10 words for money

I know I've already talked about money.  Those were 10 different currencies.  This is 10 words for money.  There is a difference, I swear.  I honestly can't think of anything that has more nicknames than money.  10 of them were pretty easy...

Moolah - the word moolah has been around for a long time.  There are a LOT of theories as to it's origin.  None of them seem to quite fit.  My dad used the word as synonymous with money.  Mr. Howell Used the word when pretending to be a Native on the island to entice the federal agents to come back and hopefully discover the criminals hiding in the hut.  From what I've read, it might be a reference to Moloch a cruel god that required very expensive sacrifice.

scratch - Once again, the word has been around for a long time and used as slang to indicate money.  There is some thought that it uses the term scratch in the same way as someone bakes something from scratch, or from elemental ingredients.  Perhaps money/scratch is considered the most elemental of ingredients.  Maybe scratch is what you use to placate a nagging itch.

cash - Cash is a generic term for any money of any denomination.  It's also a verb for the exchanges of goods for currency.  Probably the most used slang term for currency that we have.  From Cash on the barrel head to Cash and Carry.  Cash is the point.

Foriegn Names - Diniero, Samoleans, Sheckels, you name it, every country/government has their own currency.  With that currency comes a name.  Whatever that name is the country on the whole knows that name.  If you are in one country, it's kind of cool to use the name of another country's currency.  The more obscure the country name, the better.  Of course the country's currency can't be named the same as your currency, then it doesn't matter.

Bucks - This is the term we tend to use for money when we want to diminish the size of the money being discussed.  Nearly always used with 'only', bucks are the casual term.  For example, if you mention to someone that you will only be paying 20 dollars a month, you are being accurate but the emphasis on dollars tends to indicate that you think you are paying too much.  If you are paying the same amount of money but explain it in terms of bucks, you are saying that it is a good deal, 'I'm only paying 20 bucks a month for this.

Credits - Scifi and video games use Credits as the denomination of currency.  The science fiction world doesn't have any respect for individual governments because everyone knows that the world will be eventually one large government with one currency.  Since we don't want to favor one currency over another, we will go to the generic credit.  Video games of course have known this since their arrival on the economic scene in the late 70's.  1 credit = 1 play.  how much is a credit worth?  Who cares.




Cheddar - A more recent street term for money.  Cheddar being synonymous with money might have come about through the government cheese program of the 80's.  If that's true or not, it's very street cool to use the term cheddar for money.

Coin - Short for coin of the realm.  Coin is the actual term for physical money.  I've also noticed that when you are talking in terms of coin, you are talking about how much something is.  'They want that much?  That is a LOT of COIN.'  Coin appears to be the opposite valuation of money against bucks.

Greenbacks - This term is specific to American currency.  Greenbacks describe exactly the paper currency that is clearly green on the back.

Quid - one of my favorite terms for money, the Brits have shown up with another great bit of slang.  Quid being short for Quid pro Quo or this for that.  This is a perfect slang definition of the nature of money.  It is literally I will give you this round piece of flat metal or this rectangular piece of paper in exchange for a real piece of merchandise or service.






There we are, stumbling across the finish line once again, only to wait another 15 days...more or less...Thanks for reading!!

10 currencies

What with all this talk of fiscal cliffs and sequester, lets talk about the what those things are talking about.  Money. You see, the government needs our money so that a few rich men can keep their cushy rich jobs.  Bankers?  Possibly, but I was talking about politicians.  They want your money, but without a way for money to work, you really have nothing but barter.  I'll use my skills as a programmer to write you a program if you use your skills as a farmer to give me some milk, eggs and some pork chops.  Ok, I know, what would a farmer want with a programmer.  Anyway.  We don't all have the same idea of money.  Here are some of the ones I've heard about:

1. Wampum - Iroquois used to trade in beads.  These beads not only meant money, but they meant status based on how they were woven and to whom they were given.  Wampum, while only used by this particular bunch of American Aboriginals, had the distinction of being mentioned a lot in cartoons and movies in the 50's to the 70's.  Now it's not really proper to use that slang term.  When I was a kid, I heard wampum used a lot.

