10 Halloween Urban legends

So the original Cos-play holiday is coming.  Good old All Hallows eve.  I like it for semi creepyness.  But more Halloween is the gateway to that holiday roller coaster. Once Halloween goes by it seems like the rest of they days and nights fly by with unparalleled speed.  Soon enough you are toasting a new year and wondering just what happened to the rest of the year.  Well as a kid Halloween was one of the bang up beat all holidays.  You would get to dress up as something weird, horrific or cool and go get free candy.  Nothing better.  At that age, Christmas is light years away.  Once you are older, you're lucky if you can taste Thanksgiving's pumpkin pie before you are done opening presents.  Well this list is more about the urban legends that I remember hearing during Halloween.  I can't verify one of them and I'm not going to snopes.  Here we go...

10. melt the candy -  This one was about kids who's earth grown druid hippy parents didn't want them having any candy but they didn't want them to miss out on all of the fun of the holiday, so they would let each of their children pick out one candy item and then melt the rest in a big pot.  Sometimes instead of melting the candy would be crushed so nobody could make use of this horrible capitalist treat.   No this story didn't make any sense but it did teach me a grave disdain of granola chewing hippies.  No candy, humph!  They must be communists!

9. The cat lady - This was a local tale and a bit more involved as it required people to trespass onto a persons property to witness rows of tiny cat graves.  That's the assumption anyway.  Was I ever able to prove it?  no.   I had heard about it from those that had.  Oddly enough nearly every locality has some kind of story like this that involves someones secluded property and some very tall assumptions.  If you ever have the chance to trespass on private property, I don't recommend it. It's scary at best.  Illegal at worst and these poor people are probably not at all what you think and would just like to be left alone.

8. apple razor blades - This one has been around for ages.  The kid hater that finally gets their revenge by sliding some Remington steel razor blades into a bushel basket of red delicious and hand them out as treats to all the miscreant kids wandering around.  Looking back I keep wondering what kid would be dumb enough to take a bite of an apple without looking it over.  Not to mention the parents examining the candy for potential bombs.  The truth is, no self respecting kid would ever have seen that apple make it home.  An apple is right next to a tooth brush from your neighborhood dentist in the Parthenon of sucky Halloween treats and would probably have been thrown away...or something.

7. kidnap kids - Oh yeah I heard this one a lot growing up.  There were bands of bad people scooping up kids by the dozen and kidnapping them.  Nobody would know the difference because it was Halloween.  I have yet to hear about a kidnapping during Halloween, and if there is, I don't want to hear about it.  But honestly how many witnesses are there on the streets?  Then again, nobody ever accused a criminal of being smart.  It was because of this that I never went into anyone's house to experience peeled grape eyeballs and cold spaghetti guts or the mini hallway of terrors.  I just knew I was going to suddenly be abducted.  I envisioned some kind of giant steel cage filled with costumed kids wishing they had taken heed of their friends mothers advice.

6. old folks giving away full candy bars - If I was only the one street over I would have made a HAUL!!!  Usually the day after Halloween I would hear from my friends about some house or street full of old folks that just loved the young-ins and were giving away a kings ransom in candy.  Full size candy bars of many varieties.  Take one, Take a few!  Enjoy your youth!  For some reason I never found the Eldorado of elderly handing out packaged confections.  I was just happy to have a bag full of small candy and pixy stick dust in the bottom of the bag.

5. kids getting their candy stolen - I had heard about roaming bands of punks that were stealing kid's candy.  I had never witnessed it myself, but it seemed plausible.  Those older kids were capable of anything.  Certainly stealing from the law abiding 8 year olds of the town was not beneath them.   Once again, I had never had my lollipops purloined.  In fact the only thief of my candy was mom and dad and it was never the crap candy either.  They always went for the peanut butter cups and chocolate bars leaving me with peanut butter taffy and smarties.

4. Pop Rocks Mikey - Once pop rocks started coming on the scene, they were a big deal in the Halloween candy rounds.  They were rare and wonderful.  If you did happen to get any, you would immediately hear the inaccurate tale of Mikey the kid from the life cereal commercials and how after eating more than his fair share of pop rocks he downed several carbonated soft drinks the name of the brand escapes me.  Close after he would have to be rushed to the hospital because his stomach exploded like he had an alien exchange student in his small intestine.  Never happened.  Thanks to one of the very first Mythbusters shows this was proven to be particularly impossible.  Great story though.

