Friday, September 16, 2011

Top 10 ways George Lucas is a Jerk

Ok, Ok, maybe he's not a JERK.  I don't know him personally, but I am attached to one of his creations.  You might have heard of it?  Captain EO?  No, of course it's Star Wars (Yes he DID do Captain EO as well).  This was one of the seminal movies of my youth and I believe I am not alone.  There are many who consider it an integral part of the entertainment past.

Anyway.  What he created was a real gem.  In it's original form, it was breathtaking.  But over time he has proven one of my personal theories:  Any geek/nerd given enough power will become a domineering overlord to all those within his sphere of influence.  In fact I would not be surprised if he wanted this blog entry quashed except that it is so small and relatively unread that he might not care at all.  might.  Not all of my complaints listed will be his fault directly, but rather since it's his name primarily attached to the production, I will blame him either for instituting or for not stopping the following...

10.  Jake Lloyd - The kid was just not a very good actor.  The first movie to revisit the Star Wars franchise and young Jake was the best thing you could find?  I heard people say 'Well Haley Joel Osmint was busy'.  What, the young Haley the ONLY good child actor?  This role is the beginning of a major character of 6 movies.  Give it a little more thought than that.

9.  Japanese Trade federation? -  Sure there are only a few good accents you can put into a movie before they start getting silly.  Add to that the fact that we've never heard actual aliens speak.  But still.  They sounded like a bad Jerry Lewis bit.  I'm sure Japan is used to American movies slurring them left and right, but I thought it was kind of tacky.

8.  Ewoks   EEEECH - This was really the first problem I had with any of the movies.  Star Wars was ground breaking.  Empire Strikes back was amazing.  Return or the Jedi was exciting, but those little care bears running around were bad news.  First the idea that a bunch of little fuzz balls are going to fend off the empire and their increasingly clumsy storm troopers is just silly.  It would be like pitting one of those South American tribes that has never seen civilization against the US army.  It just wouldn't work.  couple that with the fact that you already had a good bunch of characters to use in the Wookies.  This move stunk of 'gimmie money' pure and simple.

7.  NOOOOOOOOO! - Revenge of the Sith.  A very dark movie.  Fairly disturbing.  and then toward the end of it...Some kind of strange 'homage' to Frankenstein that cresendo's with the newly christened Darth Vader half screaming 'NOOOOOOOOO'.  Except it sounds pathetic.  probably the idea.  But honestly, was this the real point at which Anakin Realized he'd made a wrong turn?  Not the killing of the younglings?  ick.  that whole scene went pear shaped because of that moan.

6.  Jar Jar Binks - What the @&+$!p is this?!  It's like Lucas was a huge fan of the Police Academy movies or something.  I was such an apologist for the movie at the time that I had constructed a whole idea around which Jar Jar works.  See if you like this.  Jar Jar was another example of how the Force works.  Just because he was untrained didn't mean he didn't have midichlorians (the bugs that transmit and respond to the Force).  While he was naturally clumsy, everything seemed to always work out for him.  It's an example of untamed Force in him.  Nope, sorry, he was just meant to be a strange pidgin english goofball that only served to screw things up.  Sigh...I liked my story better.

5.  NOOOOOOOOO Again -  This is actually what spurred this blog.  You see.  it's not enough that the first ill fated NOOOOOOOOO graced the movie in Revenge of the Sith.  Now Lucas has gone back to one of the most poignant scenes in Return of the Jedi and inserted another NOOOOOOO as Darth Vader is turned back to the light side of the force.  Completely un-necessary, and ruins another scene.  I think it was put in to lend credence and continuity to Anakin's first NOOOOOOO.

4.  Darth Vader in Love...ugh - Dear George Lucas.  You made a great framework that will remain in our popular culture for the forseeable future.  It will shape many things to come.  Congratulations.  That being said. have you ever been on a date?  The love scenes that deal with the courtship between Anakin Skywalker and Queen Amidala are nothing if not vapid.  If you are going to 'fix' anything, you could fix that...with a pair of scissors.

3.  How many times are you going to release this thing?! - Lord of the Rings has done this as well.  the multiple releases of the same movie that I've already purchased.  What?  You added some special effects to cover up for the production gaffes?  great.  was that every time?  sheesh.  how many times will I buy something I like?  I can tell you right now, not THAT many times.

2.  I've got a bad feeling about this - I think they should rename the latest Blu-ray release of the Star Wars saga to Star Wars...I've got a bad feeling about this.  The line has been said in every movie.  Unfortunately it's an obvious enough line that it sticks out like a sore thumb.  It's even in the cartoons.  I understand putting in a reference that ties all the movies together, but it's unnecessary and kind of cheesy.

1.  Han shot FIRST! - My biggest gripe of the bunch.  Han Solo was a scoundrel that was turned honorable.  In order to do that, he has to be a scoundrel FIRST.  But NOOOOOOOOOOO (see what I did there?)  It seems that Han is such a hero that we have to make it so he killed Greedo in RESPONSE to Greedo's ill aimed blaster shot (at point blank range I might add.  Not much of a bounty hunter if you ask me), missing Han and then getting his comeuppance.  Edited, the whole thing is as clumsy as Jar Jar Binks and just as annoying.  They should at least have an option in the Blu-Ray to allow Han Shoots first option on the view.  Kind of like 'Include director commentary'  But George Lucas can't possibly be wrong in this.  It's his creation so he can ruin it if he likes.

That's enough Griping for 15 days, thanks for tuning in! I really do appreciate it!

1 comment:

brad evans said...

Agreed. I've been thinking about this subject a lot lately too. Here's a link further supporting the "jerk" theory. Oh, and are you going to be waiting in line for your ticket to Jar-Jar 3D?