10 Things you dread on a vacation

Vacations are fantastic.  Of course I don't have to tell you everyone knows this.  They are the chance you have to get away from your daily grind.  Even if you love your job, you need a break from time to time.  Well often we trade one stress for another when we go on vacation.  These are some of the concerns rational and otherwise that we face when we go on an extended vacation.

- Am I breaking some kind of law? - Depending on your vacation you wonder if through ignorance you might be breaking some kind of law.  Most of the time this happens around the boarder or at customs.  They ask questions and you don't think you are doing anything wrong, but you feel like there are wrong answers. Well there are.  Don't even THINK about joking about anything.  There are NO jokes at customs.  This feeling gets worse when the country you are in speaks a different language and you don't.  Everything starts feeling like you are early in some film noir and a jack booted official is asking you for 'papers'.

- My pets are dying! - If you have pets you probably think of them as your furry children.  Well vacations don't usually look too kindly on animals although I HAVE seen 'service' animals that don't do much more than sit there for their owner, just like the non-service animals and get to accompany their owner on vacation.  Unless you can get a doctor to diagnose you with PTSD your pets are left in the care of someone or put in the kennel.  Putting a pet in a kennel is kind of like sending your kids to summer camp.  You hope they are making friends and having fun, but you suspect they are miserable.  If you get some kind of house sitter to take care of your animals, it only serves to take the edge off.  You are still wondering if they are being nice to your little furry friends.  Just remember, when you come home your animals will probably be very excited to have you home/mad at you.  They probably had an O.K. time, but they are happier that you are back home.

- I left X on - Just like being the last one out of the house, but completely puffed up to gargantuan proportions.  There are SO many things to take care of with an extended vacation that by the time you leave, you are certain you are forgetting any number of things.  These things include but are not limited to.  Cancel Mail, Lock doors, Turn off water, turn on Email notification at work indicating you are out.  Of course the classic is the leaving the gas stove on.  If you aren't sure of most of these things, you will find yourself constantly reminded of things you can't verify but probably took care of.  Here is a tip.  As you take care of things you are likely to ulcerate about, take a picture of it with your phone.  Then you will know exactly what you remembered and what you didn't.

- I'm going to get ripped off! (vacation scams) - This gets worse the cheaper you are.  If you are a real skinflint, you will really have a horrible time on your vacation because you have NO idea of the relative value of the goods and services you are getting.  Since you are a tourist, you can safely assume that you are probably paying an out of town surcharge, but besides that, you need to turn the scrooge off and enjoy the vacation.  Understand that taking time in another place is costly, but you are there primarily for a good time.  If you can't bear the thought of paying rack rate for anything, then you might like camping better since you don't have to deal with much of anyone and you bring your own food.  The best thing about camping is it reminds you why you live in a house away from nature.

- I've forgotten my passwords! - This is more an indicator that you really enjoyed your vacation and you didn't do that idiotic 'just check in with work'.  If you are checking in at work, then you work for idiots because they haven't duplicated your work processes so they can let you go on vacation without worrying about if the company can survive. If they are requiring this, you need to look for future employment because either they will burn you out or they will fail so spectacularly due to lack of planning that the company will suddenly look like a scout car wash.  You just get back to work and you realize that your hands no longer know the passwords to your regularly used applications.  You just sit there waiting for your hands to type out the patterns that you would have NEVER guessed you would forget.  Congratulations, you had a good vacation.

- Where are my passports?!? - This is a fun game related to the I left X on above.  This is where you take all of your reservation numbers and documents you need for your travels.  Chief among these are the passports.  Lose these and you can't get replacements easy.  In fact, if you lose them you are in some deep water.  You are constantly feeling for them in your pockets or purse.  Every time they aren't there,  You quickly start off with 'Where are the passports?!?'  This is followed by 'Didn't I give them to you?!'  Usually this closes with 'Oh that's right they are right here.  This also happens if you are carrying large amounts of bags with several people.  You are constantly looking and taking count.  You aren't even sure what you are carrying in them by now, but you know you need all of them.

- Will I be sufficiently entertained? - This one is really stupid.  I am guilty of this one.  I often arrange media players, portable games, and e-books are available to make sure that my every moment is filled with some sort of diversion.  Of course I use exactly 10% of the things I've prepared.  It's a waste of time and space.  Just take your number one device (usually your cellphone) and it will do just fine.  the rest of the stuff is probably just a some kind of traveling work out.

- Criminals are at my unprotected door! - This is like leaving stuff on, but it's worse.  Sure you've locked your door, but you don't know if someone is scouting out your house for theft.  The longer you are away, the better the likely-hood that you are going to be robbed.  Of course where you live has a lot to do with it, but for the most part your chances of being robbed are not very high.  One way to help that is to not advertise your vacation on social media before you embark.  Your friends might not rob you, but their friends might.

- I'm going to look stupid - Tourists by definition look stupid.  Don't worry.  Nobody expects you to look like a local and honestly why would you want to? Sure you are worried about thieves picking you out, but what can you do about it?  Nothing.  Don't be a rube, ask for instructions if you find yourself lacking direction, you'll save time and grief.

