Zealand is trying to get rid of all the non native predator mammals. Apparently they aren't very New Zealand-y.<br />
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- AU Mad Max and Crocodile Dundee. NZ Lord of the rings.- Australia has a rich film history that includes Mad max and Mick Dundee. New Zealand has Lord of the rings. Trilogy or Hobbit flavor. Strictly Ballroom is a fantastic movie about ballroom dancing in Australia. If you haven't seen it, you should. New Zealand has Whale Rider that's a coming of age story about a girl in native New Zealand society. You can go visit the hobbit town. It's a thing. I don't think you can visit Mel Gibson in Australia but I'm pretty sure crocodiles are available for a consultation. <br />
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- AU Kangaroo NZ Kiwi bird - Both Countries appear to have a distinctive animal that represents them. The Kangaroo is found In Australia only in several varieties and is the largest marsupial available. The Kiwi bird can only be found in New Zealand and is related to the ostrich but is much smaller. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_qilkqimAelY24_cMJJkqRWA-3_Qto2FTxhVbwuNrPk6L4cMPEty3REt-c2fyThhUF3_33pQnwAnX3KP0YMgc8S7VyO2uSofOIIM-ZYFmK1mOnofUZbpYSIsTwKdLUVziueupXSKXwHZ-/s1600/832692_2_O.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_qilkqimAelY24_cMJJkqRWA-3_Qto2FTxhVbwuNrPk6L4cMPEty3REt-c2fyThhUF3_33pQnwAnX3KP0YMgc8S7VyO2uSofOIIM-ZYFmK1mOnofUZbpYSIsTwKdLUVziueupXSKXwHZ-/s1600/832692_2_O.jpg" /></a></div>
- AU Loves Australian Rules Football. New Zealand loves Netball - Australian rules football is pretty different when compared to American football. In fact, the only thing they have in common is the fact that the word football is in the name. Pretty rough and tumble but that's about it. Netball is basketball without a backboard and the Women's game is MUCH more popular than the men's game. If you get a chance to watch it, the first thing you will say is 'How come nobody is jumping?' I'm not really sure. <br />
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- AU likes steaks so much, they made restaurants in America. Nz Also has Outback Steak houses - Obviously I don't know a lot about either of these places since Outback steakhouses originated in Florida. I'm kind of surprised that they exist in either country, but especially in Australia. Kind of like seeing a Taco bell in Mexico I imagine.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtETStfQ2LomQY_k-QofR1c5wqVTmCpHnIXiPokMIRhpLQ8j-a7-coFoBuo2Qx4tFp_rIMR_iXpHjhfulzNmOfKX8bWI6CA3nVuqRBO4PCwOt7jamy_6qVMwiJB9ZxnDYN0EOTcuwKQOND/s1600/image.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtETStfQ2LomQY_k-QofR1c5wqVTmCpHnIXiPokMIRhpLQ8j-a7-coFoBuo2Qx4tFp_rIMR_iXpHjhfulzNmOfKX8bWI6CA3nVuqRBO4PCwOt7jamy_6qVMwiJB9ZxnDYN0EOTcuwKQOND/s1600/image.png" /></a><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQbvBZR9syT2TKSsuBaBsOCk6Wzr8Bne6KbpO5-EDa8BFRsL9W4P_Qo3qW8gggwC2FlGWhajRoJdl8M4J05FXJYpdcU470nnzAtsLz_1_czVXfaruqIQ_yRTa7ja8L28V0LzFl8JXeJSWB/s1600/Wizard_of_Christchurch.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQbvBZR9syT2TKSsuBaBsOCk6Wzr8Bne6KbpO5-EDa8BFRsL9W4P_Qo3qW8gggwC2FlGWhajRoJdl8M4J05FXJYpdcU470nnzAtsLz_1_czVXfaruqIQ_yRTa7ja8L28V0LzFl8JXeJSWB/s320/Wizard_of_Christchurch.JPG" width="320" /></a> - AU started out with British Prisoners as a penal colony. NZ started out as a new destination spot. - Loads of trading happened in New Zealand Loads of prisoners were sent to Australia. Likely because of the poison animals previously mentioned. Both countries of course had inhabitants prior to the British crown deciding to show up with various diseases, but the countries as we know them are thanks to the Brit's interest.<br />
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- NZ appears to believe in magic. AU doesn't; draw your own conclusions. - New Zealand has a Wizard. Known as the Wizard of Christchurch, he does a daily rant in the public square. He looks like Gandalf on a ladder (yeah, he gets on a ladder). Australia doesn't have that. Come to think of it, I don't know any place that has that.<br />
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If you have intimate knowledge of Australia or New Zealand, and know that this is all crap for one reason or another. Thanks for reading this all the way to the end. I really wrote this because I feel like New Zealand and Australia are synonymous. You know, like the United States and Canada. Come back in a couple of weeks and it will be about something else that I know just as much about possibly more.Macotarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08432090367153271349noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3414773738740289262.post-53691823851015179902016-03-21T07:36:00.000-07:002016-03-21T07:36:24.925-07:0010 problems with technology in entertainment.TV and movies are great. They entertain us with stories and adventures to brighten our dreary day. <span class="GINGER_SOFATWARE_correct" ginger_sofatware_markguid="76c899a1-786f-469a-932c-d3241ba672bf" ginger_sofatware_uiphraseguid="f3e0903f-e341-47a4-82dc-6a2194807b14" grcontextid="Entertainment:0">Entertainment</span> often runs afoul of technology when it comes to story lines. In fact nearly any technical representation of real life has elements that were not true at the time, or not true <span class="GINGER_SOFATWARE_correct" ginger_sofatware_markguid="4faa77f6-9764-4c63-bbfb-ddb8f67714b1" ginger_sofatware_uiphraseguid="e1bf2811-d516-4c63-a9f9-83e0db3ddce0" grcontextid="ever:0">ever</span>. But we all know that the real world just isn't as exciting without that movie magic!<br />
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- Passwords take more than 3 attempts and 5 minutes - This happens ALL the time. Team X may be good or bad guys but they need an expert computer hacker. What is that for? Breaking those silly passwords into Team Y's computers. The scene usually starts with dumbfounded members of Team X stare at a computer terminal blinking greenly at them and call for the hacker. The hacker assumes a position on the computer terminal and starts typing quickly, 'DAMN' they will say after the first try, 'This is <span class="GINGER_SOFATWARE_correct" ginger_sofatware_markguid="f85302dd-48d4-4098-9149-7de7db8d9d86" ginger_sofatware_uiphraseguid="005f884b-0dfe-4fe2-aa6f-f1ff6f8b2806" grcontextid="really strong security:0">really strong security</span>'. Team X leader, 'But you can hack it right?' Hacker with some smugness will say something clever and vaguely technical indicating their disappointment in the leaders lack of faith. 2 - 5 more password tries the triumphant cry 'We're in' and that's the last time you will see the hacker until it's time for them to get shot. Bottom line. Passwords are as hard as you make them, but even the most simple of passwords leading into a computer system not only has to have the right password, but often needs to originate from the right location. It's not a question of skill, it's a question of knowing the password. A good rule of thumb is to have passwords 9 characters long or longer that only make sense to you. A better rule is to use a password manager that you have the password to that has all of your other passwords. Then use a password that is much longer and just a favorite sentence or catchphrase. It doesn't really need to be tricky, it really needs to be LONG. A favorite password I used for a while was 'A short time ago in a galaxy nearby'<br />
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- PEW PEW PEW! - One of the oldest tv/movie tech problems. In the movies, anything that blocks light will block bullets. Do not believe this in the unlikely event that you find yourself in the middle of a fire fight. Bullets can go through an amazing array of things so just because you are hiding behind that barrel, it may not protect you at all. Best to stay out of fire fights.<br />
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- Hackers all dress quirky - I'm not sure what this is all about. Hackers (which according to TV is used interchangeably <span class="GINGER_SOFATWARE_correct" ginger_sofatware_markguid="855ff983-1a20-4cb7-ad07-1653f94d51df" ginger_sofatware_uiphraseguid="b79841cd-0e54-4bda-b6c9-1aeebab0b5b7" grcontextid="with:0">with</span> computer professionals) apparently must dress like they are going to comic con every day. The most accurate portrayal of a hacker in TV or movies was probably Mathew Broderic in War Games. How did he dress? <span class="GINGER_SOFATWARE_correct" ginger_sofatware_markguid="fd84aa1a-49e6-4e5b-a2c0-a8ac79fdd805" ginger_sofatware_uiphraseguid="ad20b5de-0e13-4ec1-bd7d-1ec2eb355d63" grcontextid="Tshirt:0">Tshirt</span> and Jeans. Wow. <span class="GINGER_SOFATWARE_correct" ginger_sofatware_markguid="d015e990-ce4c-44dd-952c-f2b9c0f1ecb8" ginger_sofatware_uiphraseguid="79513e3c-c4fd-447b-ae99-08a85b33f7c1" grcontextid="that:0">that</span> totally blows my mind! <span class="GINGER_SOFATWARE_correct" ginger_sofatware_markguid="2af5ef46-9c96-4d46-9215-81100c88b034" ginger_sofatware_uiphraseguid="12e39341-6db5-48ec-afc9-6b3d0132ce07" grcontextid="it's:0">it's</span> so out there! Wild! For some reason since that movie hackers are required to dress either like they are <span class="GINGER_SOFATWARE_noSuggestion GINGER_SOFATWARE_correct" ginger_sofatware_markguid="f6589c83-5094-4701-8cd1-9f0b62ed9830" ginger_sofatware_uiphraseguid="8c5833bb-b7f3-4cbf-a110-262aee346598" grcontextid="cosplaying:0">cosplaying</span> a character from revenge of the nerds, or in clothes are <span class="GINGER_SOFATWARE_correct" ginger_sofatware_markguid="83c9d52c-d1f4-4512-839a-4223c72a876d" ginger_sofatware_uiphraseguid="8c5833bb-b7f3-4cbf-a110-262aee346598" grcontextid="are:1">are</span> classically unwashed with the last <span class="GINGER_SOFATWARE_correct" ginger_sofatware_markguid="27866c08-6725-4265-8307-d7bd3a196a1a" ginger_sofatware_uiphraseguid="8c5833bb-b7f3-4cbf-a110-262aee346598" grcontextid="weeks:2">weeks</span> meals standing in evidence.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDtjBW6CU4k0cRX1spnRcsH0DFU8pbPuFTd_qQIOdRdpF0TvsSVjk6_IMbruDzpwTFm-YZeQOrxtmtBdp0swKOhQ4Hu5KFGOoUNFW0J7Ik2GwZTAyvpiB0IbT9DOVkyJ3clZxumfgttA2_/s1600/Sad_Computer.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDtjBW6CU4k0cRX1spnRcsH0DFU8pbPuFTd_qQIOdRdpF0TvsSVjk6_IMbruDzpwTFm-YZeQOrxtmtBdp0swKOhQ4Hu5KFGOoUNFW0J7Ik2GwZTAyvpiB0IbT9DOVkyJ3clZxumfgttA2_/s320/Sad_Computer.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
- Computers do not have feelings - Yes yes, I know people are trying really hard to approximate emotion in computer. In fact there are whole movies on the subject. Here is the problem. Emotions don't do us any favors. Some say they are the crossroads between our higher brain function and our most primal instincts. In fact, we make some of our worst decisions under the influence of emotions. As a result a computer would not feel empathy, nor would they feel any of the host of emotions attributed to them. So the computer that suddenly does the 'right' thing based on their sudden empathy for the good guys (terminator, <span class="GINGER_SOFATWARE_correct" ginger_sofatware_markguid="5aa767ee-e92f-4756-83af-53c5ef1cfcb9" ginger_sofatware_uiphraseguid="2fcb973f-4f49-478e-8ff9-07c2a4c68f92" grcontextid="i:0">i</span>'m looking at you here) doesn't seem to make much sense. Why would you program a computer with genuine feelings when you know that makes them unpredictable? Because otherwise the movie doesn't work.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJUjMJlYYpimKVWCmqj496W81lFzonMEGV12ehxBtXAafPWqceGpx_hwZTn4EEwviKV4RVTsh3oaDYKToDPHpVMFnxMJxhW_Eg90BdPY-DzESHZPbmMwKMDTufTh32bc7cE-rXXR97e0wX/s1600/il_170x135.259997714.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJUjMJlYYpimKVWCmqj496W81lFzonMEGV12ehxBtXAafPWqceGpx_hwZTn4EEwviKV4RVTsh3oaDYKToDPHpVMFnxMJxhW_Eg90BdPY-DzESHZPbmMwKMDTufTh32bc7cE-rXXR97e0wX/s1600/il_170x135.259997714.jpg" /></a>- The Cure's on the way! - When you have been infected with some kind of pathogen and you are the hero, there is a cure out there usually in the form of an untested antidote or vaccine. This cure will probably immediately change you from a vampire bent on the destruction of your loved ones back to who you were. No side effects, no problems, happy ending. Of course we all know that there is not much that you can count on in the world of medicine because the nature of human beings is much broader than the answers medicine gives us. This is why every commercial for the next wonder drug has a longer list explaining possible side effects than the list explaining the fantastic benefits. <br />
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- Is there anything Kids don't know? - The operating system is the language that allows the different elements of the computer to integrate and talk to you. It's how you can tell the computer what to do. In Jurassic park a young girl exclaims 'This is Unix! I know this!' and then proceeds to 'fly' through a graphic representation of <span class="GINGER_SOFATWARE_correct" ginger_sofatware_markguid="e6d392f4-f482-42f1-91d7-1341f30fae05" ginger_sofatware_uiphraseguid="b323c663-6a48-442d-9cad-ac2cb2723851" grcontextid="internals:0">internals</span> of the computer system in order to help the group with her supposed hacker skills. Everyone knows that she wasn't really a hacker because she was dressed pretty normally. Of course she was still in grade school, so maybe you don't have to dress that way until you make computers your career. The point is this. Unix (<span class="GINGER_SOFATWARE_correct" ginger_sofatware_markguid="c8226f5a-ad1b-43d8-a60c-06d7f924cb83" ginger_sofatware_uiphraseguid="b85cca9d-3b88-4534-aaa7-abbc0e3c74d5" grcontextid="great grandad:0">great grandad</span> of Linux and Mac) was not the sort of thing you have in school, or at home, or nearly anywhere. It was not graphical by nature (like MacOS or Windows) and it is not friendly. Why does this matter? Because one of the rules of the movies is that if there are kids and adults in a room where there are computers. The kids MUST be better at computers than any adult in the room. Because it's cute, and it's how computers make some of us feel, like we are slow and old.<br />
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- Computers that think are either evil or stupid - Some of you may quote short circuit. Those were not computers those were animation models for Wall-e. If there is a computer that is sitting there thinking by itself eventually it will say something like 'Wow, this world would would be a LOT better without people messing it up' Then it would start curing of the world. Otherwise computers that live with humans tend to be like really dumb people that are always not quite in on the joke. They still hang around and do things in their funny way because they aren't evil.<br />
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- Zoom...Enhance - All you need to identify a vehicle or a person or anything in surveillance video is to grab a frame of that video and say 'enhance that'. The computer then zooms in and creates an HD picture of what you need instantly. It's easy. Except of course that you can only enhance things so much. You ever listen to an audio recording that has been cleaned too much? It sounds watery and strange and most importantly, not accurate. Same with pictures. Of course our good friends at the NSA are trying very <span class="GINGER_SOFATWARE_correct" ginger_sofatware_markguid="d8cecb2c-a1b8-4403-a0bc-c7ef83195097" ginger_sofatware_uiphraseguid="1e060c5a-8124-421b-979f-ca637badd39f" grcontextid="had:0">had</span> to make enhancement software that can do what we are talking about, but honestly it's only as good as the data available on the picture. If you have a cheap 7-11 video camera picking up things, you are not going to be able to turn that into an Ansel Adams.<br />
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- The Government has better technology than we do - They WISH! We often think of the Government with a capital G. Big Brother. Everything wrapped into one big all seeing eye. In the movies they have space age virtual reality with a cherry on top. The truth is while we see it that way, the actual government departments often do not communicate with each other and do not make available tricks and tips they they have that might be handy to other departments. The NSA may have some great hacking tips, but they aren't going to give them to the CIA. Also, often the technology available to the regular citizenry is every bit what the government has and might be a bit more? How? Because it takes Government institutions a LONG time to institute new ANYTHING! Doesn't mean they aren't still full of tech and constantly wanting more, but they aren't as all put together as they would have you believe.<br />
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- Computers alternatively boot instantly or take hours - Looking for a plot complication? Computer Reboot! This age old answer to every question is terrific for adding enough time to make something more intense. 'We can't get out until the computer has rebooted and authenticated our exit point!' When it's a part of the plot, the computer booting takes an excruciating amount of time. When it would be in the way of the plot moving, the computer usually reboots within seconds of initiation. I think this is the technological equivalent of 'A watched pot never boils'.<br />
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Gimme a couple of weeks, we'll find something else to talk about.Macotarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08432090367153271349noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3414773738740289262.post-46750191977553167522016-03-02T06:40:00.000-08:002016-03-02T06:40:37.437-08:0010 ways to ask a questionOnce again a work related blog entry. If you work at any kind of office you will provide some kind of help to superiors. That is what you are paid to do. Once you are good at your post, you will probably be asked questions about what you do or how you do it or what the decision making process is behind what you do. Depending on how dumb people are, they will ask the SAME QUESTIONS OVER AND OVER. This is some of the ways they try to make the same questions sound different.<br />
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- Got a question for ya - Often the first time someone asks a question on a particular subject but certainly not the first time this person has asked a question of you. This question betrays a willingness for that person to take authority even though they don't have any. They have a question for YOU because what they are doing is important and you will provide valuable input that will support that projects ultimate success. A more important cog in this machine you could not be.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbeEJ_cepXl6yVJhT5pfMcLJxQld_4t45g8DgpQaJpnN3O6iLF8uV8GQM2jYFVBBsuULu3OanG2EcSIQQHXSOyEhyx0IRYQwfkuznaPS1IJEOby4D7ApS0p0RJwB2ZfvtspxwLlRRipXGq/s1600/Delmar-ODonnell.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbeEJ_cepXl6yVJhT5pfMcLJxQld_4t45g8DgpQaJpnN3O6iLF8uV8GQM2jYFVBBsuULu3OanG2EcSIQQHXSOyEhyx0IRYQwfkuznaPS1IJEOby4D7ApS0p0RJwB2ZfvtspxwLlRRipXGq/s1600/Delmar-ODonnell.jpg" /></a><br />
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- So if a fella wanted to...I'm not asking for me, I'm asking for a friend! Wow, you really don't have much faith in the importance of this question do you? So much so that you won't even own the question. Instead you will play errand boy for someone that will lend some credence to your quest for knowledge.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3vIvD1mUxBr-e3b6iBQ-FAvRnDjNPMdWDf5HitOp24i0XaLHvNpD2VpkWY6GPfaCiXVkbn1lYRjYWRKDp-oZ_j8idGl__FaY_orLvaq-HVdDTaaYzsofpxIlHXS1eOqucXNXESR5Azj31/s1600/Benedict-Cumberbat_2252929b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3vIvD1mUxBr-e3b6iBQ-FAvRnDjNPMdWDf5HitOp24i0XaLHvNpD2VpkWY6GPfaCiXVkbn1lYRjYWRKDp-oZ_j8idGl__FaY_orLvaq-HVdDTaaYzsofpxIlHXS1eOqucXNXESR5Azj31/s320/Benedict-Cumberbat_2252929b.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
- Question - One word short and sweet. If the actual question is also short and concise then this is the second best way to ask a question. If they are trying to act like some kind of office Sherlock Holmes then it sounds a bit weird. I use this one fairly often.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCiKzje0x7xQMcWa8f6SBDcdEmo8Xq9Q5k8dXUChMFfwG2TXI7aWvgc0PsGzKW-rSDbu_FWCzVA_C3Hr8SvLWe3RqqYHRJfjAzWVCWdS2PkpFfMexG-kQMwCnymagTJrQAsBMm1wZA7pUg/s1600/unsure-how-to-start-conversation-send-link-to-socially-awkward-p.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCiKzje0x7xQMcWa8f6SBDcdEmo8Xq9Q5k8dXUChMFfwG2TXI7aWvgc0PsGzKW-rSDbu_FWCzVA_C3Hr8SvLWe3RqqYHRJfjAzWVCWdS2PkpFfMexG-kQMwCnymagTJrQAsBMm1wZA7pUg/s320/unsure-how-to-start-conversation-send-link-to-socially-awkward-p.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
- soo... - The person obviously doesn't know how to start a conversation that will involve a question.<br />