3. Near Death Ghost experiences - What better time to trot out the Halloween themed story about a ghost or someone you knew that was playing with a ouija board or holding a seance?  My dad had several he liked to entertain us kids with.  One he told was of a local group of 3 friends that decided to go into an abandoned house to play with a parker brothers brand ouija board.  By the end of the night.  They were all hospitalized and were unable to say anything about the horrors witnessed, but they all had shock white hair from the experience.  Oh yeah, it was a chiller.  Dad didn't appreciate a lot of followup questions about a lot of his stories, so we took him at his word.  It was vivid enough that I still remembered the images I had imagined as a kid of these poor shocked kids that were foolish enough to play with the Devil's Telegraph.

2. LSD Candy - This was the more modern version of the razor blade apple.  It was lsd laced candy.  Since LSD was often ingested on a sugar cube, why not on candy?  Once again, hippies ruin everything.

1. Hot Pennies - Along with the razor blade apples I had heard of bitter old people only scant days away from their final death rattling breath that wished nothing but ill for the youth.  The tale goes that they would heat up stacks of pennies and put them in the kids bags.  The pennies were so hot that they would melt the candy and go right through the plastic candy bag rendering it some kind of time lapsed pinata.  I'm sure they would peer out their window and laugh their bitter cold laugh as kids tried to collect their nights booty as it was spilling out into the street.  Never witnessed, but heard nearly every year.

Once again, I thought maybe this was it.  But then another idea crept into my addled brain.  Who knows?  maybe it will happen again in 15 days.  Come back and find out!

top 10 things ghosts might really be instead of ghosts

I'm writing this entry because my other blog "Reasons why ghosts don't exist" is by far my most popular entry.  I want to see if this will give it some competition.

The other thing is, it seems that any time you get really scared of something, it turns out to be nothing at all.  And then you're scared of that.  We are just a race of sissy's.

10.  A low thumping noise - I've mentioned this before, but it's really true.  A low thump at a certain frequency will make you automatically think there is someone else in the room.  of course there isn't, but you will think they are and furthermore you will think they are up to no good.  All you need is the right frequency.  After that, it's easy.

9. Your overactive imagination - Me, alone, reading a book about UFO abductions/Ghosts/Bigfoot.  Loch Ness Not so much since I was never anywhere near large bodies of water housing surviving plesiosaurs.  Every creek in the house was someone looking to abduct me, I was sure of it.  I would hunker down under my blanket and make a tunnel to breathe out of.

8.  Do not take while operating heavy machinery - If you are taking some medications, it's possible that you will be inclined to see things.  Including but not exclusively ghosts.  You might see garden gnomes or gremlins as well.  If you are on something, you shouldn't really believe your eyes.

7.  But they said these were sleeping pills! - Kind of like above but in this case you might be seeing someone that has taken sleeping pills and is now in some state of zombification.  Sleep walkers are just as creepy as ghosts.  Even more so because they are REAL.  That glassy stare.  That vacant look.  EEEEEEEK!

6.  What time is it...HOLY CRAP! - If you are up really late and you are really tired, you will be able to start seeing things. It puts you out of the running for believable ghost story.

5.  Just one more for the road - I swear 1/2 of the ghost stories start out with I drank 1 more for the road and then I started walking home.  Then a woman approached me in old looking clothes.  And the story continues from there any one of several.

4.  I love sleep overs! - And so do ghost stories.  Mass hallucinations?  Mass Hysteria?  It's all possible.  If you were exposed to a bunch of 12 year old girls on a sleep over, you have probably been regaled with the tales of a ghost story or two at least.











3.  Who left the TV on?!? - If you really don't think the TV is on and you wake up hearing it.  it will FREAK YOU OUT.  But it's just the TV.  OR it's the ghosts watching TV because they are waiting for you to wake up.








2.  Scientists trying to contact you from another dimension. - Hey, don't rule this out.  Maybe the scientists are trying to contact you through a wormhole or dimensional doorway.  Freaky.  So don't be afraid, you are going to be advancing science!

1.  What's family for?  well I hope more than practical jokes! - I really wonder how many 'ghosts' are in fact your siblings trying to pull a halloween fast one on you.  Hey, it happened to the brady bunch on several occasions.