2. Credit - This is not money.  I know I should be talking about money, but this is closely related.  This is future money.  This is the COST of money.  Credit means get what you want now and pay us later, quite a bit more.  I had a friend that said, there are two kinds of people.  People that make interest and people that pay interest.  Credit costs you money, but is used interchangeably as currency.  It's like nuclear power, if you can use it wisely, it's really pretty convenient.  If you can't, it's extremely costly.

3. Pound Sterling - The sun never sets on the British empire.  Which of course means that The British crown had holdings all over the world such that the sun was always shining on something England owned.  So the Pound Sterling has a special place on our list because for quite some time, the Brits ruled the oceans and the trade as well as the currency.  Also known as a quid, short for quid pro quo, this currency was the gold standard of it's day and is still pretty beefy as currencies go.  The British are so pleased with their Pound that they opted out of the currency part of the European Union.  They will accept them, but only as a little brother currency.

4. Bitcoin - Virtual currency.  What makes it a real currency?  The same thing that makes ANYTHING a real currency.  People's willingness to accept it in lieu of goods and services.  What makes it different?  The fact that THIS currency does not have any specific country that sponsors it.  It is a truly universal currency.  Every other currency would regard this as some kind of barter and not genuine.  It is anonymous and it is untraceable to a specific owner, only to a series of valid locations. It of course is more complex than I have room to explain, but Bitcoin is a powerful idea and a future model for currency.  You can read all about it here at http://bitcoin.org/ .  It currently trades at near 46 dollars per bitcoin.  

5. Greenback - The US Dollar.  The current winner in the economic race.  Sure there are specific currencies that are worth more than the dollar, like the relative newcomer in the Euro, but nothing represents buying power like the US Dollar.  Called a greenback, it obviously has a green back on it.  All denominations are the same color.  Green.  This is by no means normal.  Other currencies are not green, they are all kinds of other colors.  Many people would say that this is a good thing.  I don't really care what color it is, as long as it spends the same.

6. Big giant rocks - Way far away on the Island of YAP lives a currency that is made out of large rocks ground into circles with holes in the middle.  The point was not to trade the rocks but rather to live around them.  The more and bigger of these rocks you could live around, the higher your status.  You would give one of these large rocks (called Rai) away on the occasion of an important event such as a wedding or major discovery.  Nobody really worried about getting these things stolen since you needed everyone to help you move one anyway.

7. Precious metals - Gold, Silver, Copper.  These Precious metals were the makeup of most coined money. Gold of course came in bars or ingots as well.  They represented static value in the face of oscilating economic value.  If you had gold, you had something that would weather the storms of any fiat currency.  Of course golds value is always relative to the things around it, but remains a value harbor in times of economic uncertainty.  The problem is, a gold standard can make a bad economy much worse, and a stumble can doom a currency based on precious metals.  Now gold's value extends far beyond that of a minted coin.

8. Monopoly - Growing up, this was the term for any money that didn't look like American money.  Also it was synonymous with anything fake or counterfeit, unless of course you are playing monopoly.  Then it's very real.

9. Dollar - Originating from a term in the Czheck Republic (The Tolar) this term takes a very long route through languages before becoming an American dollar.  In fact, there are many currencies that share the dollar name.  Australia, Belize,Canada, Hong Kong, New Zealand, Singapore, Taiwan, Brunei all have some kind of dollar to name their currency, and it all comes from a nickname and language migration.




10. Space Quid - So you thought bitcoins were strange?  Well get a load of this...Quasi Universal Intergalctic Denomination is a currency dreamed up in 2007 that has no mathematical basis, but is rather based on ease of use in zero gravity.  No sharp edges and chemically inert, this currency should be something you can spend on freeze dried ice cream and space food sticks when you have come out of hyper-sleep.




Well, that's another entry, and I STILL appreciate you reading!

Top 10 scheister jobs

Economy's still tough.  We hear that it's getting better.  This is a lot like hearing from your teen aged son that he's getting a D+ up from an F and you say 'Hey! Good Job!'.  The prelude to that story tells itself and it's a sad tale indeed.  So you still don't have work?  Well have you tried just giving up?  While you might need some extra cash, you can try these time honored traditions in separating money from fools.  No, it's not real or honorable work, but think of it as a last resort list.

