10 Stages of employment

From the point that you enter your first job, hopefully some time in high school, to retirement, you hope to remain employed.  That is to say you hope to be working for someone for money.  The interesting thing is no matter who you are, you work for someone.  Unless of course you are on government assistance, then you work at not working.  Even the 'fat cats' that run their own businesses usually work for a board of directors.  I have held several jobs in the course of my life and have realized that there are several stages of employment that you go through.

10. Nice place ya got here - This is really the dating phase of your employment, you are being interviewed and at the same time you are interviewing them (if you are smart).  You are trying to see what kind of set up you are getting yourself into.  This is where you promise each other that you'll be treated fair in exchange for hard work.  Nothing is set in stone yet, but you want this job, so you try to make yourself look like the perfect fit.

9.  Honeymoon - anywhere from 1 to 3 months.  The honeymoon period is where you learn the ropes of your job and business.  You might be employed there or you might be a contractor for an evaluation period.  This is where nearly any mistake is forgivable and you make new friends.  Everything is a new adventure and the days FLY by.  You start to get your real feel of how things work here and you are making your name.








From here on out,  the timing of things in other categories can be tricky.  Results may vary in timing and intensity.

8. I'm a company man! -  At this point, you are the company flag bearer.  You are telling your friends how much your company respects the employees and just how great the products are and how visionary your CEO and vice presidents are.  You are a company man through and through.

7.  Part of the family - You've settled in and you've made good friends, you've worked some late nights and you've had some good meaningful discussions on work, life and everything else.   You get your work done, but it's more than that.  You've made real connection's with people.  On the other side there are also those 'other' family members.  The ones you'd just as soon avoid.  The ones that seem to constantly take from your good nature.  Sure, they are a part of the clan, but you know every time you see them it's trouble.  But it's ok, it's all home.

6.  Just another day in paradise - There's nothing you haven't seen or done in the company, even new projects are fairly predictable based on who is making the request.  It's fine, you've got your friends there and your team.  Some days are good, some are bad, but you always appreciate the consistent atmosphere your workplace provides.  Sure, it's a bit boring at times, but you are an expert at nearly everything around and you are the 'go to' for anything the company wants.

5. Draw your line in the sand - Things were going along fine and suddenly something in the company has changed.  Maybe they used to buy everyone drinks and now they don't.  Maybe they stopped giving you that one day off that you used to get.  The bottom line is something has changed and you don't like it. For now, it's ok, but this company isn't what it used to be and you are starting to see things in a different light.  You aren't willing to do just ANYTHING for the company anymore you give yourself an ultimatum.  If they start doing THIS then I'm walking.

4. What??  Hey, that's not really fair - That's it.  You put up with the little changes, but now something has happened to you alone.  Maybe you went to the doctors without mentioning it to someone and now suddenly you are called into your bosses office.  After all that uncompensated overtime?  They do this to you?!?  They don't deserve your best.  They barely deserve you!!!  All this being said, often Companies have to change things because their best interest is themselves, not you.  You are a means to an end.  Brutal, but true.  The company obligation is to remain a going concern, not to make you comfy.

3.  You paid me for a job, I'm doing a job. - That's it, no more extra miles for me.  You have seen people get laid off and you have seen your responsibilities grow.  Of course your salary hasn't grown commensurate with your time needed to complete your additional work.  You can't keep up with all the work, so...you don't.  You put in your time and you start paying more attention to potential jobs that move by.  You have become the very definition of passive aggressive.

2.  Wow, I'd rather be too busy than THIS - This is actually an alternative to 3.  You've noticed that you've got less and less to do.  You offer help, but there isn't anything that needs to be done.  Suddenly tasks that used to take an hour or two take days.  You heard somewhere that if you stop getting things to do or better yet you are asked to share what you know about some arcane process to some bright eyed bushy tailed idiot, you are going to soon get the bums rush.  Every day, you wonder if this is your last, yet you feel like it wouldn't be THAT big a deal.  Your job hunting should be under full swing at this point.

