Monday, August 22, 2016

10 Strategies for your Lottery winnings or super powers

At this writing the Powerball, which has become the national lottery with all but a few of the states taking part, has grown itself to the mind numbing sum of 1.5 billion dollars.  Those of you in the future that read about this and think to yourselves 'that doesn't seem like THAT much' just remember, a starter home is in the 150k range and median salaries ballpark at 50k.  So to us it isn't just a life changing amount of money, it's so much money that it can only cause trouble.  Like the Genie that puts you in a room full of water when you ask for a drink, this kind of money is probably too much of a good thing.  I've mentioned  in previous blogs that money is the only super power that we can really have on this earth.  So here are my 10 handy tips to refer to just in case you win the lottery or get super powers.

- Don't tell ANYONE - Short of your spouse, NOBODY should know about your new windfall.  The reasons are many and mostly obvious.  Swear your spouse to secrecy and start making your plans. The first thing you want to do when you have super powers is the last thing you should do which is tell your friends.  The reasons are obvious.  Just remember, the reason your friends are your friends is because you share some common interests or background.  Once they realize you have super powers, the likelihood is that they will distance themselves from you because you don't have anything in common anymore, or they will use you for your powers because they aren't THAT good a friend.  For whatever reason, when you have super powers, you need to be able to use them under secret cover, it just makes things easier.  Mask, Costume, LLC, it's all about the same.

- Go back to school - What?!?  What in the world for??  Because now you are doing it for you.  There is no reason to go to class except to better yourself.  Before you probably went to school for the wrong reasons.  To get a way to earn a lot of money.  Why is that the wrong reason?  Look at the richest people.  They didn't need school to get there.  School is there to broaden your world view.  It's there to force you to think.  Now that you don't have any need for security, you can go about the business of bettering yourself and once you have bettered yourself, you can better the world because you have super powers.

- Don't worry about investing - I've talked lottery fantasy with many people.  It usually ends with something about mutual funds and 6% returns and other stuff they know nothing about.  The lottery offers you 2 options.  Lump sum (Government takes just about 1/2 of your money because for some reason they think they deserve it.  sure you already paid taxes by participating, but you should pay more now because of your immense good fortune.)  or Annuity where you get X amount of dollars over 30 years equal to the total of the lottery.  Turns out the Annuity is a pretty good deal because you wont be taxed on the money UNTIL you get it.  Apparently there are a few other benefits, the least of which will be that no matter HOW stupid you are, you'll get another bunch of money the next year.  Not to shabby.

- Make your own job - Some people say they will keep working.  That is probably true, but it won't be at their current job, and they really won't work for anyone else but themselves.  You simply tell your current job that you've got a better offer, air any grievances you have about management and give your 2 weeks.  If you wanna be a jerk, just do the full mic drop and leave.  Then go rent or buy yourself a lovely small office building, just a 1 floor affair with a few phones etc.  This is where you can go during the day.  Call it your club house.  You may even want to get a regular job of some sort doing what you really have always wanted to do.  I would probably open a candy store, because I like candy and retail business.  Or in the case of super powers, your job at the daily planet.

- Move - By move I mean get yourself another house.  Keep your current one, but get another one.  Something upscale and away.  This is where you will put all the expensive toys that you want to get but are afraid your neighbors will catch on.  This all really depends on where your friends are and where you want to be.  You will likely want to keep your old house if for no other reason to keep up appearances until you have a natural transition to moving.  Then you can tell your friends that you are moving because your new job or maybe that you lost your current one either of which is true.  The same holds true for super powers.  You need to have that fortress of solitude, but you can't be obvious about it.

- Hire helpers - Don't even THINK about not getting yourself a lawyer and a tax accountant.  You don't want to have to deal with THOSE headaches.  Then you will want to hire a separate lawyer and a separate tax accountant to check the work of the other 2.  While you are at it, if you weren't so good at that whole secret thing.  Just like with super powers, a lot of money requires a fair amount of maintenance.  How do I know this?  Am I rich you might ask yourself?  On a global scale, yes, yes I am rich.  I'm a top 99% guy.  If I break it down to just the USA then I fall quite a bit from that percentage.  Once you have a bit more money than most a lot of people think that somehow they should have it, you will need some helpers to help you keep it.  Just remember, a CPA (Certified Public Accountant) is required by law to treat your finances in your best interests in the same way a doctor is charged to 'Do no harm'.  So find a good one and let them at it.  Even super powered people need a side kick.

- TRAVEL - Find some friends that you want to be part of your entourage and Go places.  Have experiences. These are the things that make life good.  Money can, in fact, buy happiness, you just have to know what to buy.  Adventure and memory is what make a rich life.  By default, I am a shut in.  I don't get out much and when I do it's very quick and to the point.  I do go on vacation every year and when you go on vacation, you are forced to meet people of all stripes.  This is what makes you happy.  If I look back on my life, 90% of my happy memories are involved with travel.  If you have super powers, you'll be traveling by default because people will be chasing you and your freak powers out of their towns.  Super powered people travel all the time, since there are super problems to solve everywhere.