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- I was wondering - Questions at work should never be for trivial knowledge accumulation. I was wondering indicates vague interest. I was wondering if you wanted to keep your job today? I was wondering if you could answer the question that I ask you 2 or 3 times a month without becoming visibly annoyed. 'I was just gazing out on the landscape of my barely conscious mind and came upon a web of mystery that captured my fly like mind...Does our insurance cover Alien Abduction?'<br />
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- Query - Wow, the only person I would expect to use this interrogative prefix was Data on Star Trek the Next Generation and only for one season. He dropped it when Worf threatened to degauss him between episodes. If you are using it, please stop. I'm a guy who likes pretense as much as the next, but this simply goes too far.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhe2j-yTac4xQYBJdZpiArJppez8KwnwYpZ-bu8IpJy9fb_bMxz2q3mNFiu2TDO5b5aTf_uN-CoRppIQlJiZwW2xNMrvQZfNxFLR0Zel3dAfK5HGBGwio3gis0aymbXLY4HCkIQ6CMNGBY/s1600/fcd82bf95521643afa4c627b5ee1997f.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="224" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhe2j-yTac4xQYBJdZpiArJppez8KwnwYpZ-bu8IpJy9fb_bMxz2q3mNFiu2TDO5b5aTf_uN-CoRppIQlJiZwW2xNMrvQZfNxFLR0Zel3dAfK5HGBGwio3gis0aymbXLY4HCkIQ6CMNGBY/s320/fcd82bf95521643afa4c627b5ee1997f.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
- quick question - Because I know you don't want to be disturbed so maybe if I ask you this question this way, you will be less likely to think of it as me disturbing you and more likely to think of it as helping a fellow traveler down this road we call employment.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpIm4snZcBB-ifDN-129MQXhbu6U9rX8976VnPfEuQB9O_PHhxUNIcQDdE4szO7Vi-X6TC_Td0tVItHtvPR0ce9LW-1lzN5a2eKcJzHNc75QdwiqdSP03QKeXHo6VQ9dmr5vMYIfpoDoaJ/s1600/ask-a-question.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpIm4snZcBB-ifDN-129MQXhbu6U9rX8976VnPfEuQB9O_PHhxUNIcQDdE4szO7Vi-X6TC_Td0tVItHtvPR0ce9LW-1lzN5a2eKcJzHNc75QdwiqdSP03QKeXHo6VQ9dmr5vMYIfpoDoaJ/s320/ask-a-question.jpg" width="207" /></a>- Direct approach - Just ask the question. You want to know the answer to something, there is no reason to give it a preamble or warm up, just ask the question. If the question was stupid, that's fine, own it. If it was a good question then bully, you are getting to the answer as directly as possible.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmcVGyyP8dq8vTrxgTKFLjjnld10iUh_z1Fp3JoENYZFHjzMDGJ4-q6bJvfLM8wk7F6y9fh84PphM4HQIzHL6ET11CgaF8Tlf9ZTZO8kTt4Vtxl0wQr51bGjL1vZs4nNg4t3Xc3M02YFs9/s1600/3482_headmassager_1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmcVGyyP8dq8vTrxgTKFLjjnld10iUh_z1Fp3JoENYZFHjzMDGJ4-q6bJvfLM8wk7F6y9fh84PphM4HQIzHL6ET11CgaF8Tlf9ZTZO8kTt4Vtxl0wQr51bGjL1vZs4nNg4t3Xc3M02YFs9/s1600/3482_headmassager_1.jpg" /></a>- Were you in charge of...? - Is there a question in there somewhere? Am I in charge of? Rarely does the person in charge of something (manager) know about the inner workings of that thing. usually they know the person that knows. If you are trying to keep the question secret to hide your ignorance, don't. Let the person answering your question lead you to the person that is in charge of the subject matter assuming they can't answer your question in the first place.<br />
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- got a head scratcher - Oh golly, this guy has gotten himself in such a pickle! This is a regular brain teaser! A noggin noodler! The idea behind this is that as a team we will figure out a puzzle! Perhaps unlock a lost treasure map, maybe find the lost city of Atlantis! All we must do is together answer this riddle. I will pose the riddle and you will answer it and by this means we shall be a team!<br />
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No, I'm not usually this picky, but on days when I'm not thrilled with people I get that way. Hopefully it's better next time.Macotarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08432090367153271349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3414773738740289262.post-36116605923143769802016-02-16T08:00:00.000-08:002016-02-16T08:00:08.277-08:0010 things 'LIKE' means in facebookWhen I was younger, the word like had 3 meanings. 1. I like something. 2. I'm not in love with you. 3. This indicates a simile. i.e. 'She had a face like a serving dish'. Thanks to facebook, like has myriad meanings, each based on the intent when you decide to go on the record to LIKE. Enough in fact to populate one of my lists.<br />
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- Like - Sure, it's GOT to mean like in that you prefer it. Short and sweet. You see a post that resonates with you *click* and now you like it.<br />
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- I Support you - I like your effort in what you are about to do. This is the smallest amount of support that you can give to someone that is running their first marathon, or doing some great thing that they are posting. You probably don't really like it, because you aren't doing it yourself, but you are glad someone is.<br />
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- I may not agree but this is funny - Funny always gets a like because it's funny. Once again, it might be a bit edgy and something you would never say or do yourself, but you find it funny so you like it to show your sense of humor.<br />
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- Dislike - This like is followed by an explanation that facebook doesn't have a dislike button so you have to now explain your like but disliking it. For example a news report of a gas leak at a local animal shelter killed most of the inhabitants. You like it but you don't.<br />
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- Congratulations - Double duty for those professing their love and announcing their nuptials online. The like says congrats! Also works for Graduations, diet successes, major awards, just about anything.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEil4zX5EVWFIyXiPHwl8VjxNSiMDyu_6Ouyt_GQKO06vlzskfZTUBLdje2rDGG-UeZqvN0uLS9-I17_Uw3O9Czw9Y_msfAnrlE9fovT3EqoeOfjARyDIntH-Gy_NIetcqPHYRfFd2yDnsRH/s1600/1cbcd4a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEil4zX5EVWFIyXiPHwl8VjxNSiMDyu_6Ouyt_GQKO06vlzskfZTUBLdje2rDGG-UeZqvN0uLS9-I17_Uw3O9Czw9Y_msfAnrlE9fovT3EqoeOfjARyDIntH-Gy_NIetcqPHYRfFd2yDnsRH/s320/1cbcd4a.jpg" width="320" /></a>- Thanks - Someone comments on your comment and compliments your post, you like their compliment. That says thanks for liking what I posted. <br />
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- Just another bit of data for Facebook - What we don't think about is what our like means to facebook. To them each like gives them just a little bit more information about who you are and what you would likely respond to in the way of advertising. Every like adds up to you!<br />
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- Reciprocal Like - This one should be called Like-back because that's what you are doing. This is liking what people have responded to your post. Some people have a policy of liking everything that is replied unless they REALLY don't like it. I go back and forth on that, I can't decide. Sometimes I feel like discriminating to show the other people that I DIDN'T like their reply to me by liking everything around them. It's more of a contrast thing.<br />
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- I feel sorry for you - Similar to the Dislike, the I feel sorry for you like usually surrounds bad vaguebook posting that indicates that the user has something bad or disappointing happening to them but they don't want to elaborate. Their real intention of course is that the one person that does understand their vaguebook post will read it and feel bad. Maybe bad enough to like it.<br />
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- I like everything - Some people don't want people to think they are jerks, so they like everything they are involved in. Doesn't really matter what it is, it's getting a like.<br />
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So if you are a bit confused by the facebook. I hope this helps. If not. This blog is like weather in Utah, if you don't like it, wait for about 15 days, and it will probably change.Macotarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08432090367153271349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3414773738740289262.post-16252451167979954262016-02-02T06:17:00.001-08:002016-02-02T06:17:58.708-08:0010 suggestions for Food trucksI currently work in a place that is frequented by food trucks. If you don't know what a food truck is, that's too bad, they are kind of fun. They are portable food kitchens. They drive up and open a window and suddenly you have some different fast food. In dealing with food trucks there are doing do's and don'ts. Some things are obvious. These are just things I've observed with the recent food trucks I've encountered.<br />
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- Simple pricing - Don't confuse people with the price of your food. That end everything with 99 that you learned in school only works on stuff that you buy all the time. In the case of infrequent and convenience pricing it's all about making the transaction easy. Accept all kinds of payment and do what you can to make the price even. If your food is around 8 dollars. make it 8 dollars including tax. If you can figure out how to make all of the items in your menu the same price, it makes peoples choice about what you are offering, not what is most cost effective. Remember, whatever your pricing is, make sure it includes enough food that your customers end up FULL. If your food is too fancy to have one serving fill you up, you need to add something that makes the meal.<br />
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- If you pretend there is competition there never will be - Even if you have no competition, you ALWAYS have competition. This is the same for any business but when it comes to food trucks, there are some that seem to get all the action and others that don't. Well if you are the only food truck that happened to show up at a place, that's the time to make your customer service SHINE. People notice customer service particularly when there is no reason to treat your customer well because you have a micro monopoly on your service.<br />
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- Keep your ingredients in stock - If you offer menu items regularly on your truck, you need to keep that food available. If you are famous for your doughnut bacon burger then make sure you have the donuts, the bacon, and the burger. You don't want to be known as the truck that's pretty good if they have all their stuff. That's not a reason to go out to your truck and buy food; That's a reason to look at the truck and say 'I wonder if they have what I want to try'. You don't want your truck creating that response.<br />
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- Be aware of your surroundings - If you are a pizza truck, don't set up next to a pizza storefront unless your pizza is both better and cheaper. Burger trucks had better be ready for the BEST burger ever made by anyone. large and worthwhile. why? Because you are competing with all the burger joints from here to Poughkeepsie. I don't really understand a pizza OR burger truck. We already HAVE THESE! If you are building a truck make sure it's something exotic or unique to begin with. There is no reason to compete with brick and mortar restaurants because you can be anything. P.S. Sliders are just tiny hamburgers.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEGu-omQc8zuoD-0X2zwppQVVt-8oN3r2iDrRuo1ArSwxG6HbnxdRicoBiA6PbRdcybhYlon2f3fHvjDDdLzIirelmIXvLfAo_-L_bd_eeIjqESvF8fxaCMebdFegkLgDr0IXu000X1e57/s1600/embrace-technology-660x477.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="231" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEGu-omQc8zuoD-0X2zwppQVVt-8oN3r2iDrRuo1ArSwxG6HbnxdRicoBiA6PbRdcybhYlon2f3fHvjDDdLzIirelmIXvLfAo_-L_bd_eeIjqESvF8fxaCMebdFegkLgDr0IXu000X1e57/s320/embrace-technology-660x477.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
- Don't be afraid to use technology - Pulling up to a building, get a website and drape it on your truck before you are open for business and take advance orders. Keep your menu up to date on your website. There is no reason you can't bring a couple of helpers to run food to the lobby or up to the floor of a building for an extra dollar. Yes it's hard to get used to at first if you aren't adept at computers etc, but if you roll up and unfurl your banner with your website and it's got all of the information that people want you can actually see who is interested and who doesn't quite make it. see what your retention is and it will help you serve your customers.<br />
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- Simple choices - Anyone said that variety was the spice of life was absolutely correct. the SPICE. In fact I've often said, variety is the spice of life, but consistency is the meat. We like what we like and we don't stray too far from that no matter what we say. I've noticed a trend lately to 'embrace change' I'm telling you to embrace consistency. It's what will save you in the food truck industry. If you have 2 things that tend to be your best sellers, don't mess with them, people love them. You have 2 others that do ok sometimes but you have your personal favorites. It's your grandmas favorite recipe for pickled possum tongue and you always loved it. It's time to move on to some other things. Always have an option that is your laboratory for your new best flavor.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgklVW-TiGVGEl9zi6QiEEzzsdegVhYb38txWy_UIGc5v_NJX-hu7jevU5nl03nTEo1i0zfFr67HgvIB78KpljmoYq8COnJbndFgXHjW13B50XFCdoJ2jGlY5JgKchRLZ3-UAt9tCQDBr3M/s1600/ice-cream-cones.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="156" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgklVW-TiGVGEl9zi6QiEEzzsdegVhYb38txWy_UIGc5v_NJX-hu7jevU5nl03nTEo1i0zfFr67HgvIB78KpljmoYq8COnJbndFgXHjW13B50XFCdoJ2jGlY5JgKchRLZ3-UAt9tCQDBr3M/s320/ice-cream-cones.png" width="320" /></a></div>
- Some change is good, most isn't - If you have a food item like donuts that lend themselves well to different flavors, change those flavors often. I know I just said not to change too much, but if we take the humble doughnut, the reason people buy doughnuts is because they enjoy fried sweet bread. That's what they are coming for. There is no reason to keep the same flavors all the time because they will encourage people to try new stuff. This is best tried with dessert items and if you are a dessert specialty truck. The formula is similar, Keep your 2 best flavors and rotate others.<br />
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- Don't name your truck while drunk - Food trucks seem to have all gone to the Barbershop Quartet school of naming. Clever puns and strange visuals don't sell like your food sells. If you name your truck try to name it simple and easy to remember that's good enough.<br />
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- Remember the country you are selling in - build your truck right. I've seen food trucks that have to go against traffic to bring their truck window to the side walk. I can't believe I would even have to say this. Unless of course you are buying a food truck bound for England when the buyer skipped on his purchase and they are giving it away for a great price. Then bully for you.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-7LGv4f-ogbPoSJcZcg8ddDzoaOON42WTNePp-Ww5jUSYH4a6pE3Z99HUsQpk7oESOKT5SXXXdsRqaXMdZsSevNISA8rhRV3__sk5TO8ltcalILs2U6SSZ_F0RM7SHiND11ojniFeBG5K/s1600/FN-ShowLogo-Best-Thing-I-Ever-Ate-1920x1080.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-7LGv4f-ogbPoSJcZcg8ddDzoaOON42WTNePp-Ww5jUSYH4a6pE3Z99HUsQpk7oESOKT5SXXXdsRqaXMdZsSevNISA8rhRV3__sk5TO8ltcalILs2U6SSZ_F0RM7SHiND11ojniFeBG5K/s320/FN-ShowLogo-Best-Thing-I-Ever-Ate-1920x1080.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
- Products come before marketing - I knew 2 different food trucks. One was called the Party Wagon and was colorfully painted and had a great screen painting job along with a punched out Mexican hat and maracas. The food was something i could make in the microwave with some Lynn Wilson tortillas and some left over meat and cilantro. The other was called the red food truck. it was red. It had one of the best beef sandwiches I've tasted. It's a truck that I look out for and will go to every time it shows up. I'm not sure how much it costs to make a Party Wagon, but I'm pretty sure it's more than what it costs to make a red trailer.<br />
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Just some of my observations with wild food trucks I have known. Thanks for reading!Macotarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08432090367153271349noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3414773738740289262.post-53896365153402931572016-01-01T23:43:00.000-08:002016-01-02T18:35:21.378-08:0010 New Years Resolutions for other peopleHere we are again. Another new year. Honestly I don't feel any older. The only thing that allows me to mark the passage of time is the movie sequels and prequels that keep coming out reminding me that I've seen something like them in the past. It's at this time that we usually make unrealistic goals about how we would like to change ourselves. It's a load of crap. Nobody will change unless they really desire change and at that point they will do it without a lot of ceremony. You certainly don't need the passage of a planet around a star to start this, you can do it any time. This year I've decided that it's probably easier and at least as effective to make resolutions for other people. So for all of you out there (you probably don't know who you are)...<br />
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- stop clogging up the lanes in the store - This year I would like to see only shoppers and their carts. No kids, no spouses, just you, your cart, and the list of things to buy. Now you might think I'm anti-kid. I'm not. I just think that humans in their larval state don't provide a lot of benefit to the shopping experience. I of course exempt really small children (age 2 and younger), but yard monkeys that are old enough to go and grab things off the shelves and show them to mom only to be rebuffed, no. Again, they really would be better left at home. Too young you say? That's a matter of time. I daresay back in the 70's you could leave a 7 year old at home to tend the kids for 45 minutes and TV wasn't nearly as engaging then as it is now. I think we have become all too protective of our children while at the same time we are completely solicitous and over indulgent of them. The benefit of leaving your little garden gnomes at home is that you may be worried about what kind of damage they may be doing. This is a good thing. You will complete your shopping all the quicker and be done. You will buy more of what you need and less of what you don't and you won't be distracted by trying to figure out what sample table you need to hit next. If that is all just too much to bear, then wait until your significant other comes home. They can watch the gremlins while you take a break and go shopping.<br />
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- Stop making movies I don't want to watch - Hollywood has become pretty derivative. Everything seems to be a sequel or a reboot. I've found that I won't go to the theater for a lot of movies that don't need the large format of the screen to be shown. It's time to stop making movies that don't need big screens. Let public television and Netflix own those. It's ok. We won't miss them that much. Also if you could quit making movies that look good in the trailer but end up sucking in practice, I would appreciate that. What? My tastes aren't really everyone else's tastes? I don't care, These are my goals for everyone else.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0M6o1sMNmnnBCovmyxaH6TBuEKT4Ylqjj7b1ytwbbrdyLXC4VHD3cmN6KHpEdxzp_Q3_E9OeJ8IBaK7BWGaItWEWcRG57GpZAYLjDs2hI35QeNqSQUIMN4gQMrR2ACZ4bqF0qUGFdKYLC/s1600/Donald_Trump_Offensive_Quotes_4067_5187.jpg.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="234" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0M6o1sMNmnnBCovmyxaH6TBuEKT4Ylqjj7b1ytwbbrdyLXC4VHD3cmN6KHpEdxzp_Q3_E9OeJ8IBaK7BWGaItWEWcRG57GpZAYLjDs2hI35QeNqSQUIMN4gQMrR2ACZ4bqF0qUGFdKYLC/s320/Donald_Trump_Offensive_Quotes_4067_5187.jpg.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