1.  But who gets the kids?!? - This is it.  You get a call to come see your vice president or director.  When you enter the office, you see the HR officer and your boss.  There is no way that this ends any way but badly.  Their mind is made up, you are not coming back.  This is where things get genuinely pathetic.  From little words of consolation like 'it's just business'  Well duh you moron.  of course it's just business.  If it weren't I could probably just sue you.  But please don't make it worse by expecting me to not take it personally.  It is personal, you have said that as far as the company is concerned, I have no more value. Not in so many words, but still.  This is where the final lesson is taught.  Any business will only keep you as long as they have a use for you.  Remember all those unpaid overtime hours?  Yeah, they got you nothing in the way of loyalty and probably nothing in the way of compensation.  With any luck.  You have learned your lesson.    The other end is that you walk in and tell you boss you're giving them your two weeks.  If they are smart, they will take it and understand that your relationship has come to an end.  If they are desperate they will offer you stay money.  This doesn't really work.  That horse is out of the barn.  You move on to greener pastures hopefully to find a better experience.

No, this isn't the only way it ends.  You could end up with the Gold watch after many many long years of service.  The Odds don't really bear that out, but it could still happen.  The best you can do is remain circumspect through all aspects of your cycle of employment.  Look at each phase for what it is and remember the BEST thing you can do throughout all of your employment is remain involved with your own improvement in your skills and your business habits.  Companies come and companies go, it's up to you to increase your own value and ride the next wave.  Next wave...15 days.

Top 10 Stupid things said in a job interview

The economy is tough.  No doubt about it.  But the truth is.  Somewhere, everywhere, someone is looking for work in one fashion or another.  In the course of your search for employ you must interview with your potential employer.

The interview is an interesting process. It is the method by which the company reconciles you to your resume.  The fact that they are talking to you at all, says that either your resume is appropriate for the job offered, or you have friends in the company, or both.  When an employer interviews you they are actually looking for a 'good feeling' about you.  Do they feel like you will fit in?  Do they feel like you have the skills necessary?  Do they feel like you are a trouble maker?  The questions they ask will help them determine these things.

The interview conversation should be thought of like a discussion with the police on TV.  The smart person will answer the questions asked and offer nothing more.  The open ended question like 'is there anything you want to ask me?' or 'why are you looking for work?' should be answered with something brief and innocuous.  The following are things that have been heard in job interviews that shouldn't have been.

10.  When is recess? - This actual phrase was said as a joke.  ha, very droll.  Clever quips during the interview process will likely do you more harm than good.  Humor is a very personal thing and everyone has a different sense of it.  Don't jeopardize your potential employment by saying goofy things.  I've made this mistake a few times. 

9.  So how strict are the rules here? - In a different blog I mention the employee handbook as being very important.  It is.  Those are the rules and you should follow them.  Asking about the strictness of the rules tells your employer that you really plan on bending them.   This questions should never be asked because the answer will become self evident.

 8. How many personal/vacation days do I get? - You are looking for a job.  This is your primary objective.  Everyone knows that you need vacation and sick time, but if you open with 'how much time off do you get ?'.  It will put the impression in your employers head that you are really not going to be particularly interested in the actual company you are working for.  The time to ask about the vacation arrangements is when they offer you a position.  If it hasn't come up by then, it's time not only to see how much vacation time there is, but it is also time to negotiate your time off.  I always ask for an extra 5 days of sick/personal time.  It's easy to get because sick days are not reimbursed so if 'things don't work out' they don't have to pay you for those days.

7. Boy will I be glad to get away from my old job - Don't bad mouth your old employer until after you've got the job.  even then, it's not a really good idea.  you never know who has political ties to other businesses in the area.  Your future boss's wife might be the one you had the biggest problems with at your prior job.  Who knows?  Even when you are employed, it's best to let bygones be bygones.  I've had problems with this one as well because people like to talk about their prior battle wounds.

6. What's your sick policy like? - This falls under the personal days but it's a bit different.  You are asking what the policy is.  Whenever someone asks for chapter and verse on a companies disposition towards anything specific, it tells the employer that you are probably going to try to find the loophole so you can ultimately take advantage.  Don't do it.  Don't GAME the system.  It will put you in bad with your managers as well as you co-workers.  It will NOT make you Ferris.

5. Can I get paid in cash? - If you are an illegal alien.  This might be important for you.  It's also important for your employer to know.  Also, trying to avoid tax garnishments or alimony obligations are not looked on favorably.  Just assume that you will need to have a bank so you can be paid in the same way that everyone else is.

4. I have a side business, but it shouldn't interfere - If they ask you about other concerns, then go ahead and mention that you have a side thing selling khaki beany babies on Ebay.  Otherwise, keep that information to yourself.  It will taint their view of you and it's really not their business.  On the other hand, you should understand that this is to be your primary method of employment and will supersede any other interests you may have in the event of a conflict.

