top 10 Excuses

Excuses are interesting things.  Normally they are explanations for why you can't do something.  Once in a while they are reasons for faulty action.  I read a quote once that said 'Excuses are what you use for things you don't want to do'.  It's probably true.  So here are 10

- Kids have a thing - Kids might be the biggest excuse to not do something that exist.  Here is how it is.  Hey would you mind coming into this meeting?  We could really really use your expertise.  You are on your way out.  You have nothing better to do other than not work.  Kids thing to the rescue!  Wow, I'd really like to, but I've got to get out of here, my kids have a (recital, practice, pixie hunt) and I need to be there.  Meetings are for suckers anyway.

- I've heard that's bad for you/good for you - One of the best things about the Internet is that you can get nearly any opinion on any stated piece of fact that you want.  Say for example you drink too much.  You are probably aware of it, but you don't want to stop.  You quickly retrieve a website that talks about the numerous benefits of alcohol taken in moderation.  Now you can drink confidently knowing that moderation is probably more for you than it is for anyone else but it will justify you going over the line a bit.

- The sitter has to leave early / I've got to get up early - So you got roped into a thing.  Probably people that you are friends with but that you actually don't really like that much.  Somehow you ended up being invited over to their house for a meal and an indeterminate amount of time.  The night starts off slowly and you quickly realize that you must get out of there by hook or by crook.  You decide to go with hook and tell them that the sitter has either taken ill or the sitter won't be able to stay late and by association, neither will you.  The kid-free analog to this is the early morning work meeting made possible by bosses that actually call meetings early so you've got to go home and get some shut eye.  The cellphone has made this an even more convenient ploy because you can have your spouse dial your number and you can practice your rear-window acting.  If you don't know that reference, I suggest you watch Hitchcock's Rear Window. In the movie they do a lot of off screen talking back and forth.  See it, you'll get it, just look at it from the actors point of view.

- Wow am I tired  - That demon fatigue has risen again to hasten an early egress!!!  Oh to be young again.  You could be watching all of the slides that your uncle has conveniently converted to grainy pictures.  It would be more interesting if he knew what they were, but he keeps arguing with your aunt about whether that rock was on the way out of the city or the way in.  Was that the car they owned second or third?  Wow, I'm getting tired myself.  One or two good yawns and a declaration of an early rise and you are off home.  Maybe in time to watch the news.  Or heaven forbid go to bed.

- Something suddenly came up - Thank you Greg and Marcia Brady.  Something suddenly came up is the lamest excuse there is, and yet it is universally accepted as the acceptable blow-off-excuse.  You know you are being played, but it is softened by the semi-honesty of it.  Yes something came up.  A night of blissful silence you have opted for instead of the semi-annual meeting of the insect mounting society.

- I'm on a diet - Don't want to go to lunch when offered?  The diet is the sure lunch killer.  The caveat here is that once you have used it, you will have your friends watching what you eat from that point on to see if you really are on a diet, or you just find your friends unappetizing enough to set you off your feed.

- The alarm didn't go off! - In this age of technology you will still find this gem being trotted out as an excuse for missing that early morning meeting or some other distasteful work event.  As long as you have a fair amount of space between your last use of this excuse and the current use you are probably all right.  Do it enough times and people assume that you are just a night owl and you are not fit for day work.  This isn't so bad if they decide to give you a later shift.  It's horrible if you get the later shift and you are STILL late for work.

- I forgot -  Who doesn't have a slip of the mind?  You simply forgot your appointment.  It's quick, it's easy, and nobody can say you didn't.  Some day soon, they will have a smart phone app that will quickly scan someones head and see if they actually did forget or if they are telling a fish tale and they just didn't feel like coming.  The problem here is if you convince people you forgot enough times you may be esteemed as mentally deficient.

- I don't have enough money - Who does?  Like the diet.  If you are using your lack of funds to justify not attending something, be prepared for all of your friends to quickly join the Junior Accounting Association and watch every penny for you.  'Oh, I get it, you don't have enough money for our get together, but you DO have money for that life saving surgery.  I get it.  No it's ok, go ahead.  Remove those irregularly shaped moles.  See if I care.'

- I have a condition - That condition is that you don't want to go.  Of course if where you are going is some kind of friendly game of some physical sport, there is the excuse you can use.  I have a bad knee, it is genuine.  It has been the cause of me not being able to attend many physical activities.  I did play tennis on it for 4 years and I payed the price.  At that time I would use a different version of the excuse.  I would tell someone that I don't have enough tread on the tire of my knee to do something that isn't tennis.  Now I don't even have enough tread for that.  But you can tailor a condition to meet your event.  Asthma, you can't go outside except for the briefest of moments during pollen season;  Ate some bad food previously, you can't go anywhere now except the bathroom (until everyone is gone); Mesothelioma (you are going to see your lawyer, you've got to miss the company Frisbee golf event).  You get the idea.

