10 Childhood Disappointments

Several years ago, I penned a list about disappointing realizations.  Those were pretty true, but there is a different class of disappointments that happen when you are a kid.  You have no baseline for things that make up the world around you.  For a long time you take your Mom and Dad's word for everything.  Whatever they say must be true.  Thats fine if you want to ask them about EVERYTHING all the time.  Some stuff you figure out for yourself and it's pretty disappointing.

-  Entertainment isn't real - Kids love kids shows because they show kids excited about being friends with something weird.  Usually some kind of purple dinosaur, or strangely clad dancing semi- adults or kindly old people that are willing to take the time to talk to you.  Kids assume that the things they see on TV have some kind of basis in reality.  Even they can't quite explain it, but they believe they could go visit these characters.  If they ever get to, it's just a strange feeling.  Adults often feel this same kind of strangeness when they see TV/Movie Stars in real life.  They just don't quite look the same.

-  There is nothing to be afraid of - Some kids actually don't get over this at all, but most do.  It's a bit of a disappointment that there is nothing to be afraid of when it comes to ghosts, aliens, vampires, etc.  Because the existence of these creatures also meant the possibility of pretty fantastic other things.  When you find out that they just aren't there and are just stuff of stories, it's simultaneously a relief and a disappointment.

-  Laser Levels are not very cool at all - When you are a young lad and you hear about a laser level, you conjure up some pretty fantastic ideas about what it is.  When you realize that it just projects a line on a wall that represents a level surface it's kind of a downer.  It's much cooler to think of something that MAKES things level.  yeah, much cooler.

-  You pretty much do everything wrong - Most baby's first words are thought to be ma ma,  that might be true, but a close second might be NO.  That's all you hear pretty much all the time, NO NO NO NO NO.  You feel like you can't do much of anything right.  Bummer.  But chin up buckaroo, if you can't do anything right it means you are still learning.  It's preferable to doing everything right.  Because then you feel like you can't do anything unless you can do it right so you stop learning.

-  TAXES??  - As a kid, pretty much everything is provided to you.  then later you are told you have to do some 'chores' to earn an allowance.  This is to teach you the value of money and the good feeling of earning.  Then you get older and you get your first job.  You get that first paycheck and you look at it.  What is that federal withholding?!?  Do they take this out every time?!?  This sucks!  What a rip off!  Yes it is, Yes..It..Is.

-  Mom and Dad are liars - Mom and dad tell you about all kinds of mythical creatures.  They also say things like 'they are making fun of you because they are jealous'.  They also talk about things that are against the law for kids to do.  'If you get out of bed, you are breaking curfew, I'll have to call the police and turn you in'  Lies lies lies.  When you are young, mom and dad are absolutes.  They are the authority. Later on you realize that mom and dad are just people trying to do the best they can and sometimes they are ill informed and sometimes it was an outright lie.  Usually that lie was for your benefit so I'm sure we can let it slide.

-  Your body requires a lot of maintenance - When you are a kid, you are a superhero.  You can run fast, you can jump high, you can do it all and you get tired for about 10 minutes and you are ready to go go go again.  You are what every adult wants to be.  The first clue you have that this might not last forever are trips to the dentist.  You didn't brush your teeth because you just didn't feel like it had anything to do with anything.  Well those cavities in your teeth are proof that's not true.  You don't exercise?  You don't shower?  There are all kinds of things you kind of need to do if you are going to keep your body in good condition in a way that is acceptable to those around you.

-  Santa isn't THAT great -  This is a special parental lie that you get that is most disappointing.  When you realize that there isn't a benevolent man that gives toys to good boys and girls but instead it's your parents, you feel just a bit ripped off.  It's not that you don't get presents, you do, but you also know that you have this owness to your parents.  There will be no source of presents that come from outside that you can count on.  In other words.  Santa won't be able to help you if you run away from home.




-  Everything you thought was free isn't - I remember thinking a few things were free.  Water.  Roads,  TV.  There were a bunch of these.  Later you find out that none of them are free.  They all have costs.  It's always disappointing to find that you have to pay for something that you once had for free.  It just doesn't feel fair.

