10 Windmill Tilters

It's hard for thee to kick against the pricks.  Don Quixote was the embodiment of the little guy trying against the inevitable and hence the phrase tilting at windmills.  This little phrase from the New Testament represents mans ineffective struggles against some things.  Hard to realize the value of a truth that you refuse to recognize.  These people are a lot more common than you realize.  They struggle and struggle against things that are just too big to fight.  The proverbial Davids against the worlds Goliaths except they lose and Goliath runs around doing a legendary victory dance because he was so big.

- I'm never shopping at Walmart - There are a few of these people that proudly proclaim that they don't shop at Walmart.  This lone voice in an overwhelming wilderness ends up being drowned out by the sound of people stepping into the store to cash in on their every day low prices.  Is Walmart a giant corporation devoid of conscience and willing to kill any mom and pop shop that stands in their way?  Probably.  On the other hand, I've never been that thrilled with the mom and pop shop.  Really, you go in and they don't have much to offer.  Higher prices, smaller selection, and usually someone running you out of the store if you don't buy something.  Go into Walmart and you can loiter around pretty much all day as long as you don't cause trouble.  By trouble I mean try to organize a union,  apparently they aren't too keen on that.

- I'm not Giving Disney 1 more dime - Disney has successfully positioned themselves to sell entertainment and merchandise to children from birth till they decide they are old enough to not like Disney's merchandise.  That average age is around 82.  They will start telling stories about how evil Disney is as a corporation (you know because a company's main objective is to make money and they are really good at doing that and if you are good at doing that, then you must be evil).  They will then tell you some story about how they were accosted by Disney goons after making a scene at the Carnation Pavilion, something about real animal fur being used for B'rer Fox's outfit.  So you spend the rest of your vacation days over at Universal Studios.  Good for you.





- Taxes?!  No WAY! - The non tax payer is a peculiar group.  Government as it is, is an automated sleeping giant.  It takes them a long time to notice anything that doesn't directly threaten them.  If you don't pay your taxes, you will start to be harangued by the IRS until you pay.  They do this by applying service fees and interest that is many times the amount of the taxes you owe.  They have the right to freeze your bank accounts until they get what they think is theirs.  They can garnishee your wages until you are paid up.  So the no taxes people work jobs that get paid in cash and they don't use banks.  They thumb their noses at the Should be Illegal IRS.  I'm with them in spirit.  Our government spends WAY WAY WAY too much money.  Unfortunately if you start letting people get away with not paying their taxes then pretty soon nobody will and then what do you have?  Well, whatever you have it's probably no good.  That's what they've told us.

- Libertarians - Poor Libertarians.  They like and don't like either political party very much.  They stand for an independent mode of thought. They thumb their collective noses at both political parties and proudly proclaim ownership of the TRUE spirit upon which this country was founded.  Freedom First!  Open Government, Open Elections!  Among the many phrases uttered by the Libertarian.  They claim the fastest growth of any political party anywhere!  This is where it becomes important to see that percentages for point in time numbers can be particularly misleading.  Honestly unless both other candidates are convicted felons, there is a small chance that the Libertarian candidate will be elected.  People don't like them.  They just don't fit in with the rest of the red and blue sheep.  I stand with them.  I agree with their political philosophy.  I find both the Red and the Blue to be so completely self righteous and misguided that neither of them are good for this country.  Kick.  Kick.

- Well I'll show them...-  The generic catch all of the disgruntled customer against brand X whatever it is.  This really isn't kicking though unless you actually do something about it.  Say you are still getting a bill from the Columbia record house music club for that 1985 Scritti Politti album you forgot to mail in the bill for and you now have a dark mark on your credit history (STILL).  They have you dead to rights since your little brother melted that vinyl album you didn't want in the microwave before you could send it back.  So you send them their money on a postdated check in that prepaid envelope.  The final kick is you glue that envelope to a cinder block so they will have to pay at least as much as you owe in the postage.  That'l show them!