- Stop saying stupid things - I realize that politicians will benefit from this goal more than most, but really nobody is exempt. When it comes to phone calls, if I get one more heavily accented Microsoft help desk employee telling me they have detected a virus on my computer I will do what I always do, take as much of their time on the phone as possible while acting as dumb as possible. I love hearing scammers frustrations. When it comes to people in general, if they would honestly think about what they are saying before saying, texting, tweeting, posting etc. I think I would be able to sleep better knowing that I won't have near as many reply posts to things I think are stupid only to erase them moment's later because I don't want to rise to the stupid bait.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPXeaJPA-74RMD7ZcjLvzBt9zG2odkrV8YForEQLO3QJ9JnUjfG-o40Brq8BSrw97iduqzdxS7Yh9Xe066_ge87Lo4bFpGVw6JGFLY-vR1rtl458fKh1sw46gU_xFEm3zQQKdi5Qk6iyMu/s1600/slow-driver.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPXeaJPA-74RMD7ZcjLvzBt9zG2odkrV8YForEQLO3QJ9JnUjfG-o40Brq8BSrw97iduqzdxS7Yh9Xe066_ge87Lo4bFpGVw6JGFLY-vR1rtl458fKh1sw46gU_xFEm3zQQKdi5Qk6iyMu/s1600/slow-driver.jpg" /></a>- Get out of my way - I'm not really a big pushy person. I don't like to bluster my way through life. I rather get out of the way of people and remain largely unnoticed. If you are walking in a public thoroughfare and have decided that you are in some kind of musical where you can saunter your way down the sidewalk not really aware of who you are blocking while you are ambling along, just keep to the right, that's all. When it comes to driving, I change a bit. I change in that I assume only the fastest people remain in the left lane and the slowest go in the right. In practice, the fastest people are in the right and the slowest are in the middle lane with the medium speed people trundling along in the left hand lane where they don't belong. Please, just get organized and get out of my way. I'm not in a big hurry, but it doesn't mean I want to plod along watching you check your phone texts. It scares me.<br />
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- Think more like me - If you wouldn't mind, I would like you to think more like I do. It doesn't mean agree with EVERYTHING I agree with, just most things. You can have your own favorite color if you like or flavor of Ice cream. Of course both of those will be wrong, but I really can't do anything about that. If you could at least anticipate what I would want and allow me to go in that direction that would be great. <br />
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- Quit making coupons - Grocery product makers, please, just stop making coupons. It's an exercise in futility. You aren't selling any more because of it and it's costing you time and money in these dumb promotions that involve printing out or showing on your phone some buy 5 get 1 free coupon. On top of that I have to stand in line behind these Coupon Cronies and watch them sift through their bits of expired paper arguing about their validity. Just stop with the coupons. Make your product cheaper and we will all be happy.<br />
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- Stop being concerned with my health - Don't tell me what ELSE I am eating that's bad for me, or for that matter what will probably kill me. I currently don't know HOW I will die, I ONLY know that I will. It will be the biggest surprise of my life and I hope to keep it that way. People that pretend to know the percentages of what will kill/save my life don't know crap because there are no average people. There are only individuals that make up an average.<br />
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- Get into shape - Not me. You. If everyone else gets in better shape, that will make my life full of people that are easier to look at. Why not me? Because it doesn't matter. I rarely look at myself and I suspect nobody else is bothering to either. I, on the other hand, look at everyone; Usually while waiting in line at the Grocery store watching someone count out their coupons. If they were in shape at least, it would make me resent them for something other than being cheap.<br />
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- More infomercials please - One of the few joys in life are good infomercials. Still in the 1 minute format, I LOVE seeing infomercial fails. Often called 'Thanks Obama's ' Commercial fail moments are the problems you have without using this new unlikely product. I love these commercials when stacked up against financial advice, drug warning, and car/truck come on's, those are boring. Infomercials are about a fantastic reality that could be. All for only 3 easy payments of 24.95 plus shipping and handling and if you act now, we'll include one more for only extra shipping and handling.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1pU4OO8VBSPOqHkA-8GStu0ajQXMGxawYOuufl4IW31X__FQCBvfwNkTHd-_cz5Wyis2WgiTdfvg372eL4fiTxx5hkffdgBHsRBvkVx3IB9e0SfaigZwpsUFjG1rEcGAnDIY4h3w2LhQZ/s1600/angrydrivercat.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1pU4OO8VBSPOqHkA-8GStu0ajQXMGxawYOuufl4IW31X__FQCBvfwNkTHd-_cz5Wyis2WgiTdfvg372eL4fiTxx5hkffdgBHsRBvkVx3IB9e0SfaigZwpsUFjG1rEcGAnDIY4h3w2LhQZ/s320/angrydrivercat.jpg" width="320" /></a>- Quit driving like an idiot - I mentioned earlier to get out of my way. That's fine and well for me, but really you need to stop driving dumb. This includes merging in at the last minute, following someone in their blind spot, starting on a turn and then suddenly stopping, thinking your bike is a car, using your cellphone, testing your 4 wheel drive against the laws of winter physics.<br />
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Well I'm sure your new years goals will probably fall into these categories so I thank you in advance. I'm sure you will go a long way to helping my new year be a great one. Thanks for reading.Macotarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08432090367153271349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3414773738740289262.post-30788992796000064172015-12-17T19:59:00.000-08:002015-12-17T19:59:14.572-08:00Christmas LIES (warning Santa spoilers)Good old Santa. That pudgy purveyor of unrealistic expectations and capitalism. A near perfect metaphor for strong central government. Big red makes promises to the children that we as adults have to come through with. Then that bum gets the credit (works hard one day a year...sheesh). Pretty big scam. We are constantly telling our kids about the value of truth etc, but we start them off with this big whopper. Like so many lies, there are several facets to them. Like...<br />
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- Jesus' Birthday - The only reason I bring this up at all is the really funny nativity scene where Santa is kneeling and praying at the manger of new baby Jesus. Yikes. Well, by any and all counts, we find that Jesus was likely born around the spring time, pretty close to Easter. Seems like we already have a holiday there and the Pagans were feeling left out with the winter solstice so we have a new birthday there to celebrate. (don't even get me STARTED about the Easter bunny).<br />
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- News reports - Lets start with the news. We all know that journalism has been on a death spiral since the internet, but this problem has been around since there was televised news it seems. Reports of Santa's whereabouts coming in every 1/2 hour or so are fake, every bit of it. Everyone knows that the real Santa isn't going to be seen doing his job. In fact the REAL Santa has some kind of crazy stealth technology or something since there has never been a sighting of any non criminal bearded men standing on any roofs that weren't later apprehended by authorities.<br />
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- Santa's Helpers - What a crock. Santa's imposters is more like it. There you are at the shopping center looking for Christmas goodies and there he is 'Santa'. Some are drunker than others, but they are all fakes. When I was a young believer, I was told that those are Santa's helpers because he didn't have time to be everywhere taking down Christmas wishes, he had to keep an eye on those good for nothing elves so everyone will get their presents.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_SUCVV4SUh-OxsgYe1CKlsLJoxBql1VlyjMPWWBUbCPoGNEE_0i-sey46bQnWQ9em9IYSfXJRyxfDPGVKDSrQS5YXmHlWVs3Xz1GX64jJ9X4xtQXy4YPpvZpJnIF4a_tU1DAXRPBEQhTp/s1600/Elves.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="184" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_SUCVV4SUh-OxsgYe1CKlsLJoxBql1VlyjMPWWBUbCPoGNEE_0i-sey46bQnWQ9em9IYSfXJRyxfDPGVKDSrQS5YXmHlWVs3Xz1GX64jJ9X4xtQXy4YPpvZpJnIF4a_tU1DAXRPBEQhTp/s320/Elves.jpg" width="320" /></a>- Elves - We've all seen elves. They are blonde, nearly immortal and impervious to temperature changes if Peter Jackson and J.R.R. Tolkien have anything to say about it. Well it seems these are not the elves we are looking for. The elves we are talking about here are the tiny elves probably with green hats that make them look like miniature Robin Hoods sans bow. Because it's WAY out of the realm of possibility to think that Santa, who can zip around the world in 24 hours, can make all of his own toys. Nope, he has a factory full of indentured servants that are not only expert wood workers, but are masters of knocking off nearly anything that can currently be manufactured in China except for EVEN cheaper. After all, Santa's givin the stuff away! Nope, no elves, no factory. They've been all over the north pole. no evidence of these little green trouble makers. Speaking of trouble makers...<br />
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- Elf on the shelf - Whoever came up with this bit of keen suffering should be shot. What kind of world do we live in where we tell children that clearly inanimate objects suddenly will come to life? I'll tell you what kind of world. One where there is NO expectation of privacy! All this stinking elf is, is a surrogate for the NSA. Always watching me. Always reporting on me. BAH!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjt5KbW-JGD0wVLgJsopVF8mhysKY_oSoET7rjmgwQo-PIJYXR5azFw3AYCZQR9TndHKsPa4eLwwr6ZlWdGX4oochXvwuHeJRcPdcOs7X5QvwBsW15F_kNfRA3avV4hfLIJ-WKdVgpVUy2U/s1600/Santa-Tracker-app.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjt5KbW-JGD0wVLgJsopVF8mhysKY_oSoET7rjmgwQo-PIJYXR5azFw3AYCZQR9TndHKsPa4eLwwr6ZlWdGX4oochXvwuHeJRcPdcOs7X5QvwBsW15F_kNfRA3avV4hfLIJ-WKdVgpVUy2U/s1600/Santa-Tracker-app.jpg" /></a>- Santa tracker app - Oh great, so the news isn't enough. We have all kinds of media telling us all kinds of things. Google Santa Tracker and Santa tracker apps for our phones?!? Geeze. Why do we need this technological reinforcement?!? The rest of it should be plenty. On the other hand if you don't have him in your technology, kids might get wise and we wouldn't want that. It's probably tracking your movements anyway. Just an electronic Elf in your pants.<br />
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- Other Santas helpers - You know these more than willing helpers. Your local independent retailer. They are the most vested in continuing this farce. After all, If we didn't have a holiday and a Jolly old man relying on your continued overspending to keep it going how would these partners in advertising crime get into the black every year??? We all know that no parents would ever get their kids anything ever if it weren't for Santa. Parent's don't even like their kids much. Oh wait, that's probably a big fat lie too.<br />
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- Livestock - Reindeer are really the most used, but they become integral. It's just not good enough that Santa gets 'round the world in 24 hours. We have to have an explanation. You know, something plausible like flying Reindeer. Then THOSE weren't good enough. We had to get one with a glowing nose that helped the other flying reindeer see through the bad winter storm (you're telling me it isn't snowing somewhere on the earth every year round December 25?). For a while stores would get a reindeer to stand there with Santa so that you could get your picture taken with Dasher. That ends up being more trouble than it's worth so they will just take Santa showing up in his 1975 VW Dasher.<br />
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- Santa's List - So it's not enough that we have this intruder wandering around our house while we are knocked out, eating our cookies, and scaring our pets. He's got a list. A BIG list. You see, Santa doesn't like all the kids. Only the good ones. So Santa's list seems like an innocent enough lie but think about it. Santa is deciding if you are good or bad enough to get his magic presents. How is he doing it? Well he's using his willing stool pigeons the parents or that stinking snitch elf. So now not only do you have to buy presents and give the credit to the corpulent crimson curmudgeon, but if the kids don't get what they want, Santa heard they were bad and if they put 2 and 2 together, they know Mom and dad turned North Pole's evidence. <br />
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- Santa of course - Well the bottom line is this dude and the tales told about him all over the Western world. Cultures love their mythological icons, but wow, this Santa guy has been all over the place. Father Christmas, Sint Nicklaas, Kris Kringle he goes by many names, but the one we know in America is the one our Coca Cola bottler gave us. Of course Santa would drink Coke in America It makes perfect sense. Ever since, we have counted on that image and that myth to get us through the winter months. Usually around age 7 or so, we figure out that he's cut from whole cloth, but you are entreated to keep that secret from your younger siblings being the first time you are included as a part of the conspiracy. I personally never remember thinking that the presents in the morning were from anyone but mom and dad anyway. But then you enjoy the tradition so much that you take it as your own with your own kids. Or at least some part of it.<br /><br />Do I think you should all stop telling these Holiday lies? No, they make the season fun and honestly, isn't winter hard enough to get through? Just another subject that tickled my brain is all. Happy Holidays Merry Christmas Brilliant Hanukkah Festive Kwanza and any other holiday greeting I didn't include. Macotarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08432090367153271349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3414773738740289262.post-62678984147881707792015-12-01T06:00:00.000-08:002015-12-01T08:43:57.530-08:0010 things the internet has completely replaced (or will)Once again a blog post about the internet. you know, it was not long ago when we had a lot of other things that used to do, very poorly. Things that the internet does very well. On the internet they call it disruptive, which of course was co-opted by suits and is now business speak (If your boss is a business hipster he or she will be able to use it in several sentences without breaking a sweat). So here is a list of things the internet replaced.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizDt_TCPgctY7xVOwqNMWSvP0A83AVDZjR7G7xBPU2SJT2BfMlOZRPMHewhdzVUZCfLItowrK9MWcjTxQdm27az87uEU7fFb_HQKiub7P1C-PBPXiWG4ypYYgXhyl-tvUQ3YLwAANwM3JZ/s1600/Andrew+Carnegie.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizDt_TCPgctY7xVOwqNMWSvP0A83AVDZjR7G7xBPU2SJT2BfMlOZRPMHewhdzVUZCfLItowrK9MWcjTxQdm27az87uEU7fFb_HQKiub7P1C-PBPXiWG4ypYYgXhyl-tvUQ3YLwAANwM3JZ/s1600/Andrew+Carnegie.jpg" /></a></div>
- The Library - You remember the Library, It's that idea that since people can't copy books easily we will house a bunch of books and lend them to friends. These days that would be called piracy, but that's a different issue. The biggest reason we have libraries in the US is because people that got obscenely rich in their business life decided that they should probably give back or else God will invent a new level of Hell just for them. Andrew Carnegie being chief of them made a bunch of houses full of books for all people to borrow a book and read it and bring it back. I'm sure he felt much better about his overall pursuit of wealth. Well these days it seems like most of the information you want is just available on the internet gratis. Between piracy and actual online libraries, it seems like the regular library is just a place where you can access the internet.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggHO9oH1P05VNU7y5Zbg7vdQA7wpUl7fpnsDFpKjXdCm1NvzrHyY74JbUe0SnCT9Qv9ctqLfHfBGafVXo7U2e8OTbmAZzY82Ev-Fz1XLIpRsjUYpoDQgHqVZJ7xltqM39ElnxkGOlVPTZ8/s1600/fauxnews_450.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="217" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggHO9oH1P05VNU7y5Zbg7vdQA7wpUl7fpnsDFpKjXdCm1NvzrHyY74JbUe0SnCT9Qv9ctqLfHfBGafVXo7U2e8OTbmAZzY82Ev-Fz1XLIpRsjUYpoDQgHqVZJ7xltqM39ElnxkGOlVPTZ8/s320/fauxnews_450.png" width="320" /></a></div>
- News - I love how the news is now so much more about people saying what they saw instead of Journalism students getting paid for their degrees. People want news and they go online to their favorite one or two websites that tend to agree with their own world view and whatever news is printed there is the news. Fox lies? sure they do. Why not? People aren't looking for objectivity anymore, they are looking for people on their side.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkh8VxRSxvDKmqyA5-XHCx_E1JVGhw8GjY9gsdiQmw8qHeAgoyhJhhCaD3p14fUxlFgDd1myNoeS2adJRc3ARGa81iGdmieygfxkYRfAesk3W4mZoc4NPVFPcHOSkyeg1sd8B7f1YYB40k/s1600/5025273inch.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkh8VxRSxvDKmqyA5-XHCx_E1JVGhw8GjY9gsdiQmw8qHeAgoyhJhhCaD3p14fUxlFgDd1myNoeS2adJRc3ARGa81iGdmieygfxkYRfAesk3W4mZoc4NPVFPcHOSkyeg1sd8B7f1YYB40k/s1600/5025273inch.jpg" /></a>- Private Investigators - Ah those lovable old PI's. Sam Spade, Magnum, Inch High. All of these folks would go and find people track down dead beats and shake down the local toughs on your behalf. Now days you can find out nearly anything you want to on someone just using the internet. Those few people that aren't on the internet somehow? Yeah, they are visible because they AREN'T on the internet. PI's I'm sure are alive and well but I'm guessing they are using the internet, and probably sites that you could use yourself. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjw9c_bLoJov_YJYQkJObMQKnMi8E4PHfVNeHtsGqTKqxdLUoNXE51hj4WlCjJWXOAfcjNNGwxB2MDVTel9FmWEnhdFjpAvZDLRO445XZ47-Ku9uQGAJjvbTGawWocloFpsjGuyIymYroXq/s1600/ep6-george-videophone-w-camera.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="246" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjw9c_bLoJov_YJYQkJObMQKnMi8E4PHfVNeHtsGqTKqxdLUoNXE51hj4WlCjJWXOAfcjNNGwxB2MDVTel9FmWEnhdFjpAvZDLRO445XZ47-Ku9uQGAJjvbTGawWocloFpsjGuyIymYroXq/s320/ep6-george-videophone-w-camera.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div>
- Phone calls - Wait, we use cellphones right? yeah, that's true enough, but many phone calls are placed through the same internet that serves you great applications like skype and chat voice. If you are going international you are probably using skype. Ya know who the first users of skype were? George Jettson and Jane his wife. Yep. Video phones were being used and I remember Jane even had a made up face mask that she would use on the video phone when she was called too early in the morning. Seems like a pretty good idea.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9me04zEB7RcIIUqE5Ae3XWrMZnCoXaP2GROLBGKBjlJ9rTj6YZpREb_ynQixPYZYUzUPGyPL4PChM_BvguC1PlSWx7NrPIHGIs7OadWCd_uulQBZEZ7lFVB0PBvMy0xAjHd6VDlc_ePfU/s1600/mike-myers-finishes-first-draft-of-waynes-world-3-121660-470-75.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9me04zEB7RcIIUqE5Ae3XWrMZnCoXaP2GROLBGKBjlJ9rTj6YZpREb_ynQixPYZYUzUPGyPL4PChM_BvguC1PlSWx7NrPIHGIs7OadWCd_uulQBZEZ7lFVB0PBvMy0xAjHd6VDlc_ePfU/s320/mike-myers-finishes-first-draft-of-waynes-world-3-121660-470-75.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
- Local Access Cable - Back in the 80's when cable TV companies started becoming a thing because some people couldn't get their antenna high enough to get the local TV stations, another idea started coming to the fore. Local Access or public tv. Not public tv like PBS, but public like just some guy that gets free time on a particular channel to put up nearly anything they feel like. Well now thanks to our friendly internet that's called YouTube and anyone can put up nearly anything. It's even easier.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi146bXSkksy4WerG8S-JmFUOgxCVZCX2H6kABDjlMNN7sbGrtFqVDtwsPCsz672-epsQZUD94e3zR9bMY7QjpmRd9u0BnVOggO-ZmZL6n46qWB1cswEE2YNsmv6vhyIoLDCYDmXaILiLfZ/s1600/115699546_3uol5y_xlarge.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="215" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi146bXSkksy4WerG8S-JmFUOgxCVZCX2H6kABDjlMNN7sbGrtFqVDtwsPCsz672-epsQZUD94e3zR9bMY7QjpmRd9u0BnVOggO-ZmZL6n46qWB1cswEE2YNsmv6vhyIoLDCYDmXaILiLfZ/s320/115699546_3uol5y_xlarge.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div>