- Vanilla tastes like THIS?!? Bakers Chocolate? - These are a few of the things you can get a shot at tasting when your mom isn't in the kitchen.  You go looking for some kind of treat and you see the bakers chocolate.  Mmmmm...you snap off a piece and it seems pretty hard, but that's ok, it's gotta be good.  It says chocolate!  YAK!  it tastes like some kind of tar!  It's horrible!  well thats ok, you spy the vanilla over there on the shelf.  you LOVE vanilla.  you open the bottle and take a sip.  Vanilla isn't supposed to taste like FIRE?!?  What kind of kitchen is this?!?  People actually cook with this stuff?

Ok, 15 days till turnover.  The last one was a record low bunch of readers.  Nature may be telling me to knock it off.

10 Christmas Holiday Programs

It's that holiday season again.  It comes once a year, but it almost seems like it never really ends.  Maybe some time in mid July, but for the most part, you are either preparing for, or recovering from, the Holidays.  Of course if you are a child, then the Holidays only mean that you are about to partake of one of the 4 paydays afforded you as a child. 1. Christmas, 2. Easter (candy only), 3. Halloween (candy only) 4. Birthday.  The great part about being a kid is that these things just happen to you.  And it seems that everything around you changes to accommodate the holiday you don't understand why, but it's pure magic. When I was a boy during Christmas, a big part of the magic was the TV programming.  There was no on demand, there was only TV Guide.  If you missed it, you were a year away from the next broadcast.  In no particular order.

10 - Frosty the Snowman - The non-secular show. By non-secular I mean that it had no specific affiliation to Christmas whatsoever.  A story about a dumb snowman and his magic hat.  It always seemed to air at Christmas time, even though it might have been better suited around February when there are no holidays of note and just winter.  It seems that it had a sprig of holly around the title, I guess that was enough to tie it into Christmas.  More than it has in the song certainly.  Yet that song would also make it's way into the grade school program.  Still I would watch it and any other special show that came up and it occupies my memories with the sounds of Happy Birthday!

9 - Rudolph - One of the greats.  Rudolph has always been around and it took me quite a while to realize that Rudolph was not one of the initial reindeer.  The outsider, the underdog, the hometown boy makes good.  The ultimate story of triumph over adversity.  That's what this story wanted to be and to a great part was.  Misfit toys, Dental Elves.  This show had it all.  This was the first show that I remember seeing in stop motion.  It had such a weird look to it, I loved it.

8 - Santa Claus is coming to town - Another stop motion great, the story of Santa Claus.  It featured a red haired guy named Kris Kringle that looked quite a bit like Glenn Campbel.  He had to figure out a way to get toys into kids away from the watchful eye of the dreaded burger meister meister burger.  Well you know the story, because you've seen it as much as I did. More fun stop motion. In fact, after this show, any other show that used similar stop motion techniques would immediately bring Christmas to mind. Defrocked winter wizards were the most compelling part of this show for me.  It taught me that once you no longer have evil in your heart, you have no power for your magic.  I'm not sure if that's a good or bad lesson, they didn't really elaborate.  It also contained a great song that was non-Christmas.  Put one foot in front of the other.  yay!

7 - Year without a Santa Claus - This had less to do with Santa and more to do with two warring factions of the weather world Heat miser and Cold miser.  They had the same song but switched the lyrics to suit their specific climate.  'They call me heat miser...whatever I touch...melts in my clutch...I'm too much'  Loved that song.  Apparently they called a truce long enough to allow snow in southtown U.S.A.  I think it's somewhere in Alabama. It's been remade a few times (the song) so I think more than just me liked it. Had they remade the show for current times.  I think they would be called the climate change brothers. Stop motion again, but worth watching every year.

