10 things that parents really fear (that aren't as serious as death)

Being a parent is an interesting prospect.  You never really are prepared for it, and once you've done it, the best you can do is look back and second guess most of the things you've done.  After all of it, we end up surviving our own parents.  As a parent, we have a lot of concerns for our kids.  Of course the worst fear you have is that your kids may die prematurely.  You honestly hope to be buried by your kids.  At times it happens the other way and that is tragic.  The following are fears besides that.

10.  You're WHAT?!?  -  That's right, pregnant.  Now most parents really long to be grandparents, they secretly feel like maybe they can get a chance to use their vast experience and knowledge in raising a new stock of youth.  All of this of course is if it occurs within it's correct sphere and time.  Sometime during your child's tenure in high school is NOT that time.  These days it only matters a little if you are a guy or a girl.  It used to be much more important.  The problem is, we know as a parent just how much we wanted to go down the trail that ends up in pregnancy, and we honestly don't think you have it in you to behave yourself.  We HOPE you do, but we really aren't sure.

9.  Those are your FRIENDS?! -  We really are afraid that you might fall in with a bad crowd.  We all know that friends are both a matter of choice as well as a matter of chance.  If there is not a good crowd to fall in with, then there is only a bad one.  What we rarely if ever think is that our kids are in fact the bad crowd.  If all of your children's friends seem like a good influence on your child, your child might be the bad crowd.  Sorry.

8. That's your signature? - The contract.  Binding to all responsible humans.  I remember my first contract.  It was with the Science Fiction Book Club.  Whenever I didn't send back one of their little book of the month cards, they would quickly send and bill me for whatever hack novel they could ink to pulp.  It only happened a couple of times, but when It did I didn't like it.  Later I would sign my name to things like credit cards and cars. An ever increasing array of responsibility.  My parents likely feared for my well being.  But I survived.

7. Oh, I'm sure my little darling couldn't have done that. - This one works both ways.  You see, we really fear that our little angels are going to somehow be the targets of mockery and derision because they are clearly superior to the other, we can be charitable and call them 'Children', in that sorry vignette from Lord of the Flies they call a school.  At the first sign of trouble we are likely to march right into the principal's office and demand satisfaction on behalf of our brood.  On the other hand we could also be on the other side of this coin.  It could be our own little Fauntleroy that is causing grief and anguish among his peers.  The principal is calling us because he has irate parents on the other side of his desk that would like to meet your child for a duel with pistols or rapiers.  In either case.  We don't want any part of it.  We would like our kids to just keep their heads down, do their studies and be perceived as somewhat above average.

6. People aren't as bad as you think - Stranger Danger!  We really have a lot on our hands with the news these days.  We really have a paranoia about our kids and other people in the world.  Is it valid?  In some cases yes.  But on the other hand I remember on more than a few occasions as a child coming across strangers that were very nice and mindful of me.  I've lived in a few places in the country and I never ran across an abductor.  Are people worse now than they were then?  likely not.  Is news more pervasive than it was then?  Definitely.  I'm not saying that there aren't dangerous people out there.  There are.  And we as parents have enough in the realm of irrational fears that if there is some rationality to our fears we will take it all the way.  Keep your kids safe, and remember, more people than not are decent and hopefully will help you and your kids watch out for the ones that aren't.

5. Their parent's were probably idiots. - Whew!  your kids didn't fall in with a bad crowd, that's a relief.  But next on the list of parental panics is that they fall in with a stupid crowd.  Stupid kids in groups are such a powerful force for the obviously stupid that they can be more dangerous than bad kids.  We just hope that our kids have friends that are roughly as smart as our kids.  Assuming our kids are kind of smart.  Unless they are the dumb ones, then you want them to tie in with a smart crowd and hope it will rub off.