- I'm off the grid! - The self sufficiency/minimalist group or the apocalypse group.  These folks are great with their dread locks and hacky sacks or alternatively their guns and their end of days.  Living on some plot of near worthless land in their tinyhouse, or in their bunker they dug out of their basement.  They generate their own electricity with a windmill and a solar panel or two.  They hook up a bicycle to a series of high storage batteries and carry their potty out to the 'pit' every so often.  These hippies live the simple life which of course means anything but.  There are elements of it that are appealing in the short term.  The whole minimalist attitude and getting by with what you need not what you want thing I think is probably a refreshing change from time to time.  The end of days folks are constantly preparing for and less than secretly hoping for the end of days which is code for electricity turns off and world governments are a shambles.  As a life style, it seems you spend more time avoiding the conveniences of life and showers than you spend actually enjoying life.

- We aren't watching TV/Internet - I'm not talking about cable cutters.  That trend appears to be succeeding over time.  I'm talking about the folks in the 70's and 80's that claim they didn't watch TV.  'Not in MY home!!!'  Their kids were always weird with a capital W.  Social misfits at best.  The analog to those people are the 'NO INTERNET IN MY HOUSE' people. Same idea.  They don't want to be connected.  They may have more reason than their Mennonite for bearers since the internet is now all about information gathering.  Some people are tired of the Internet or 'the beast' as they lovingly refer to it, knowing about their every move and desire.  And yet the terrific opportunities for everything that comes from the internet appears to outweigh the inconvenience of no privacy for most of us.  But they will proudly proclaim their ignorance to the Internet among other people gladly chatting with each other about the latest cat video.

- I refuse to work overtime - I try to be among these people.  There is an interesting trend in America that has gone on for decades that was started in the Protestant work ethic.  The idea is that if a company has hired you, you are their indentured servant for all of your time.  They own you and you should be glad to work and work and work.  It's bad company behavior like this that inspires unions to be created.  Yet there are many that will gladly give up their own time in order to make the company more money and keep a few more people unemployed.  I understand the point of giving good value for your employment.  On the other hand, handing away money (oops I mean time) for free to your employer doesn't serve anyone.  So I try to not work overtime (for free).  Of course there are the cases where I am compelled.  The competition for employment gives you the idea that you should show your company that you are a servant worthy of their hire.  Of course any company will gladly let you work yourself into an early grave, that's just fine by them, and when it comes time for layoffs, they will look at the person that doesn't work overtime and push them off the sinking ship first.  That's fine.  Being in a company that's on the ropes or has over extended themselves is no fun anyway.  They are probably doing you a favor.  Kick.  Kick.

- I'm going on a diet - This kick is against your own body.  Your body has told you time and again, It LIKES fats and sugars and salts and it DOES NOT like exercise.  It's not at all subtle about this message.  Every time you get up from your plate of rice cakes and carrots, it crys out for a round of frito's and chocodiles.  Every time you get up to exercise it begs you to go to bed instead.  For most of us, the dedication of healthy lifestyle can usually be summed up by vanity.  If your vanity is big enough you will continue to be healthy because for you health is a competition.  For the rest of us, it's an eventual losing battle.

- I am fighting this traffic ticket!!! - There you are going down the road just humming along.  You notice a speed limit sign and you wonder if it applies to you.  Then you see the gumball machine.  The local constabulary has decided to unfairly target you for going over the speed limit by 8 miles.  You are indignant!  you were going 10 over and he cut it down to 8, why couldn't he just let you off??  Well you won't stand for this!!!  You are going to fight this ticket.  In fact, you are going to follow this police man and make sure he stands up to all of the laws laid out in the traffic code!  You are going to be a modern day punisher execpt you don't kill peopl (comic book reference, sorry, look it up).  Then you pay the ticket.  But your intentions were right there.

Sure this blog was late and kind of wandered around, but hey, at least it's here right?  I didn't want to publish it on the 1st of april because it wasn't a joke.  Enjoy your spring.  maybe i'll be back in a couple of weeks or so.  Who knows?!?

Top 10 Idiot Drivers

We all do it. We all at one point or another are exposed to idiots. I've found that 9 times out of 10, the idiots you run across are driving within a few car lengths of your proximity. These ersatz drivers license holders should not only have their privilege revoked, but they should be made to go to non-idiot school.