6 - The Grinch who stole Christmas - The great Boris Karlof narrated this show about whos in whoville.  These are the same whos that Horton had heard.  Boris also voiced the menacing Grinch.  Classic show animated by Chuck Jones of Looney tunes fame.  This show was just about the spirit of sharing and community.  Not heavy handed, just fun.  I loved the dog.  The who carol made up in who language was also nice. Little Cindy Lou who.  The cutest little slug you ever saw!

5 - A Cricket in Times Square / Very merry Cricket - This one didn't show up as often but I saw it enough times and had memories attached to it, that it made sense for me to add it since this is my blog.  I was supposed to be doing forgotten homework when this show came on (also animated by Chuck Jones).  Rather than do that I sneaked to the edge of the door frame to watch the show.  Followed by a zip back to my desk to pay small attention to the assignments that I still don't remember.  Well my dad caught me and closed the door.  I received a well deserved scolding.  For that reason I still remember this show.  Otherwise, I'm not sure it comes on that much anymore.

4 - Star Wars Christmas Special - Speaking of never comes on.  This show was a bomb from the get go.  I remember seeing it when it aired and MAN was it a stinker.  Just horrible.  You can find it online for viewing if you have a strong enough constitution.  This must have been a part of a contract or something because nobody looks too happy to be in it.  Give the Wookies their due.  Apparently they had Wookee Christmas.

3 - The Little Drummer Boy - This is really the only story that speaks directly to the story of Christmas by inserting the drummer boy heard in fictitious song into the Nativity.  Another stop motion animation in the same style as Rudolph and Santa.  This song made famous by the Von Trapp Singers.  Yes, THOSE Von Trapps.  Had quite a bit of play in the 50's.  The show itself kind of creeped me out for reasons unknown.  I think it was because they painted a smile on the kid and made him drum.  That painted smile reminded me too much of clowns.  I think it's safe to say that everyone hates clowns.

2 - A Christmas Carol (1971) - Charles Dickens wrote the definitive story about Christmas spirit in the Christmas Carol.  It has been made many times.  The only reason I choose this model over the myriad others is because it was perfect in my memory.  The Muppet Christmas Carol holds a very close second and still a dear place in my heart.  Were it not for that strange love song and reprisal in the middle of it, it might have gained first.  The animation from 1971 was something I stumbled upon and didn't see it in the standard weekend nightly holiday schedule.  It would come mid day on a Saturday but I still remember the feeling of it.  Even when it was happy, it couldn't quite get away from the Dickensian England that engulfed it.  It had all of the elements of the story that you needed in a format digestible by a kid.

1 - Charlie Brown Christmas - Charles Shultz didn't even like this show!  He thought it was really poorly animated.  Yes, it probably was.  The cartooning itself wasn't what I would call polished.  My kids to this day will take all of the flaws in the cartooning of all of the Peanuts specials and make fun of them.  But the voice acting by those kids and the music by Vince Guraldi propel this into my favorite Christmas program bar none.  The story itself seems so somber.  It's as much a story about fearing that you will outgrow Christmas as it is a celebration of the Holiday.  I love it as much as an adult as I loved it as a kid.

In 15 days I'll stumble across the deadline with another list of 10 things.  You'll probably be too busy to read them, but stop by for a cup of hot chocolate!  Holidaze are upon us.  Don't allow the trappings that surround the season become more burdensome than the Holiday warrants.  Often it's more than enough to just be together for the holidays.

10 Classic Cartoon Characters

When I was a kid, Cartoons were a vital ingredient of mornings .  ANYTHING that disturbed this was immediately looked upon with disdain especially Saturday morning.  Unless of course you were taking a Saturday to go to Disneyland or something, but that is most certainly the exception to the rule.  When I heard that these cartoons were the self same cartoons my dad watched when HE was a kid, I was amazed.  The truth is, these characters and their cartoons are classics even today.  They are still funny and still clever.  You can see the timelessness in them.  Now before you read my list.  You will not find any Disney properties.  This is only because in my own youth, there were no Disney cartoon shorts.  They just didn't exist after Steamboat Willie.  Otherwise,  the mouse would be included.

