10 lines we might be in

Our neighbors across the pond call it queueing up.  In America it's called getting in line.  Seems like queue is the proper term, but in any case, it's basic economics.  When supply is scarce and demand is high, there is just one thing to do and that is LINE UP!

10 The DMV - If you don't drive anything motorized, you have never had to stand in line to get your drivers license or get it renewed.  That could be a lot of people.  People in big cities will sometimes never learn how to drive.  If you live in a fairly urbanized country, you will have had to stand in line for this privilege.  In America young teenagers will experience their first Government bureaucracy here where you take a test that has several driving related questions who's math equivalent may well be 'how many is 1?'  You then may take a live test where you have to demonstrate that you are at least serious enough to not act like an idiot while someone official is watching.  After that, it's just another line or 2 to get your picture taken and BANG.  You are driving with the full permission of the state.  yay.

9.  The Emergency Room - Holidays bring out the best and the worst in us.  Often during a holiday, there will be a bumper crop of injuries and no doctor's offices open (after all, it's the holidays!).  Now you may not be standing in line specifically, but you most definitely are in line.  You wait your turn until they take your information.  In some countries, the IDEA is to have a long line and a bothersome process. That way, you'll only stand in line if you are REALLY sick.

8.  Concert Tickets - So you hear that the Foo Fighters are coming to play in your local Olympic Stadium.  Sure, there are a lot of seats, but how many of them are the GOOD seats?  Not many.  So you stand in a LONG line of equally fanatic fans to get the best seats.  In order to increase the lines, now a lot of ticket vendors will give you a number and then draw numbers for the good seats.  This increases the line, but shortens the duration in the line since nobody is picking seats.

7. Theme Park - This is the essence of standing in line.  From buying your tickets to riding the rides.  Much more of your time is spent in lines than on the actual rides.   It became such a problem that over the years, theme parks have devised numerous methods to keep people moving to rides.  First the graduated ticket book system by Disney, where the now famous 'E' Ticket was born.  Well, this turned out to be not so great because it just created lines at the ticket booths as well as the lines.  Then they went to the fast pass.  This helped quite a bit.  Now they have smart phone apps that tell you where the crowds are so you can go to the least crowded areas.

6.  Black Friday - The day after Thanksgiving.  Isn't it interesting that the day after the day originally instituted by America as a day of observing general gratitude comes a day unofficially dedicated to observing gluttony.   Well with this gluttony comes the deals from the stores that offer 'for the first 100 customers' deals that seem too good to be true.  These deals have prospective customers standing in line for over a day to get a shot at the goods.  I've given up standing in that line long ago.  The deals are attractive, but unless that line has a ride at the end of it.  I will decline.

5.  Airline Security Check - This line is probably one of the most consistent lines you will stand if you travel.  Designed to be orderly, and protect your security, it tends to be neither.  The TSA are there to rifle through your things and scan you for dangerous items.  I have heard the TSA in the airport referred to as security theater.  the TSA is the most long lasting annoyance that the 911 terrorists have left us with.  We add up to 30 extra minutes to our travel time because of it.  On the good side.  Airports have made waiting for flights a bit more bearable.  I remember back in the day when airports had a news stand a few chairs and mostly open hallways.  Thanks terrorists...ya jerks.

4. Gas Station - Ok, Ok, there really aren't lines at the gas station.  Except way back in the 1970's there were horrible gas lines because of a gas shortage.  Another economics lesson there, but I won't go into it.  Bottom line was there was very little gas and lots of cars.  People started installing extra fuel tanks in their cars so they could fill up as much as they could when they did finally make it to the gas pump.  If there was a shortage of gas then...why isn't there almost no gas now?  hmmm...

3.  Celebrity Signatures - Talk about shortages.  All celebrities are the same.  One of them, lots of us.  As a result they charge money for a signature or a picture because there is only one of them.  That's a line wherever they seem to go.  These celebs include but are not limited to.  Johnny Depp, Christian Bale, Cameron Diaz, Santa Claus.  Folks seem to line up for any of them.



2.  New Tech - It seems this is a happening for any geek, it just depends on your flavor.  For me, it was the Nintendo Wii.  I waited all night with my son in sub 0 temperatures to finally get a ticket for the console.  For others, it was the Iphone, or the Xbox360, or the Playstation 3.  If the tech is anticipated enough, there are lines at the mere suggestion of availability.

1.  Food -  If you have been to any buffet, and you probably have, you will wait in line for the good stuff.  Usually deserts.  Even on a cruise ship, when they take the covers off of those chafing dishes, it's time to queue up!  Funny thing is, when you go back for seconds.  there is usually hardly any line at all.






There it is, another 10.  Only just.  Tune in 2 weeks from now, and I will regale you with yet another decade of things I think about.  No lines here.