Top 10 Scary Things

We are in the month. The great and scary month. Most of the month is actually very nice. We have one sporting event winding down and another starting up. We have pleasant weather for most of the weeks of the month. October is a trickster in it's very name. Octo- for eight seems to be a little bit off since it's month number 10. Why keep the Roman name for a month when we don't use the Roman calendar? Who knows? But that's all beside the point. The month in America stands for Halloween. Even though the day falls at the climax of the month we seem to see the whole month as being owned by Witches, Zombies and Goblins. Anything supernatural/creepy is relegated to this month with the possible exception of the ghosts of Christmas past present and future, but only the ghost of X-mas future was really that creepy. When you are young, these beasties can give you quite a scare, but as you get older you almost wish they were real just to spice things up a bit. When you are an adult, you get a whole other crop of things that scare you. Things that are so creepy that they don't make fun, or costumes for these things.

1. Public Performance - They say that public speaking is one of the most intimidating things that people can do. Fortunately, I don't suffer from that particular anxiety. But getting in front of people, knowing that all eyes will be on you, and worse still, knowing that they are judging everything you are saying, can give nearly anyone the creeps. I quote the wisdom of Mike Brady 'Just imagine that you are talking to everyone while in their underwear'. Wow, that's a great nugget. Why in the world would I want to do that?! So I can imagine that the auditorium is hotter than it really is? Sheesh.


2. Being Singled out - This goes hand in hand with number 1 except it's more that suddenly in a group all attention is focused on YOU. So in a large meeting, your boss asks your opinion of something and suddenly all eyes are on you. It's at this point that you usually say something really insightful like 'I agree 100% with what you are saying'. But you really don't want to be thought of as the loner. Outside all groups. Kind of reminds you of High School doesn't it?















3. Your kids acting obnoxious - This is more of a fear of Parents. People are not so much afraid as annoyed at kids acting obnoxious. But we all assume that we were kids at some point and we move on. The parents of those kids on the other hand...wow...now there is some real fear. You would rather make a big fool of yourself than listen to your own flesh and blood do the same.












4. Extended relative visits - I'm not sure if this is a genuine phobia or what, but when THOSE relatives come into town and hit you up for some free room and board, you get a little jumpy. This isn't a fear as much as it might be an anxiety. These days nobody but people you DON'T want satying with you in your house would ask to do so. But then to hear how long they plan on gracing you with their presence. Well it can cause you some undue stress. This one I get from listening to the experiences of others and not from my own rich anecdotal storybook. Cousin Eddy, we hardly knew ye.











5. That one thing...you know what it is - Everyone has that one thing. you know. don't worry, I won't tell anyone else. But it's that one thing that you are absolutely petrified of. It might be in this list, and it might not, but one thing is for certain. It grips you more than any regular pedestrian fear. This is REAL. Most people have one of these and it's completely irrational and serves no purpose but to embarrass you completely when you are exposed to it. What's mine do you ask? I'm not tellin, but I invite you to guess.












6. I.R.S. - They say these Government blood suckers actually inspire more fear than nearly anything out there. People would rather experience #9 below than face the Tax Man. All of my own meetings with the IRS have been genial and quick. No real reason to fear them, but that is the NEW IRS. The old IRS probably still has some of that old scare power in em. I don't want to find out!!!














7. Lost Kids - Another parent thing. When your kids are old enough to start walking but young enough to trust anyone they meet, you fear for them ALL the time. If you are a mom, multiply this by Avagadro's number to come up with the actual fear factor. Here is the funny thing, we actually live in a society where crime is on a decline in general. It's thanks to a press with nothing better to do that we hear about all the wierdos that live near us. Ick. Anyway. Just the idea that you have lost your kids in the mall or at an amusement park, or even at a regular store just scares the crap out of a parent. Enough so that you jerk the kid by the arm and nearly pull his arm out of his socket before calming down enough to scream at the poor punk. Problem is, they don't remember that yell fest and they do it again, and again.







8. Car Accident - Nothing projects death like a totaled car. Even a fender bender makes you wonder if the driver was hurt or not. Nobody likes an accident, and nobody wants the trouble of who hit whom and who needs to pay. It's all a hassle. The only thing I know. The insurance will always pay just less than what you had hoped and will repair your car to near junkitude. yuck. Car accidents are the worst thing I can think of that aren't really serious. This of course adds insult to injury if it's YOUR fault.









