Top 10 Stupid things said in a job interview

The economy is tough.  No doubt about it.  But the truth is.  Somewhere, everywhere, someone is looking for work in one fashion or another.  In the course of your search for employ you must interview with your potential employer.

The interview is an interesting process. It is the method by which the company reconciles you to your resume.  The fact that they are talking to you at all, says that either your resume is appropriate for the job offered, or you have friends in the company, or both.  When an employer interviews you they are actually looking for a 'good feeling' about you.  Do they feel like you will fit in?  Do they feel like you have the skills necessary?  Do they feel like you are a trouble maker?  The questions they ask will help them determine these things.

The interview conversation should be thought of like a discussion with the police on TV.  The smart person will answer the questions asked and offer nothing more.  The open ended question like 'is there anything you want to ask me?' or 'why are you looking for work?' should be answered with something brief and innocuous.  The following are things that have been heard in job interviews that shouldn't have been.

10.  When is recess? - This actual phrase was said as a joke.  ha, very droll.  Clever quips during the interview process will likely do you more harm than good.  Humor is a very personal thing and everyone has a different sense of it.  Don't jeopardize your potential employment by saying goofy things.  I've made this mistake a few times. 

9.  So how strict are the rules here? - In a different blog I mention the employee handbook as being very important.  It is.  Those are the rules and you should follow them.  Asking about the strictness of the rules tells your employer that you really plan on bending them.   This questions should never be asked because the answer will become self evident.

 8. How many personal/vacation days do I get? - You are looking for a job.  This is your primary objective.  Everyone knows that you need vacation and sick time, but if you open with 'how much time off do you get ?'.  It will put the impression in your employers head that you are really not going to be particularly interested in the actual company you are working for.  The time to ask about the vacation arrangements is when they offer you a position.  If it hasn't come up by then, it's time not only to see how much vacation time there is, but it is also time to negotiate your time off.  I always ask for an extra 5 days of sick/personal time.  It's easy to get because sick days are not reimbursed so if 'things don't work out' they don't have to pay you for those days.

7. Boy will I be glad to get away from my old job - Don't bad mouth your old employer until after you've got the job.  even then, it's not a really good idea.  you never know who has political ties to other businesses in the area.  Your future boss's wife might be the one you had the biggest problems with at your prior job.  Who knows?  Even when you are employed, it's best to let bygones be bygones.  I've had problems with this one as well because people like to talk about their prior battle wounds.

6. What's your sick policy like? - This falls under the personal days but it's a bit different.  You are asking what the policy is.  Whenever someone asks for chapter and verse on a companies disposition towards anything specific, it tells the employer that you are probably going to try to find the loophole so you can ultimately take advantage.  Don't do it.  Don't GAME the system.  It will put you in bad with your managers as well as you co-workers.  It will NOT make you Ferris.

5. Can I get paid in cash? - If you are an illegal alien.  This might be important for you.  It's also important for your employer to know.  Also, trying to avoid tax garnishments or alimony obligations are not looked on favorably.  Just assume that you will need to have a bank so you can be paid in the same way that everyone else is.

4. I have a side business, but it shouldn't interfere - If they ask you about other concerns, then go ahead and mention that you have a side thing selling khaki beany babies on Ebay.  Otherwise, keep that information to yourself.  It will taint their view of you and it's really not their business.  On the other hand, you should understand that this is to be your primary method of employment and will supersede any other interests you may have in the event of a conflict.

3. My goals?  Well I see myself with your job. - Looking overly ambitious only works with managers not directly involved in managing you.  Your direct manager really doesn't want to hire someone that is gunning for his job unless he is ambitious as well and will need an heir to his position.  This is nearly impossible to ascertain during the interview process so it's best to not show off any great ambitions.  A good answer to the really silly question of 'where do you see yourself in 5 years' might be 'In 5 years I would hope to have expanded my skill-set such that I can take advantage of the best opportunities available'

2. I can whip em into shape - Don't pretend to be the great reformer unless they are asking you to do so.  If a job wants you to 'whip a department into shape'  That actually tells you more than they want you to know.  It tells you that they have been unable to do this themselves and they have unruly employees.  Ultimately you are dealing with a company that has management problems.  If you take this position, you will be fighting with management.  If you offer the above unsolicited, you are telling them that their management is probably ineffective.  Nobody wants to hear that.

1. What was the question? - For goodness sake, PAY ATTENTION.  Nothing is worse in an interview than looking disinterested or bored.  You need to be on the edge of your chair and interested in everything that is being said.  If you are off in your own world during an interview, you might as well kiss that potential job goodbye right there.