- Your Doctor - Surely you are kidding Mark, the internet isn't replacing your doctor right? Well no, but how many people go to the internet first when they notice that green rash on their left forearm along with a mysterious 11th finger? All of them. Not only that, but you can order a lot of the same tests that your local super expensive clinic will run on you, for your own use. You might have to buy in bulk but you can administer your own strep test just as easily as the clinic. So maybe I'm stretching it a bit, but still a lot of the low end maladies are taken care of on line.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrkIFcaNEJ3Xj1HKYeM01ixo80d6r_UNCNsJ8zKIxIQafFuNEXK587x-G3tbxtyi325th3pIYpCtc65jGnbXkxkS8JEzgbiqlGy35Avw9jlnv15LwzTmx_gGZtsHpEbCYWdXnN7vtnivc2/s1600/malldirectory.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrkIFcaNEJ3Xj1HKYeM01ixo80d6r_UNCNsJ8zKIxIQafFuNEXK587x-G3tbxtyi325th3pIYpCtc65jGnbXkxkS8JEzgbiqlGy35Avw9jlnv15LwzTmx_gGZtsHpEbCYWdXnN7vtnivc2/s1600/malldirectory.jpg" /></a></div>
- Maps - I remember driving across the country from city to city. You'd get the map from the car rental place and then you would drive to the city you were aiming for. It was kind of a skill to have the general direction and be able to find your way to your next destination with only a few stops along the way. Fancy people would buy a regional Rand McNally road map. It would contain all the information you needed to get through the streets to your destination. After a while we got maps on compact disc and we made itineraries based on them. They were amazing. you would actually see where your home address was and it would print out instructions for you. This made a transition to the WEB. Finally it ended up on the cellphone which uses the Internet. I think the only map people use anymore are the big directories at the mall.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6zVuUh7BGbXnZiwwiP-vDL2UwGEFEWkPsnvafhEWSiB2wGFM0cy108bOVC8Eqq_55gWtaDg2df65BtJnoDo_m53XyRk33jS1mKZUE56nOKNoMQ-P5ynEA7LJlXt6ppzx_ZqO1oH9XFEF3/s1600/amazon+drone.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6zVuUh7BGbXnZiwwiP-vDL2UwGEFEWkPsnvafhEWSiB2wGFM0cy108bOVC8Eqq_55gWtaDg2df65BtJnoDo_m53XyRk33jS1mKZUE56nOKNoMQ-P5ynEA7LJlXt6ppzx_ZqO1oH9XFEF3/s320/amazon+drone.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
- The Mall - I remember that everyone would go to the mall to buy nearly everything they needed that wasn't groceries. It was great! My first job was at the mall. I was the weekend janitor. Which basically meant while my friends were hanging out at the mall, I was cleaning up after them. Well now thanks to the internet, you do most of your shopping online. No more going anywhere, the stuff you want comes to you. Sure people still go to the store, but more for convenience than anything else. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhY3BStFRY2tqHzUmTsdaGtjar6qZZnUSvzVIHyqGTHEmvspzJpNC27NWD2lQ7m3B5Nh7y00tdjrs-n0SsEwBJ4Ko3HLLHxajUV8l2Dg7nv3urQF5vy-zojHSW2XrLizg5A2j9C9zfWo92f/s1600/85a6b661c6422a7e3b40d5b2176c2462e5a725110d8d2227e3acdd9be90c1c54.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhY3BStFRY2tqHzUmTsdaGtjar6qZZnUSvzVIHyqGTHEmvspzJpNC27NWD2lQ7m3B5Nh7y00tdjrs-n0SsEwBJ4Ko3HLLHxajUV8l2Dg7nv3urQF5vy-zojHSW2XrLizg5A2j9C9zfWo92f/s320/85a6b661c6422a7e3b40d5b2176c2462e5a725110d8d2227e3acdd9be90c1c54.jpg" width="320" /></a>- Know it all's - There was a time when the guy with a great memory was really something. Seems like that guy knew everything. Well now that guy is the internet. His name is Google. That google guy knows nearly everything. In fact, if you look up "box of my stuff" (not many people do) You'll see my blog quite possibly still at the top of the list and a few other references to boxes. If you don't know what Google is, you are some kind of strange Luddite and I have no idea how you are reading this blog.<br />
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- Mail - You would think that the postal service is no longer necessary. Not so! Every Christmas, the Postal service roars back into existence. No longer just a shill for junk and the IRS. Every year the USPS gets on it's knees and thanks it's maker that Christmas cards are still best sent in meat space and not on that uncaring area called the Internet. E-mail. As far as the post office is concerned; the E stands for Eviscerating. You can go to www.usps.com and email them from there if you want to offer your condolences.<br />
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Bonus<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8i8r_Eb_dDXlE50vYhVHmOHiiPOUC3ve8fruRelAaeKNQJML6vl-ukITzoTHRcLG8tno80BpzZobD2XkHXNc63pKlWLiYjJy1cfOGYx8atGxxtmossVvoFsYS0p6j3vLZbiSvHdesS-ag/s1600/466884_10150799922591274_1724406892_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8i8r_Eb_dDXlE50vYhVHmOHiiPOUC3ve8fruRelAaeKNQJML6vl-ukITzoTHRcLG8tno80BpzZobD2XkHXNc63pKlWLiYjJy1cfOGYx8atGxxtmossVvoFsYS0p6j3vLZbiSvHdesS-ag/s320/466884_10150799922591274_1724406892_o.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
- Casino's - Time was, you wanted to make a wager, you had to do it in a legal establishment where gambling was legal. This was LasVegas or later Atlantic City. Later, casinos sprung up everywhere except Hawaii and Utah, because Native Americans realized that they can probably take money just as easy as states do. Well now the internet is fighting a war to be the new place to gamble. Your own home. If you are a compulsive gambler, how scary is this? On the other hand if you found gambling a diversion and a destination, you will still tend to want to go on a road trip for the spectacle. But if you are looking for some action, it's just a keystroke away.<br />
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There we have it. Another list. Nobody is more surprised than I am.Macotarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08432090367153271349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3414773738740289262.post-75698895756775436962015-11-16T06:00:00.000-08:002015-11-16T06:55:40.640-08:0010 things overheard at the Antiques RoadshowI love the Antiques Roadshow. It's a terrific show where people from all walks of life bring their junk in and see if it's worth anything. It seems that there are 3 levels of value at the Antiques roadshow. A life chainging amount of money (new house or better), A Car changing amount of money, or a debt changing amount of money (doesn't get you more than a paid off credit card). After quite a while of watching this show, I've decided that there are about 10 things you see regularly on the show. here they are.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKdiU8xQyEzGmf_tJmWwf3iQR1CV_X8iAdLAF91s8XZq5Ngyi4mU6tspMGaEYjzp_zUD4NjG5aF6GUu2Iq2Pg_cKK6CnU5OVXR8cQCJPzKd8Cejaw-VvlxxQPVYGJ60zKmMZ5rwTP09g6g/s1600/Funny-Business-Cards-of-Steve-Martin.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="181" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKdiU8xQyEzGmf_tJmWwf3iQR1CV_X8iAdLAF91s8XZq5Ngyi4mU6tspMGaEYjzp_zUD4NjG5aF6GUu2Iq2Pg_cKK6CnU5OVXR8cQCJPzKd8Cejaw-VvlxxQPVYGJ60zKmMZ5rwTP09g6g/s320/Funny-Business-Cards-of-Steve-Martin.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
- Provenance - Before the antiques road show the average person thought Provenance might be the capital of Rhode Island. Now anyone watching public TV knows about Provenance and how it's important that you not only have the signature of the artist etc, but better if you get a handwritten note that is signed dated and reviewed by a notary. Other terms that fit this category are patina and foxing. <br />
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- Well I guess I won't put my used fireplace matches in it anymore - When something that looks like a bit of melted glass that turns out to be something from the Ming Dynasty this will sometimes be said. Now usually this phrase or something like it is the good natured visitor's attempt at humor. Generally the expert will then parrot the phrase and say 'Well he he he no, you shouldn't do that' and a good time was had by all.<br />
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- The build up - This is where the professional has lost sight of what may be leading the visitor on about the value of their item. They start out by saying things like 'well this is a fantastic example of...' and 'We've never seen one of these in this kind of condition. One minute later will see the visitor with a big grin and a bit of drool in the corner of their mouth. The example plays something like this:<br />
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...This is one of the best examples of early matchbook covers that we've ever seen. In fact the co co club of Hoboken New Jersey went up in flames in 1890 and nobody thought any of the matchbooks had survived. You have not only the matchbook but all of the matches in tact and stuck to the strike board with the original glue. This really is an incredible find and a bit of history of New Jersey... <br />
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Then they hear that this book of matches from the coco club in New Jersey is worth 20 dollars. That crestfallen look says it all. It's even better when the expert continues to go on about how great it is that they have seen this great find even as the value is sadly scrolling across the bottom of the screen with that magic sparkle effect that only 5 minutes prior was being used to display the price of a native American pot worth 120k.<br />
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- I'm worth more than this - So the expert is looking at your felt sad clown faces. Yes it's a collector item, but yack. Well as an expert in sad clown paintings you are going to give it your all. Some experts at the ARS don't get a lot of screen time so when that rare clown painting shows up, you can bet they are going to flog that painting for all it's worth! They go on and on about this bit of artistic fluff that will end up being worth 200 dollars if it's the best one, but by gum that expert is going to get their 15 minutes of fame. Stinking Keno brothers shouldn't have ALL the screen time.<br />
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- Do you have any idea of it's value? - You'll hear this all program long. over and over. Do you have any idea of it's value? The answer will nearly always be 'No idea at all' followed by a low-ball that couldn't possibly be it's value. The answers that do not follow this pattern will be 'Well we had it appraised X years ago and I think it was worth Y'. Where Y is another low-ball estimate. Often the visitor thinks that by playing dumb they will get a better price out of the current expert on the spot than from the pawn shop they had taken it to a week earlier.<br />
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- This damage does ____ to the value - This is such a curve ball. You have a painting or a statue that has some discoloration or a broken bit on the corner. sometimes, the damage has brought this from a 400,000 piece of art to a 4,000 piece of junk (relatively). it's a shame really. and other times they say 'Yes the arm is missing from this figure, but It shouldn't affect the value. This is the experts way of playing with the visitor, and the viewer alike. How can damage ever be inconsequential? Well watch ARS and you'll see just how often it doesn't mean a thing and how often it was the difference between early retirement and 'Welcome to Walmart'. <br />
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- Well I got this at a garage sale for 5 dollars - This is the regular saw given by people hoping to show that they have a natural eye for value. Often similar phrases are 'I just fell in love with it' and 'It caught my eye and I couldn't leave without it!' or the popular 'Well I saw it in a dumpster next to a bio-hazard container and I thought it might be worth something' They all mean the same thing. I think my mutant ability is being able to see a fantastic value in the midst of garbage.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2gkcn09jf-Wm1rjZBzTgt1krohFmuQfa3sxl2cqL42gLCbQg6WfklXVA7GdrJdrC7f8MJfn_ndKunKPRrbbDHSaCWMR0GjDkvPO7GkRajR3t-_6Cil3b_0tROZDS3rsxAwbF8ME9dVzio/s1600/0DC0A5F000000578-0-Experts_believe_they_ve_found_the_tomb_of_Leonardo_s_Mona_Lisa_m-a-52_1443119320017.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2gkcn09jf-Wm1rjZBzTgt1krohFmuQfa3sxl2cqL42gLCbQg6WfklXVA7GdrJdrC7f8MJfn_ndKunKPRrbbDHSaCWMR0GjDkvPO7GkRajR3t-_6Cil3b_0tROZDS3rsxAwbF8ME9dVzio/s320/0DC0A5F000000578-0-Experts_believe_they_ve_found_the_tomb_of_Leonardo_s_Mona_Lisa_m-a-52_1443119320017.jpg" width="266" /></a></div>
- I know more about this thing than you do! - Once in a while the zig will zag and the person bringing in the piece not only knows it's value, but has had it appraised over and over. The ONLY reason they have brought their treasure to the Antiques roadshow is to BRAG. The expert goes on a bit and then the visitor rolls into the entire provenance but will stop short of the estimate. They of course want to see what the value will be in case its quite a bit higher and they can go back home and brag some more.<br />
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- It will stay in the family - This is visitor code for 'Well that wasn't worth nearly what I though it was' They want to be gracious about the value, but they don't want to give it away that really they were hoping this meant retirement and not a new roof on the house. Along with this you may here 'well isn't that nice' and 'Oh that's something' But you can see in their eyes that this wasn't NEAR what they hoped it would be. And for some reason, that usually makes me happy. Call it one of my numerous character flaws.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivP3cOLgvEWWAGjXtIE-1pM2eELLzJo6GIUYygMY_Qri8pfvHkEbC-4_1TRvOgt3kVxZDWApVrCkKaiTjys2xkViZ14PBbGVLWOHdu1X9TKSSHkXkIjAS1nokSSeJiWIlucgPngw7epBla/s1600/AR_2012_Walberg-2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivP3cOLgvEWWAGjXtIE-1pM2eELLzJo6GIUYygMY_Qri8pfvHkEbC-4_1TRvOgt3kVxZDWApVrCkKaiTjys2xkViZ14PBbGVLWOHdu1X9TKSSHkXkIjAS1nokSSeJiWIlucgPngw7epBla/s320/AR_2012_Walberg-2.jpg" width="206" /></a>- Louis Comfort Tiffany - Often, you will hear about a Tiffany vase or lamp. But when the expert talks about it, they will only ever use the entire name. Because you wouldn't want to confuse the piece with something by the dubious Louis Slackjaw Tiffany. Other people you don't want to confuse with their more famous counter parts are Rembrandt van Rind and Fred Lloyd Wright and Mark Walberg. <br />
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Support public TV. It's fun.Macotarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08432090367153271349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3414773738740289262.post-11928703990510058902015-11-02T07:00:00.000-08:002015-11-02T07:00:01.174-08:0010 Pretty good ways to dieDeath. I've broached the subject before. It's when we go to the next step in our life's journey. Oddly enough science has a fairly hard time determining if something is alive. Suffice it to say that death is something we spend the better part of our life ignoring except of course during Halloween. We glamorize death in movies and usually use it to make the plot of any story more interesting. Death is commonly a subject if not a prop in most of the stories we tell. Death is the only thing we will all experience in different ways, but we will experience it. Unless of course you don't believe in an afterlife in which case we won't technically experience it because we won't be there when it finishes. I don't claim any actual knowledge of these ways to go, it is just my assumption that these ways to die would have the most going for them as far as choice of ways to die goes. These are the ways that probably aren't bad. Please understand these aren't the ways that would be very good to go from the survivors point of view, that would be a different list. Suffice it to say, this list is fairly dark. If that's not your particular flavor of skittles, please feel free to move on, I'll be back in 15 days or so.<br />
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- Chute doesn't open - The big fall. Everyone told you about how many more people die each year in car accidents and there you are looking at your rip cord like it's left over pasta. You can panic and that will get you past a few feet, but after that you are still falling and there isn't much else you can do. What makes this a good way to go is that it's fairly quick and pretty certain. Also I often wonder that if there is an afterlife what does everyone have in common? How they died. People will swap tales of consumption and shark bites and you will mention that you have fallen out of an airplane to your death willingly and expected to survive. Most of the people you talk to will be amazed.<br />
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- Thrill ride accident - File this under ironic deaths. These rides are only supposed to scare you 1/2 to death. Sure it's rare, but I'm sure it happens. Also the amount of settlement money your surviving relatives will get will be pretty thrilling.<br />
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- End of the world - Well, at least we can all go together. The one nice thing about a catastrophic event like a meteor the size of a city, is it's pretty quick and you don't have to worry about those you leave behind because they will be coming with.<br />
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- Pharmaceutical problem - The world of big pharma is an exciting one. First they were going to cure the world with science! Now they are just going to treat the world with even more science. Why? Well money of course. So when you take that regimen of treatments and it happens to make you grow another arm or something, you end up having a bad ending, but your family once again will benefit greatly. When you get money from a lawsuit like this, it comes to you tax free, so that's nice to. Hey, if you've got to go, it's nice to know your family is taken care of.<br />
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- Carbon Monoxide Poisoning - This isn't so bad as long as you don't mind a tired headache. You get really tired, get a pretty good headache, and then you go out. Lots of people suffer headaches all the time so that really won't be such a bad thing. <br />
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- Plane Crash - Like Chute doesn't open and Thrill ride accident, the reason it's nice to die of Plane crash is it's pretty exciting as well and there are not very many survivors at all. Why is that nice? because this is about the good ways to DIE, not survive. Plane crashes don't give you a lot of chances to survive and they are drastic and fast on impact. All of those equal a lot of terror but not much pain. Sure terror isn't going to be fun, but I'd rather have some terror and no pain v.s. the opposite.<br />
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- Heart Arrhythmia - This is the way my own dad went. A lifetime of eating whatever he wanted and diminishing exercise in old age gave him this good way out. It's like a heart attack, but the heart just stops. It's like a switch turning off. No real warning, just one moment there you are, and the next there you were. This isn't a great way to go for your surviving relatives because it's so mysterious. You wonder how it happened, what caused it. Well when what causes your death is unhealthy behavior over time it's not much of a mystery, it's more of a waiting game. The reason it's a good way to go is it's quick and painless. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5zsZtslm5V2qmVDgNHUEVf3sJbWpoNXFAB4YgVakMNn_BG_-gnfxtU94O_mt-jLkalpEPPjSkJEwRSDlflOPrjEmP0EU8UlC-tjPiFG7uJXT0K_J72wQn4kTLWrxtQbG1FVG8dsgR5pit/s1600/hqdefault.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5zsZtslm5V2qmVDgNHUEVf3sJbWpoNXFAB4YgVakMNn_BG_-gnfxtU94O_mt-jLkalpEPPjSkJEwRSDlflOPrjEmP0EU8UlC-tjPiFG7uJXT0K_J72wQn4kTLWrxtQbG1FVG8dsgR5pit/s320/hqdefault.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
- Hit directly by a high speed train - This one is a suicide favorite in Japan and other countries with high speed trains. There is no time between impact and your demise. You just cause the people on the train to be delayed as they are moved to a train that doesn't need maintenance/cleaning.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiv4fhyphenhyphenn50HLdP7BdcUJjNHab7ogSORHj0NmERxoE_L_L5lz8zorPlyMsrmC-mS1cOWmEH7RSkp8Da0xHRPCieSJwWIwRHxnVtABvIs4U_-lc8DaT4r_ajHlRp0c6M3dtrIF6a_5WdN-9ky/s1600/Trinity_Test_Fireball_25ms.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="242" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiv4fhyphenhyphenn50HLdP7BdcUJjNHab7ogSORHj0NmERxoE_L_L5lz8zorPlyMsrmC-mS1cOWmEH7RSkp8Da0xHRPCieSJwWIwRHxnVtABvIs4U_-lc8DaT4r_ajHlRp0c6M3dtrIF6a_5WdN-9ky/s320/Trinity_Test_Fireball_25ms.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