This is one of the few blogs that I actually have much more than 10 entries for, but since I've molded my on line image into top 10 lists, I will resist. I've been thinking of starting another blog for my short rants and not break my self imposed 10 items rule but that's another subject for another day.

The following represents most of the people on the road that you have yelled at, made hand gestures to, looked at meaningfully across several lanes of traffic, or maybe even took their license plate down because they were SO bad. Understand that most of these elements are seen alone only rarely and are usually coupled with several other members on the list.

10. - The Racer - You know this guy. He thinks that the freeway is the Taledega 500 and He's Ricky Bobby. He zips in and out of lanes as effortlessly as a beginning bowler jumping lanes with a 10 lb ball. This person not only is a hazard because he's cutting through the natural flow of traffic, but his erratic movements make him unpredictable. But once he has a clear lane, he takes off like a shot. This is the guy that wins the 'The Police are never around when you need them' award. But rest assured, the local constabulary will certainly catch up with him because he drives like this EVERY DAY.





9. - Dis intersection wooks scawey! - Ok, you're humming down the road at a reasonable pace and you notice ahead of you in the distance is a red light. Rats! I guess i'll have to stop. Wait a minute! It's turning green!!! YAY Mario Andretti the God of Driving has granted me a boon! Oh no, what now?! The driver ahead of me has decided to put on the brakes anyway...in the middle of a green lighted intersection?! What on Danika Patricks green earth are they thinking? After the intersection, they speed back up again...So I finally am riding in the car with a person that is doing the same thing!!!. I said 'what in the world are you doing?' She said 'Well I'm just scared that something is going to happen in the intersection.' I said ' so you think that by slowing down to something under the speed limit that that will give you the lightning fast reflexes to avoid being T-boned?' She said 'Well, I don't know, I'm just not comfortable in intersections.' She really needs to stop this bad habit or hand in her license, if anything speed up, you'll avoid whatever bogymen lurk in the painted square.


8 - Oh! I'm sorry, I didn't realize the turnoff was HERE! - These people really annoy me. Say you are in rush hour traffic and you are waiting in a long line of cars at an exit that is well traveled. You see someone in a silver Mercedes zoom all the way up to the front of the exit and then turn on his blinker and signal in. That jerk deserves to drive a Yugo for the rest of his life. I don't care what kind of emergency he has because he has the same emergency every day. People that seem to think that their time is more valuable than yours really deserve to be slapped around. I don't care if you are jumping a line in traffic, customs, or Disneyland. The result is the same, you deserve whatever Karma can deal to you because you are a grade A Jerk.






7 - What is that @$@^! Line Jumper doing?! - Ok, this is exactly the opposite of number 8 and annoys me nearly as much. Here is the deal. When you are driving down the road and you see a merge sign. you know, the one that looks like a funnel made out of road? You are SUPPOSED to occupy both lanes until it is time to merge and then you take turns folding both lanes into one from both sides. Just because you are so sheep like that you can't possibly break the line and go down the other one that isn't being used doesn't mean that other people can't. That merge is like a funnel, except if water acted like you did, it would go out of the funnel faster from one side than it does from the other. Don't be jealous of the people that are filling in the lane, that's what it is there for. You should be gracious and let 1 person merge in front of you. the 2nd person that tries to butt in line IS being a jerk however and is deserving of your ire.

6 - But your Blindspot is really really comfy! - You are going down the freeway and you have been in the same lane for a while. You see that there is someone driving slower than you are in the right hand lane. You don't want to, but you probably are going to pass them. When you turn on your blinkers and make your move you all of the sudden notice that there is someone that has been hanging out in your blind spot for about the last 5 miles. The ONLY way you would see them is if you actually moved your head to look behind you and to the right. You didn't. Now they are giving you the 1 finger salute for cutting them off. Well don't feel TOO badly. If you are a good driver, you manage to stay OUT OF PEOPLES BLIND SPOTS!!!. I understand this is very hard in rush hour traffic, but you can still do it. If you are riding parallel with someone's rear right tire, you are very likely in their blind spot. Either SPEED UP, or SLOW DOWN. Yes, yes, I know, the accident would not be your fault, but does that mean you want it to happen? if you are smart, you will avoid this position and the bigger the vehicle, the more important it is that you remain clear of their blind spot.