10. Will Work for food - You hold up a sign that says you will work for food.  Of course you don't really want to WORK and you likely don't care about the FOOD either.  So the translation of this sign should be Will LOITER for MONEY.

9.  Busking - This is an actual bunch of hard work for the money.  It's one step up from begging but twice as hard as actual performing.  You come up with an act of some sort and you keep doing it over and over for whoever will watch.  You provide a hat or a basket or something that people will put money in for their appreciation of the performance.  It is usually with an instrument, but sometimes it's just someone in a goofy costume or a mime or a dancer.  If you do it with a group and you aren't the best one, you won't make much.  If you do it alone, people might not be inclined to give.

8.  3-card monte - sure it's against the law but you are out of work and that should be against the law right?  (don't answer that).  Also known as the shell game, there is a lot of variants but the point is this.  a man throws 3 cards down on the table 2 are aces and one is a queen.  follow the queen as the man throws the cards around.  When he is done, you put your money in front of the card that has the queen.  Then the man turns them over.  if you are in front of the queen, you double your money.  The guy running the scam has an accomplice in the crowd that bets a few times and wins and then goes his way.  The first time he bets small and wins, the second time he bets big and wins big.  If people bet with him, he loses big.  Of course he's in on the game.  If you put your money on the table you will not win.  Don't even try.  If you are on the dealer side of the table, you may win and at least you aren't dealing drugs or any number of things that are more harmful and illegal.

7.  Recycle! - Collect all of those cans and bottles and turn em in!  This only works in some states, but I remember as a kid collecting tin cans and submitting them for some change.  It was my first experience with what you could do to make money.  Wherever you are, the rules are different.  some states don't really have much at all going on for a recycling program, other states have it all.  Way to recycle Michigan.  Your name adorns many cans and bottles.

6.  Am I in the control group? - Sometimes you can submit to medical testing for many different things, drugs or treatments.  You never know what it's going to be on the way in, but you'll make a few dollars or a lot of dollars depending on how rare a condition you have to have to qualify for the test.  It's not like the movies, you won't get super powers, and you probably won't have any problems, but they are running the tests to make sure the treatment is effective and make sure that it doesn't react with different physiologies.  On the other hand, you are a human guinea pig.  That's why you get your greens.




5.  I'm stuck here until I can get this car part - This is a twist on the will work for food.  You walk around in a nice suit and look like a business dude.  You tell your targets that you have no cash and your cards aren't working (Identity theft is a good excuse for this).  Then you tell them the part (usually a 40 dollar part) and indicate that any cash will help.  Sometimes you hold out the 25 or so dollars showing that you have almost made your goal like a mini telethon and their donation could help you reach your goal.  If they buy the part for you, terrific, you can return it to the store later and get the full value.  This is more of a con than a scam, and probably illegal, but it is creative.

4.  I need food for my dog! - I witnessed this one personally.  Another will work for food, but you hold on to a dog you got at the animal shelter and tug at the heartstrings of the passers by.  The dog I saw was named Petey.  Poor Petey. Maybe if the guy didn't get enough money to feed Petey, he'd just eat Petey.  I hope he's doing o.k.

3.  Sure I've got blood, Why? - Donating blood!  A time honored fund raising tradition.  Sure you can donate it, but why when you can get paid for it!  It's the only thing that we can donate that we can get paid for.  Everything else we donate has to be done out of the goodness of our kidneys.  But now If you have a posthumous organ donors card, you can get the organ transfer paid for.  Used to be that if you were a donor, your estate would have to pay for the harvesting of your organs.  But not anymore.  I had a friend that donated blood for money to use gambling.  He won.  What's the lesson there?  Only Gamble with money you  can afford to lose.

2.  Search the lottery garbage - I read about this guy that found a big winner ticket in the garbage bin.  That's amazing to me that you could throw away a winning ticket.  Why bother playing if you aren't even going to check the numbers?! 

1.  Try out for Reality TV - Maybe you are good enough to be famous, or bad enough.  Anyway, some of the ones that are bad get record contracts like that William Hung dude.  Talk about falling into money, and for being more fearless than you are tone deaf.  Amazing.