9. Dental Problems - Biggest cause of severe dental issues is not congenital defects of your teeth or a lack of flouride, but rather, the trip to the dentist itself. The lack of regular checkups is the biggest reason your teeth are in the shape they are. It's no wonder, it's a regular house of horrors in there. I'm pretty sure that they just put those suspected terrorists in the dentist chair for a checkup. That's GOTTA be against the Geneva Convention. People fear the Dentist JUST UNDER their fear of the IRS. EEEEEEEEEK!!!





10. Unemployed - This has become a bigger and bigger realized fear in the world today. Our own country edges up towards 10% unemployment and you wonder which of your friends have found new jobs, or are floundering at their mom and dad's place. Just the thought of being called into your bosses room makes you break out into a cold sweat. This fear is at it's biggest from people that have experienced a layoff in the past. It's a horrible thing, I'm here to tell you. Anyone that tells you that it's just as tough being the manager doing the firing is just being an idiot and should shut up. No, I know it's no fun, but it's on the same scale as breaking bad news to someone, not really scary, just something you would rather not do. To be on the other end is the same as having a good friend suddenly turn on you for no good reason. You sit and wonder why and what you can do to mend the fence with that friend. Except the company is NOT your friend, NOR is it your 'family'. It is your place of employment. It is much more tragic to lose a close friend than it is to lose your job. But hopefully you can repair your relationship with your friend. Once a job lets you go, they aren't going to give you a second thought UNLESS they suddenly need you for something, and then they will be sweet as honey again so they can get what they need from you. It's a real fear that people are living with on a daily basis right now.

Thanks so much for trudging back into the dark recesses of my addled brain. I hope it was worth soiling your Timberlines.

Top 10 Crappy Halloween Treats

Yes, I'm well aware that Halloween is past. I know that it's November. But since I went to the store on November 1st and saw all of the left over Halloween candy pushed into a lonely corner on one end cap next to Kitty Litter and Kitchen aids I realized that everything around it was glowing a red and green Bing Crosby Christmas. That's right, CHRISTMAS. I don't blame the stores being antsy to get the Holiday season going what with the bad economy and all but PLEASE can I have just one weekend of Turkey and Pumpkin Pie before we go full bore into the Xmas fanfare?

In a move that is directly opposite the stores, I am moving backwards into Halloween again to talk about the candy. Those of you that know me know I have a penchant for the sweet. One of my favorite pastimes was running a Candy store at a company I used to work for. After seeing my son come back from his All Hallows Eve door to door night o' beggin looking like a burgler that had just come back from the biggest heist since Oceans 11, I watched him sort through his candy with a seriousness that rivals young brides sifting through diamonds. He was putting them into piles according to his tastes. This is what has brought me to this list of notable crappy Halloween treats.

10. Coupons - Did I say candy? Well I meant candy, but this is even better kids! A coupon for 1/2 off of a BIG candy bar! Not some lame 'fun size' candy bar. You can use this baby when all of your other candy has been eaten and puked all ready. LAME. I got this one when I was about 10 years old and wondered who if anyone would actually use a coupon for halloween candy. This is very very much like trying to buy off a hit man with S&H Greenstamps to not kill you.











9. Tooth Brushes - Hey Mark Didn't you say Candy? Well, technically I said treats, which could be nearly anything. This one is a little worse than number 10 because you really are adding insult to injury. Not only are you not getting candy, but you are getting anti candy. The biggest problem is these tooth brushes are usually inferior quality brushes that you wouldn't scrub grout with in a Frat house bathroom much less your own pearly whites.














8. Red/white Mint Discs/Candy Canes - This is Halloween right? Just because you had to clear out your Christmas decorations in order to get to the Halloween ones doesn't mean you can try to foist last years yucky candy canes and mint discs on those unwitting kids this year. You should be ashamed of yourself. You cheapen the Spirit of Halloween.














7. Live Fruit - What are you? My Mother? An apple? REALLY?! Everyone knows you put a razorblade in there anyway. At least that's how the urban legend goes. How about a little tiny plastic bag with baby carrots in it? Wrong answer. If you don't make with the sweet and gooey pretty soon, you will have a hard time distinguishing your house from egg salad.









