10 common abilities and the comic book abilities they are like

We have all kinds of super hero movies these days.  Personally I love em.  The idea that you can have powers that set you apart from the rest of humanity is a lot of fun.  Of course in real life, if you had powers you wouldn't want them for more than a month, and if you did, you wouldn't be using them for good.  Well, we already have super powers.  It all depends on context.  After all, Superman isn't all that super back on Krypton.  He's regular-man.

Here are some semi-super powers you might already have.

10. Having a cellphone - Speed - not long ago, your life was complicated by getting to places on time.  These days it's not really as urgent as all that since you can call ahead and mention that you will be late.  This is all evidenced by movies that include a lack of communication as a plot complication.  Gotta get to X to warn the innocent people that a bomb will be going off at Y oclock.  Now, you can call someone from nearly anywhere.  It's like you are the FLASH.  Everywhere all the time.

9. Lawyer - Invisibility, Shields - The right Lawyer in criminal Law can make even the most convincing evidence invisible to the case.  They of course can extend their law shields to protect you against the most harsh legal attacks.  Sue Richards of the Fantastic Four could go invisible and later, because going invisible really isn't a terrific power to have unless you want to be a bad guy, they gave her shields that she could use in various ways to help the team.  Lawyers seem to always be using invisibility and shielding to their advantage.

8. Doctor - Healing - In the super hero realm.  The ability to heal themselves and others makes you pretty popular on any team-up project.  It keeps everyone going for much longer in the fight than they could normally.  Most comic book heros only have self healing abilities.  Well, A doctor can do that AS WELL as heal others.  Take THAT Wolverine!

7. Computer Geek - Telepathy - I realized this while I was helping my mom with some computer issues over the phone.  It was very similar to nearly every support call I've ever had the pleasure to take.  You are suddenly asked and expected to understand and know what is showing on your customer's screen at any point in time.  In true psychic form you will predict what will happen after a sequence of keystrokes and mouse clicks:

...O.k. when you click that button, a pop up screen will show up.  That's normal...'I didn't get a pop up screen, I got a balloon or something that made a pop sound'...No, you're clicking on the lower right part of your screen, move your mouse away from that...'How did you know?'...Well because...It doesn't matter.  Now go to the OTHER button and click on it...'  

This makes you both Telepathic and Clairvoyant.  Impressive indeed.

6. Video Games - Time Travel (Forward Only) - This is not a super power as much as it is an effect.  You find a game that completely consumes you.  Perhaps Skyrim for example.  You then play until say midnight.  Now you'll just continue to play until you gain one more skill level.  ZAP!!!  You have time traveled nearly 8 hours ahead in time.  Things are so different here...do they enjoy the same kinds of things?  Have they cured cancer?  Do they all wear tin foil clothes?  Those questions aren't nearly as important as the question 'how am I going to make up for all of my lost sleep?'.

5. Your kids facebook account - Xray vision - How do they know??!?  How can they tell?!?  When you have access to or are unrestricted friends with your kid.  You suddenly have xray vision into their most private moments!  It's amazing!  They don't realize or care that they are being monitored.  Just don't abuse it or they may search for some kind of internet lead to put in your way of your x-ray vision.

4. Some Money - molecular manipulation - It's amazing.  All you have to do is take these rectangles of paper and give them to someone behind a long table and then you keep the item or good you have purchased.  You have turned mere paper into a groceries, a frosty chocolate shake, or even an IPOD! GASP!  It's amazing.  you can turn plain fibrous wood pulp into nearly anything you want.  OOOOOOH  AAAAAAAH.  Of course you are stuck on the other end of this super power as well.  You provide real work or service and all you get are numbers that someone else holds on to for you that represent the rectangles of paper.  The real magic is in what supports all of this.

3. Having a smart cellphone - Flight - Smart Cellphones have many abilities, but one of the most used functions seems to be using a mapping program on your smartphone while using the GPS located inside.  This gives you a birds eye view of the area around you.  Really, if you had flight what would you do?  You would fly up and look down and see where you are.  You would stop using flight as a means of transportation very quickly after realizing some people seeing you fly would mistake you for some kind of target.

2. Motion Detecting lights - magic - If you ever go into work early or stay after late in a building that was built fairly recently.  You have motion sensors detecting everything.  In cost saving measures, the building people make lights available when they sense movement.  they make water appear out of the tap in the same fashion.  Anyone that see's this from the 1970's would consider this absolute magic.  It would seem that the whole building is bent to your will.  Making things happen for your sole benefit.  And like so many things.  We look at it like it's no big deal.

1. Having a truck - Strength - Gosh, I need to move, who do you call?  The Hulk?  so He could move tons of your stuff to your next dwelling.  Wait a minute.  that might be really damaging to most if not all of your stuff because he has to get really pissed off to be able to do it.  So instead you call 'Buddy with a truck'  yes not as catchy but a lot more available and you can then move without worrying about losing your deposit.











If you are a first time reader.  Welcome.  If you are reading this rag again, Thanks.  Like Box of my stuff on Facebook and 15 Days from now I will use my special super power of looking at obvious things and make another entry.