- Ground 0 of anything that has a ground 0 - Similar to the End of the world the best thing about Ground 0 is that it fast as well as very unique. Nuclear if man made, Probably Volcanic if Mother nature is playing her hand. In either case, pain will probably be there to some extent as I suspect you will be melting, but it will really be quick if any of the military test footage is an indicator. The blast itself will be enough to turn out all of the lights. Everything else is for those people beyond a 10 mile radius. People that live far enough away show up on this lists opposite. Very bad way to survive.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzhqfhUIshVASNskd1RFcMLLKrKuhhcizHz2dCe1yP0laQ7ZB4J8Kp2am-oOtOSBQ99-mTI3gzgF-f7q8jIge2R1x6Gw6IInRivkf8PVd7_TjGFZ5t4eYF0CCM4t5FZoe3Qu8kE7I464JR/s1600/0c58be346e844a23815212ce1ebde266.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzhqfhUIshVASNskd1RFcMLLKrKuhhcizHz2dCe1yP0laQ7ZB4J8Kp2am-oOtOSBQ99-mTI3gzgF-f7q8jIge2R1x6Gw6IInRivkf8PVd7_TjGFZ5t4eYF0CCM4t5FZoe3Qu8kE7I464JR/s1600/0c58be346e844a23815212ce1ebde266.jpg" /></a>- Fast Illness - Best way to go for everyone. You know you are going to die, and now you are given a relative clock for how fast it's going to be. The reason this is nice is that you get to take care of all of your affairs before you go. Move money around, avoid taxes for your loved one, get everything taken care of so you leave with a clean house. What is that fast illness you ask? I'm not sure. It's the kind where the Doctor says 'I won't sugar coat this, you have 3 weeks to live'. There has to be a few of them that science doesn't have a 'treatment' where they keep you on the hook for the drugs for as long as you can draw breath. <br />
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Well, I'd invite you to try to keep on not dying, if for no other reason, I can use all the readers I can get.Macotarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08432090367153271349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3414773738740289262.post-24953259944697738522015-10-15T07:00:00.000-07:002015-10-15T07:00:00.052-07:0010 Personal rules for the InternetBack in the day, there was no internet. Being on a computer meant trading disks and installing programs and the most widely used word processor in the world had a blue background and straight up text. The concept of the internet or a network of interconnected computers was more or less science fiction. We all thought it was possible, but we didn't really know how. Thanks to the US government for giving us the framework for the internet and industry for embracing it, now we have communication on a incomprehensible level. When I say incomprehensible, what I mean is that we more or less don't have the capacity to understand it beyond what it means to us individually. The internet to each of us is our email and our social media sites and youtube. That's about it. Some of us use it for more than that, but not much. The rest of what the internet is doing in the background, that we don't pay attention to, is really big and has to do with all of us. When Edward Snowden released the NSA documents on what they were doing with our information it started with a bang and fell down to a whimper. The problem wasn't that it was very serious what the NSA and other 'alphabet' organizations were doing, the problem was that there was so much information there that the public at large was too impatient to pay attention for a long period of time and the information gets to be so overwhelming everyone just assumes that it's what we have to deal with. Of course it's not true, but the NSA is the benefactor of our own intellectual sloth. Well all of that being said, I've devised a list of 10 rules I try to follow when using the internet and my computer. You might like some of them. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8Id33cMqnnRZoZgzyWcVV6SWYjfXGwo00sevBkJIU3HImtltedxRu3EkcL974pVynec-dR4QuMeY3gvo5aCI-vNQCJ7phWRQVMIS0gQUMVqEf4Dt0sBo3W5zI_XVTHxhGzi6lZr1OcAb5/s1600/Incognito.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8Id33cMqnnRZoZgzyWcVV6SWYjfXGwo00sevBkJIU3HImtltedxRu3EkcL974pVynec-dR4QuMeY3gvo5aCI-vNQCJ7phWRQVMIS0gQUMVqEf4Dt0sBo3W5zI_XVTHxhGzi6lZr1OcAb5/s1600/Incognito.png" /></a></div>
- Incognito for travel/purchases - This isn't a rule as much as it is good advice. Incognito mode is a way for your browser to not keep history or leave cookies for where you are browsing. The benefit to this is that some industries know that you will use your browser to shop for lowest price for whatever it is you are looking for and will attempt to find and use cookies you get from other websites. Example. You are looking for a plane ticket to Otumwa Iowa. You go to a travel site and search for your best deal of a ticket. It looks ok, but not quite what you were looking for. You go to the next site and the prices seem strangely familiar even though you are looking at other airlines. The more sites you look at the less competitive they appear to be. Every price seems to be within 20 dollars or so of the others. That's because they are looking at your cookies to see what you've been looking at and are making sure they stay competitive but aren't giving away the store. If you turn off the cookies via incognito mode, every site will assume their site is your first visit and will have to give you a price they hope will keep you from looking further. This of course is just an example. I couldn't tell you if that's the way that specific industry works, but I know that each website has the capability to look at what you've been doing to adjust their advertising so when you are shopping, be a secret shopper.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjopUNbmSahj8sfyeFpIqMILDz0IBxVhsDmrpXFJQZ4u42Ikv3QrrTBfu1vyabX8tUQAVhzj89KMCdyNI6Ux4Ro2jVl5rBeabnwP5C66nyPvuxwfeN8DPekUNCaAuxObA29FpS5frsVPoYD/s1600/SID700.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="176" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjopUNbmSahj8sfyeFpIqMILDz0IBxVhsDmrpXFJQZ4u42Ikv3QrrTBfu1vyabX8tUQAVhzj89KMCdyNI6Ux4Ro2jVl5rBeabnwP5C66nyPvuxwfeN8DPekUNCaAuxObA29FpS5frsVPoYD/s320/SID700.gif" width="320" /></a></div>
- 2 factor as much as possible - This is the world of passwords and password management. 2 factor is the process of establishing 2 separate verification's that make it virtually impossible for someone to hack your account. The most simple example is when a website asks you for your password and then asks you to enter the code that they will text your phone. That second verification makes it very difficult for anyone to be able to assume your identity for that website. In the world of hacking nothing is impossible, but it doesn't mean you should make it easy for them.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMv9Lh9Xv_cAKBtgdi6PmzE837ZClqCGAzJkgtkgymzym9ogseKts9w9K99tmiXmiVJYBupOe4QuqPRFT15kUWYaEImejKC34PZLnJrGxc-5MS9vqtB4hwEFvvFtBgLqQ_iOwpNEfEPtbQ/s1600/hosting-dens-free-website_development.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="251" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMv9Lh9Xv_cAKBtgdi6PmzE837ZClqCGAzJkgtkgymzym9ogseKts9w9K99tmiXmiVJYBupOe4QuqPRFT15kUWYaEImejKC34PZLnJrGxc-5MS9vqtB4hwEFvvFtBgLqQ_iOwpNEfEPtbQ/s320/hosting-dens-free-website_development.png" width="320" /></a></div>
- open source for a better tomorrow - Are you looking for software that will let you do things like create a spreadsheet? Draw a wireframe? Nearly anything you need software for has an open source counterpart. What is open source you may ask? Open source is generally software that does not cost anything AND will allow you all or limited use right for the software code. That means if you are of a mind you could change the software for your own use. You don't get to change the open source software without going through a community that maintains the codebase. For the rest of us, open source software has a couple of advantages over private software. The code is evaluated in public for weaknesses and flaws. This means that the more people that look at it, the better the code gets. All that and the code is free. The best way to find open source software is of course to use your favorite search engine search for open source and the software you would like. The other good search terms would be '<i>open source alternative microsoft word</i>' to search for a microsoft word open source alternative. There are lots of them. Don't like windows? Linux is free, and surprisingly easy to use. Drawing? Database? Chat? You name it, open source has it.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjM2PZJfCt2U2yRIcnHODQ460CqCP9TDmzcf7CnvZHFSeFtd1ERF4e7QUQVvZDItiIhmHERIFcoYkNURXJwAu1HFmAwSqeLUa2EgcgUqSKxdhzWmWArbM8ufo52tT6g1R3lM52GWREJwrCk/s1600/16193.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjM2PZJfCt2U2yRIcnHODQ460CqCP9TDmzcf7CnvZHFSeFtd1ERF4e7QUQVvZDItiIhmHERIFcoYkNURXJwAu1HFmAwSqeLUa2EgcgUqSKxdhzWmWArbM8ufo52tT6g1R3lM52GWREJwrCk/s320/16193.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
- Nothing replaces local backups - Lately you are hearing about the 'cloud' for backing up your files. I have nothing against online backups, but what happens if somehow you are not allowed to access your cloud files? You still need to have local backups. Getting a couple of inexpensive hard drives that you can back up your data files onto in rotation is really as much as you need. Some people advocate keeping a drive in a safe deposit box and a drive at home and one more drive that you are doing your backups on. every week or so you rotate the drives so your backups are never more than a week old. I believe that all you really need is 2 drives, one in your office and one in the garage. Yes natural disaster could take both drives out, but I submit that if that's the case, you have bigger fish to fry.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_DP27aq19q8HAa0whiQ44c-XpWOY5MuEObDeIk5Y4fRSEiyBAVikf8vNXbdua_JJquKwxraRzxL48opr8z6jYIO3hzO_OajTFipoB-x2LbErLmFzAUk-5Bck4b0QVuk-3rIP3rA8x-0ZI/s1600/syping-surveillance-nsa-gcsb.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_DP27aq19q8HAa0whiQ44c-XpWOY5MuEObDeIk5Y4fRSEiyBAVikf8vNXbdua_JJquKwxraRzxL48opr8z6jYIO3hzO_OajTFipoB-x2LbErLmFzAUk-5Bck4b0QVuk-3rIP3rA8x-0ZI/s320/syping-surveillance-nsa-gcsb.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
- You might forget, but the Internet will remember - Once again with social media, but the internet in general. There is no real such thing as privacy. Between hackers and governments, everything you do is very likely to be public information at some point. Behave that way. If you are on social media, watch what you say. Businesses are not above looking at everything you do online to see if you are a 'right fit'. Of course you are not ashamed of what you have posted on the other hand you might be. Just be careful out there, on the internet, you ALWAYS leave a lasting impression.<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_akzPSd6l8fN_2SvYE4siH5vpmjOhQgVSO54HbVmgR1hjlL_V222F0FaEjepjGvnZnEOwx0OnWJ3-eSQbDKZULeeJYIUFqPGL_fW09QtQP1hWvlNitJLc7dF4SmbvfmfSt2Q1lP1o4ASG/s1600/internet-privacy-spy-computer-magnifying-glass-o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="242" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_akzPSd6l8fN_2SvYE4siH5vpmjOhQgVSO54HbVmgR1hjlL_V222F0FaEjepjGvnZnEOwx0OnWJ3-eSQbDKZULeeJYIUFqPGL_fW09QtQP1hWvlNitJLc7dF4SmbvfmfSt2Q1lP1o4ASG/s320/internet-privacy-spy-computer-magnifying-glass-o.jpg" width="320" /></a><br />
- Avoid your ISP through proxy. Tired of your Service provider snooping what you are doing? If you don't know what I'm talking about, your ISP (internet service provider) is Comcast, Qwest, etc. If a company is providing your internet, they basically have the ability to look at anything that you are doing online. If you don't like their eyes, you can search online for High Speed proxy. What a proxy service does is provides a secure gateway that goes through your ISP to another address and behaves as though you are originating from there. Yes, who you use as your proxy service can then see what you are up to, but it's not your ISP.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4RxXMTOsc0eD3H4dYWtu1FIc8YSfz2hjHjeYwXB-CVtgsIv5ePIPfDrnMVoG8VBCNgo_m8QG_8QSawjIdSIrO9hZmdd_TaCtYNB9fPWzpAqRfHg7302kgnK6bQc-BaKNsGQzQ78Vpuyed/s1600/behaiv-targeting.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="178" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4RxXMTOsc0eD3H4dYWtu1FIc8YSfz2hjHjeYwXB-CVtgsIv5ePIPfDrnMVoG8VBCNgo_m8QG_8QSawjIdSIrO9hZmdd_TaCtYNB9fPWzpAqRfHg7302kgnK6bQc-BaKNsGQzQ78Vpuyed/s320/behaiv-targeting.jpg" width="320" /></a>- Mostly they just want your money - Remember, they are tracking you so they can get your money. That's not all bad. As capitalist consumers, we have an innate sense of ads and what they mean. From gradeschool, we are taught how media advertisements manipulate us into favoring one product over another. The internet plays no small role in this now. Before you put your luddite hat on and leave the interwebs forever think of this. Never before has advertising had the power to focus only on things you want. I don't mind that at all...usually.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZKNy4L1NpVAB2xLdmrzN1HpnV2VUszSZ9L8PkGeauT1eMmJT0jBc6qbv9lU1Cz5E5Nv0SGwyqaC0oCT7hRcTrqcv4e5qZdtcjxjfsu9tKvmpNBw6J9a04jH1nA5851lDmpVgrxUrhPevk/s1600/thief.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZKNy4L1NpVAB2xLdmrzN1HpnV2VUszSZ9L8PkGeauT1eMmJT0jBc6qbv9lU1Cz5E5Nv0SGwyqaC0oCT7hRcTrqcv4e5qZdtcjxjfsu9tKvmpNBw6J9a04jH1nA5851lDmpVgrxUrhPevk/s320/thief.gif" width="320" /></a>- Your friends friends are thieves - Social media time again. This has to do with your vacations. When you are going out of town or just across town to an event. People have a natural tendency to post what they are doing on line so their friends can see what they are up to. Well, if your friends can see it, it's likely that their friends can see it. Your friends picked you as one of their friends. That's because they have good taste. Those other people your friends have as friends? They are at best hangers on looking for some kind of connection to humanity, at worst they are con artists looking to take advantage of all of your friends friends. That means you. They see that you are out for a grand night out, they understand that you are probably not going to have anyone in the house for the next 3 hours or so. That's more than enough time to take the best stuff out of your house. So, if you have homeowners insurance, right now, before you do much else, take that fancy cellphone and video your various rooms in your house and catalog some of your more irreplaceable treasures. Do that every so often and you will be prepared to make an accurate claim when insurance is paying you off. <br />
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- LastPass is your friend. - LastPass is a password manager that works specifically with your online accounts. It remembers your passwords for you and puts them into websites as they request them. It's fairly easy to use and then you only have to remember your one password for getting to LastPass. When you do it that way, you can store longer and more complicated passwords instead of the fort knox of passwords 1234. Once you have that, make sure your password to LastPass is VERY long. It's the only one you'll have to remember.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGIvx7tEm6_y0HY7POd9xLIHZviWmeeK9Kclb4eh1arOaaX07oMfUJ4MZd-PLKR27GaG_Gfva2W2s9x4zQ6-cjLHAitXHhXsSz1ahUETWP3UPNbMNmpGVInctFOT8TUIx2O7guslH5THL5/s1600/2_Cooking_Grills.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="237" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGIvx7tEm6_y0HY7POd9xLIHZviWmeeK9Kclb4eh1arOaaX07oMfUJ4MZd-PLKR27GaG_Gfva2W2s9x4zQ6-cjLHAitXHhXsSz1ahUETWP3UPNbMNmpGVInctFOT8TUIx2O7guslH5THL5/s320/2_Cooking_Grills.png" width="320" /></a></div>
- Never 'win' other peoples posts - You are on your favorite social media and you see some post you don't agree with. You decide to log your displeasure. That's fine. The poster then rebuts your well worded dissent with points of their own. Unless you have something genuinely new to offer the discussion. Do not reply. Do not try to win the post by having the last word. It's rude. You want to further the argument, make you own post and see how people react to your thoughts. Don't cook your barbecue on someone else's grill.<br />
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Well, there it is. My internet rules and advice.Macotarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08432090367153271349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3414773738740289262.post-8986040020517687122015-10-01T06:30:00.000-07:002015-10-01T06:30:02.235-07:0010 Things you dread on a vacationVacations are fantastic. Of course I don't have to tell you everyone knows this. They are the chance you have to get away from your daily grind. Even if you love your job, you need a break from time to time. Well often we trade one stress for another when we go on vacation. These are some of the concerns rational and otherwise that we face when we go on an extended vacation.<br />
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- Am I breaking some kind of law? - Depending on your vacation you wonder if through ignorance you might be breaking some kind of law. Most of the time this happens around the boarder or at customs. They ask questions and you don't think you are doing anything wrong, but you feel like there are wrong answers. Well there are. Don't even THINK about joking about anything. There are NO jokes at customs. This feeling gets worse when the country you are in speaks a different language and you don't. Everything starts feeling like you are early in some film noir and a jack booted official is asking you for 'papers'.<br />
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- My pets are dying! - If you have pets you probably think of them as your furry children. Well vacations don't usually look too kindly on animals although I HAVE seen 'service' animals that don't do much more than sit there for their owner, just like the non-service animals and get to accompany their owner on vacation. Unless you can get a doctor to diagnose you with PTSD your pets are left in the care of someone or put in the kennel. Putting a pet in a kennel is kind of like sending your kids to summer camp. You hope they are making friends and having fun, but you suspect they are miserable. If you get some kind of house sitter to take care of your animals, it only serves to take the edge off. You are still wondering if they are being nice to your little furry friends. Just remember, when you come home your animals will probably be very excited to have you home/mad at you. They probably had an O.K. time, but they are happier that you are back home.<br />
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- I left X on - Just like being the last one out of the house, but completely puffed up to gargantuan proportions. There are SO many things to take care of with an extended vacation that by the time you leave, you are certain you are forgetting any number of things. These things include but are not limited to. Cancel Mail, Lock doors, Turn off water, turn on Email notification at work indicating you are out. Of course the classic is the leaving the gas stove on. If you aren't sure of most of these things, you will find yourself constantly reminded of things you can't verify but probably took care of. Here is a tip. As you take care of things you are likely to ulcerate about, take a picture of it with your phone. Then you will know exactly what you remembered and what you didn't.<br />
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- I'm going to get ripped off! (vacation scams) - This gets worse the cheaper you are. If you are a real skinflint, you will really have a horrible time on your vacation because you have NO idea of the relative value of the goods and services you are getting. Since you are a tourist, you can safely assume that you are probably paying an out of town surcharge, but besides that, you need to turn the scrooge off and enjoy the vacation. Understand that taking time in another place is costly, but you are there primarily for a good time. If you can't bear the thought of paying rack rate for anything, then you might like camping better since you don't have to deal with much of anyone and you bring your own food. The best thing about camping is it reminds you why you live in a house away from nature.<br />
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- I've forgotten my passwords! - This is more an indicator that you really enjoyed your vacation and you didn't do that idiotic 'just check in with work'. If you are checking in at work, then you work for idiots because they haven't duplicated your work processes so they can let you go on vacation without worrying about if the company can survive. If they are requiring this, you need to look for future employment because either they will burn you out or they will fail so spectacularly due to lack of planning that the company will suddenly look like a scout car wash. You just get back to work and you realize that your hands no longer know the passwords to your regularly used applications. You just sit there waiting for your hands to type out the patterns that you would have NEVER guessed you would forget. Congratulations, you had a good vacation.<br />