Hopefully work will find you soon, or perhaps a windfall will come your way.

10 indicators that you probably shouldn't gamble.

I've written blogs about gambling before.  I love it.  It's a lot of fun and the only form of entertainment where you have a chance of coming home with more money than you started with.  You probably won't, but at least there is a chance.

Over the past few trips to my favorite gaming establishments I've realized that there are times when I (or anyone else) should simply not gamble.

10.  You don't suffer fools well - Most gambling is a social event.  You go with friends to make some wagers and laugh at loosing and cheer at winning.  But if you gamble at all, you have had the experience of seeing that person wander to the table not knowing what they are doing and they are probably inebriated.  This person starts to gamble and starts getting louder and more obnoxious.  You start wishing for their financial demise, if not for the loss of their glittering conversation, then for the loss of the flowery bouquet of their aroma.  At that point, you will find that that person will win and win and win.   Probably making the dumbest mistakes in the game but then winning despite their ignorance.  You hope even more that this putz will burn out.  Nope, it doesn't happen.  When you truly wish for someone to loose, you will find that it's really not any fun.  You should pick up and move away.  Don't go somewhere else and start gambling!  Take a break, just stop.  You start up again and if you start losing, you will blame your drunken acquaintance and you won't shake the bad feeling and that is not what you are there for.  Give it a rest, come back fresh and start over.

9.  You think the universe might have it in for you - This isn't just gambling, this is life.  There are those that think the glass is half empty.  Others think the glass is half full.  As for myself, I think that the glass is the wrong size.  If you believe you are an unlucky person, you will focus on your losses and assume that you are not lucky.  If you believe you are lucky, you will focus on your wins and wonder why you don't have more money ;).  If you think that your Karma is such that you don't deserve to win, you are right, you don't.  Just stop right now.

8.  You are good at math. - If you are at all good at math, you can figure out what the actual odds are of winning any of the individual games v.s. what they are actually paying you.  You'll quickly find that there are no odds in the casino that are in your favor.  There is one bet that is NOT in the houses favor, but it requires a bet that is.  It's the Free Odds in Craps.  The more you play on free odds only, the more slowly you give the house your money.  So what keeps people coming?  The fact that those odds are calculated over the long term.  In the short term, you can win.  People come home with those stories all the time.  They don't tell you much about the rest of the times.

7.  You are already in debt - Ok, so you are in the hole.  If you are in Hollywood, you desperately bet what you have left on a horse whose name you saw in a hymnal at church the prior Sunday.  Since this is obviously a sign from heaven, you feel like you just have to take the opportunity.  If you're still in the movie, you're going to win.  If you are in real life, maybe you will win.  But you are in debt!  you don't have money to RISK on a bad return.  Don't go anywhere near a casino if you have bills to pay off.  Besides.  Gambling is no fun if you are worried about every dollar you have out.

6.  You HATE to loose. - Ok, nobody likes to loose.  But some people don't mind losing much.  I take a pretty broad look at gambling.  I've had times where I've been really mad about losing but came home with 50 dollars ahead.  I had won 300 early in the night and lost it during the rest of the night.  I really didn't like that.  I came home even once and it was one of the best times I'd had.  I lost 80 dollars and had one dollar in change left in my pocket.  I won 5 dollars on a pull on a slot machine.  and the rest of the night clawed my way back to even.  I was thrilled.  Also.  Anyone that says you are getting money without earning it really hasn't gambled much.  Any money you can get away with from a casino is pretty rare.  If you just can't stand the thought of losing games you are designed to loose, you probably shouldn't play.

5.  You HATE to see others win more than you - One of the strange factors of luck is if you are with someone that seems to always win.  You don't understand it, but they just do.  It's like they fall bass-ackwards into the pot of gold and you couldn't find lucky with a leash and a dog whistle.  If you gamble with this person.  You will loose and that person will win.  If you are with a friend you really think could use an extra buck etc.  That person will loose and you may win.  You think this makes no sense or isn't true?  You haven't been gambling.  It is this bit of superstition that rears it's ugly head when you hear the tale of the father that takes his son to the door of the casino and says 'son I'll give you this dollar, or I'll put it in that slot machine over there and you could win more.'  After thinking it over the boy decides to take the risk and the father then proceeds to put the dollar in the slot and win thus foiling his life lesson.  It makes superstitious fools of us all.