6. pennies - pennies. I got pennies in my bag a few times as a youth. I don't blame them too much because it was usually on the last few houses on the route and they had run out of candy. When I was a kid, there was a point in time where I wasn't certain that there WAS any curfew on Halloween. So I would be ringing doorbells WELL into the night. So I very likely deserved the pennies. I had actually heard that there was someone that was giving out baked pennies that were red hot that would melt through those pumpkin head treat buckets. Probably not true, but I think Iwould like mythbusters to check it out.



5. Plastic Spiders - This is not a treat and it's not a Toy. It's a crappy Plastic spider that you can get from the oriental trading company for about 3 dollars for a gross of them. Nobody plays with these. In fact they are thrown away nearly as soon as they are found and shown to mom with the appropriate fake look of terror response. I would have had more enjoyment out of 1 peanut m&m.








4. Milk Dud(s) - If you perchance to look inside a childs Halloween haul, you will find one or two of these little boxes of glory. Any one of these little 'butes could rip out a filling in 2 chews. It's a wonder that Dentists weren't giving these away by the gross. They are in a box that will contain anywhere between 1 and 4 milk duds. In candy biz these are called 'FUN' sizes. Fun my sweet mothers girdle. If a regular candybar is normal or 'business' size and these sorry excuses for candy are FUN size. I suppose those little candy sprinkles that you find on cupcakes could be packaged individually and sold as 'Riotous Living' Size.

3. Smartees - The reason these make the list is sheer numbers. These little discs of compressed chalk are rolled up into tubes and called SMARTIES. They have an off brand kosher cousin called Fizzers. They Fizz about as much as smarties make you smart. I have nothing against these candies normally, but if you eat about 5 packages of them, you get really sore taste buds that take roughly 2 days to heal, and everyone knows that one of the essential pieces to Halloween is gorging ones self on candy to the point of nausea. This doesn't help that cause.









2. Peanut Butter Taffy - In their Trademark Black and Orange wax paper wrapping this little treat was a staple of cheap handouts in the 70's and 80's and I have still seen them today. The taffy is ok, but there is just something wierd about a process candy that has no logo and no company information. If you would like to try the RETAIL version of these things, go and find yourself an ABBA-ZABA, they are the same. For all you know, that old lady handing them out made it herself with Exlax to get back at the neighborhood kids for spray painting rude words on her silhouetted cowboy leaning against her house.



1. Pixie Sticks - Yuck. These little paper tubes filled with crushed smarties are horrible. they either broke in your bag and left a residue that contaminated all the other candies and made your hands sticky just from handling them. Or worse yet, they survived and you ate them with very unsatisfactory results. I suppose they ARE candy, but really, they aren't much of a candy. In fact, mostly they are just the promise of candy. One year my brother and I decided to try to pool our resources of pixie sticks and pour them into a glass of water in the hopes of discovering a new replacement for kool-aid and thus quenching a growing world thirst for that fat glass man's smiling pitcher of liquid delight. We failed miserably. We used too much water and not enough pixie sticks. But the truth is, there isn't enough pixie sticks in the world to make something good out of them. More bad, just equals more BAD.

As always thanks for reading! and Merry Xmas!

top 10 reasons Ghosts don't exist

Boo!

So here we are, first day after Halloween. I found out that the actual spooky day of haunting and stuff according to the local Wiccans is actually somewhere in early November. So I figure I'm only late for trick or treats and not for ghosts. I love ghosts and ghost stories, if for no other reason than to hear people tell the tale. After years of collecting ghost stories, I've come to the conclusion that there are simply no such things as ghosts. By ghosts, I mean the spirits of dead people that not only still walk the earth, but have decided to bother the living with their incessant moaning and carrying on.

top 10 reasons there are no such things as ghosts.

10. Because Hollywood is a bunch of liars. - Since when does Hollywood embrace any idea that's actually factual? The only thing I know about Hollywood is that they make money from telling good stories and good stories are always embellished and edited. The true story never comes out. So when I see a movie like the Changeling (still one of my favorite scary movies even though there is no blood or gore or anything) I know that ghosts do much cooler stuff on celuloid than in real life.




9. 1 billion Hindu's can't be wrong. - I don't feel like reincarnation and Ghosts are compatible philosophies. If you are going to a new state of existence, you don't have time to hang around lamenting the choices of your previous life. After all, you are moving on to bigger and better things. This is likely not reflected in the direct philosophy of Hinduism, but I'll still bet there are ghost believers in the religion that try to make it work. If I knew that I had a new swing at life ahead of me after death, I sure wouldn't hang around the mistakes of my past any longer than I had to, I'd definitely be in for making new ones in a new existence.