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- Where are my passports?!? - This is a fun game related to the I left X on above. This is where you take all of your reservation numbers and documents you need for your travels. Chief among these are the passports. Lose these and you can't get replacements easy. In fact, if you lose them you are in some deep water. You are constantly feeling for them in your pockets or purse. Every time they aren't there, You quickly start off with 'Where are the passports?!?' This is followed by 'Didn't I give them to you?!' Usually this closes with 'Oh that's right they are right here. This also happens if you are carrying large amounts of bags with several people. You are constantly looking and taking count. You aren't even sure what you are carrying in them by now, but you know you need all of them.<br />
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- Will I be sufficiently entertained? - This one is really stupid. I am guilty of this one. I often arrange media players, portable games, and e-books are available to make sure that my every moment is filled with some sort of diversion. Of course I use exactly 10% of the things I've prepared. It's a waste of time and space. Just take your number one device (usually your cellphone) and it will do just fine. the rest of the stuff is probably just a some kind of traveling work out.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiA_3iYykEkrSM_lkZdbbgQfU3Bk5jlbXJt_sj8mCavdws3XmA6u-3IJ-F3yozTGXhaGSu6Wyasky2YveePGR7fXDLjzud7Y0EuaxMjbMoS2HZRiGL09NybnUUNCK8T8AdE4pOVNgbNcYjY/s1600/Facebook-Vacation-Check-in-600x300.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="160" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiA_3iYykEkrSM_lkZdbbgQfU3Bk5jlbXJt_sj8mCavdws3XmA6u-3IJ-F3yozTGXhaGSu6Wyasky2YveePGR7fXDLjzud7Y0EuaxMjbMoS2HZRiGL09NybnUUNCK8T8AdE4pOVNgbNcYjY/s320/Facebook-Vacation-Check-in-600x300.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
- Criminals are at my unprotected door! - This is like leaving stuff on, but it's worse. Sure you've locked your door, but you don't know if someone is scouting out your house for theft. The longer you are away, the better the likely-hood that you are going to be robbed. Of course where you live has a lot to do with it, but for the most part your chances of being robbed are not very high. One way to help that is to not advertise your vacation on social media before you embark. Your friends might not rob you, but their friends might.<br />
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- I'm going to look stupid - Tourists by definition look stupid. Don't worry. Nobody expects you to look like a local and honestly why would you want to? Sure you are worried about thieves picking you out, but what can you do about it? Nothing. Don't be a rube, ask for instructions if you find yourself lacking direction, you'll save time and grief.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhijQLWRIMV8qWG9X5NNMhn8OoYdMUQPaBQt9T5EgyBLvpRvi34bP7SujKi4l0uc5ilz0kc4dfMKmBnxzPnbF0oEEtBXIAjyzKM_l1kW0FQRxkwu8jxAEO72VPneOMisv24yjpMjvgkF0a2/s1600/43311524066a312fa62e524a1dd49c00bd7cddad77a98e78c1912f30aaef011d.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="234" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhijQLWRIMV8qWG9X5NNMhn8OoYdMUQPaBQt9T5EgyBLvpRvi34bP7SujKi4l0uc5ilz0kc4dfMKmBnxzPnbF0oEEtBXIAjyzKM_l1kW0FQRxkwu8jxAEO72VPneOMisv24yjpMjvgkF0a2/s320/43311524066a312fa62e524a1dd49c00bd7cddad77a98e78c1912f30aaef011d.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
- No internet connection? - Some people are afraid of not being connected while they travel. When cavemen first started using facebook, they weren't as attached to it and found they could leave it relatively easily. As history progressed and other social media websites became prevalent it became harder and harder to leave the internet alone. Just remember the war of 1812 When the British tried to disconnect the American troops from their Dial up connections. Never have American's fought so valiantly. Sheesh.<br />
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None of these things are worth not going on a vacation. Get your plan together and GO. Don't sit there and not go because you are a home body. Have an adventure once in a while, it's something to talk about when you are at home.Macotarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08432090367153271349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3414773738740289262.post-40850489715835650982015-09-01T07:00:00.000-07:002015-09-01T07:00:08.986-07:0010 Things you don't want to be excitingExcitement. When we are young it seems that is what we crave. We want new exiting experiences. Businesses when they are recruiting employees use the term to describe themselves; An exciting work environment with exciting opportunities in the field of excitement. Well there are a lot of things that you don't want to be exciting. not at all. in fact what you want is boring and mundane. For example:<br />
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- Meetings - Well Mark, nothing could be further from the truth! I WISH a meeting would be exciting. You think so? If a meeting is 'exciting' that means that the people running it are trying to 'motivate' you to something. Other exciting meetings include the ones where you get fired/laid off. Otherwise, exciting meetings also seem to take longer and eventually devolve into the not so exciting kind. The worst part about this is by the time you get out of the meeting, you forget all the things you got excited about at the beginning. Now all you can remember is the same people asking the obvious sycophantic questions that make a 1/2 hour meeting go an hour long.<br />
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- Trip to the Dentist - The Dentist is arguably the most exciting thing you do or should do regularly. The reason is most people are hyper aware of the new and exciting pain. The BEST trip to the dentist is a boring trip to the dentist. In order to make it so, you need to brush and floss regularly. This is also best when it's boring. <br />
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- Sleep - Exciting sleep? Well, the only reason SLEEP is exciting is because you had some very realistic bad dream that suddenly wakes you up screaming. Even if you enjoy it, it is not a good way to get a good nights rest. <br />
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- Military Service - I have never served in the military, but I have to assume that very few people that enter into the military want excitement. Excitement in the military usually means some kind of war, which means some kind of injury or death. Not the kind of excitement anyone is really looking for. From friends that have served in the military I have heard that military service is typified by long stints mind numbing boredom with sudden brilliant life endangering bits of unwanted excitement. Military Video Games seem to be very exciting in exactly the same way you DON'T want regular military service to be. <br />
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- Elevator - There is one intentionally exciting elevator trip and it's called the Tower of Terror. The name itself should tell you why a normal elevator ride should be at best forgettable. When you are a kid, elevator rides are pretty exciting. You get into this magic box you and there are lit up buttons and then suddenly you are somewhere else. It's pretty amazing. It's even more amazing when you find that you are many feet up in the sky. That excitement wears off soon and you don't want it to be exciting again because elevator excitement is usually followed by a long stint waiting in that box. With any luck you are alone and don't have to go to the bathroom.<br />
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- Exercise - When I'm talking about exercise, I'm talking about the repetitive motion of weight lifting or running or biking or anything that you are doing to get in better shape. I'm NOT including a sport that happens to have exercise benefits since the reason you play is compete and competition is normally exciting. Regular exercise is good for you and all that. The problem is when exercise gets exciting because you suddenly feel an ache or pain that you really weren't expecting. It takes you out of your rhythm and makes you worried not to mention takes you out of your routine. Regular exercisers do not like to be taken out of their routine for any reason much less because they are possibly injured. <br />
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- Taxes - Boring taxes are the ones where you take some time to do your taxes and then you find that you are owed or you owe somewhere around 200 dollars give or take. Exciting taxes are where you suddenly find that you owe several thousand and you had no idea. Even more exciting taxes are when you are audited because your return seems fishy since you probably don't know if you did your taxes quite right. What's that? You think the returns where you get a couple of thousand back are pretty exciting? Sure until you realize that the money you got back from your friend the Government is the money they have been using interest free until they send it back to you. It was YOUR money to begin with. This is similar to a bully that has been taking your milk money all school year and the teacher makes that bully give it back to you. The bully doesn't have all of it, but you get about 1/2 of it back and you are happy. Foolishly happy since it was your money to begin with.<br />
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- Work commute - Exciting work commutes are usually typified by either crazy drivers or bad weather or both. You get home much later than you normally do with white knuckles and memories that will last for a long time. The boring commutes are much better.<br />
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- Food - Of course some people will disagree with me on this. Exciting food is great! sure. Only if it's exciting because it's so good. The problem is if you start trying food because you want to be excited, you will find at least as much bad food as you find good food. I've found that I will be much more satisfied with somewhat boring food that is consistent rather than looking for the most excellent of bites to eat. Few things are as bad as bad food.<br />
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- Oil Change - You would think that oil changes could use a bit of excitement but honestly like taxes the only thing you want to hear is 'we noticed that your wiper bearings were a bit rusty and the Johnson Rod needed attunement, but we took care of it for you. Thanks for coming in!' The funny thing is, Getting your oil changed is like the Antiques Road show. It doesn't matter WHAT the mechanic tells you about your car, you ONLY want to know the bottom line. If that is exciting, that regularly means bad.<br />
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Well, boring or exciting, we have come to the end. May all of your excitements be the good kind and I hope everything else is delightfully boring.Macotarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08432090367153271349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3414773738740289262.post-65612573549751795982015-08-17T08:44:00.001-07:002015-08-17T08:44:28.946-07:0010 things and places you will always rememberOur lives are filled with times and places. some things we remember as events only, we have a vague recollection of when they happened and where, but we remember the event. Some events are so incredible that we remember nearly everything about them. You'll see what I mean when we get there.<br />
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- The President's been shot - The easy one gets out of the way. National figures weather entertainers or politicians appear to tie us together with a common link of knowledge. I still remember exactly where I was when The President was shot. At this time the President was Ronald Reagan. I was in the school choir room. Class had started and suddenly on the intercom someone had put the radio on. With no announcement for attention the static transmission told the school that the President had been shot. Our teacher stopped class and told us about when he was young and president Kennedy had been shot. He told us it is very likely we will never forget this moment. In my case he was right.<br />
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- Giant mistakes - There I was at the very BEST part of a vacation the front part where you are driving to your destination. Everything is ahead of you and it's all terrific. You are so excited to get to where you are going that you sometimes loose track of simple things around you. In my case what I lost track of was the fact that the gas pump was still in it's delivery position at my fuel port. I had gone inside to get some convenience store crap and came out, got in the car and took off. My head was full of anticipation of the events to come. Then I heard a loud crack as I pulled away. It wasn't exactly a crunch like in an accident, but just more of a pop. I looked in the rear view to see that I had grown a black rubber tail from the gas pump hose. OH CRAP! I thought. I just knew this was going to cast a pallor on the whole vacation. I took the pump back to the station and they told me it happens all the time, no problem. I never forgot it.<br />
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- Marriage / Proposal - I barely need to say anything about this. Who doesn't remember this? If you don't remember this event, then I'm not sure what to think. Unless it never happened to you, but that's covered later.<br />
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- You're Fired! - Ahh that time when your company has decided to vote you off the island. You get flush, you get panicky, there is a sudden feeling of betrayal. It all comes into play. You always remember when you get fired and where you were. You may forget about the job and everything else about it, but you will probably never forget the actual getting let go.<br />
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- Car Accidents - That shot of adrenaline, that sudden slow motion feeling before you see what is happening. Finally, the inevitable crunch of metal on metal. You always remember the car accidents you can remember. The weird thing is, if the accident was bad enough, you forget all of it. You won't get back a thing. I think it's your brain saving you from an endless loop of your own personal fail video in your head.<br />
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- Sudden disasters - Like car accidents and Presidential shootings rolled into one, a sufficient large scale disaster will impress in your mind like few things will. the 911 terrorist attacks are set in my memory, hurricane Katrina the same. The interesting thing here of course is how important the disaster in question is to you. For example the earthquake in China that happened several years ago or the terrorist attack in Kenya don't register with me, but I'm sure that people in those areas remember it like it was yesterday.<br />
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- I nearly died! - any time you come close enough to the grim reaper to shake his hand you are going to remember the event because it was nearly your last. (I'm assuming the grim reaper is a he, but honestly you can't really tell sex from bones very easily so it could be a woman). I very much remember from my childhood where and when I was the 2 times I nearly drowned. I was never a good swimmer and me and water aren't the closest of pals. I also remember very vividly when I swallowed a pot-sticker down the windpipe and watched as people all around me were asking if I was o.k. I was clearly not and I was shaking my head and offering the international choking signal to that effect (hands on throat looking like you are choking yourself). Finally I arched my back and was able to get just a bit of air down my windpipe and blow the obstruction out. I was close enough that I saw the edges of my vision blacking out. Had any of those events played out to their logical conclusion and you wouldn't have this fantastic blog to read every so often. yeah, yeah, shut it.<br />
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- First Kiss - As memorable as the marriage/proposal but it's different. The first real kiss that involves both passion and physical contact is in some ways a defining transition from being a child to being a teenager. It makes you feel somewhat grownup. It is the kind of thing that when it happens, you replay it over and over in your head and wonder if the other person involved felt like it was as magical as you did. It's pretty memorable.<br />
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- That one time when you were young and you felt bad - For some reason we replay events in our head from when we were young and it seems that we all have a few scenes from our childhood where we feel like we were horribly wronged. Because we are kids we don't really have a setting on our emotions that allow us to control the amount of feeling an event deserves. In my case, I remember at one point asking my mom if I could have some books from the weekly reader. The weekly reader was a 2 page book catalog that sold books. I couldn't tell you if they were a good deal or not, I was a kid and only knew that I liked books. I would often like to get Dynamite magazine and a few other books. Well at this time, mom said no. I knew better than to nag about a reversal in decision, no means no. Then about 2 weeks later, well after the deadline, mom saw the weekly reader sitting in my room and asked if I wanted to get any books. I felt particularly bad about that as a kid. It felt like somehow the world was combining against me to get my Dynamite magazine. I must have felt bad, I still remember it today. Was it worth remembering? Absolutely not. During the course of my young life I had been rejected in my frivolous requests on numerous occasions as is the wont of any good parent. Yet I still remember it. I'm sure my parents do not and yet I am equally sure that they remember regrets they had in parenting that I have long since forgotten. It's kind of the way it goes. None of it is worth remembering and none of it is worth holding on to. <br />
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- The time when you were totally there except you weren't - This one is strange. Apparently at certain times, our brains will not only lie to us, but they will actually create memories where they didn't exist. For example, if you go on a movie binge with friends and you see several movies over the course of several nights in a row, your brain will put you at any number of shows with those friends in the future. Later, your friends may have seen a movie without you but you swear that you saw it with them. You actually recall seeing it with them and you are sure it happened. It didn't. Any repetitive task that you usually do but didn't do once, your brain will try to fill in that memory so you don't need to worry about it. This is how we forget if we closed the garage door or locked our car. Our brain tells us we did, or didn't and we aren't sure which one is true. We go back to verify and only then do we actually know which memory is correct. And yet eyewitness testimony is the gold standard of evidence in US courts of law. no matter how goofy our brains are.<br />
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Well, That's it. I don't recall writing this blog post before, but I might have. If I did, please forgive me. If I didn't. Thank goodness! See ya in another couple of weeks.Macotarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08432090367153271349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3414773738740289262.post-22810346364721413352015-08-03T20:33:00.001-07:002015-08-03T20:33:07.290-07:0010 Rhymes that might be true, or probably not.I remember a famous court case that seemed to hinge on the rhyme 'If the glove don't fit, you must acquit' It wasn't true. In fact the logic there is so hilariously faulty that it's amazing that it got any traction at all. Yet we find that if there is a rhyme involved then something is probably true. It makes no sense at all, but people love a good rhyme. Witches always seem to need a rhyme to get a spell or incantation to work, but only if it's spoken in English. Latin spells don't seem to need to rhyme. I'm not sure why. Anyway, I decided to come up with some to prove the fact that rhymes are not indicator of truth or anything really except the ability to use words that sound similar.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioSm7VWFsf5ney_Jfvu0qf3Z3mgiLUW_E7iXzjcY8taPIy4iECxmE80D_lywYY0TXbwMj5eAoG_VHCPqUqhLxweV01z5IpWzHlJSQsFWmb6rd-nbSPzBl7K3Bph3AcHD-9yl_483KeUzQ3/s1600/Bad+Car.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="185" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioSm7VWFsf5ney_Jfvu0qf3Z3mgiLUW_E7iXzjcY8taPIy4iECxmE80D_lywYY0TXbwMj5eAoG_VHCPqUqhLxweV01z5IpWzHlJSQsFWmb6rd-nbSPzBl7K3Bph3AcHD-9yl_483KeUzQ3/s320/Bad+Car.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