4.  You prefer goods and services to entertainment. - The ONLY way I look at gambling anymore is that I'm being entertained.  I feel like it's the only form of entertainment where I might actually come home with more money in my pocked than I left.  Let's see you do THAT with a night at Turn off the Dark.  If you really need to feel that you've gotten something in exchange for your money, then don't gamble.  It will never feel worth it.

3.  You have a healthy sense of self loathing. -  I've seen some people keep on risking more and more even though they EXPECT to loose.  They aren't winning and they don't have any expectations to do so yet they keep going.  They are just punishing themselves.  That's it.  If you want to feel punished.  get on a good losing streak with a healthy dose of sleep deprivation.

2.  You really can't stand buffet food. - Gambling and all you can eat buffet go together like Family Reunions and Salmonella.  Buffets can be found at most casinos and are often given as a comp or a come on for frequent players.  Lots of people like buffets.  If you aren't one of those people, you will probably not enjoy some of the trappings of gambling.

1.  You just don't feel lucky. - There is nothing like feeling unlucky.  It's like you are a Svengali in reverse.  You can tell that whatever you do, you will be on the losing end of things.  Now, just a note, Dice and cards don't know who you are or how much you do or don't deserve to win money.  They don't know when you are going to break even or if you are on a 'streak'.  You on the other hand will link events together and assign some kind of interpretation to them and assume that they in turn link to some other event that determines if you deserve to win or not.  I can't change this.  It's what we do best as humans and it's what's responsible for some of our greatest achievements.  Just remember.  If you feel unlucky, you are.  So stop until you feel lucky or at least neutral.  You'll save yourself a couple of dollars.

There we are.  It's summer time.  Time for you to go out and get a vacation.  I suspect that where Gas prices are now it could be a Vacation fairly close to home.  See ya in 15 or so. (tell your friends, subscribe, thanks!)

Top 10 things you forget on Vacation

Vacation! Who doesn't love a good vacation? Well if you don't. If you're one of those workaholic-take your laptop to the beach so you can check your emails-drives around till the blackberry is in range sorts, this blog post is not for you. I believe that it's very important to be actively engaged in your work. But it is at least as important to be actively engaged in your relaxation. If you can't do this, then something is not right. I don't care if you love your work. That's no excuse. Life is like a good meal. there are several courses and between courses you must cleanse your palette in order to appreciate the next course. Vacation is like this. You must properly remove yourself from your prior life so you may return to it with renewed vigor. Well, enough about that. you workaholics know who you are and right now you are justifying your lack of life and about to go back to your email to see if someone needs you (because you are SO indispensable)

So I am, as we speak, on vacation. Or more to the point I'm at a pre-vacation staging position. Without going into detail. Lets just say that there is a point at which you are no longer at home, but not quite on vacation. You are in the hotel or condo or tent but you haven't done anything that differentiates you from your regular life yet. You are in vacation limbo. It is at this point that you slowly let go of your regular life and prepare to buy a 8 dollar churro. It is also at this point that you take stock of all the things your forgot. No matter how well you prepare for a vacation you forget stuff. It's as constant as the sun's morning rise. You can make your checklists all you want. It's the execution that's the problem. So here it is. 10 things you forget on Vacation. This will also include things you forget WHILE on vacation that because I need 10 things.

10. Locked the Door - You spend your life working to put things into a house that you've bought and when you go on Vacation, you leave those things. Some would say that being able to spend some time with those things would equal a vacation as well, but that's a different story. You are in the middle of doing things that you would never do and in the rush to 'get out of Dodge' you forget, or you forget IF you locked the door. You don't make this realization until you are a long enough distance away that it is a lot of trouble to go back and check. They say that if you do this on a regular basis, that it's the beginning of some kind of mental illness. Well warm up the straight jacket.