8. It's all in your head silly - When I first heard about waking dreams it all made sense. I was asleep in my bed and I woke up suddenly and saw a black shadow of a man in my room staring at me. It was freaky real, but I just kept staring at him and he literally evaporated. A waking dream is the subconscious of your dream mind intersecting with the more literal and business like conscious mind. It makes for hallucinations that seem very real. If you ever do have an experience like that, it might be time to trade out your furnace. Carbon Monoxide poisoning will give you dark visions as well as several other side effects that could make the most staunch non-believer think that they are plagued by poltergeists.









7. Patrick Swayze made more movies after Ghost - Everyone knows that ghosts don't move around a lot, in fact, they are pretty much seen in the same places all the time. It is also a well known fact that Patrick Swayze actually had many more movies AFTER ghost. Point Break, To Wong foo Thanks for Everything Julie Newmar, and who could forget Dirty Dancing Havana Nights. Clearly Patrick Sawyze survived beyond being a Ghost. We aren't sure the same could be said for Whoopi Goldberg. Maybe in Sister Act 2, she became pious enough to cast out demons though...something to think about.



6. The dead are overrated - The dead on earth have been hyped up so much that there is NO WAY they could live up to that kind of hype. Turning peoples hair white, moving furniture and not in a helpful way, whispering/yelling to Hamlet, and that whole Ouija board farce. After this kind of ability attribution, you gotta know that spirits are far too afraid to show up because the bar has been placed so high that there is no way they could measure up. Lets be serious, closing a door in an already stiff breeze is not really going to impress anyone above the age of 13.












5. MOM! - If there were such things as ghosts, don't you think that all the dead mothers in the world would return to nag their progeny? What mother wouldn't break the chains forged in life to come back for just one more 'I told you so' or 'Why can't you be more like your brother?'. This world would be silly with them. so much so that they wouldn't even be creepy, it would just be assumed that once you as a mother died your mother would be released to the great beyond and you would be left to haunt your kids until their untimely demise. As it is, not too much of that going around. Dad's obviously wouldn't bother with haunting their kids because they need to learn life for themselves like he did. No ghosts came down and told him the right turns to take and besides, there's a good game in heaven that he doesn't want to miss the Fallen Angels might really have a chance against those goody two shoes Heavnly Hosts this year..






4. It would have been on the news by now. - Surely someone would have caught the image of a dark spirit flipping the bird to those left behind. If for no other reason, to mess up those family pictures that they really didn't like posing for in life. The media instead bores us to tears with news of the living...YAWN. And no, the Discovery Channel/TLC doesn't count. Those aren't ghosts either, read #10 again.













3. Wouldn't there be ghosts haunting other holidays? - Sure Halloween would be the obvious choice for spirits of all stripes to strut their stuff, and there is a few notable ghosts that wander around during Christmas. Veterans day ghosts should be all over the place. What about the valentines day ghost? You're telling me the suicides of unrequited love don't produce a few shades to bother the objects of their affections? Not really. On the other hand, it could be that in committing suicide, they realized that their true love wasn't worth the trouble and suddenly moved on.








2. If ghosts were real, we wouldn't be scared of them - After all, we are afraid of them because they are created from our imagination and as such are something beyond our understanding and control. If ghosts were real, they would be provable by something beyond a crappy recording on an old cassette tape slowed down and sped up until it made a phrase that sounded something like 'pudding isn't good'. They would be able to not only be photographed, but posed in such a way to make family photos more meaningful. They could do helpful things like tell us where we left our car keys and if our credit card is being used without our authority. In fact, if ghosts were real, they would quickly not be because they would move on after realizing what a bunch of lazy self serving louts we really are in life.

1. The government would find some way to tax them - The phrase 'death and taxes' really says it all. Once you are dead, you don't pay taxes any more. That's because the Government can't collect it from you. Either because you have relocated out of their jurisdiction, or because you don't use money anymore. Either way, if you don't exist to the Government, there is a fairly high likelyhood that you don't exist at all on this plane of existence.





Sorry I took October off, but it was a hectic month. I will be back on my 2 a month schedule, or more if I get more motivated, or my own ghost prompts me with something wittier than I already put down here.