5 - Go around! I'm saving time - You WISH this is what that jackass would say. Instead he is going a full 10 miles under the speed limit yammering away on his cellphone. His personal time savings device. You see, he is conducting important business on the phone right there so just go around him. He'll be cutting you off later when he gets off (you can count on it). One of the more creative answers to this is the portable mobile phone blocker. if you get close enough to them with this little dandy, you can scramble any and all cell phone reception. SWEET! There are several bosses I would love to have done that too. There is another person that falls under this category and that is the beauty queen. You've seen her, she's that carton of milk that's reaching her expiration date and she is desperately trying to add a few days. She's got the whole Mary Kay warehouse in the seat next to her and she is going to recapture her lost glory. All the while she is swerving to avoid traffic and going another 10 miles under the speed limit.

4 - Cmon In! I'm sure the 43 people behind me won't mind! - Once again, it's crowded and you are on a packed surface street. It looks like you are going to glide through the next light though. slowly but smoothly. OH NO!!! Mr Friendly has decided to give up his RIGHT OF WAY and let some people into the middle of traffic that are waiting to get out of the 7-11. are you KIDDING ME?! That is a bad accident waiting to happen, and if you are one of the unfortunate souls that is tempted by this venus fly trap of traffic, I say waive them on. The reason you shouldn't be going out there is because while prince charmless has decided that it's time to be magnanimous for the rest of the people in that lane, other people behind him aren't too keen on the idea so they are going around him. Just in time to t-bone you if they aren't being careful. Once again, it's an accident waiting to happen. Let them get out when there is a natural opening. Don't abdicate your right of way to be the 'good Samaritan'

3 - Thump Thump! Who needs a horn - I hope all those idiots go DEAF. If you have a stereo on so loud that you are shaking MY rear view mirrors from 2 car lengths away, you clearly have too many Watts in your Rockford Fossgate. Turn it DOWN. Nobody needs to her whatever crap you think is music, nobody cares that you just bought the latest 8-track of the Beastie Boys for your retro music system. You need to turn it DOWN. You are a distraction at best and when someone honks their horn to warn you of impending danger, your really fly nailpolish paintjob is going to get ruined with nobody to blame but yourself...homeboy...



2 - You people need to OBEY the LAW - Some people really think that they should have been in law enforcement. After all, they see the laws of the road being broken ALL THE TIME! Look at all these maniacs speeding along like they are going to die tomorrow! I'll show em! I'm going to go into their favorite left hand lane and I'm going to drive the speed limit! That'l show em! Ok Grandpa, It's time to go home and watch that vhs of Gunsmoke you recorded. You AREN'T Marshal Dillon, and it's not up to you to force the rest of those speed demons into speed compliance. Stay in your right hand lane and for heavens sake, ease up on those prunes!

1 - I'm pretty sure my wheels were over the line - Once again Mr I can't possibly wait for anything has decided to push peoples patience and walk one more step to someone elses road rage. The left turn light has turned on and it's time for people to make the most dangerous turn in driving. Well, now the light has turned yellow, so those of you that are still in the Intersection should get a move on and that last guy that followed them is ok too. Hold ON! there are 3 more people after the left turn light has long since grown cold. They are all claiming that their wheels were over the line when the light was yellow sooooo...Jerks. You are all Jerks. as long as that light is yellow, that's fine. Yellow is another shade of green in Utah. But when that light is RED that means STOP because it's time for other people to drive no matter how much you think it's ok if you jump this left turn, just this time. STAY PUT JACKASS!

There, I'm done with that subject. If you drive like this. Please stop.

Oh yeah, and one more thing. If you are in law enforcement I've got an idea for you. So you've decided to pull over that speeding guy that drives like his wife is going to be the next octo-mom. How about this, once you've stopped him. Tell him to get off at the next exit and park in the first parking lot he sees. THEN you can conduct your business and leave the rest of the lemming idiots on the freeway with nothing to look at, and it will be much safer for all involved. Just a suggestion. Other than that, you guys do a bangup job and you don't make near enough money for putting up with all these defectives!

Ok, now I'm really done. Thanks for reading and tell your friends!