Well, my excuse for skipping a couple of entries is two fold.  One I wanted to see if anyone noticed at all.  2 of you did.  Or you did enough to mention it to me.  I guess that's pretty good for a hack writer and observationalist.  As it is, I just didn't have anything good enough to print.  I admit, I've had a few entries go off the rails, who doesn't?  But I just feel like the overall quality of the posts have been going down, so I took a break.  The problem is that many of my posts might be a bit controversial.  I'm not sure I'm ready to go down that road.  We'll see.

top 10 excuses from kids.

I have several theories about life.  One of them is, if you have what you think is a really good idea.  Look it up on the internet.  If it really is a good idea, someone is already doing it and better than you would be doing it.

Another theory is that whatever experience I am having in life is actually a common experience with a lot of other people.  I don't think people have really different experiences.  Sure we are all different, but the truth is, in a particular region of the world many people live very similar lives.

I have teenagers now.  It seems that this is a common thread that these teenagers will probably lie to you.  Well, maybe not YOU, but other people's teenagers lie to them.  Alright since they aren't very good at it, instead of calling it a lie.  Lets call it teenager excuses.  Excuses are like strategies in football or any other sport.  If you go to a particular strategy too many times, your opponent will call you on it and you will pay the price.  Any resemblance to excuses given by political leaders is PURELY coincidental.

10.  This Traffic! - Traffic has been a time honored excuse ever since the invention of the wheel.  Used once in a while it's the kind of thing that can happen to anyone.  As a teenager you have to know that you really only get to use this excuse once.

9.  I did my homework at school/I'm all caught up - Back in my day, you could say this and be relatively certain that you would not be called on it until your grades came back.  Thanks to technology, parents are apprised of educational malfeasance nearly as soon as it occurs so your day of judgement comes a lot sooner.  Parents that are even marginally on the ball will not let their kids get too far away from the mark.

8.  I lost track of time. - Who hasn't done this?  Kids are notoriously bad at tracking time.  This may be semi-legitimate, but it's an important skill to learn.  As you grow older, you start equating the amount of time it takes to execute certain activities.  Thanks to this I have realized that it is impossible to do anything in 5 minutes that is worthwhile except maybe get the mail.

7. All the kids have problems with X - This is an interesting turn of play that the teen uses.  Lets not make this about me, lets make this about the broad populous.  If they could, they would take a lineup of murderers and con-men to be compared to.  As it is, they only have the other meaty bell curve performers in class to size up to.  This seems like a good defense and it is when you consider where they probably got it from.  Remember saying: ' No parent would let their kid do that!'  Well, add some spice and mix it and you get this one made for the kids.




6. I handed that in! - I could have sworn!  Really!  I know I handed that in! They figure that they got missed or otherwise omitted from the regular line up.  I've used this one in my past.  It never worked.  At least 1/2 the time I didn't really know if I actually handed it in or not, but best to err on the side that makes me look better.

5. That teacher has it in for me - That teacher hates me, as do all educators that grade me in a sub-standard fashion.  Anything is preferable to the alternative which is that maybe I don't care for studying.  Maybe I don't like the teacher.  Maybe I'm the problem.  I don't like that option.  The truth is, you have to work with all kinds of people including the people that you don't like.  If you can work such that nobody can tell if you are working with someone you either like or dislike, then you are a professional.

4.  I promise I won't ask for anything else - Wow, that's such a lousy promise.  Usually proffered when the child knows there is a crescent roll's chance at Sunday dinner of getting whatever it is that they want.  Parent's don't actually even hear this plea, except to possibly remark how much the child wants said object for use later for a birthday or Christmas.

3.  Hackers got into my computer! - So you have found something of objectionable nature on a cell-phone or perhaps computer?  Well clearly your little angel had nothing to do with it.  It was that one group...um...yeah.  that anonymous group.  they got onto my computer and put those things there!!! I have no idea how or why!  This wouldn't even make the cut if I hadn't seen a politician use the self same excuse.  What are we teaching our children anyway?!




2.  Not mine! - This is the denial that is most often heard in it's entirety after asking 'who's dishes are these that are left out?'  The bad news is, one of your kids is lying.  The good news is, it's only one of them.  Of course you yourself might have forgotten to clean up your place, so be sure before hurling wild accusations about.

1.  I forgot. - Leaders of countries down to the youngest child can use this old saw with near impunity.  After all, who hasn't forgotten things from time to time?  Who's to say you didn't this time?  This is the hardest one for the parents to rebuff but a good answer that usually comes back is 'When the police asks me what I think the speed limit is and I say I forgot, it won't keep me from getting a ticket'








There it is.  You may or may not have heard these.  After another 15 days, it won't matter ;)