10. Foghorn Leghorn - Some of the most funny big talking ever.  Foghorn didn't have a lot of cartoons, but when he did, it was terrific. Often the pain in the side of the farm dog and a diminutive chicken hawk, Foghorn Leghorn was one of my dad's favorites.  Memorable lines:
Nice boy but he's got as much nerve as a bum tooth
Nice girl, but about as sharp as a bag of wet mice.

9. Daffy Duck - The constant competition to Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck went from just crazy to the perfect image of the 2nd tier Hollywood star.  Pretty much the opposite of Bugs Bunny. When Daffy took hold of his sanity it seemed that he would never get the upper hand.   In so many cartoons, with out his counterpoint, you would not get near as many laughs.

8. Porky Pig - The every man character.  Porky pig is the most personally identifiable to everyone that watches cartoons.  Paired up with nearly everyone, Porky pig was the perfect consistency to the zany nature of the rest of the troupe.  He was also the character that said 'That's all folks!'

7. Elmer Fudd - Some would say that Elmer was the every man.  Elmer to me was more of a different character that represented The Man.  Elmer was the hunter, the business man, the homeowner.  Elmer was 1940's middle class.  He was the suit, he was the rules.  He was bugs bunny's favorite target.  Yet he was always the heavy when it came to Daffy Duck.  We kind of enjoyed seeing Elmer get it.  After all he was gonna 'kill da wabbit!'

6. Tom and Jerry - Making a departure from the Warner Brothers camp.  Tom and Jerry to me were brothers that were constantly feuding.  Yet they were still brothers.  For me Tom and Jerry had phases that were good and others that were really strange and almost upsetting.  The Chuck Jones era of Tom and Jerry featured strange sound effects and odd music that I still can't place with the Hanna Barbera Tom and Jerry.

5. Popeye - I remember as a kid singing a song that had to do with garbage cans and Popeye.  The cartoons seemed sometimes very very old and other times quite current.  Popeye was the protector of the innocent and hapless in the face of the ultimate threat.  Bluto or sometimes Brutus.  Never enough to quite best his nemesis, Popeye would resort to eating spinach and then handily dispatch his foe with muscle and magic.  I remember him shooting someone from a tattoo of a battleship on his chest and using his signature corncob pipe as a blowtorch to open the can of spinach.  The 1960s were my favorites, but the black and whites were pretty good too.  Popeye always had a subtext of conversation with himself that I found to be very funny.

4. Little Audrey - From the 40's and 50's This cartoon along with Popeye and Casper would show up on weekdays on a local show that was designed to entertain and advertise to the kids while they ate their breakfast before going to school.  The episode of little Audrey I remember the most was Audrey the Rainmaker.  She had wished that the rain would stop forever so she could play every day.  Then she got her wish.  There were daffodils or possibly Irises that were screaming for water.  Those flowers often haunted my nightmares.  They were so desperate for water!

3. Casper - The friendly ghost!  Made by the same folks Casper was a member of a supernatural troupe that tried to convince kids that the supernatural was fun.  I guess.  I have no idea.  However, Wendy the witch was his good friend and he never really wanted to scare people, he just wanted to be friends.  I wonder how he died.  In the Simpsons I recall them mentioning that perhaps Casper was a dead Richie Rich trying to pay penance for a life of wealth and privilege.  I had seen certain Casper cartoons so many times that I remember every line and every piece of timing.

2. Snoopy - Snoopy Was the first comic strip I ever read.  I loved it.  I loved everything about it.  At the time, the only things I could count on was Charlie Brown Thanksgiving and Charlie Brown Christmas.  But both of those shows were so important to me as a kid that they were marked on a calender so I wouldn't miss it.  The animation was fairly sloppy according to Charles Shultz, but for me it was the voices and the music that made it.

1. Bugs Bunny - The king of Saturday morning.  Overture!  Light the lights!  This is it.  We'll hit the heights.  The bugs bunny loony tunes hour would replay all of the loony tunes cartoons from decades in the past.  For me, they were new.  Everything about them was what made Saturday morning worth waking up for.











There it is.  My childhood wrapped up in animation.  Thanks for reading!