At this writing the Powerball, which has become the national lottery with all but a few of the states taking part, has grown itself to the mind numbing sum of 1.5 billion dollars. Those of you in the future that read about this and think to yourselves 'that doesn't seem like THAT much' just remember, a starter home is in the 150k range and median salaries ballpark at 50k. So to us it isn't just a life changing amount of money, it's so much money that it can only cause trouble. Like the Genie that puts you in a room full of water when you ask for a drink, this kind of money is probably too much of a good thing. I've mentioned in previous blogs that money is the only super power that we can really have on this earth. So here are my 10 handy tips to refer to just in case you win the lottery or get super powers.
- Don't tell ANYONE - Short of your spouse, NOBODY should know about your new windfall. The reasons are many and mostly obvious. Swear your spouse to secrecy and start making your plans. The first thing you want to do when you have super powers is the last thing you should do which is tell your friends. The reasons are obvious. Just remember, the reason your friends are your friends is because you share some common interests or background. Once they realize you have super powers, the likelihood is that they will distance themselves from you because you don't have anything in common anymore, or they will use you for your powers because they aren't THAT good a friend. For whatever reason, when you have super powers, you need to be able to use them under secret cover, it just makes things easier. Mask, Costume, LLC, it's all about the same.
- Go back to school - What?!? What in the world for?? Because now you are doing it for you. There is no reason to go to class except to better yourself. Before you probably went to school for the wrong reasons. To get a way to earn a lot of money. Why is that the wrong reason? Look at the richest people. They didn't need school to get there. School is there to broaden your world view. It's there to force you to think. Now that you don't have any need for security, you can go about the business of bettering yourself and once you have bettered yourself, you can better the world because you have super powers.
- Don't worry about investing - I've talked lottery fantasy with many people. It usually ends with something about mutual funds and 6% returns and other stuff they know nothing about. The lottery offers you 2 options. Lump sum (Government takes just about 1/2 of your money because for some reason they think they deserve it. sure you already paid taxes by participating, but you should pay more now because of your immense good fortune.) or Annuity where you get X amount of dollars over 30 years equal to the total of the lottery. Turns out the Annuity is a pretty good deal because you wont be taxed on the money UNTIL you get it. Apparently there are a few other benefits, the least of which will be that no matter HOW stupid you are, you'll get another bunch of money the next year. Not to shabby.
- Make your own job - Some people say they will keep working. That is probably true, but it won't be at their current job, and they really won't work for anyone else but themselves. You simply tell your current job that you've got a better offer, air any grievances you have about management and give your 2 weeks. If you wanna be a jerk, just do the full mic drop and leave. Then go rent or buy yourself a lovely small office building, just a 1 floor affair with a few phones etc. This is where you can go during the day. Call it your club house. You may even want to get a regular job of some sort doing what you really have always wanted to do. I would probably open a candy store, because I like candy and retail business. Or in the case of super powers, your job at the daily planet.
- Move - By move I mean get yourself another house. Keep your current one, but get another one. Something upscale and away. This is where you will put all the expensive toys that you want to get but are afraid your neighbors will catch on. This all really depends on where your friends are and where you want to be. You will likely want to keep your old house if for no other reason to keep up appearances until you have a natural transition to moving. Then you can tell your friends that you are moving because your new job or maybe that you lost your current one either of which is true. The same holds true for super powers. You need to have that fortress of solitude, but you can't be obvious about it.
- Hire helpers - Don't even THINK about not getting yourself a lawyer and a tax accountant. You don't want to have to deal with THOSE headaches. Then you will want to hire a separate lawyer and a separate tax accountant to check the work of the other 2. While you are at it, if you weren't so good at that whole secret thing. Just like with super powers, a lot of money requires a fair amount of maintenance. How do I know this? Am I rich you might ask yourself? On a global scale, yes, yes I am rich. I'm a top 99% guy. If I break it down to just the USA then I fall quite a bit from that percentage. Once you have a bit more money than most a lot of people think that somehow they should have it, you will need some helpers to help you keep it. Just remember, a CPA (Certified Public Accountant) is required by law to treat your finances in your best interests in the same way a doctor is charged to 'Do no harm'. So find a good one and let them at it. Even super powered people need a side kick.
- TRAVEL - Find some friends that you want to be part of your entourage and Go places. Have experiences. These are the things that make life good. Money can, in fact, buy happiness, you just have to know what to buy. Adventure and memory is what make a rich life. By default, I am a shut in. I don't get out much and when I do it's very quick and to the point. I do go on vacation every year and when you go on vacation, you are forced to meet people of all stripes. This is what makes you happy. If I look back on my life, 90% of my happy memories are involved with travel. If you have super powers, you'll be traveling by default because people will be chasing you and your freak powers out of their towns. Super powered people travel all the time, since there are super problems to solve everywhere.
- Find new hobbies - Now that you are rich, you have taken away a lot of the reason you get up in the morning. This does NOT apply to super powers. But you will need a new hobby. Take up an art or a skill. Get good at painting, wood working, something. That education I was talking about earlier? They will have LOTS of ideas for your new hobby.
- Become a Philanthropist - Eventually you will realize that you have nothing left to spend your money on. if you start a new company for this idea you've had that you think would be successful, you are already doing good in the world because you are hiring employees. otherwise, you should seriously think about the things you would like to help. MOST people say that they would give most of the money away if they won. Very nice. Except for we all know that you are just trying to get Karma on your side. Once you have the money, THEN we'll see just how kind you really are. Super powered people that use their powers for good are doing all the philanthropy they can handle already.
- Get me something nice - Hey, speaking of philanthropy, I usually write this blog twice a month. TWICE! I put everything I've got into it. As long as by 'everything' you know it means just whatever has been floating around in my head, but that's beside the point. You Mr or Mrs Lottery winner are fabulously wealthy, I will find no shame in accepting your generosity as a token of your appreciation for my aimless ramblings. Maybe I'll be so moved by your kind donation, I'll stop writing entirely. Ok, ok I wouldn't do that. So get me a nice snow globe. Those are fun. If you have super powers, don't bother, you are probably poor enough already.
hey for the rest of you working stiffs, I'll be back in 15 or so maybe more. Now that I'm done with this post, 3 people have won the largest lottery pot in US history. Good for them. I hope they read this blog. But the other good thing about this post is there is ALWAYS another lottery coming.
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