- Find new hobbies - Now that you are rich, you have taken away a lot of the reason you get up in the morning.  This does NOT apply to super powers.  But you will need a new hobby.  Take up an art or a skill.  Get good at painting, wood working, something.  That education I was talking about earlier?  They will have LOTS of ideas for your new hobby.

- Become a Philanthropist - Eventually you will realize that you have nothing left to spend your money on.  if you start a new company for this idea you've had that you think would be successful, you are already doing good in the world because you are hiring employees.  otherwise, you should seriously think about the things you would like to help.  MOST people say that they would give most of the money away if they won.  Very nice.  Except for we all know that you are just trying to get Karma on your side.  Once you have the money, THEN we'll see just how kind you really are.  Super powered people that use their powers for good are doing all the philanthropy they can handle already.

- Get me something nice - Hey, speaking of philanthropy, I usually write this blog twice a month.  TWICE!  I put everything I've got into it.  As long as by 'everything' you know it means just whatever has been floating around in my head, but that's beside the point.  You Mr or Mrs Lottery winner are fabulously wealthy, I will find no shame in accepting your generosity as a token of your appreciation for my aimless ramblings.  Maybe I'll be so moved by your kind donation, I'll stop writing entirely.  Ok, ok I wouldn't do that.  So get me a nice snow globe.  Those are fun.  If you have super powers, don't bother, you are probably poor enough already.

hey for the rest of you working stiffs, I'll be back in 15 or so maybe more.  Now that I'm done with this post, 3 people have won the largest lottery pot in US history.  Good for them.  I hope they read this blog.  But the other good thing about this post is there is ALWAYS another lottery coming.

Monday, August 1, 2016

10 Upsides to the Apocalypse

End of days.  End of times.  End of the world.  it's all pretty much the same.  Every so often someone claims that some harbinger of fate is coming to fruition and the end of it all is starting soon.  Well, it's not all doom an gloom.

- Party time! - If there was information that the earth-killing meteor was hurtling towards us and we will definitely be mostly dead, after the initial crazy panic and looting because ANYTHING happens and looting is the natural response.  It's time for a party!  Or more specifically, time to do whatever you want.  Now that's going to be a touch of a problem since EVERYONE will be in the same situation so all the services we take for granted will not be available.  So no last Disneyland or even movie at the local nickelodeon.

- You're not alone - It's actually pretty comforting knowing that you aren't leaving anyone behind.  Death normally is a journey we all take alone and our final thoughts will be with those we leave behind.  In this case you won't have to worry, everyone will be dead.

- we'll find out if God has a sense of humor - It's possible that God didn't intend for this all to be so all fired serious.  In fact the only way to really know the will of God is for him to tell you.  Better yet to write a message for you.  If something like 'suckers!' is the writing is on the wall, then you'd have a pretty good idea if this is all one big joke or not.

- Worth it just to see the Lawyers - Apocalypse means so much liability.  Think of all the lawsuits!  Hell for Lawyers no court to argue in.  But what do you do with all of your attention to precedent and detail?  Gnash your teeth I guess.

- Debt?  What debt! - Well this one is obvious but it also underlines why there might not be as much looting as people may initially think.  Sure at first there will be some, but after a bit, what is the point?  The down side of course is you won't have that debt free feeling for long.  That old greedy bumper sticker 'He who dies with the most toys wins' was never true and now will bear it out.

- The older you are, the better it is - You've lived the biggest percentage of your life and are at the point where pieces just start falling off the cart.  No better time to have a mass check out.  The elderly will be looking forward to this more than most and will be scarcely able to hide their glee.  The idea that the internet won't be up for those last days just adds to their overall joy.  Once computers are down they will probably ask you to do long division just so they can say 'see!'.

- Just remember, we're ALL sinners - For the religious folks it seems that the end of times is consistently a good headline to get backsides in the pews (Is that why they are called pews?). But when the rubber meets the road aren't we all sinners?  Who can go to the great judgement bar without some misgivings?  Nobody.  So everyone will be in roughly the same boat.  So maybe it won't be so bad.

- Sometimes not existing is better than the alternative - existence is a hassle.  Here you are self aware and aware of your surroundings.  The more you look at the world around you, the more disappointed you become.  Self awareness can only lead to depression.  So the end really isn't that big a deal.  The non sentient beings around you constantly wonder what the big deal is.

- No more work! - Well I guess this is obvious, but if you have the end of the world, that's the end of any real obligation.  That means when work says they would like you to come in early or on the weekend or at all, you can tell them to stuff it.  Of course nobody will be going to work except those people that feel compelled to work and of course the religious clergy who will have to run away quickly because they will have more work than they know what to do with.

- No matter who is right, most of us will be wrong - When you are talking religion, just believing in an afterlife is in no way good enough to get you into heaven.  You have to have bet on the right horse theologically speaking.  If you are in the wrong church, and the wrong religion is the winner, that can be worse than being in no church at all.  This isn't God's fault, it's just how humans are.

Obviously I haven't kept up with my timing on these blogs, but the truth is, I'm running out of gas.  See ya when I see ya.