Top 10 Reasons NOT to fly Standby

Recently I had the opportunity to fly to Finland and back on my wifes special pass tickets that the airline makes available to you for working for them. I'm not going to say which airline, and I'm not going to say how much things cost etc. That's their business and I'm not in that business. The following reasons are just the technical red tape you will have to go through in order to get to your destination. Please, I'm doing this as a humorous aside, not a gripe. In general the flight benefit is wonderful as long as you understand...


10. The plane turns into a bus - Sure it's obvious, but it's true. That confirmed seat you have on the plane is now a bus ticket that is only valid if they have a seat for you. People that need control should not travel this way because your route will change as the available seats do.









9. You NEVER get the aisle seat - Unless that plane has no people on it, you will ALWAYS get the middle seat usually between the fat lady that has yet to sing and the gentleman with the enlarged prostate sitting in the window seat.












8. There is always someone more 'senior' than you - If you have been in the airline industry for 25+ years this doesn't apply. Many airlines determine extra seating availability by seniority within the company. So if you have a pass on a plane and the person next to you has a pass and he has also worked for the airline for 2 months more than you, he automatically gets preference in the list. Of course it's not that simple but it is how it is. The funny thing about this is the company thinks they are saying 'Thank you for your loyalty' to the long-suffering employee with seniority. Really they are saying 'We don't like you nearly as much as we like them' to the employee that just started using their vacation passes. Personally, I think they should determine flight order by who is wearing the fanciest hat.

7. The more you got, the harder it is - If you are traveling with family, this whole process just got a lot harder. You don't want to separate from your family. If you are not traveling with the employee, you get a lowered preference and are less likely to get on any given flight so you don't want to split up. Also, if you separate, your likelihood of getting some of your party stranded at an airport just went up a lot. So now you don't just need your seat, you need ALL your seats. This gets to be extraordinarily difficult and adds to the stress and everything else.




6. Everybody else thinks you can fly for free - Even when it's free, it's not free. You don't pick your flight, your flight picks you. If you have particularly cheap friends, they might want you to 'equalize' your flight benefit with everyone else to go to a destination. Oh your so lucky, you get to fly for free. Yes, it is a benefit, but it is a dwindling one. Not only is it not free, but you have to pay taxes levied in many locations immediately. If you are not prepared for this, you could find yourself cash poor for your 'free' flying. The only reason this is a part of the list is because when it catches you by surprise it will leave a bad taste in your mouth.

5. Where's the Seats?! - This is more a problem with the benefit of free flight and the whole flight benefit model. Back in the 80's, Airlines routinely purchased flight legs that had few travelers on it in order to force competition and add to exposure. These days, The seats themselves have become more and more cramped, and airlines are flying much more lean legs. They take away flights and are reluctant to add them. Where there were 3 flights to a location, there will be 2 with smaller planes. This might be good for the company, but it's no good for the employee.




4. Dress up time! - If you are going to try to fly first class (why not? It's free ;) ). You can do so, BUT you have to dress up in slacks and a button down shirt etc. They don't want just any rabble flying first class. Of course if you pay those outrageous ticket prices for first class, you can dress in a tank top and cut offs and they will still give you exceptional service. So next time you go through first class on the way to your cattle car seating, look at the dress code. The people dressed up to fly are probably doing it at a DEEEP discount. This is actually a pretty small price to pay for flying first class as long as everything else goes well, which it won't but man oh man, when you are in those seats enjoying real food...mmmm








3. Employee services are likely quite a walk from your flight - This is only really annoying if you have dressed up for First class and you are going to have to walk all over the airport to get your next leg ticket because the flight you thought was going to be good ended up filling up so you need a different out. Many times in the course of flying, you will have to fly on a 'code-share' airline. this means that they have an agreement with your company to sell you a cheap ticket. This comes out of your company. So if you are at one code-share airline and you need to get to another, you must buy a different code share ticket. This means walking all the way to the employee services and back to your next gate. If they don't happen to share the terminal you are in, then you are in for a journey. This is easily remedied by buying lots of code share tickets for all of your contingencies. After all, you're flying for free right?



2. lemme check the flights - When you buy a regular airline ticket weather online or from an agent, you look at your options, and you buy your ticket. Now your time is yours. You can worry about all the other aspects of your trip. When you are standby, you must check not only your flight, but all of your connecting flights because your plans change all the time. So if you add the cost of constantly checking the computer for your flight availability, it gets to be a little more expensive.

1. Until you are on the plane and flying away, you are not on the plane - I've seen this happen. People with standby tickets are boarded on the plane and then someone with more seniority or someone with a paid ticket comes in late and kicks you out of your chair. Until that door is closed, you don't really have a seat, you just have high hopes.












Don't get me wrong, flying stand by is a great way to get places for very cheap or possibly free. And I've certainly used more than my fair share of that benefit and I greatly appreciate it, but before you sink a few years into an airline career, just consider the above. It's at it's best flying one leg flights alone. After that, it starts getting dicey.