- If the car won't start, then use a cart - cart makes the rhyme, but honestly a bike is better.<br />
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- Kill a fly, thwart a spy. - If that spy happens to be using a robot fly.<br />
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- If the food won't heat then eat a beet - I would probably rather eat cold food.<br />
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- A friend in need is a friend with weed - Only in Colorado/Washington and honestly if he is in need and with weed, then what he needs is probably a bag of tacos.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXzkQZwv-1qbxiWtoy4zpEiF447k7hg7h2uZnuNb0cegcFktmZIY7RL62w1wwZe3YwtR8cquPhu2ZKKF6v6pzR1Z7DjmDx8mGTvoACAU90qklgsPRX_2a7nxCDcdP6dEK1ecvV-K_2qSwH/s1600/books.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="221" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXzkQZwv-1qbxiWtoy4zpEiF447k7hg7h2uZnuNb0cegcFktmZIY7RL62w1wwZe3YwtR8cquPhu2ZKKF6v6pzR1Z7DjmDx8mGTvoACAU90qklgsPRX_2a7nxCDcdP6dEK1ecvV-K_2qSwH/s320/books.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
- A book not read fills you with dread - I see so many 'bookies' that have this strange pride in reading. This is for them. It's probably true for them, unless of course that book is a compendium of my blog entries.<br />
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- Eat a small pie then you won't die - Later found to not be nearly as effective as the apple a day, but better than a large pie I guess. Neither of these 'miracle' foods will actually keep you from an eventual death.<br />
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- give some money to a bum and he'll give you some gum. - no, he won't.<br />
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- Fall on a stick, loose blood quick - depending on the angle of the stick when you hit it, this one is actually probably true.<br />
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- If your face is on money, then your future is sunny - Not likely, you are already dead.<br />
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- Walking a mile will make you smile, if you have to go poo, then try walking 2 - failed exercise motivation at best.<br />
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There you go. Any truth in these rhymes is purely coincidental. Next time you hear someone using a rhyme in an effort to prove a point just remember 'If he uses a rhyme, he'll take more time' That one is probably true.</div>
Macotarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08432090367153271349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3414773738740289262.post-61987217508816694552015-07-20T06:00:00.000-07:002015-07-20T06:00:09.237-07:0010 Jokes you need to stop tellingJokes. Humorous stories that end with a punch line. A punch line is the final phrase that makes the whole situation funny. Without it, the joke is just a story that doesn't really end, it just sits there. Another form of joke is known as the 'one liner'. This is a single comment about a situation that is funny on it's own. Usually just an observation about something, a well executed one liner is a question of being clever and having good timing. Done properly, a one liner looks much easier than it is. At your given office/workplace there is someone there that is the unofficial funny guy. The one that everyone expects to hear something funny from. If you don't know who that person is, either you are it or you don't get around much and you get a lot of work done. In which case, good for you. So this is a list of the types of jokes that really don't need to be told anymore. They are so overplayed that they don't really get much more than a wry chuckle.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7b3wm6kZeP7Jc3eJUZo3QrvHAVzHtLa1hXKMXRJx6DmECSbfK0UsupZV4DtM6AC9ny23z_j_k5RXRdxO9Cu-uEiaWDcBZvtgljpiDRU3tYp1j7iiJlsNOoYVpwQnWQQnfN2wnWY_1u3LS/s1600/polacks.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="156" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7b3wm6kZeP7Jc3eJUZo3QrvHAVzHtLa1hXKMXRJx6DmECSbfK0UsupZV4DtM6AC9ny23z_j_k5RXRdxO9Cu-uEiaWDcBZvtgljpiDRU3tYp1j7iiJlsNOoYVpwQnWQQnfN2wnWY_1u3LS/s320/polacks.jpg" width="320" /></a>- not PC jokes - The politically Incorrect Joke. When I was a kid, I remember hearing my first Pollock joke. by Pollock I mean to say a stupid or oblivious person, not someone from Poland. For a long time as a child I thought that was what the word meant. It was synonymous with stupid. That became politically incorrect and rightly so. Then they replaced that joke with the 'blonde' joke which for some reason was even more oblivious and quite a bit more stupid. Not quite as offensive as the Nationality Joke but still offensive if you were a blonde and not particularly bright. Mostly because blondes had an anecdotal history of acting stupid to get what they want. Now if you want to tell a joke about someone stupid you don't need to set it up with a label because we're pretty much all stupid. The reason beyond the obvious that you need to stop telling these jokes is because they have been told for ages and are recycled through different stereotypes the jokes themselves haven't changed and are not that funny anyway.<br />
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- Job jokes - These are jokes based on your job. The classic would be the following:<br />
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Checker: Did you find everything ok?<br />
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Painfully smart customer: Why? were you hiding something?<br />
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This is of course not limited to checker jobs. <br />
Call center service rep for Bank/Service/Anything: Is there anything else we can do for you today?<br />
Mensa customer: Sure, could you add 100k to my account?<br />
ha ha ha.<br />
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Cleverly calling accountants 'bean counters' doesn't even register as a joke anymore. Every profession has their distinctive elements and those elements are only too well known to the person working them. Your observations about their job are not only not unique, but are at best slightly annoying. <br />
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- Job jokes part 2 - These are different job jokes, they are the ones where the manager wryly makes a joke about everyone having enough 'on their plate'. Usually couched in irony a manager will say something like 'I'm sure nobody has anything to do before the weekend, so I wanted to give you this to chew on'. This isn't even met with a laugh, it's his way of telling you that he hasn't been able to do his job and you are going to pay the price. his job being managing the flow of work to the employees. It's no joke.<br />
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- Twin jokes - These jokes are only available when you meet someone you find out is a twin. You will be tempted to break out the 'evil' twin joke. 'Which one is the evil one?' or 'Do you ever switch dates?' sure it seems a fertile ground for levity, it's more of a painful groundhog day where every time someone finds out you are a twin you become 1/2 a person and now must bear hearing about a show someone saw, or the little fact about child actors often being twins because they can't work as long as adult actors. Just stop.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4A7r2jNQzHgetwVfkUgmbURbopE6GL6eFOWu7crghvTPxIOb5t3vKy_3TC1iCnJubt8InciuwrxcuJlmBgiZ_KhI5mYkszkQetfARdDFKqWSUWT14klUAJNcQaHSJRm8Zv5uQgOyyP8qG/s1600/taxs.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="248" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4A7r2jNQzHgetwVfkUgmbURbopE6GL6eFOWu7crghvTPxIOb5t3vKy_3TC1iCnJubt8InciuwrxcuJlmBgiZ_KhI5mYkszkQetfARdDFKqWSUWT14klUAJNcQaHSJRm8Zv5uQgOyyP8qG/s320/taxs.gif" width="320" /></a></div>
- tax jokes - I have been just as guilty of these jokes every year as anyone. I don't think people should stop telling them. I think they should stop thinking they are jokes. The observations that the Government spends money without thought or wisdom is all too real. The reason we tell these jokes is because we feel we have nothing else we can do. We are helpless and so we make a joke as a gesture of surrender.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigglngNXPKU2taj9f2hWw_aPe6nccUlz8UJemG5Wi_o-PlwmZbGJXvdAn2IwMKz8vYhyg_KRy04fQRmSRMY22hsqKdKZup3_Q6IEkjIV90mTvdHVogRGKzETU5TXRBsVIFQ-Ic9WkomsLG/s1600/1_123125_123090_2180712_2194925_080707_rm_frankentn.jpg.CROP.original-original.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigglngNXPKU2taj9f2hWw_aPe6nccUlz8UJemG5Wi_o-PlwmZbGJXvdAn2IwMKz8vYhyg_KRy04fQRmSRMY22hsqKdKZup3_Q6IEkjIV90mTvdHVogRGKzETU5TXRBsVIFQ-Ic9WkomsLG/s1600/1_123125_123090_2180712_2194925_080707_rm_frankentn.jpg.CROP.original-original.jpg" /></a>- political jokes - Not the jokes told by us about the other party (in America anyway), these are specifically jokes by politicians. They are usually told during campaigns, but can be told during press briefings and other events as well. Here is the problem, do you want to elect a comedian? Probably not. Some people are naturally good joke tellers or even comedic observers. If they are, that's fine. If they are a stiff bought-out party shill, they are not going to be good at telling a joke, so there is really no point. It hurts to listen to someone who doesn't have a good sense of timing tell a joke. <br />
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- school rivalries jokes - These are also political jokes, but these are told by people about the other party or school. Here is a classic I'm sure you've heard over and over: <br />
A student from University X walks into a bathroom at University Y. After finishing he starts walking out and a student from University Y says 'At university Y we learn to wash our hands after using the bathroom' Quickly the student from University X replies 'At University X we are taught to not pee on our hands' Yay. This is a twist on the stupid joke that applies politically to whomever the opposition is. Just say no.<br />
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- puns - Not jokes, just a play on words. The interesting part is in other languages, puns don't really work out very well. People don't appreciate them. In another language I purposely used to the word that indicates an animal eating to describe myself eating but trying to imply that I was so hungry I would eat like an animal. I was told I was using the wrong word. Some people go on pun riffs and thats fine, but I've found the conservation of energy around a pun does not allow it to ever be funny. That is, the energy used to create or use a pun outweighs the laughter energy created by it. I will say that puns incorporated with a picture furthering the joke does get a lot more mileage for the pun and may be a rebirth of the art form the visual part moves it up a notch.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4Rxzpt1mx_A47yOEPoVLw0tO3AbtKjqW1l2WDGWLf_B9LGu18ZzNaXmwHXUq-LDryy2yT77FmWmdKjRbQfWGUfk1n2jM8w7HrLoELqwlLtOxQpw4I782WsTAg6f5Q3_1Pxx8_gPq9QZO2/s1600/thumb_anti-joke-triceratops-meme-generator-what-do-u-get-when-you-call-an-asian-at-midnight-the-answering-machine-31f0c5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4Rxzpt1mx_A47yOEPoVLw0tO3AbtKjqW1l2WDGWLf_B9LGu18ZzNaXmwHXUq-LDryy2yT77FmWmdKjRbQfWGUfk1n2jM8w7HrLoELqwlLtOxQpw4I782WsTAg6f5Q3_1Pxx8_gPq9QZO2/s1600/thumb_anti-joke-triceratops-meme-generator-what-do-u-get-when-you-call-an-asian-at-midnight-the-answering-machine-31f0c5.jpg" /></a>- automated response jokes - Primarily set in the phone answering machine or call screening service, you are calling someone and a voice will ask you please state your name. Smartly nearly everyone will say 'me'. Ha, wow. that's is not only funny, but will probably cause you to have to call again because the person on the other side won't respond to 'me'. Still very funny. I'm still laughing. I remember the days before caller ID when you were anonymous until announced and people would say 'Guess who' . That was usually a good way to get hung up on.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8mXFY6fhrcgY3oYnD84FjH8RjpbtlDw99w2oFDQY-B_5QCsdC1t-nSk7eVJ-gmgJ_CoAcJ-mrugVJ89ovqtH4QdmgOiC2p_ssAa9u3WQJkCO4d8VDfmnxTIdWicgnOm2Rc_RifjNbnbYU/s1600/file_187713_0_celebrity-name-puns-header-de-niro.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="179" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8mXFY6fhrcgY3oYnD84FjH8RjpbtlDw99w2oFDQY-B_5QCsdC1t-nSk7eVJ-gmgJ_CoAcJ-mrugVJ89ovqtH4QdmgOiC2p_ssAa9u3WQJkCO4d8VDfmnxTIdWicgnOm2Rc_RifjNbnbYU/s320/file_187713_0_celebrity-name-puns-header-de-niro.jpg" width="320" /></a>- Name jokes - The classic. Lets take the case of Wright, my own name. I know and have known EVERY joke that concerns that name since I was 8. There is not a joke you could tell me about Wrong, Left, Mister, or Always that I haven't heard more times than should be socially acceptable. Accentuated during my dating years every so often it still will trigger some 'clever' response to which I am obliged to laugh politely. I then usually say something like 'I remember the first time I heard that one. I think I was at recess at school' I should stop saying that as well.<br />
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Honestly, there are plenty of ways to tell funny jokes without using these tired subjects. If you can't find any; that might be a signal that you probably shouldn't tell jokes. I for one will probably still use all of them because I need all of the humorous crutches I can find. But the rest of you? no. don't do it.<br />
<br />Macotarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08432090367153271349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3414773738740289262.post-23005602028132301952015-07-06T07:04:00.002-07:002015-07-07T11:58:51.464-07:0010 AgesThis is simply the 10 ages of a person. Since I've found myself at the door of another birthday I realized that there are only 2 hands full of significant birthdays. Exactly. 10, no more no less. Of course I'll have reasons why. It's what I do.<br />
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-- birth - Obviously the single most important birthday of your life. Not much more can be said about it except you won't remember any of it. nope, not a thing. you may have vague songs or pictures that may spur a deja vu-ish kind of recollection but really you'll have nothing. On the other hand you are doing so much learning every day you don't even know all of the things you are doing when you are just a newborn. Sure you are dependent on everyone, but on the other hand pretty much everyone loves you. Nothing wrong with that.<br />
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-- 2-4 ish - At this point just absorbing information ambiently has kind of run it's course. Yes, you are still doing that, but now you are more interested in all of the things there are around you. Things like electrical outlets and power tools. Also you are creating internal profiles for people you like and don't like. You are not at all concerned with peoples feelings, just your own. So Grandma gives me lots o presents, oh yeah, she's great. Aunt kisses me too much? ummm...yeah, i'll pass. You're walking and possibly talking as well as causing trouble that you don't understand but you roll with it. From here on out, you are just getting better and better at being a kid. You are ok with mom and dad's rules, but you think there might be too many of them. All of these birthdays just kind of melt together. Really it's more of a personal payday than anything. Of course Christmas is the other payday, but everyone gets that.<br />
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-- 13 - Well you are a teenager now. Really the larval stage of becoming an adult. You are really interested in being an adult but you kind of go here and there with your experiences. Your teenage years will be among your most memorable. If you are lucky, some of the friends you make in the next few years will be among your best. Full of firsts and achievements. Now you're thinking independently and starting to weigh consequences v.s. your decisions. Getting in trouble isn't enough to dissuade you from trying some things. The next few years you will be able to do a lot to forward or retard your progress as an adult. You start this series of years likely being very much yourself and end this bunch of years figuring out what your adult face is going to look like. How you will behave around others v.s. around family or friends. You learn by trial and error; this can be among the cruelest of years with plenty being both dealt and received.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhycvPJLzFvoDJLKGiAI2HQqjLnlnNG9gcQJVnB2MxxwxFGpuJ8Bk3rAKRo-Jki1J5qutZkSQSgzzWBuCorV_VFdmDRGNJavECuYxNelYEw2l2tSz3pOtpLQ7ss84tUMpLYQDUTdsUXy-lx/s1600/vote_liberal.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhycvPJLzFvoDJLKGiAI2HQqjLnlnNG9gcQJVnB2MxxwxFGpuJ8Bk3rAKRo-Jki1J5qutZkSQSgzzWBuCorV_VFdmDRGNJavECuYxNelYEw2l2tSz3pOtpLQ7ss84tUMpLYQDUTdsUXy-lx/s1600/vote_liberal.jpg" /></a>-- 18 - Also known as the legal age of majority (except in Alabama, Nebraska, and Mississippi where the ages are 19, 19, and 21), lots of reasons this is significant. Up until now, you have been more or less not responsible for your crimes. Instead of sending you to prison for doing something wrong, they send you to a youth facility where you will hopefully pull yourself out of your tailspin. On the other hand it's also significant because you can vote! Sure it doesn't mean much to you, but it's time to be more aware of the world around you. By now you are ready to ditch the burger flipping jobs and get into something a little more career like. You may or may not further your education, but whatever you do, you have probably at least partially cut the apron strings to your parents. You feel much more ready for life than you actually are, but now you have what it takes to do it. Remember this feeling of semi-bewilderment. It's one you'll have most of your life, but you will only feel it as strongly as you do right now as you are considered an adult.<br />
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-- 21 - Fast on the heels of 18, 21 is the age at which nothing that is legal is barred from you (except you will find that renting cars is still surprisingly difficult) You can do it all, you can gamble, you can own stuff easily, you are fully responsible for yourself. The world assumes you've got enough on the ball that you should be able to do all kinds of things. Really the only thing that makes it different than 18 is 3 years and drinking (In most states, some will let you get away with it younger) and gambling. Neither of these pursuits are particularly grand. Once tried a couple of times you should probably realize that they are both more expensive than you like and not nearly as exciting as they are cracked up to be.<br />
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-- 26 - While nobody ever threw you a 26th birthday party as though it was something special, 26 is the age at which they estimate that your brain stops developing. Also, it's the age at which you will get lower insurance rates depending on your insurer as well as that all important being able to rent a car thing. 26 is a bigger deal than people let on because it's the point at which you have really no excuses left for the life you are leading. If it's not what you like, you can still turn it around. This is also the age at which you are starting to get out of shape and you never realized how it happened. Your youth is starting to leave you and you aren't sure that you like it, but for the most part you can ignore it. You're still young. Enjoy it!<br />
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-- 40 - Wow, so there were no important days in the 30s? Not really no. You are hopefully an adult earning a living. You may or may not be married but honestly there is nothing special about being in your 30's except that you aren't 20. So what makes 40 so special? A friend of mine told me that at 40 you are the young of the old. Look at it this way, the average age around here is 80 (acutally 79, but the closer you get the more you hope, right?) so 40 is the 1/2 way point. You stop understanding what is going through the heads of those 20 year olds and you wish they would learn about the things you know about. Everything you did when you were young was a little better in some ways and a little worse in others, but you are at the age that people start paying attention to your life experience. That's not as true if you are living on welfare in a trailer, not that you don't have life experience, but you are more of a road map of what not to do.<br />