4. If I wanted to look in the mirror, I'd go to the bathroom - Kids making the same mistakes you made as a kid are so horrible it's maddening.  How DARE they make the same mistakes?!  Showing you to be stupid while being the fruit of your loins.  You watch them do things in a similar manner and you start to feel uncomfortable.  You wish the event would just hurry up and be over so you don't have to relive your own mistakes in the vivid color of the current instead of the age stained monochrome of memory.

3. Plenty of fish in the sea - Oh that first heart break.  You don't want your kids to have to experience it, but odds are they will.  You hurt for them, but you know there is nothing you can do.  You can try to talk to them, you can try to reason with them, but the ache will still be there.  You will tell them things that were equally ineffective with you, but you will tell them anyway.  You wish that your own love would be enough to keep your kids from the pain of new love, but it isn't and won't ever be.

2. Wow, applied ancient languages with a minor in pet clothing design. - As your kids get older you try to help them decide on a career path.  You steer them towards professions that will give them fulfillment in both career and finance.  Instead their interests lead them to things that at best could be described as a hobby that might make money if good fortune breaks wind in their direction.   You see time wasted and financial struggles and there is very little you can do once they leave the starting gate but hope they don't run back into the starting gate and into their room.  At 32.  Still trying to find themselves.

1. You eat with that mouth? - This is really mortifying.  When you hear your kids swear it's like listening to an idiot with a large cat and a chalkboard.  The worse the swear, the more amazing the discomfort.  I have told my children that swearing is an adult game and should only be done by people that have had actual hardship in their lives, not just perceived.   Honestly, the situation doesn't matter.  You really can't stand hearing your kids swear.  Particularly if they can't do it right.


Well, That's it.  I hope your leap day was a good one.  It gave me and extra day to come up with this.  That will teach you to add an extra day to the year!

Top 10 Scary Things

We are in the month. The great and scary month. Most of the month is actually very nice. We have one sporting event winding down and another starting up. We have pleasant weather for most of the weeks of the month. October is a trickster in it's very name. Octo- for eight seems to be a little bit off since it's month number 10. Why keep the Roman name for a month when we don't use the Roman calendar? Who knows? But that's all beside the point. The month in America stands for Halloween. Even though the day falls at the climax of the month we seem to see the whole month as being owned by Witches, Zombies and Goblins. Anything supernatural/creepy is relegated to this month with the possible exception of the ghosts of Christmas past present and future, but only the ghost of X-mas future was really that creepy. When you are young, these beasties can give you quite a scare, but as you get older you almost wish they were real just to spice things up a bit. When you are an adult, you get a whole other crop of things that scare you. Things that are so creepy that they don't make fun, or costumes for these things.

1. Public Performance - They say that public speaking is one of the most intimidating things that people can do. Fortunately, I don't suffer from that particular anxiety. But getting in front of people, knowing that all eyes will be on you, and worse still, knowing that they are judging everything you are saying, can give nearly anyone the creeps. I quote the wisdom of Mike Brady 'Just imagine that you are talking to everyone while in their underwear'. Wow, that's a great nugget. Why in the world would I want to do that?! So I can imagine that the auditorium is hotter than it really is? Sheesh.


2. Being Singled out - This goes hand in hand with number 1 except it's more that suddenly in a group all attention is focused on YOU. So in a large meeting, your boss asks your opinion of something and suddenly all eyes are on you. It's at this point that you usually say something really insightful like 'I agree 100% with what you are saying'. But you really don't want to be thought of as the loner. Outside all groups. Kind of reminds you of High School doesn't it?















3. Your kids acting obnoxious - This is more of a fear of Parents. People are not so much afraid as annoyed at kids acting obnoxious. But we all assume that we were kids at some point and we move on. The parents of those kids on the other hand...wow...now there is some real fear. You would rather make a big fool of yourself than listen to your own flesh and blood do the same.












4. Extended relative visits - I'm not sure if this is a genuine phobia or what, but when THOSE relatives come into town and hit you up for some free room and board, you get a little jumpy. This isn't a fear as much as it might be an anxiety. These days nobody but people you DON'T want satying with you in your house would ask to do so. But then to hear how long they plan on gracing you with their presence. Well it can cause you some undue stress. This one I get from listening to the experiences of others and not from my own rich anecdotal storybook. Cousin Eddy, we hardly knew ye.











5. That one thing...you know what it is - Everyone has that one thing. you know. don't worry, I won't tell anyone else. But it's that one thing that you are absolutely petrified of. It might be in this list, and it might not, but one thing is for certain. It grips you more than any regular pedestrian fear. This is REAL. Most people have one of these and it's completely irrational and serves no purpose but to embarrass you completely when you are exposed to it. What's mine do you ask? I'm not tellin, but I invite you to guess.












6. I.R.S. - They say these Government blood suckers actually inspire more fear than nearly anything out there. People would rather experience #9 below than face the Tax Man. All of my own meetings with the IRS have been genial and quick. No real reason to fear them, but that is the NEW IRS. The old IRS probably still has some of that old scare power in em. I don't want to find out!!!














7. Lost Kids - Another parent thing. When your kids are old enough to start walking but young enough to trust anyone they meet, you fear for them ALL the time. If you are a mom, multiply this by Avagadro's number to come up with the actual fear factor. Here is the funny thing, we actually live in a society where crime is on a decline in general. It's thanks to a press with nothing better to do that we hear about all the wierdos that live near us. Ick. Anyway. Just the idea that you have lost your kids in the mall or at an amusement park, or even at a regular store just scares the crap out of a parent. Enough so that you jerk the kid by the arm and nearly pull his arm out of his socket before calming down enough to scream at the poor punk. Problem is, they don't remember that yell fest and they do it again, and again.







8. Car Accident - Nothing projects death like a totaled car. Even a fender bender makes you wonder if the driver was hurt or not. Nobody likes an accident, and nobody wants the trouble of who hit whom and who needs to pay. It's all a hassle. The only thing I know. The insurance will always pay just less than what you had hoped and will repair your car to near junkitude. yuck. Car accidents are the worst thing I can think of that aren't really serious. This of course adds insult to injury if it's YOUR fault.









9. Dental Problems - Biggest cause of severe dental issues is not congenital defects of your teeth or a lack of flouride, but rather, the trip to the dentist itself. The lack of regular checkups is the biggest reason your teeth are in the shape they are. It's no wonder, it's a regular house of horrors in there. I'm pretty sure that they just put those suspected terrorists in the dentist chair for a checkup. That's GOTTA be against the Geneva Convention. People fear the Dentist JUST UNDER their fear of the IRS. EEEEEEEEEK!!!





10. Unemployed - This has become a bigger and bigger realized fear in the world today. Our own country edges up towards 10% unemployment and you wonder which of your friends have found new jobs, or are floundering at their mom and dad's place. Just the thought of being called into your bosses room makes you break out into a cold sweat. This fear is at it's biggest from people that have experienced a layoff in the past. It's a horrible thing, I'm here to tell you. Anyone that tells you that it's just as tough being the manager doing the firing is just being an idiot and should shut up. No, I know it's no fun, but it's on the same scale as breaking bad news to someone, not really scary, just something you would rather not do. To be on the other end is the same as having a good friend suddenly turn on you for no good reason. You sit and wonder why and what you can do to mend the fence with that friend. Except the company is NOT your friend, NOR is it your 'family'. It is your place of employment. It is much more tragic to lose a close friend than it is to lose your job. But hopefully you can repair your relationship with your friend. Once a job lets you go, they aren't going to give you a second thought UNLESS they suddenly need you for something, and then they will be sweet as honey again so they can get what they need from you. It's a real fear that people are living with on a daily basis right now.

Thanks so much for trudging back into the dark recesses of my addled brain. I hope it was worth soiling your Timberlines.