3. My goals?  Well I see myself with your job. - Looking overly ambitious only works with managers not directly involved in managing you.  Your direct manager really doesn't want to hire someone that is gunning for his job unless he is ambitious as well and will need an heir to his position.  This is nearly impossible to ascertain during the interview process so it's best to not show off any great ambitions.  A good answer to the really silly question of 'where do you see yourself in 5 years' might be 'In 5 years I would hope to have expanded my skill-set such that I can take advantage of the best opportunities available'

2. I can whip em into shape - Don't pretend to be the great reformer unless they are asking you to do so.  If a job wants you to 'whip a department into shape'  That actually tells you more than they want you to know.  It tells you that they have been unable to do this themselves and they have unruly employees.  Ultimately you are dealing with a company that has management problems.  If you take this position, you will be fighting with management.  If you offer the above unsolicited, you are telling them that their management is probably ineffective.  Nobody wants to hear that.

1. What was the question? - For goodness sake, PAY ATTENTION.  Nothing is worse in an interview than looking disinterested or bored.  You need to be on the edge of your chair and interested in everything that is being said.  If you are off in your own world during an interview, you might as well kiss that potential job goodbye right there.











If you are looking for work, I hope you find employment soon.  I think that we will be swinging back on the jobs front, but not as quickly and likely not the way we were used to before.  Quality people are always in demand, so put your best foot forward and go get em!

Top 10 things employees should remember

I often give Management a hard time.  More because I find that anytime you give an individual extended power over the lives of other people, that Individual can find themselves easily corrupted.  This certainly does not happen in every case, but it is hard to argue against the fact that it happens a lot.

The truth is, Good Management is a pretty hard task and done poorly it can be even harder.  Middle management can be a particularly thankless job where you have the worst of both worlds.  You're not one of the commoners, but you are not an upper echelon employee, and they will keep you on that hook for ever seeking after that ever elusive promotion.  Employees generally are an unruly lot that make it hard on managers.  Lets look at these things that employees should remember (heck they might even help keep you employed!).  I will create this list based on the basic assumption that you are already DOING YOUR JOB.

During this past holiday season, I decided to do a turn for our corporate benefactors.  For all of you that resent those 'rich fat-cats' that run companies, just remember that those rich fat-cats are the ones making the jobs and these days there are many more people looking to get paid than people looking to pay them.  But I digress...

10.  Your emergencies are NOT the companies emergencies. - Someone calling in to say ' I won't be getting in on time because of .  For some reason this is thought of as an excusable absence.  People don't wanna use their sick days etc for actually being sick because they used them all up on their vacation.  Usually a company starts out being very generous with sick policy and being on time to work.  Unfortunately it only takes one complete idiot BONEHEAD to mess this up for everyone.  This person seems to be at the constant whim and fancy of fate.  They often wonder why they are so unlucky and why fate casts a wan glance towards them.  Here is a hint:  You've probably made some very bad choices which in turn creates vulnerability to bad circumstances.  In other words, it's probably your fault and if it isn't your fault, it IS your responsibility.  Don't ruin it for the rest of us.  Play fair with company time.

9. Company equipment and supplies are NOT yours - I just needed a pad of post-its!  Ya know, I do a lot of work from home.  Nobody was using this monitor!  There are any number of ways that you can justify petty theft from any given company.  Why do you think big companies put their names on everything?  Advertising?  No, Theft tracking.  The exit interview from a large company will include a look in your junk drawers at home to see if there are any company things missing.  Just kidding.  But seriously, you should probably ask before you take the store home with you.

8.  Employers are NOT cash machines - Don't ask for an extension on your pay. - We all have problems, and in this economy it seems many of those problems begin and end with money.  Try to remember, money has everything to do with how much you spend over how much you make.  If you have over extended yourself, maybe you should think about dumping the premium cable package, or perhaps not go to Costco one time that month (where rumor has it that you are not allowed to leave with less than 200$ purchased, that's why they check your receipt on the way out.)  The reason you don't want to ask employers for extensions in pay is several fold.  First, you are simply extending your expenses into the next check which has it's own set of expenses earmarked.  Second, how would you feel if the company said 'we are having some cash problems, so would you all mind not getting paid next check so we can get back on our feet?'...I see...I don't think companies can even ride a horse.  Third, early credit causes heartburn to a lot of departments that they shouldn't have to feel because you HAD to HAVE that 3d-LED tv for Christmas (that you couldn't afford) sheesh!

7.  If you need to nap, take a sick day - Sleeping on the job?  really ?!?  You have got to be kidding me.  Never a good idea, but after that big lunch you get those droopy eyelids and your job really isn't that exciting, maybe you could just duck into a store room for a quick catnap.  Or better yet, just doze off in front of your monitor.  If you are losing sleep, you are not performing on the job.  Take your lunch break and take a nap in your car.  More tired than that?!  take a sick day and get some rest!

6.  The company employee handbook is not there to rest your mug on. - Be acquainted with your company employee handbook.  It's going to tell you great information about what does or does not count towards PTO (Personal Time Off) and how much vacation accrues per pay period.  Overtime policies and workplace injuries are usually noted as well.  It's all there.  If the company doesn't have a handbook, you might want to ask for one.  There should be company rules and those rules should be known by company and employee alike.

5.  You are expected to be more valuable than you are being paid. - This nonsense about how much you are worth to the company is just that.  Nonsense.  It's not that you aren't valuable, but if you think that by your leaving the company will cease to exist, you are sadly mistaken.  Also if you have that attitude, it's likely time for you to look for gainful employ elsewhere.  If you aren't giving enough value to assist in the company's growth you should likely work a bit harder.  The company is there to make it's investors/owners more money than current bank rates.  It pays you in order to help it do so.  That's the price you pay for not having to risk owning your own company with your own money and all of the heartburn that includes.  This is America and for the moment, anyone can take a turn at making money in private enterprise.  If you don't like the way your company does it, then build a better mousetrap and prove them wrong.

4.  No, you can't just throw on 'whatever' and come to work. - If you see a section in the employee handbook (mentioned above) about a dress code, it's highly likely that someone earlier on in the company's history decided to come to work in ill fitting sweats and a ripped t-shirt, or hot-pants and a halter top because 'there isn't any dress code so I thought this would be ok'.  Dress codes are like super villains (or hero's for that matter).  They all start with an origin story.  You don't want to be the subject of that origin story.  It's not the kind of legacy you wish to leave...or do you?!


3.  Remember who the founder of the feast is. - It's interesting that often people will complain about company parties or company perks like t-shirts or fun contests.  Just what kind of an ungrateful child were you?!  Out of those employees that want to play Schindler to the companies Nazi party and talk about how many jobs could be saved for the expense of this or that 'waste of time'.  Remember many of those jobs would not be here even if the company didn't have the little extras that all of the sudden you are playing Penny Pincher Petunia on.  You certainly didn't have this problem when you were relieving the company of a ream of paper because you printed your w-2 at home.  So don't screw up the few nice things a company may do for you and try to show your gratitude once in a while because oddly enough the company might deserve it.  Along these same lines, if the company is providing you with an in company benefit.  Don't abuse it!  Free or subsidized drinks on the company are meant to be used on premises during work hours.  They are NOT meant to be stowed in an employees car for the party that employee is throwing this weekend!

2.  If you are working on it during company time, it is company property.- Working on little pet projects during company time?  Writing that great American novel that will get you out of this hole?  Organizing your scout troop from work?  The company owns (and rightfully so) any work you do while they are paying you.  If you happen to invent perpetual energy while you are at work and so much as a scribble of the design sits on a napkin in your cube, you probably will end up owing the company a piece of that if they want you to.  Many company's just assume it is a part of having humans as employees and that is more than fair on their part.  But for your part, you may want to either make an arrangement with the company or keep your work at home.

1.  Don't be a pain in the Rump - All of you wanna be Lawyers and Barristers that wish to examine all company laws and by laws for any obvious loopholes or hypocrisies, just remember:  The company gives you money to spend time on their behalf. Phrases like "I'm not paid to do THAT" will definitely put you in solid with your managers (I'm rolling my eyes now).   Playing the rules like a lawyer plays an Injury case may be perfectly within your rights and a perfectly 'fair' to do, but you are being a pain in the butt and that pain will wear on your superiors.  It really will only be a matter of time before they find you less useful than you are being paid for and encourage you to find 'exciting new opportunities'.  Remember, sometimes you don't need a reason to be fired, just an excuse will do.

No, I don't follow all of these little rules. No I haven't been recently switched into a management position and am trying to play toady (If you even thought that, you probably don't know me very well, if at all)  I just realized that for all of my complaining about management, there are plenty of things that we do as employees that cause management to do what they do.  Trying to mitigate bad circumstances will usually work in your favor...Usually...;)  Happy New year Everyone!

I hope your holidays were Merry!  only 2 more years till the end of the world!