If you are looking for work, I hope you find employment soon.  I think that we will be swinging back on the jobs front, but not as quickly and likely not the way we were used to before.  Quality people are always in demand, so put your best foot forward and go get em!

Top 10 Things you can do after the destruction of the world

Enough already.  According to some wackos, the rapture has occurred.  Other wackos say it will happen in May.  All other normal people think it will happen later.  If you are reading this, you are mostly evil.  It's ok, so am I.  Just in case God has more mercy than justice in his daily dose of Metamucil I wrote this in advance so maybe I'm just good enough. Yeah, I know, probably not. But you on the other hand are reading this, so you are definitely evil...Best to make a run on the asbestos jammies while you can.  Soon we are going to have the end of the regular civilized world.  The good news is you probably won't have to worry about working at that stupid boring consistent job.  The bad news is the new hobbies you get won't really be a lot of fun unless you are a survivalist. 

10. Read! - You've got time to read.  lots and lots of time.  Hopefully you still have some books written on paper.  If not, you can trundle on down to your local library and grab a bunch.  You don't really need to worry about checking books out since you're the only one around.  You might want to read titles on how to survive a zombie apocalypse or growing a victory garden.

9. Hunt - Gotta get food, probably need to get meat.  Cows are pretty easy to hunt, but they will not be widely available.  You are going to probably need to hone this skill the longer you live in a post-civilized world.  Remember that library?  They have some books on hunting and trapping.

8. Watch all those dvd's you bought - We see a movie.  We love a movie.  We buy a movie.  We never watch it again.  This is the natural order of man.  For some reason we don't want to watch things we have purchased UNLESS they come on TV.  Well, now nothing is coming on TV so you can actually make all those DVD purchases pay off!

7. Horde Batteries - Post civilization will mean post organized power.  Fortunately there will be THOUSANDS of batteries.  you just have to find them.  Here is a word of advice.  When you find batteries.  Be organized in your hoarding.  Collect them all in an orderly fashion.  Don't grab them like a starving man at a Vegas Buffet.  Collect them all and calmly carry them to your stronghold where you will hide them so the traveling looters won't find them.

6. Collect Textbooks - Funny thing about library's, they won't have textbooks.  That's for schools.  Here is the thing.  Textbooks are more like basic instructions for everything we know.  They write new ones every year to accommodate the new information garnered in that year.  Well that won't really be a problem.  You'll want to have the basic building block of education at your disposal.  They will become useful.

5. Develop your own language -  Nature of language is that it changes regionally.  Only due to grammar Nazi's does the decay of language slow at all.  If you and your little group of people live with little exposure to anything outside of that group.  Your language will change into something uniquely your own.  after 100 years or so you'll have a pidgin version of your language.  After 200 years you will have a completely new language loosely based on English which is of course loosely based on many languages that went before it.  Maybe by some quirk of fate it will loop around and eventually become Greek.

4. Visit Zombie Disneyland - After the end of days, all the cool places you used to visit will become weird hangouts of 'zombies'.  Ok,  they PROBABLY won't be zombies, but everyone that isn't in your clan will end up being the same as zombies. None of the rides will be operational at Zombie Disneyland, people will live in the different rides.  I imagine the hot real estate would be the Jungle Cruise, the Indiana Jones ride, The Matterhorn (and it's 1/2 court basket ball court).  It would be pretty cool.

3. Start romanticizing the 'Good ole Days' - If you didn't write a journal before, you should start one right after the world altering event.  Was it a meteor?  I forget.  Anyway.  You need to write down all of the things you remember about the life you once knew.  That way your kids can read about all the crazy things you thought were real.  The generations that appear after you have died will only believe about 1/2 of the things you wrote.  Truth is, if you re-read what you wrote, you will only believe about 2/3 of what you wrote.

2. Finish those video games you played 1/2 way through.  -  So you have your propane generator, you have your pick of HD tv's you have all video game systems as well as games.  You've got time.  PLAY ON!  Maybe in the new society, world conflicts will be decided by your proficiency at Super Mario Sunshine.

1. Make your own religion - Once again, you have lots of time.  You might be able to put together a origin story.  Might as well start with aliens.  Oh wait.  L. Ron Hubbard already did that.  Anyway.  you have to come up with a new origin and a new set of rules that this origin facilitates.  You could of course continue on with the religion that you knew before, but the truth is, like language, religion decays and changes over time so weather or not you are starting with a new religion, you WILL end up with a new one. Knowing that, you might as well start fresh.




I hope this isn't my last blog.  Actually I know it isn't because I have another one coming right after this one in about 15 days.  Tell your evil friends!