Monday, November 2, 2015

10 Pretty good ways to die

Death.  I've broached the subject before. It's when we go to the next step in our life's journey.  Oddly enough science has a fairly hard time determining if something is alive.  Suffice it to say that death is something we spend the better part of our life ignoring except of course during Halloween.  We glamorize death in movies and usually use it to make the plot of any story more interesting.  Death is commonly a subject if not a prop in most of the stories we tell.  Death is the only thing we will all experience in different ways, but we will experience it.  Unless of course you don't believe in an afterlife in which case we won't technically experience it because we won't be there when it finishes.  I don't claim any actual knowledge of these ways to go, it is just my assumption that these ways to die would have the most going for them as far as choice of ways to die goes.  These are the ways that probably aren't bad.  Please understand these aren't the ways that would be very good to go from the survivors point of view, that would be a different list.  Suffice it to say, this list is fairly dark.  If that's not your particular flavor of skittles, please feel free to move on, I'll be back in 15 days or so.

- Chute doesn't open - The big fall.  Everyone told you about how many more people die each year in car accidents and there you are looking at your rip cord like it's left over pasta.  You can panic and that will get you past a few feet, but after that you are still falling and there isn't much else you can do.  What makes this a good way to go is that it's fairly quick and pretty certain.  Also I often wonder that if there is an afterlife what does everyone have in common?  How they died.  People will swap tales of consumption and shark bites and you will mention that you have fallen out of an airplane to your death willingly and expected to survive.  Most of the people you talk to will be amazed.

- Thrill ride accident - File this under ironic deaths.  These rides are only supposed to scare you 1/2 to death.  Sure it's rare, but I'm sure it happens.  Also the amount of settlement money your surviving relatives will get will be pretty thrilling.

- End of the world - Well, at least we can all go together.  The one nice thing about a catastrophic event like a meteor the size of a city, is it's pretty quick and you don't have to worry about those you leave behind because they will be coming with.

- Pharmaceutical problem - The world of big pharma is an exciting one.  First they were going to cure the world with science!  Now they are just going to treat the world with even more science.  Why?  Well money of course.  So when you take that regimen of treatments and it happens to make you grow another arm or something, you end up having a bad ending, but your family once again will benefit greatly.  When you get money from a lawsuit like this, it comes to you tax free, so that's nice to.  Hey, if you've got to go, it's nice to know your family is taken care of.

- Carbon Monoxide Poisoning - This isn't so bad as long as you don't mind a tired headache.  You get really tired, get a pretty good headache, and then you go out.  Lots of people suffer headaches all the time so that really won't be such a bad thing.

- Plane Crash - Like Chute doesn't open and Thrill ride accident, the reason it's nice to die of Plane crash is it's pretty exciting as well and there are not very many survivors at all.  Why is that nice?  because this is about the good ways to DIE, not survive.  Plane crashes don't give you a lot of chances to survive and they are drastic and fast on impact.  All of those equal a lot of terror but not much pain.  Sure terror isn't going to be fun, but I'd rather have some terror and no pain v.s. the opposite.

- Heart Arrhythmia - This is the way my own dad went.  A lifetime of eating whatever he wanted and diminishing exercise in old age gave him this good way out.  It's like a heart attack, but the heart just stops.  It's like a switch turning off.  No real warning, just one moment there you are, and the next there you were.  This isn't a great way to go for your surviving relatives because it's so mysterious.  You wonder how it happened, what caused it.  Well when what causes your death is unhealthy behavior over time it's not much of a mystery, it's more of a waiting game.  The reason it's a good way to go is it's quick and painless.

- Hit directly by a high speed train - This one is a suicide favorite in Japan and other countries with high speed trains.  There is no time between impact and your demise.  You just cause the people on the train to be delayed as they are moved to a train that doesn't need maintenance/cleaning.

- Ground 0 of anything that has a ground 0 - Similar to the End of the world the best thing about Ground 0 is that it fast as well as very unique.  Nuclear if man made, Probably Volcanic if Mother nature is playing her hand.  In either case, pain will probably be there to some extent as I suspect you will be melting, but it will really be quick if any of the military test footage is an indicator.  The blast itself will be enough to turn out all of the lights.  Everything else is for those people beyond a 10 mile radius.  People that live far enough away show up on this lists opposite.  Very bad way to survive.

- Fast Illness - Best way to go for everyone.  You know you are going to die, and now you are given a relative clock for how fast it's going to be.  The reason this is nice is that you get to take care of all of your affairs before you go.  Move money around, avoid taxes for your loved one, get everything taken care of so you leave with a clean house.  What is that fast illness you ask?  I'm not sure.  It's the kind where the Doctor says 'I won't sugar coat this, you have 3 weeks to live'.  There has to be a few of them that science doesn't have a 'treatment' where they keep you on the hook for the drugs for as long as you can draw breath.

Well, I'd invite you to try to keep on not dying, if for no other reason, I can use all the readers I can get.

No comments: