Sunday, October 16, 2011

top 10 things ghosts might really be instead of ghosts

I'm writing this entry because my other blog "Reasons why ghosts don't exist" is by far my most popular entry.  I want to see if this will give it some competition.

The other thing is, it seems that any time you get really scared of something, it turns out to be nothing at all.  And then you're scared of that.  We are just a race of sissy's.

10.  A low thumping noise - I've mentioned this before, but it's really true.  A low thump at a certain frequency will make you automatically think there is someone else in the room.  of course there isn't, but you will think they are and furthermore you will think they are up to no good.  All you need is the right frequency.  After that, it's easy.

9. Your overactive imagination - Me, alone, reading a book about UFO abductions/Ghosts/Bigfoot.  Loch Ness Not so much since I was never anywhere near large bodies of water housing surviving plesiosaurs.  Every creek in the house was someone looking to abduct me, I was sure of it.  I would hunker down under my blanket and make a tunnel to breathe out of.

8.  Do not take while operating heavy machinery - If you are taking some medications, it's possible that you will be inclined to see things.  Including but not exclusively ghosts.  You might see garden gnomes or gremlins as well.  If you are on something, you shouldn't really believe your eyes.

7.  But they said these were sleeping pills! - Kind of like above but in this case you might be seeing someone that has taken sleeping pills and is now in some state of zombification.  Sleep walkers are just as creepy as ghosts.  Even more so because they are REAL.  That glassy stare.  That vacant look.  EEEEEEEK!

6.  What time is it...HOLY CRAP! - If you are up really late and you are really tired, you will be able to start seeing things. It puts you out of the running for believable ghost story.

5.  Just one more for the road - I swear 1/2 of the ghost stories start out with I drank 1 more for the road and then I started walking home.  Then a woman approached me in old looking clothes.  And the story continues from there any one of several.

4.  I love sleep overs! - And so do ghost stories.  Mass hallucinations?  Mass Hysteria?  It's all possible.  If you were exposed to a bunch of 12 year old girls on a sleep over, you have probably been regaled with the tales of a ghost story or two at least.

3.  Who left the TV on?!? - If you really don't think the TV is on and you wake up hearing it.  it will FREAK YOU OUT.  But it's just the TV.  OR it's the ghosts watching TV because they are waiting for you to wake up.

2.  Scientists trying to contact you from another dimension. - Hey, don't rule this out.  Maybe the scientists are trying to contact you through a wormhole or dimensional doorway.  Freaky.  So don't be afraid, you are going to be advancing science!

1.  What's family for?  well I hope more than practical jokes! - I really wonder how many 'ghosts' are in fact your siblings trying to pull a halloween fast one on you.  Hey, it happened to the brady bunch on several occasions.

Saturday, October 1, 2011

top 10 excuses from kids.

I have several theories about life.  One of them is, if you have what you think is a really good idea.  Look it up on the internet.  If it really is a good idea, someone is already doing it and better than you would be doing it.

Another theory is that whatever experience I am having in life is actually a common experience with a lot of other people.  I don't think people have really different experiences.  Sure we are all different, but the truth is, in a particular region of the world many people live very similar lives.

I have teenagers now.  It seems that this is a common thread that these teenagers will probably lie to you.  Well, maybe not YOU, but other people's teenagers lie to them.  Alright since they aren't very good at it, instead of calling it a lie.  Lets call it teenager excuses.  Excuses are like strategies in football or any other sport.  If you go to a particular strategy too many times, your opponent will call you on it and you will pay the price.  Any resemblance to excuses given by political leaders is PURELY coincidental.

10.  This Traffic! - Traffic has been a time honored excuse ever since the invention of the wheel.  Used once in a while it's the kind of thing that can happen to anyone.  As a teenager you have to know that you really only get to use this excuse once.

9.  I did my homework at school/I'm all caught up - Back in my day, you could say this and be relatively certain that you would not be called on it until your grades came back.  Thanks to technology, parents are apprised of educational malfeasance nearly as soon as it occurs so your day of judgement comes a lot sooner.  Parents that are even marginally on the ball will not let their kids get too far away from the mark.

8.  I lost track of time. - Who hasn't done this?  Kids are notoriously bad at tracking time.  This may be semi-legitimate, but it's an important skill to learn.  As you grow older, you start equating the amount of time it takes to execute certain activities.  Thanks to this I have realized that it is impossible to do anything in 5 minutes that is worthwhile except maybe get the mail.

7. All the kids have problems with X - This is an interesting turn of play that the teen uses.  Lets not make this about me, lets make this about the broad populous.  If they could, they would take a lineup of murderers and con-men to be compared to.  As it is, they only have the other meaty bell curve performers in class to size up to.  This seems like a good defense and it is when you consider where they probably got it from.  Remember saying: ' No parent would let their kid do that!'  Well, add some spice and mix it and you get this one made for the kids.

6. I handed that in! - I could have sworn!  Really!  I know I handed that in! They figure that they got missed or otherwise omitted from the regular line up.  I've used this one in my past.  It never worked.  At least 1/2 the time I didn't really know if I actually handed it in or not, but best to err on the side that makes me look better.

5. That teacher has it in for me - That teacher hates me, as do all educators that grade me in a sub-standard fashion.  Anything is preferable to the alternative which is that maybe I don't care for studying.  Maybe I don't like the teacher.  Maybe I'm the problem.  I don't like that option.  The truth is, you have to work with all kinds of people including the people that you don't like.  If you can work such that nobody can tell if you are working with someone you either like or dislike, then you are a professional.

4.  I promise I won't ask for anything else - Wow, that's such a lousy promise.  Usually proffered when the child knows there is a crescent roll's chance at Sunday dinner of getting whatever it is that they want.  Parent's don't actually even hear this plea, except to possibly remark how much the child wants said object for use later for a birthday or Christmas.

3.  Hackers got into my computer! - So you have found something of objectionable nature on a cell-phone or perhaps computer?  Well clearly your little angel had nothing to do with it.  It was that one  that anonymous group.  they got onto my computer and put those things there!!! I have no idea how or why!  This wouldn't even make the cut if I hadn't seen a politician use the self same excuse.  What are we teaching our children anyway?!

2.  Not mine! - This is the denial that is most often heard in it's entirety after asking 'who's dishes are these that are left out?'  The bad news is, one of your kids is lying.  The good news is, it's only one of them.  Of course you yourself might have forgotten to clean up your place, so be sure before hurling wild accusations about.

1.  I forgot. - Leaders of countries down to the youngest child can use this old saw with near impunity.  After all, who hasn't forgotten things from time to time?  Who's to say you didn't this time?  This is the hardest one for the parents to rebuff but a good answer that usually comes back is 'When the police asks me what I think the speed limit is and I say I forgot, it won't keep me from getting a ticket'

There it is.  You may or may not have heard these.  After another 15 days, it won't matter ;)