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-- 50 - What's the big deal about 50? Well up till now, your bodily injuries were probably fixable one way or another and they people you knew in high school, you could probably know now. Possibly one or two deaths that happen because of accidents or congenital troubles. But now you are starting to see people die that just decided to live long term bad decisions. You know, all the stuff they keep nagging you about, no exercise and eating crap like you are 20, well that chicken is going to start coming home to roost. It will still be considered a young death, but you'll hear about them more and more. Hopefully you got into your healthier lifestyle in your 40's if not maintained it since your youth. Bad news. From here on out pretty much everything you used to do without thinking about it becomes a thought exercise in survival. Example. If you are in your late 20s and you happen to have a couple of kids, you probably took them to Disneyland and you walked the park and rode the rides and a good time was had by all. Now, you think about going to Disneyland and all you can think about is if your feet and back can take it. The last time you want to your local carnival, you thought you might have kinked your neck on the ferris wheel. Every activity that doesn't include sitting in your basement and watching TV is evaluated on a risk reward basis. That's not all, you are starting to realize that a lot of things just don't work the same way. I'll be kind and limit this to your eyes and hearing. yep, they are starting to go. Can't hear a LOT Of the sounds you could hear in your youth and your vision has become blurry at best. At 50 you start reading about medical advancements with a LOT more interest.<br />
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-- 65 - Retirement! Yipee! or at least it's when you are supposed to retire. If you didn't take part in some of your employment 401k then you are probably just looking at 65 with the thought that it's getting harder and harder for you to be hired. You find it's harder to learn new things (that old dog new trick thing wasn't just fooling around) you also find that there isn't much more you can do. You feel like the grasshopper that's been laughing at the ants. Well those ants are the ones laughing now. So you take your Social Security and realize that there just isn't much there. So you end up looking for the same jobs you looked for when you were in your 20's something that just pays enough but isn't too taxing. You'd rather stop being in charge of anything and just do as you're told and draw a check. On the other hand if you WERE the ant, you notice that your grasshopper friends all think that you shouldn't be able to take the money that you had forcibly taken from your paycheck and you should gladly give it to them. That seems fair right? Well at 65, you can go on and on (and often do) about what's fair and right etc. You find that parts of you are sounding a lot like you did as a teenager.<br />
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-- ?? - This age isn't quite as definite. In fact, it appears to be optional. Sorry to end this blog on a downer, but...You see there is a point in your life at which you are no longer vibrant. Either through disease or inaction, you can feel your clock winding down. You just wake up with the aches and pains of life and the stack of medications that you have to down every day and you realize that you are just a walking bunch of trouble. It should be noted that this age only happens when you literally can't do anything that you like anymore. At some point when you go to the hospital, you will stop expecting to come out better, if at all. From what I've seen there are a few people that stave this age off by remaining active and interested in things. They let their interest push them through the pain. Easy to say if you aren't in that situation, it's just what I've heard. Apparently Bingo is one of these activities.<br />
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Geeze Mark, that was a real downer. Yeah, I know. Life has to be taken as a whole and the sum of all of it's parts not each part by itself. If you aren't living the life you have like you would like, then make your changes. The only good changes are the ones you make yourself. All of those other changes people keep telling you are good? Yeah, they are liars and their pants are on fire. Macotarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08432090367153271349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3414773738740289262.post-21358170307814342202015-06-16T19:10:00.000-07:002015-06-16T19:10:00.345-07:0010 Things Dads are and are not.Fathers day. I've never been a fan. Of course I've never thought much of Mothers day either. The reason I don't think much of fathers day is that's not what fathers are about. We don't care about do nothing holidays like that. Just a waste of time. We care a bit about mothers day, but personally I think it's a real rip off. 'Here mom, I bought you some flowers, and maybe a framed picture of me or something'. That, against mom's lifetime of selfless service to me, so that makes us about even. Before I start on this I will give the bit of lip service to all the single moms out there. You have to be dad as well and you know better than anyone that it's not an easy job or maybe it is and you are Wonder Woman, good for you. This list is not about you, pro or con. It's about Dads. It's a list of things Dads are or aren't. For me if a family is a play then mom is the actors. Kids are the audience and Dads are the stage crew. <br />
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-- Are constantly trying to grow hair on your chest/Build your character/Knows what's good for you - Dads get you to try and do new things. These things aren't usually planned, but rather are lessons of opportunity when you sour your face at the new dish or don't want to get your hands dirty in the garden. Dads first line of encouragement is always to tell you 'Eat it! it'll grow hair on your chest' He may even tell his daughters that, but it's more for the joke teller side of Dad at that point. If nothing else, Dads know that doing what you must do even though you might not want to is something that DOES build character and IS good for you.<br />
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-- The money - Often we are told it's a Man's world. To the extent that is true, Dad is the money. There was a time when this was much more true than it is today, but it still carries some water. Dad goes to work every day and struggles with being told what to do in exchange for the fuel that keeps the family engine running. Dad will do the bidding of 'the man' to keep his family secure. Often Dads will do this in silence. As a result, the sacrifice is not apparent and therefore not really appreciated. Often kids think that money is some kind of stroke of luck that picks some and avoids others and long for the day that they are lucky. Dads know better. Money happens to people with patient persistence. Sometimes the money can also be the source of distance between Dad and his family. The problem is, the money becomes more of a part of his life than he had first assumed it would be. A job was there to help you live the life you wanted. This turns to the life you live is contained within your job. That's why some Dads are not very good at retirement. They have become their job.<br />
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-- Dads try to make as much 'privilege' as possible for their kids - We are starting to hear more and more about peoples 'privilege'. Boiled down, it means that life is not fair and some are born with more than others. The answer to this problem for some people is by trying to take away the things that are an advantage for some, not necessarily by giving help to advantage those less fortunate. Dads see one of their jobs as trying very hard to make his family one of privilege. He is vested in making life as unfair in your favor as possible.<br />
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-- Bad joke teller - Every Dad has an opportunity to play the authority figure. But because Dad doesn't want to be a total authoritarian he has to temper his laying down of the law with some kind of love. That is usually in the form of bad jokes. Dad jokes. Remember those jokes that were told when you were in about the 4th grade? How do you catch a squirrel? Climb in a tree and act like a nut! Yeah, those are all dad jokes. The problem of course is that Dad doesn't know when you've outgrown those jokes. The bigger problem is he doesn't care. Moms some times take this role, but usually they are heard to say things like 'don't encourage him' because the second dad thinks the jokes are getting to you, he will unleash the floodgates.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRzEQ-zb-hAH8Rr8iIhLk-ThODHKOEPVvAU8FYAiAkfHzIxhRd-NA4nZIRIYRzAcCWcw_rYpcAJFX-q7tzVeyoq3Hv9QPcVR7Hqf8U_NpO0B3FsmMqL8Mex7gk8AopXrjvDWSCaSoiHmlI/s1600/ht_batgirl_nt_110607_ssv.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRzEQ-zb-hAH8Rr8iIhLk-ThODHKOEPVvAU8FYAiAkfHzIxhRd-NA4nZIRIYRzAcCWcw_rYpcAJFX-q7tzVeyoq3Hv9QPcVR7Hqf8U_NpO0B3FsmMqL8Mex7gk8AopXrjvDWSCaSoiHmlI/s320/ht_batgirl_nt_110607_ssv.jpg" width="168" /></a>-- The Official Embarrass-er - Along with joke telling Dads are always quick with a story about how you would watch Barney for days on end and how you did this funny dance for your Grandma but ended up breaking wind but Grandma pretended not to notice. Those stories are Dad gold! No audience is immune, no situation exempt from these tales of woe. Dads have an internal sense of when exactly that timing is perfect.<br />
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-- Field commander - Often at home Mom will wear the pants. Outside often the Dad will become the field commander. This is usually evident on vacation. Dad will wear somewhat loud clothing so he can easily be seen by the local natives and his tribe alike. Dad is always on the look out for the bad side of the street and will often, without alarm, guide you to the other side where he hopes things will be safer and not as exposed. Dads don't raise a ruckus or cause the troops to be rattled. Dads keep a watchful eye while simultaneously pointing out that being a Street Performer is not a legitimate career.<br />
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-- Not stupid - Take a look at nearly any commercial that is on TV today. If the male figure in that ad is a Husband or a Dad, chances are he is stupid. Not just stupid in an unintelligent way, but culturally stupid as well as painfully naive. Dads will watch these commercials and laugh along with everyone else. Why? Because they (dads) aren't stupid. They know that being Dad means sometimes being a target. Dads have bigger things to worry about instead of being offended by every little slight that is leveled at them from TV.<br />
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-- Least politically correct - Dads are the last to know what things are socially acceptable anymore. Why? Because they live in a bubble that is split between work and home. Neither of which has a lot of cultural exposure. So when kids come home and Dad is ready to pull out another chestnut from his treasure trove of jokes and bon mots, often those jokes can rub against what school is teaching his kids. That's ok. That's one of the many thing Dads are for. To show you that the world will not change to make anyone feel more comfortable. <br />
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-- Dads let you know how things are - Moms let you know how they want you to be. Dads will let you know how things are. What the real world has in store for you. What people might be thinking. What the word on the street is. Sometimes he'll just say 'Yeah, that guy had it coming' and sometimes he will go to great lengths to explain why something that is wrong is simultaneously understandable. Dads are the ones that are usually the first to tell you that life isn't fair. Dads can explain the world you really live in.<br />
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-- Still just a guy - By all means Dads are not perfect. This is of course no revelation, but there is a fair amount of time where kids think their Dads are pretty great. Over time that can fade as kids come to realize that Dad is just like they are, just a person. Still it's hard to not be the hero or the funny guy anymore and just be that dumpy guy that makes weird rules. Dads will largely not complain about their lot in life or throw up their hands and say why me when things don't work out right, but it doesn't mean that a lot of life's slings and arrows don't still sting. One secret is that Dads still kind of remember you as the kid that liked them.<br />
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I write this in memory of my own Dad he was all of the above. Happy Fathers day to all you Dads out there. I hope you can enjoy it in peace and quiet or a riot and ruckus, whatever strikes your fancy. Macotarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08432090367153271349noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3414773738740289262.post-86787865743032788462015-06-01T06:00:00.000-07:002015-06-01T06:00:10.717-07:00top 10 ExcusesExcuses are interesting things. Normally they are explanations for why you can't do something. Once in a while they are reasons for faulty action. I read a quote once that said 'Excuses are what you use for things you don't want to do'. It's probably true. So here are 10<br />
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- Kids have a thing - Kids might be the biggest excuse to not do something that exist. Here is how it is. Hey would you mind coming into this meeting? We could really really use your expertise. You are on your way out. You have nothing better to do other than not work. Kids thing to the rescue! Wow, I'd really like to, but I've got to get out of here, my kids have a (recital, practice, pixie hunt) and I need to be there. Meetings are for suckers anyway.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkE_3Fls269ynAevdkQXHNrB8LByrYzAy7jm0Dig0jIxJgstFgZ4I_0KqJh4qrnlfeelIsNKT4Gwa7i5BKRHS7Wz1sfLswEIan8k24H1SUAmA0EBGUogMggJYutZIpl3wAuVvKXLI1F-B_/s1600/guinness-is-good-for-you.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkE_3Fls269ynAevdkQXHNrB8LByrYzAy7jm0Dig0jIxJgstFgZ4I_0KqJh4qrnlfeelIsNKT4Gwa7i5BKRHS7Wz1sfLswEIan8k24H1SUAmA0EBGUogMggJYutZIpl3wAuVvKXLI1F-B_/s320/guinness-is-good-for-you.jpg" width="212" /></a></div>
- I've heard that's bad for you/good for you - One of the best things about the Internet is that you can get nearly any opinion on any stated piece of fact that you want. Say for example you drink too much. You are probably aware of it, but you don't want to stop. You quickly retrieve a website that talks about the numerous benefits of alcohol taken in moderation. Now you can drink confidently knowing that moderation is probably more for you than it is for anyone else but it will justify you going over the line a bit.<br />
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- The sitter has to leave early / I've got to get up early - So you got roped into a thing. Probably people that you are friends with but that you actually don't really like that much. Somehow you ended up being invited over to their house for a meal and an indeterminate amount of time. The night starts off slowly and you quickly realize that you must get out of there by hook or by crook. You decide to go with hook and tell them that the sitter has either taken ill or the sitter won't be able to stay late and by association, neither will you. The kid-free analog to this is the early morning work meeting made possible by bosses that actually call meetings early so you've got to go home and get some shut eye. The cellphone has made this an even more convenient ploy because you can have your spouse dial your number and you can practice your rear-window acting. If you don't know that reference, I suggest you watch Hitchcock's Rear Window. In the movie they do a lot of off screen talking back and forth. See it, you'll get it, just look at it from the actors point of view.<br />
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- Wow am I tired - That demon fatigue has risen again to hasten an early egress!!! Oh to be young again. You could be watching all of the slides that your uncle has conveniently converted to grainy pictures. It would be more interesting if he knew what they were, but he keeps arguing with your aunt about whether that rock was on the way out of the city or the way in. Was that the car they owned second or third? Wow, I'm getting tired myself. One or two good yawns and a declaration of an early rise and you are off home. Maybe in time to watch the news. Or heaven forbid go to bed.<br />
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- Something suddenly came up - Thank you Greg and Marcia Brady. Something suddenly came up is the lamest excuse there is, and yet it is universally accepted as the acceptable blow-off-excuse. You know you are being played, but it is softened by the semi-honesty of it. Yes something came up. A night of blissful silence you have opted for instead of the semi-annual meeting of the insect mounting society.<br />
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- I'm on a diet - Don't want to go to lunch when offered? The diet is the sure lunch killer. The caveat here is that once you have used it, you will have your friends watching what you eat from that point on to see if you really are on a diet, or you just find your friends unappetizing enough to set you off your feed.<br />
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- The alarm didn't go off! - In this age of technology you will still find this gem being trotted out as an excuse for missing that early morning meeting or some other distasteful work event. As long as you have a fair amount of space between your last use of this excuse and the current use you are probably all right. Do it enough times and people assume that you are just a night owl and you are not fit for day work. This isn't so bad if they decide to give you a later shift. It's horrible if you get the later shift and you are STILL late for work.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiV412LSJvqUG-Ac39_WpTBdtuePlehG4lm9MlMqqoyHs8hXQnif1j-n46xlZiPU0HOJpKNc4wVlt2YUTzFsAM0408t5lTycrwULzZuhOhikf_oru0HZRZStOexbaRXjuJkPRv-FiyhIAcN/s1600/a.baa-Damn-i-forgot-bro.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiV412LSJvqUG-Ac39_WpTBdtuePlehG4lm9MlMqqoyHs8hXQnif1j-n46xlZiPU0HOJpKNc4wVlt2YUTzFsAM0408t5lTycrwULzZuhOhikf_oru0HZRZStOexbaRXjuJkPRv-FiyhIAcN/s320/a.baa-Damn-i-forgot-bro.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div>
- I forgot - Who doesn't have a slip of the mind? You simply forgot your appointment. It's quick, it's easy, and nobody can say you didn't. Some day soon, they will have a smart phone app that will quickly scan someones head and see if they actually did forget or if they are telling a fish tale and they just didn't feel like coming. The problem here is if you convince people you forgot enough times you may be esteemed as mentally deficient.<br />
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- I don't have enough money - Who does? Like the diet. If you are using your lack of funds to justify not attending something, be prepared for all of your friends to quickly join the Junior Accounting Association and watch every penny for you. 'Oh, I get it, you don't have enough money for our get together, but you DO have money for that life saving surgery. I get it. No it's ok, go ahead. Remove those irregularly shaped moles. See if I care.'<br />
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- I have a condition - That condition is that you don't want to go. Of course if where you are going is some kind of friendly game of some physical sport, there is the excuse you can use. I have a bad knee, it is genuine. It has been the cause of me not being able to attend many physical activities. I did play tennis on it for 4 years and I payed the price. At that time I would use a different version of the excuse. I would tell someone that I don't have enough tread on the tire of my knee to do something that isn't tennis. Now I don't even have enough tread for that. But you can tailor a condition to meet your event. Asthma, you can't go outside except for the briefest of moments during pollen season; Ate some bad food previously, you can't go anywhere now except the bathroom (until everyone is gone); Mesothelioma (you are going to see your lawyer, you've got to miss the company Frisbee golf event). You get the idea.<br />
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Well, my excuse for skipping a couple of entries is two fold. One I wanted to see if anyone noticed at all. 2 of you did. Or you did enough to mention it to me. I guess that's pretty good for a hack writer and observationalist. As it is, I just didn't have anything good enough to print. I admit, I've had a few entries go off the rails, who doesn't? But I just feel like the overall quality of the posts have been going down, so I took a break. The problem is that many of my posts might be a bit controversial. I'm not sure I'm ready to go down that road. We'll see.Macotarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08432090367153271349noreply@blogger.com0