- No internet connection? - Some people are afraid of not being connected while they travel.  When cavemen first started using facebook, they weren't as attached to it and found they could leave it relatively easily.  As history progressed and other social media websites became prevalent it became harder and harder to leave the internet alone.  Just remember the war of 1812 When the British tried to disconnect the American troops from their Dial up connections.  Never have American's fought so valiantly.  Sheesh.


None of these things are worth not going on a vacation.  Get your plan together and GO.  Don't sit there and not go because you are a home body.  Have an adventure once in a while, it's something to talk about when you are at home.

10 Things you don't want to be exciting

Excitement.  When we are young it seems that is what we crave.  We want new exiting experiences.  Businesses when they are recruiting employees use the term to describe themselves; An exciting work environment with exciting opportunities in the field of excitement.  Well there are a lot of things that you don't want to be exciting.  not at all.  in fact what you want is boring and mundane.  For example:

- Meetings - Well Mark, nothing could be further from the truth!  I WISH a meeting would be exciting.  You think so?  If a meeting is 'exciting' that means that the people running it are trying to 'motivate' you to something.  Other exciting meetings include the ones where you get fired/laid off.  Otherwise, exciting meetings also seem to take longer and eventually devolve into the not so exciting kind.  The worst part about this is by the time you get out of the meeting, you forget all the things you got excited about at the beginning.  Now all you can remember is the same people asking the obvious sycophantic questions that make a 1/2 hour meeting go an hour long.

- Trip to the Dentist - The Dentist is arguably the most exciting thing you do or should do regularly.  The reason is most people are hyper aware of the new and exciting pain.  The BEST trip to the dentist is a boring trip to the dentist.  In order to make it so, you need to brush and floss regularly.  This is also best when it's boring.

- Sleep - Exciting sleep?  Well, the only reason SLEEP is exciting is because you had some very realistic bad dream that suddenly wakes you up screaming.  Even if you enjoy it, it is not a good way to get a good nights rest.

- Military Service - I have never served in the military, but I have to assume that very few people that enter into the military want excitement.  Excitement in the military usually means some kind of war, which means some kind of injury or death.  Not the kind of excitement anyone is really looking for.  From friends that have served in the military I have heard that military service is typified by long stints mind numbing boredom with sudden brilliant life endangering bits of unwanted excitement.  Military Video Games seem to be very exciting in exactly the same way you DON'T want regular military service to be.

- Elevator - There is one intentionally exciting elevator trip and it's called the Tower of Terror.  The name itself should tell you why a normal elevator ride should be at best forgettable.  When you are a kid, elevator rides are pretty exciting.  You get into this magic box you and there are lit up buttons  and then suddenly you are somewhere else.  It's pretty amazing.  It's even more amazing when you find that you are many feet up in the sky.  That excitement wears off soon and you don't want it to be exciting again because elevator excitement is usually followed by a long stint waiting in that box.  With any luck you are alone and don't have to go to the bathroom.

- Exercise - When I'm talking about exercise, I'm talking about the repetitive motion of weight lifting or running or biking or anything that you are doing to get in better shape.  I'm NOT including a sport that happens to have exercise benefits since the reason you play is compete and competition is normally exciting.  Regular exercise is good for you and all that.  The problem is when exercise gets exciting because you suddenly feel an ache or pain that you really weren't expecting.  It takes you out of your rhythm and makes you worried not to mention takes you out of your routine.  Regular exercisers do not like to be taken out of their routine for any reason much less because they are possibly injured.

- Taxes - Boring taxes are the ones where you take some time to do your taxes and then you find that you are owed or you owe somewhere around 200 dollars give or take.  Exciting taxes are where you suddenly find that you owe several thousand and you had no idea.  Even more exciting taxes are when you are audited because your return seems fishy since you probably don't know if you did your taxes quite right.  What's that? You think the returns where you get a couple of thousand back are pretty exciting?  Sure until you realize that the money you got back from your friend the Government is the money they have been using interest free until they send it back to you.  It was YOUR money to begin with.  This is similar to a bully that has been taking your milk money all school year and the teacher makes that bully give it back to you.  The bully doesn't have all of it, but you get about 1/2 of it back and you are happy.  Foolishly happy since it was your money to begin with.

- Work commute - Exciting work commutes are usually typified by either crazy drivers or bad weather or both.  You get home much later than you normally do with white knuckles and memories that will last for a long time.  The boring commutes are much better.

- Food - Of course some people will disagree with me on this.  Exciting food is great! sure.  Only if it's exciting because it's so good.  The problem is if you start trying food because you want to be excited, you will find at least as much bad food as you find good food.  I've found that I will be much more satisfied with somewhat boring food that is consistent rather than looking for the most excellent of bites to eat. Few things are as bad as bad food.



- Oil Change - You would think that oil changes could use a bit of excitement but honestly like taxes the only thing you want to hear is 'we noticed that your wiper bearings were a bit rusty and the Johnson Rod needed attunement, but we took care of it for you.  Thanks for coming in!'  The funny thing is, Getting your oil changed is like the Antiques Road show.  It doesn't matter WHAT the mechanic tells you about your car, you ONLY want to know the bottom line.  If that is exciting, that regularly means bad.






Well, boring or exciting, we have come to the end.  May all of your excitements be the good kind and I hope everything else is delightfully boring.