Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Top ten reasons why you don't like your job.

Hypocrite alert!!! I actually am 80% happy at my current job. The only reason I'm not is because I am woefully inept at the skills that I really need. My prior job on the other hand was truly a distasteful one. My job prior to that was Ok, but I didn't handle it well and got myself fired. That being said...

Alright you glass half full types. I know, I should be thankful for my job etc. The truth is, currently I really like my job, but my dad had a great saying when it came to work: "If you liked it, they wouldn't pay you to do it". Now this bit of conventional wisdom has to be parsed correctly in order to be properly appreciated. What of those lucky souls that get to do exactly what they enjoy and they get paid for it? Well, I've decided that those people are producing something that other people love to consume. This works for artists, writers and other generally creative people. The key to doing what you love, or making what you do something you love to do, is being able to do it at or near your pace. The rest of us poor schlubs have to slog into work and figure out some way to motivate ourselves to come in the next day beyond our paycheck. Well don't come looking here for the bright side. Here are the top ten reasons you don't like your job:

10. 90% of the car damage I've sustained is either in the parking lot of, or traveling to or from work.

9. They are paying you much less than you are worth. This much is obvious. If they didn't, the company wouldn't make any profit because it would be split proportionately between the people producing the most on behalf of the company, which of course would not be 98% of management.

8. Companies think they are your mom and dad. Man I hate this, when they go through and start listing your 'goals' and the things that 'need a little work' I just want to stand up and say 'I've already got a mom and dad, and they are a damn sight better than you (no, this is not them).

7. TIME. 98% of companies will tell you that they expect more than 40 hours a week. This is of course if you are Salaried employees. The rationale for this is that if you are done with your work you can take time off and the company still has to pay you. What a joke. It's just a way for them to take your most valuable resource and make money for them with it. My current company is actually very good about this. But most companies have decided long ago that they own you 24/7 and so telling you to work more for nothing is well within their purview.

6. Annoying Employees. Nearly anywhere you go to work, you gain a certain camaraderie with your fellow employees. A kind of trench friendship if nothing else. But just about everywhere you work, there will be those people that annoy you, not because they are trying to, but because they lack any semblance of social skill. Sometimes there are whole departments that are made up of these misfits. They are usually called I.T.

5. The pointy haired boss. There is only one reason the fellow from the Scott Adams cartoon is funny. It's because it's true. There are no exceptions to the rule that given enough time, a boss will eventually become a clueless jerk. There is of course a reason for this, I went over it in a prior blog.

4. You start realizing that the reason you are where you are is because you aren't smart enough to get out of it. Man oh man is this one depressing. You wake up one day to find out that you are really just as dumb as you were afraid you were. It takes your sucky job to make you realize it.

3. Stress. It's amazing how much of the quality of your life is linked to stress. Of course a lot of this is by our own doing, but when your job adds stress to your life by telling you to come in and work on weekends and give even more to a company that doesn't care in the slightest if you are put out, it really puts it in contrast.

2. The SECOND they think they don't need you, they will not hesitate to put you out of a job (and pat themselves on the back for doing it). If you get nothing more from this rather windy list, please remember this: Every loyalty in business is perceived, and business's only true loyalty is first and foremost to money. There is nothing you can do to alter this, it's the nature of business.

1. Stinking motivational CRAP. Those black bordered platitudes straight from the anus of hell, you've seen them all, you've probably seen the counterfeit ones that explain a little more realistically how things actually are. This is bigger than those things of course. It's a company that thinks they can manipulate you into producing more simply by spewing some of this pablum in your direction. In fact, for the effort of blowing this fluorescent sunshine up your collective skirts, they EXPECT that you will produce more and be less idle. If you don't provide them with the proper return of their mental investment, see number 2 ;). Top of this crap heap is Good to Great. I could go on, but this actually deserves a whole blog entry for itself.

I've had a few bosses that I've disliked enough to really enjoy the following link. It's a little bloody, but well worth the effort.

Stress Reliever


Scoops Mangum said...

Your best post yet sir. Excellent work.

Macotar said...

Thanks! I hope you liked the link at the end. I got all 16.

Scoops Mangum said...

I got all of them. That was fun. Sick and twisted, but fun. :)