Monday, April 1, 2013

10 Facebook people

Ahh facebook.  Time waster extrordinare!  This device has come to us and not only enslaves our data to it's advertising whims, but it draws us in with constant updates and information about our friends.  After being on facebook for a while, I've come to realize that there are really only about 10 people involved with facebook. There is nothing wrong with these people.  In fact, I think this is just how we ended up using facebook.  To wit:

10.  Terminal Reposter - These people constantly repost things they see.  They rarely if ever actually mention much about themselves or their lives.  They just see something they like and they repost it.  These include the darlings of the internet, the lolcatz.  But they also include e-cards and posts with very clever phrases.  While these people lack novelty, I think it's better to post something repeatedly funny than originally boring.

9. The Philosopher - These are people that put up pithy sayings that used to be reserved for the Hallmark gift card shop.  Now we get them all the time from everywhere.  Sometimes a reposter with limited scope, they seek only to be recognized as a deep thinker.  This might be me, I have a few of these posts in my quiver.  Am I a deep thinker?  Maybe, when I'm not being shallow.

8.  Pinterest Hijacker - These are people that don't actually use facebook for facebooks functionality.  They use facebook for a framework to post their pinterest pictures.  Why most of these pictures are food or shoes, I'm not sure.

7.  My Life Story - This person posts every fleeting thought that flies through their mind.  Doesn't matter what it is.  BOOM, posted.  They include the days menu, their current location, plans for the night.  If an assassin were to have one of these people as a target, there wouldn't be much of a challenge and they really should do it at a discount.  The other version of the life story is the travel log.  It seems these people are never NOT on vacation!  They raise the jealousy of all of their friends who show it by 'liking' their vacation photos.

6.  The vague poster - These are people that post something like this 'Best day Ever!!  You know who you are!' or 'Why are some days so much harder to deal with than others?'  or 'Here's to tomorrow being a much better day filled with something other than sorrow'.  In the case of the latter we rise to that bait because we are friends or relatives and we ask what's wrong.  They will then make us press until we are calling a suicide watch on them because they refuse to let us REALLY know what's going on unless we beg them.  This is of course what they are looking for.

5.  GO TEAM! - These folks don't actually post for themselves, but rather on behalf of their team!  The Pillimositok Green Men or maybe the South Yerbin Ferocious Pikas.  It really doesn't matter because you won't see much from the individual that doesn't have something to do with their team.

4.  Political Pundits - These folks are actually a subset of the terminal reposter and the Go Team combination.  They post more propaganda than Stalin on Mayday.  The problem is, both sides seem to think the other is an overwhelming force of fallacious facts that should, nay MUST be dealt with.  These people tend to be un-friended the most

3.  The counter-puncher - I'm afraid I'm one of these.  I rarely post anything myself, but I will often comment on other peoples post.  I don't know why, but maybe it's that I don't have enough originality to post my own offerings on a regular basis.

2.  The Gamer - These people get on because of a friend or relative, but once they are on, they are playing all of the social games that are available.  Unfortunately they are constantly inviting you to join their mob, water their garden, find their hidden items, or play poker.  Then someone mentions groups to them or they are more judicious about posting everything a game suggests you post.

1.  The Non Participant - These are 'friends' that are on facebook, but offer nothing.  They play no games, they post no pictures, they don't do anything.  They just sit there in your friends list taking up space with their blue head because they didn't even bother posting a picture.

There are but 10 of the users of facebook.  There are of  course those that do not participate at all.  These Luddites have one of a few complaints that keeps them from the most social of applications.  They don't like people tracking them.  They don't have the time.  The only problem is, their other friends are a part of the collective, surely they must realize that it's only a matter...of...time.

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