Top 10 Characteristics of good bad guys

I love the movies. Not any more than anyone else I suppose, but I love them anyway. They boil down complex human emotion to it's elemental level. A great movie is one that has a simple message that doesn't deviate from that message, but maintains an interesting story line around that message.

One of the biggest difficulties in making a good story is making a good bad guy. Great bad guys in our recent past include but are definitely not limited to Satan, Darth Vader, Cardinal Richelieu, Megatron ( Transformers, not the one from the movies, I would point you in the direction of the Beast Wars series to see them at their best) and more recently Heath Ledgers Joker (Mark Hamil of Star Wars fame did a GREAT job with the Joker in the Batman animated series and shouldn't be forgotten). We know we like the bad guys, but why do we like them? Maybe because they represent us if we had enough guts. Or maybe because they prove our point for us without making us work for it. Or maybe we just like seeing the bad come out and play once in a while. To this end...

Good bad guys are...

10. Men of action - Much like heroes, villains are men of action. They DO things. This sounds stupidly simple, but look at it this way. How many of you have neighbors that would be bad guys if they would just get off of their lazy kiesters and do something. The better part of potential bad guys lie dormant in trailer parks right now with their beer hats and their nachos waiting for the perfect time to strike. If they only cared.




9. Astonishingly poor judges of character - Bad guys make a habit of employing people dumber than they are. This is for two reasons. True villains think that since they are men of action, they are smart. The don't like to be shown they are not the smartest by hiring someone smarter than they are. They also don't want the next bad guy in line to have their seat, so they want to make sure they have underlings they can keep a thumb on. These criterion seriously limit your field of choices vis a vis a potential right hand man.














8. Above average intelligence - The baddies were the guys that never did homework, never studied, never put in an ounce of effort and averaged a B. The reason Bad guys didn't get straight A's is because it wasn't within their character flaws. There is an exception for the Bad guy that has the 'they never appreciated me' origin. Those bad guys got straight A's and nobody noticed or cared because their parents always wanted them to be in the clergy and didn't care about academia (tool of the devil). Please don't think that good guys must be stupid or some such nonsense, I'm just saying that a good bad guy needs smarts.











7. Extremely high in ego - A good bad guy really believes that they are somehow endowed with some kind of chromosomal enhancement that makes them better than everyone else. They usually don't believe they are better because of something they did, but rather that God or nature has given them advantages that the rest of man kind simply can not hope to even understand much less equal. They don't blame you for your lack of superiority, but they are far too important to the future of mankind to allow you to hinder them with your obvious flaws.











6. A finely developed sense of humor/irony - Irony is usually lost on heros and yet we as regular humans love it. We love seeing the little patterns in life and ascribing meaning to them. Now once in a while we will see humor in a hero to be sure, but the best lines are usually the bad guys. 'Pray I don't alter the deal any further', 'No, I expect you to DIE Mr. Bond'. Bad guys love irony because they are an integral part of it and irony is usually what makes a bad guy 'cool'. Without the bad guys, there is less irony and therefore less to appreciate about life.





5. Have a sense that most people are beneath their contempt - A really good bad guy views other human beings as tools to be used to his ultimate aims. Bad guys only have attachments to other humans in that they serve to cover their weaknesses, show off their strengths or assist them in their goals. Apart from that, they are not at all interested in anything that the rest of humanity has to offer. Unless of course they admire other great achievers in history, but all of them are already dead.













4. Are masters of manipulation - A really good bad guy can get the rest of the bad guy world to follow him and believe they are doing themselves a favor in doing so. Often they can get the good guy to use their misplaced sense of morality to put themselves in a pickle without having to do much. The good bad guy can do this because they know your weaknesses better than you do. The good guy always represents the absolute of good which is fairly easy to overcome with the gray of not SO bad. It is the Devil himself that claims to ensnare the hearts of men with 99 Truths and 1 lie.











3. Surprisingly short sighted - Even the best of bad guys fail because they just don't see the big picture. The biggest reason for this is that moral equivalence and manipulation require a loss of perspective big enough to let it make sense to the weak minded. Since the bad guy has to put themselves into this lack of perspective, they also lose the sense of what is best in the long run. Hmmmm...now what else is typified by short term gains for long term losses...let me think...







2. believe that force is usually necessary - Bad guys don't have enough time to be bogged down by things like democratic process and checks and balances. They want you to start living their model of better life now. So they will circumvent every method of governance possible for their greater good. Great phrases like 'if you wanna make an omelet you gotta break some eggs', and 'In the end you'll see I'm doing this for your own good' are made by the printing press of this ideology.













1. A deep seeded sense of misery - A good bad guy is constantly searching for a happiness/contentment that can not be found through bad guy means. The always feel like they are lacking just a little bit and search for what will fill the void. Obviously absolute power would be the ticket. Ask any 6 year old what would make them happiest and aside for all the ice cream they can eat and their birthday every day, 'Everyone has to do what I say' will show up high on the list. Of course we all know that happiness is not something to be gained but rather a state of mind. Truly happy people are simply happy with small regard to their circumstance. Truly happy people enjoy the journey more than the destination. Miserable people are made more miserable by the fact that the end of their quest does not quench their insatiable fire.








Any resemblance of these traits to humans that you know is purely coincidental...or is it...hmmmmm.