9. Tickets - A wise vacationer NEVER pays rack rate for anything. Thanks to this handy invention of Al Gores, we can all get great deals to myriad attractions and events. Well if you are going somewhere important you usually have many tickets to keep track of. Along with this category is passports/special identification. If you end up going to Southern California, you are going to have to remember that we haven't anexed Tijuana yet. Personally the only reason I would go there is to buy good vanilla. When it comes to tickets, the thing you wonder if you remembered is not the main event ticket, but rather the tickets to one of the supporting events. Like the shuttle ticket to or from the airport. or maybe the parking passes, or something else that isn't enough to ruin your vacation, but it IS enough to put a dent in your self image.

8. Socks - I say socks, but it really is any sundry clothing item that you take for granted being there. somtimes it's socks, sometimes it's underwear (only one section if you wear 2 pieces of underwear), sometimes it's the relaxing shoes (sandals etc.). Usually you only forget this stuff once. after that you are cured. But after that. You'll bring extras. Better safe than sorry.












7. Utilities - This is on the same order as locked the door, but it's the different utilities that you have in the house. Did you remember to turn off the lights (except that special one that scares away burglars.) Did you remember to turn off the oven? (because you cooked yourself a large country style breakfast before you rushed off to the airport). The other thing that falls under this category is the mail. did you forget to turn off the mail delivery? or have a friend check it for you? So many things to remember and if you did them early enough in your exodus, you may think you forgot them.





6. Your sense of economic well being - This is what you forget when you are actually ON vacation. If you are going to enjoy yourself, you are going to have to turn off your inner miser. You know, that guy that tells you not to buy things like a drink at lunch or dessert at dinner because you are not being prudent. Well I've heard it said first by a local radio personality and continued by countless voices, 'Moderation in all things, including moderation.' Give yourself a little leeway. If you are more liberal in your spending in your regular life, maybe you should go the other way on vacation and turn into a cheap skate, but I think it works better the other way around.







5. What you do for a living - If you have taken a vacation properly. when you come back to work, you are not really certain that you have any idea what you are doing. Perhaps you have been faking it the whole time? It should take you a good couple of days to get back into the swing of your regular work a day rut.













4. Money - I think most of us live on credit cards. I know I do. Don't get me wrong. I don't use them for credit, I pay the balance every month. If everyone were like me, the credit card companies would have to really stick it to the retailers. But there are cases when you really do need cash. My dad was a BIG proponent of cash. so much so that he was often the target of people that would endevor to relieve him of it. But he used to say 'Mark, there are some deals that can only be made in cash' If you watch cops, you realize that this is true. But there are other more legal goods and services that are also done in cash. few people accept tips in credit card form unless you are adding it to the meal ticket. You need to carry a healthy stack o ones for tips, and tolls. Cash also tends to be a faster transaction, and on Vacation there are many times when speed is of the essence.

3. That one bag - You've got it all, you've prepacked a few weeks in advance and your bags stare at you with all the anticipation of a dog waiting for you to give the word so he can snap up that biscut you put on his nose. If you do that far enough in advance, you will invariably miss one bag. Or better yet you didn't miss a bag at all...or did you...you appear to have everything, but it seems like there was a bag that had OTHER things in it and you really needed it to ... oh no, never mind, it's here. Or was it that one after all...grrr.




2. Toiletries - This is different than the one bag because any one of your nightly routine tools can go missing and it instantly becomes more important than all the rest. Toothbrush, floss, comb, brush, shampoo, conditioner (my hippy hair really needs it). Just to name a few. If you forget one. it reminds you every night and you end up going to the local woolworths that you were banned from for fighting in order to pick up that one item that you lack. You will pay through the nose for it and it won't quite be the right one because they don't have the one you use.





1. Power - In our personal gadget lives we must have easy and ready access to power. some of our devices like cameras and personal music players require regular charging and if you don't have the cord that you forgot, that device will become a loadstone within 2 days. Other devices need batteries. The batteries you bought in bulk at home, but now you are willing to pay through the nose for in order to make sure you have.









Well, i'm sorry if it isn't up to snuff, but I'm on vacation! leave me be!

(not really, thanks for reading, tell your friends)